Poprockolis
by Epic Laughter
Summary: Everyone in the Village heads over to Pinata Island's largest city for a pinata rearing convention. Since most of them have never seen a city, they're in for some big surprises! Every last Villager will have their fair share of time in the spotlight. Finally complete!
1. Leena's Secret

Leena's garden was looking much more organized nowadays.

People would pat her on the back and compliment her on her gardening skills, but she knew very well that the increase in quality of her garden wasn't all her work.

Leena smiled as she looked over at Seedos, who was carefully fertilizing a whole bunch of flowers that were starting to bud from the ground.

_"The color of the fertilizer goes with the color of the plant," Seedos had explained to her earlier. "That's just how it works out. But if you buy the more expensive stuff from Lottie, it will work just fine on all of your plants!"_

_ Leena had been feeling reserved at first, but Seedos grinned and reassured her: "Can't believe I'm quoting him, but way back when, Jardiniero would always say 'you need to spend money to make money.'"_

And make money Leena did. With the sales of oversized pumpkins, lovely flowers, and fresh fruit, Leena never found herself strapped for cash. More piñatas came to her garden as well, mostly bugs and insects, which Leena didn't mind at all.

Leena's favorite piñata, a green Squazzil named Crispy, was the odd one out among all the insects. Leena's Flutterscotches and Bispottis didn't appreciate Crispy trying to tackle them in an attempt for a friendly wrestling match, Leena's Tafflies didn't like it when Crispy would leap out of trees in an attempt to catch them, and Leena's young Shellybean certainly hated when Crispy would bat her shell around like a ball.

Crispy was creeping up on all fours behind Seedos at the moment, but he didn't notice. He was completely focused on making sure all of Leena's plants were being fertilized properly. Right when he cast aside the bag of fertilizer, Crispy wiggled her butt and leapt right onto Seedos' backpack and scurried up to the top of his head.

"AHH!" Seedos yelled in alarm, jumping about a foot in the air. Crispy leaned down in front of him and gave him an upside-down head tilt of confusion. "Oh, it's only you…Leena, could you control your Squazzil, please? I almost had a heart attack…"

"Ah, suh-sorry!" Leena scampered over to Seedos and pried Crispy off of his head. Crispy wriggled and squeaked in an attempt to get out of Leena's arms, but Leena managed to keep holding the piñata.

"No biggie," Seedos flapped a hand at Leena with a small smile on his mask's giant mouth.

"Thanks for helping me today, Seedos…" Leena looked down at the ground, her cheeks turning red.

"Hey, any time! I'm just glad to see you finally getting everything together," Seedos looked around at all of the flying piñatas, budding flowers, and tall trees. "Jardiniero's going to be happy with your progress." _He really wasn't before, you should have heard the things that jerk said about you! _he almost added, but he knew that would set poor Leena's anxiety into overdrive.

Leena was ready to say she couldn't have done it without him, but she was interrupted by a loud voice coming from the edge of her garden.

"HEY LOVEBIRDS! HEY!"

Leena knew that was Yoto. She let the squirming Crispy go and turned to look at him, a look of vague horror on her face.

"What the heck do you want, Yoto?" Seedos ignored Yoto's "lovebirds" comment, much to Leena's relief.

"Come quick, guys! Eddie's dad is back, and he said he has BIG news!" Yoto jumped up and down, clapping his hands in excitement. "He says it concerns _everyone _who lives in the Village! And also Sahari and Sparcticus for some reason…" That last comment made Yoto scratch his head. "Must be because they're Eddie's friends…"

"Yoto, no tangents, let's see what this is all about!" Seedos darted forward, Leena hot on his heels.

"Okay, okay, let's do it!" Yoto nodded and the three ran into the Village Square.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie's father was making a big show of himself. It must run in the family.

He was standing on a stone platform in the middle of the square, his excited looking son on one side and a short, plump, well-dressed woman with pink hair and a slightly swollen belly on the other side. Edward had his arm around the woman's shoulder and kept beaming at her with excitement.

"Who's that?" Leena whispered to Yoto, pointing at the woman.

"Eddie's mom!" Yoto nodded vigorously. "I heard she was a fashion designer, I can tell it's her by the clothes…and also because Eddie's dad has his arm wrapped around her real tight."

"Well, now that everyone's here…" Edward did his best to project his voice and it could be heard clearly over the chatting crowd. He obviously had some vocal training. "I'd like to make my announcement!"

That shut the crowd up and they all looked at him expectantly.

"There's going to be an _enormous_ piñata raising and gardening convention in Poprockolis, and the P-Factor-along with the _wonderful_ Erin Fashion Line-" Edward paused to share an affectionate look with his wife before continuing. "-will be sponsoring it! There will be a _televised_ P-Factor round during the convention, and we'll pick a lucky few from a raffle to see who gets to be in it! As a twist, there will be _six_ competitors and _eight_ judges this time around!" Edward beamed his most charming grin at the crowd. "The competition will be stiff! But that's not even the best part, I have an even bigger announcement!"

Eddie looked ready to burst at this point, jamming his gloved fingers into his mouth and bouncing up and down. He obviously knew what the news was and has been _aching _to see what everyone's reaction to it would be.

"I'm going to _personally_ pay for _every last person_ here to attend the Convention _and_ have a room in the hotel joined to the event center! I want _all_ of you lovely people to experience city life! It's really quite interesting, and you're bound to learn a thing or two about the world, especially if you've never been!" Edward winked in the general direction of Seedos.

Seedos couldn't help frowning as the crowd erupted into applause.

"Let my son know if you want to room with anyone in particular!" Edward gestured to Eddie and he waved his colorful clipboard in the air. "It would save us some money, and, even though we have plenty of it, it would be much more convenient! The convention will last _all_ of next week! Short notice, I know, but I wanted it to be a big surprise! Bring your best piñata and your best clothes, you're in for the trip of a LIFETIME!"

The crowd erupted into applause, especially Lottie, who was practically crying with joy. Visiting the city without having to spend a _cent_ on a hotel room? She thought she had died and gone to Heaven!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Seedos, are you okay?" Leena asked the seed merchant as she struggled to keep up with him on the way back to her garden.

"I'm fine, I'm just…thinking…" Seedos walked terribly briskly when he was in thought, apparently. Leena had to jog to match his pace. "Me…in the city? Doesn't that sound like an oxymoron?"

"Oh, Seedos, you'll be fine," Leena sighed. "Cities are…not so bad, really. I could help you if you want me to!"

Seedos stopped in his tracks and burst into full-on, body shaking laughter.

"What, what's so funny?" Leena frowned and folded her skinny arms, waiting for Seedos to finish his fit of hysterics.

After one final snort, Seedos finally trailed off into chuckles. "I'm sorry, Leena, but I think you'd fare just about as well in the city as I would! We're a little…close to earth. Gravel and big buildings and…_conventions…"_ Seedos shuddered at the thought of all those people. "Not to mention people will probably know who I am." Seedos tugged at his backpack straps and lowered his voice in an attempt to sound like an aged man. "'Hey, aren't you that kid of Jardiniero's who went totally insane? What are you doing in a place like this, you swamp freak?"

"Aw, Seedos, they won't say that," Leena shook her head, her frizzy bob bouncing with the motion. "And I know more about cities than you might think…" Leena placed a thumbnail between her teeth and looked at Seedos with a glimmer in her eyes. "Wanna hear a secret?"

"Sure," Seedos nodded his oversized head.

Leena looked around, leaned forward, and lowered her voice to a whisper, as if she were about to tell Seedos that she had done something illegal.

_"I grew up in New York City."_

Seedos gasped and jammed all of his fingers into his mouth. New York City was one of the few places he knew about in foreign areas. He had heard Eddie talk about it with his eyes glimmering, but to Seedos, it seemed like hell. Millions of people, crammed into _one city?_ People living on the streets without homes? People judging you for what you wear and how you walk? Hardly a haven for someone like him, not to mention someone as withdrawn as Leena!

"No way," Seedos finally said, his eyes bulging in an impossible way.

"Yes way…" Leena sighed and hugged herself. "I wasn't…treated too well by my classmates back home. I used to get bullied. I have no idea why they chose to pick on me, and I still don't…New York was…overwhelming, to say the least. Complete strangers shoving you aside on the streets, enormous crowds of faces that just seem to blend together after a while…it wasn't all bad, though. My dad's a florist and I always had fun helping him in his shop. We'd go out to find parks to sit around in and enjoy being away from the hectic city life…but I wasn't really happy. But then I heard about this garden, and…" Leena chuckled and gave Seedos a small smile. "You know the rest of that story."

"So…are you saying you could help keep me sane in the city?" Seedos asked, tilting his head.

"I'll do my best to keep us _both_ sane," Leena twirled a curl around her finger. "I _really_ want to enter Crispy in that P-Factor round…even though I probably won't win the raffle to get in. Still, she's gotten really impressive lately. She might act like she has liquefied sugar running through her veins 24/7, but she knows a lot of cute tricks and has fantastic Candiosity!"

"I don't know much about Squazzils…" Seedos scratched his head. "…but I think Crispy would have a fighting chance, especially with how much you've gotten better at piñata rearing lately!"

"Yes, and…" Leena turned a bit pink. "I'd like for you to be there to support me. Who knows, you could pick up some nice things for your Shellybeans at the convention!"

"I'm…still not sure…" Seedos looked down at his feet and absent-mindedly curled and uncurled his toes in the dirt.

"I'll room with you if it makes you feel better," Leena burst into a bright red blush and covered her mouth. "Cuh-completely platonically, of course!"

"What? I don't see any problems with sleeping in the same room as a friend…" Seedos looked up, one of the brows of his mask askew with his confusion.

"Okay, whew…" Leena exhaled. "So, should I tell Edward to book the room?"

"Please do," Seedos nodded. "This will certainly be an…experience! I'm a homebody, but I always did wonder about the city…"

"I bet it's not as big or as cruel as New York," Leena looked off into the distance in thought. "This is Piñata Island, after all…I'd like to see what constitutes a 'city' here!" Leena twirled her lily necklace around her finger. "Shame I'm gonna stick out like a sore thumb. Petula told me before that my quote-unquote 'mask' and clothes scream 'I'm not from here!'"

Seedos gave Leena a once-over. Her eyeband was dirty from all of her gardening and slightly torn at the edges, her clothes were just a green shirt with a simple darker green pattern and loose, nearly pattern-less pants that stopped just above her ankles.

"Well, I don't know much about clothes…" Seedos stroked the bottom of his mask. "…but I think I can help you look like more of a local. It's the least I can do since you've been improving so much lately…and since you're going to help me in Poprockolis."

"What do you mean?" Leena gave Seedos a questioning look.

Seedos simply smiled as mysteriously as he could. "It's a surprise."


	2. Dastardos Hams It Up

_** "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"**_

"Damn it, not so loud, you almost made _me_ go deaf," Dastardos stuck a pinky finger into his ear, twisting up his mask into a grimace.

"THIS IS AN _OUTRAGE!"_ Professor Pester kicked the wall as hard as he could, leaving a sizable dent in the metal.

"Professor, I've been listening to you scream about something 'outrageous' and 'unfair' for more than an hour now, and you _still_ haven't told me what it is," Dastardos squinted at his furious boss. "Can I go home? I really don't care about your problems."

Professor Pester stomped up to Dastardos, leaned in far too close, and glared right into his eyes. "DON'T YOU _DARE_ TALK OUT OF TURN, MISERABLE MINION!" Pester punctuated each word with a poke into Dastardos' chest.

"Or what, you'll touch me to death?" Dastardos raised a brow and turned transparent. "You _are _aware that I-"

"ENOUGH about you, fool!" Professor Pester straightened up, his fists clenched so tightly Dastardos could see every last ugly vein bulging out of Pester's flesh. "This is about _ME!"_ Professor Pester stomped over to his console and began to furiously type. After a while, a bright and cheerful website took over the computer monitor. "LOOK! _LOOK!"_

"That's the P-Factor website…" Dastardos recognized the silly, rainbow-colored logo from where he was sitting. Must have been designed by the owner's foppy son. "What about it?"

"It says _here-"_ Pester pointed to a cluster of text underneath a header that said _NEWS!_ "-that everyone in the Village is eligible for a free trip to Poprockolis!"

"That huge-ass city with the tacky buildings?" Dastardos folded his arms. "What's the big deal?"

"There's going to be a _HUGE_ piñata convention there…and we're _not_ invited! It says right at the bottom of the article: '_No one who is of any sort of evil alignment may attend!'"_ Professor Pester slammed his head into the keyboard and wailed. "I've wanted to go to Poprockolis since I was a little boy! Beautiful women, expensive piñatas, you could buy-or steal-anything you could possibly _think_ of!"

"I always considered myself more chaotic neutral than any kind of evil alignment," Dastardos yawned nonchalantly. "Does that mean I can go? I really don't want to, though."

"TOO BAD!" Professor Pester flung his head up, his graduation cap flying off of his head with the motion. "You are going with me whether you like it or not!"

"Okay, one, who said you were going?" Dastardos floated to a standing position and folded his arms tightly. "And two, why do I have to come? Do you _like_ seeing me miserable?"

Professor Pester gave Dastardos a toothy grin. "Yes."

Dastardos frowned intensely and Professor Pester began to pace around the room. "I just had an idea…" he said under his breath, stroking the chin of his mask, his grin widening to epic proportions.

"Hoo-_ray,"_ Dastardos slumped over like a broken puppet.

"We'll go make an appeal to that Edward fellow _in disguise!"_ Professor Pester let out a vigorous laugh. "Say we missed the announcement and that we're _dying_ to go! He's a pushover, so he's _bound_ to say yes!"

"What's all this 'we' stuff?" Dastardos asked, even if he knew the answer to that very, very well.

"You're coming with me! I'll pose as a mother with a young son who wants to go to the city because he _dreams_ of meeting the love of his life there!" Professor Pester feigned a faint, leaning backwards with a hand resting on his forehead.

"_Really?"_ Dastardos looked at Pester incredulously.

"_REALLY!_ A sappy story is bound to move that man to tears! Have you _met_ him?" Professor Pester snickered. "The slightest sentiment makes him all misty-eyed! Now, come along, Dastardos, his office closes in a few hours, we need to get ready!"

"What the everloving hell am I going to wear?" Dastardos folded his arms and squinted at Pester so hard that his eyes were little glowing slits.

"Hmm…you could wear the witch mask again…" Professor Pester let out a horrible giggle and Dastardos pulled the Whacking Stick out, his squint becoming even narrower. "Just joking, just joking! I'm sure I have some sort of blasé mask around here somewhere…" Professor Pester headed over to a door in the corner of the room and swung it open.

Dastardos had never seen what was behind that door before…all he knew was that Pester tended to disappear into it and come out dressed as a woman a few minutes later. He found himself floating after Pester in an attempt to see what was behind the door.

Once Dastardos saw the room, the twisted jaw of his mask practically dropped to the floor.

It was an _enormous_ walk-in closet, filled with several masks, wigs, dresses, suits, shoes, and a whole manner of other things.

"What the hell-where did you GET all this!" Dastardos gaped at Pester, who smirked.

"I had my Ruffians do their fair share of robbery. A villain should always have plenty of disguises on hand! Shame I can't use any of the masks since I couldn't hide my pupilless eyes or the scars on my face and neck if I tried! _YOU_ can, though! We'll find you some thick sunglasses…I'm sure I have a pair somewhere…" Professor Pester bent over and began rummaging through a box.

Dastardos floated up to a top shelf and grabbed a full face mask that was dark blue with a long nose covered in white rings. The mask's lips were also white and the cheeks were adorned with green triangles. "This one looks like it could put an eye out. Can I wear it?" Dastardos asked Pester, who was still shoulder-deep in the box he was searching through.

"Wear whichever you want! Find an outfit, too, something not too conspicuous…" Professor Pester didn't even look up from the box. He hummed in thought and added: "I'm sure I have some children's clothes around here somewhere…"

Dastardos barely resisted the urge to stab Pester in the back with the nose of the mask he was holding and whirled around to search through the rows and rows and rows of clothes. Something baggy should hide how bony he was…damn it, why was he getting excited over shit like _this?_ Probably because he never knew this room existed…

Oh well, he would make one _hell_ of a disguise! Heh, his own _brother_ wouldn't recognize him when he was done!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

After about twenty minutes, the two villains were ready.

Professor Pester was in his usual "motherly" garb, an apron, a long pink dress, high heels, press on nails, and an enormous bouncy blonde wig. He had alarmingly huge fake breasts and was wearing heavy makeup and a pair of Kittyfloss-eye glasses.

Dastardos wrinkled his mask's enormous nose in disgust when he got a good look at Pester. "You look like a cheap tranny prostitute."

"You would know!" Professor Pester stuck his tongue out at his minion. "You look like some kind of flasher!"

Dastardos rolled his eyes; he had heard better insults from Doc Patchingo.

Dastardos had done a decent job with his disguise; the mirrored sunglasses that wrapped around his mask completely hid his creepy eyes from the world. It had taken some work, but he had slicked down his hair to the best of his ability. There was no way he could fit that mop of his into any wig. He was wearing a brown trench coat that was patterned with green, dark blue slacks, and simple, sensible shoes. He wore gloves to cover up his bony fingers, as well. Nothing that would make him stick out too much, hopefully no one would notice the hair. With luck, he and Pester would make it to the P-Factor Hall without incident.

"Let's get this over with…" Dastardos rubbed his temples and started to walk towards the door. Ugh, he hated walking. It was horribly boring in comparison to floating.

"Remember to stick to the script~!" Professor Pester sing-songed in a caricature of a female's voice. "And shed some Cocoadile tears! That will get that stupid P-Factor proprietor right on our side!"

"If you say so," Dastardos huffed.

He didn't even _want_ to go to the city. What the hell would be there for him?

On their way out of the lair, Dastardos asked Professor Pester exactly that.

"Well, you could hire a prostitute," Professor Pester shrugged with an enormous smirk. "When you're a villain with a boot for a mask, it's hard to get some action. That's what I intend to do! I heard _great_ things about Poprockolis' red light district…did you know the women there will-"

Dastardos held up a hand. "That's enough of that."

"I haven't gotten any action since I slept with your mom…" Professor Pester chuckled, walking briskly ahead of Dastardos, his high heels clacking on the floor. "This trip will be one _hell _of an experience!"

Dastardos growled under his breath. That was too much information he ever had to know about Pester, and he _hated_ being reminded of that stupid love triangle that his mother was involved in back in the day.

Professor Pester must _really _be excited about that dumb city…he only ever pushed Dastardos' buttons so hard when he was in an amazing mood. You'd have to be completely high on life to taunt Death, and Professor Pester just _looooved_ to take advantage of the fact that the Grim Reaper was his subordinate!

_If we do wind up going to the city,_ Dastardos grimaced as the two of them began descending the winding path around the volcano. _I'm going to ditch Pester faster than you can say "LATER, BOSS!"_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

When the two of them arrived outside of Edward Lizard's office door at the P-Factor building, they could hear two voices inside.

"Hurgh, that better not be his wife in there, I don't want to see anything I shouldn't," Professor Pester feigned a gag and adjusted his wig.

"Never expected to hear that from you…" Dastardos pressed an ear against the door and his face fell.

"What? What is it?" Professor Pester said as quietly as he possibly could.

"Not his wife," Dastardos straightened up and squinted at Pester. "_Avalon's_ in there."

"Oh…poo," Professor Pester stuck a long fingernail into his mouth.

"Shh, relax, maybe she won't recognize us…" Dastardos knew that was a stupid thought. Professor Pester hadn't even changed his mask or shaved his legs. He stuck out like a sore thumb.

"Positive thinking from _you?"_ Professor Pester laughed. "Never thought I'd see the day…well, let's go!"

They swung open the door to reveal that Avalon was, in fact, the person talking to Edward. She looked mildly irritated, leaning against the wall with her arms folded and an indignant expression on her face. Edward, on the other hand, was beaming at her and gesticulating hugely with his hands. If they were arguing, this was the most polite argument either of the villains have ever seen.

"Edward, yew already 'ave more than enough people to pay for, I _insist_ on paying for my own room-" Avalon's tone was firm with the slightest hint of annoyance.

"Don't be silly, Avalon, you're one of our most valued competitors, and my family has more than enough money! This whole trip will barely make the slightest _dent_ in our funds!" Edward folded his hands on the table and grinned at Avalon, who buried her mask in her hands.

"I'm going to pay, whether yew like it or not, Edward. Yew're too generous for your own good," her muffled voice said.

"Oh, Avalon," Edward let out a musical little giggle. "There's no such thing as 'too generous!' Besides, I-"

He was interrupted by Professor Pester clearing his throat in a remarkably unladylike way. Dastardos had half a mind to just turn around and get the hell out of there.

Avalon came up from her hands and instantly lowered her eyes into a glower in the two villains' general direction. Edward, on the other hand, lit up like a Taffly that had just caught fire.

"Hello! I don't think I've ever seen you two before!" He gave them his million chocolate coin smile. "How may I help you?"

"Oh…Mr. Lizard, is it?" Professor Pester said as femininely as he could, flouncing his skirt over to the desk. Dastardos slowly plodded after him, trying to figure out how he could make his stupid act convincing. Sure, he didn't want to go to the city, but it would beat Pester whining about not getting to go for _months._ "We're here to inquire about the trip…"

"Oh?" Edward's eyebrows rose up.

"Yes, you see…we weren't on your list, we just moved here a week back, and…" Professor Pester feigned a sniffle and wiped his eyes, smearing his makeup a good deal. "My son, Tom, he wants _nothing_ more than to go to the city and meet the love of his life there!"

Avalon burst into a coughing fit, but Edward took no notice of her. "Really? Is that true?" Edward leaned forward with interest, peering into the mirrored sunglasses covering Dastardos' eyes. "You know, I met the love of _my_ life in the city…"

"Oh, God…" Avalon grumbled, but, again, Edward took no notice of her.

A tiny smile spread across the mouth of Dastardos' fake mask. He figured the only way to be convincing was to ham it up, Pester style!

"Oh, it's _true!"_ Dastardos wailed with a false sniffle, disguising his voice in what he intended to be a mockery of Eddie Lizard's in hopes of tugging on Edward's heartstrings farther. "My poor mother and I have been travelling from village to village, hoping to find a bride for me, but I've yet to meet the perfect woman!" Dastardos feigned a choking sob and folded his gloved hands under his chin. "I've heard about there being a whole _manner _of ladies there, classy ladies, simple ladies, talented women, rich women, poor women,…but I want nothing more than a woman who will love and cherish me despite my…disfiguring height!" Dastardos threw himself into Pester's arms, doing the best fake crying he could muster. Even Pester seemed surprised by Dastardos' acting, his pink-painted lips parted and his eyes shifting from side to side.

Avalon watched from the sidelines with her mouth agape. She wished she had a camera. She could see through the two villains like they were made of glass, but she didn't want to intervene. Seeing Dastardos make a fool of himself was a once in a lifetime spectacle that she didn't want to miss.

Edward burst into tears himself. "Oh my goodness, I'll make _sure_ the two of you both get tickets! Drop by tomorrow night for your room keys and reservation information, okay?" Edward leapt out of his chair and approached Dastardos, gently pulling him from his "mother's" arms and crouching down to meet his eyes. "I _promise_ you'll find true love in the city, Tom! It's a magical place!"

"Thuh-thank you!" Dastardos spluttered and Edward pulled him into a gigantic hug. Dastardos stiffened for a moment, but did his best to pretend to appreciate it.

Edward finally let Dastardos go and returned to his desk. "Godspeed, my friend! Have a pleasant evening!" With that, he waved Dastardos and Professor Pester out the door.

Pester practically skipped out the door and Dastardos figured it wouldn't hurt to follow his example. Once they were safely out of earshot, they exchanged the highest of fives.

"I never knew you could act like that!" Professor Pester straightened his fake boobs as he looked at Dastardos in sheer shock.

"Neither did I…" Dastardos shrugged. "But hey, I got you your city tickets, and you'll quit whining about it! Both of us win! Do I still have to go?"

"Yes, yes you do," Professor Pester draped a meaty arm around his short subordinate's shoulders. "Maybe you actually _will_ find love…or at least a hooker…"

"Can you drop the whole hooker thing?" Dastardos glared up at Pester, who burst into insane laughter.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Yew _knew_ 'oo those two were, right?" Avalon looked at Edward incredulously as he began typing away on his computer.

"No, actually, never saw them before…" Edward stroked his chin as he looked through a hotel room catalogue.

Avalon's hand collided with her forehead at full force. "That was _Professor Pester,"_ Avalon sounded like she was talking to a five year old instead of a grown man. "And _Dastardos. _ They swindled yew into letting them go to the city!"

"WHAT?" Edward jumped and gaped at Avalon. "There is _no way_ that two villains could come up with a story that…heartbreaking!" Edward sniffled and placed a hand over his heart. "It must just be a coincidence…"

"Edward…" Avalon shook her head. "That story was pure Flapyakshit. Yew are way too easily moved."

Edward paused and steepled his fingers. That woman did seem remarkably…manly, with her hairy legs, low voice, and bulging arms. That young man was _far _too skinny for it to be healthy…not to mention the mirrored sunglasses, obviously meant to hide Dastardos' glowing eyes. He walked strangely, too, like he wasn't used to being on his own two feet.

"Oh, no…" Edward scratched his blonde hair. "You're right!"  
"I know my villains," Avalon rolled her eyes. "They just _loooove_ to drive me up the wall."

"Whuh-what should I do?" Edward cradled his head, his eyes welling up with tears again. "I can't break a promise, I'm an honest man!"

"Yew're refusing to break a promise to the two people 'oo _kidnapped_ me and kept me in their lair for _days?"_ Avalon glared daggers at Edward and he flinched under her harsh gaze.

"They're people too! I don't want them to be devastated…what if Dastardos really _does_ want to find love?" Edward looked off into the distance, his eyes glimmering. "Think about it…Reaper meets girl…all of his troubles seem like-"

"Okay, okay, Edward, stop right there," Avalon held up a hand. "I came up with a fair compromise."

"What might that be?" Edward got his answer when Avalon shoved his computer chair aside, hunched over, and began typing away.

"I'll make reservations for them in the _worst_ 'otel in Poprockolis," Avalon smirked as she typed and clicked at top speed. "I'll consider it my revenge for what those two _bastards_ put me through."

"Avalon, that's mean…" Edward pouted and hunched in his chair.

"So is KIDNAPPING!" Avalon had enough of Edward's "everyone-deserves-a-thousand-chances" attitude for one lifetime.

"True…" Edward sighed morosely. "I'll pay for their crummy hotel."

"No, Edward," Avalon groaned. "This is _my_ revenge. _I'll_ pay."

"No, no, it's no problem, I made you sit here and listen to-"

"NO, Edward, I'll take care of-"

"You're a lady, and I'm a gentleman, it's only natural that I-"

"NO, EDWARD!"

They continued like that for a good hour before finally agreeing to split the cost.

The hotel room only cost about 50 CC anyway.


	3. Preparations and Parrybos

"It's WONDERFUL, isn't it?" Eddie Lizard giggled with glee, hugging a gold pillow on his bed and kicking his legs. "I'm _finally_ getting to go back to the city! I haven't been since I was fourteen!"

Eddie had invited Sahari and Sparcticus over to talk about the trip. Eddie was sprawled on his purple-sheeted bed, rolling around like a thirteen year old girl who just got asked to the dance by the captain of the football team.

Sparcticus was sitting on a fluffy violet and gold armchair with Sahari resting on his lap. He had a terribly confused expression on his mask, but Sahari seemed excited.

Sahari burst into a grin that completely took over the lower half of her mask. "I know I'm stoked! I always wanted to give the city a try, but I never found a reason to go!" She bounced on Sparcticus' lap with glee and he winced a bit. "I'm gonna get myself a new poncho or something, this one's nice, but I feel like I need one for recreation, y'know?" Sahari pulled out her poncho and shook it out a little.

"What about you, Sparcticus?" Eddie flung himself onto his back over the foot of his bed, his violet hair tumbling down. He gave the Piñarctican an oversized upside-down grin and Sparcticus shifted a bit and scratched his head.

"I…well…cities…" Sparcticus bit his lip and suddenly took immense interest in the wall. "I…don't know what to expect…"

"Neither do I, Sparty!" Sahari beeped her boyfriend on the nose and the cheeks of his mask visibly darkened. "That's what makes it _fun!_ Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't hurt yourself, surrounded by all that technology and those strangers…"

"I trust you, Sahari…" Sparcticus gave her a slightly forced smile. "…doesn't mean I'm not nervous, though."

"I know _just_ how we can give you more confidence, Sparcticus!" Eddie bounced twice on the bed until he finally bounced off, landing on his feet with a slight stumble. "My mom's in town, and you know what _that_ means?"

Sparcticus looked at Eddie like he had just tore off his clothes and began to do the hula.

"Oh, _man!"_ Sahari got off of Sparcticus lap and gaped at Eddie. "You don't mean.."

"Yes," Eddie grinned, but it wasn't his usual charming one. He walked over to Sparcticus and held on to the taller man's muscular arm, lifting him to his feet. "_Makeover."_

"Buh-but I don't need-" Sparcticus protested as he got dragged towards the door by Eddie.

"Yes you _do_ need!" Eddie pulled Sparcticus' arm so hard that he almost yanked it out of its socket.

"_Easy,_ Eddie!" Sahari pinched Eddie on the arm and he let out an unmanly squeal.

Sparcticus looked down at his girlfriend in a desperate plea for help. Sahari shrugged and gave him a Goobaaish smile.

"It's gonna be _super hot_ in the city, you know," She fanned herself for effect. "Lots of walking around outside, lots of people, lots of sun…Sparty, if you don't find something to wear that doesn't consist of 5000 layers you'll get heatstroke!"

Sparcticus gave her a skeptical look. Damn, he still wasn't swayed.

Sahari considered this a low blow most days, but she decided to turn on the charm, her eyes glimmering with Cocoadile tears and her lower lip jutting out.

"I couldn't _stand it_ if you got heatstroke, I don't want a giant vegetable for a boyfriend!" Sahari folded her arms and sighed. "All of it could be prevented with just one tiny makeover…"

Eddie stood on his toes and leaned in a bit too close to Sparcticus' still-stony face. Eddie fluttered his eyes and Sparcticus finally let out a groan.

"Fine…" He pushed Eddie away from him. "Just…please respect my boundaries, Eddie."

"Will do!" Eddie grabbed Sparcticus' arm again and dragged him towards the door, already completely breaking that little promise. "My mom's practically a WIZARD! You'll look _AMAZING,_ I promise!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

There was an entire room of Eddie's house dedicated to clothes. No, it wasn't a closet. It was just a room _filled_ with clothes. The colorful fabrics were practically blinding to poor Sparcticus as he entered and he had to shield his eyes. Full length mirrors lined the back wall and Eddie chuckled upon seeing Sparcticus and Sahari's shocked expressions reflected in them.

"Mom's a fashion designer!" Eddie bounded over to a bunch of hanging outfits and reached for a sparkly blue dress, playfully smirking as he held it in front of him. "Only natural that she has a room to work in when she's back with us!"

"This is…" Sahari finally found herself able to form a coherent sentence. "…a bit much, don't you think?"

Eddie chuckled and shook his head, walking slowly over to Sahari. He crouched so he was at her eye level and cooed:

"When you're a Lizard, there's no such thing as 'too much.'"

He straightened up when the door to the room opened up again. He turned around just in time to be on the receiving end of a hug from his shorter mother.

"Oh, Eddie, _nämen lilla gubben, _I cannot believe you giving me this opportunity!" she giggled, burying her face into her son's skinny chest. Her voice was high-pitched and happy-sounding, with a Swedish accent. She let her son go and looked Sparcticus up and down. "Now, this your boyfriend?" She giggled again and elbowed Eddie in the ribs. "Good picking. Big hands, big feet, big-"

Eddie barely resisted covering his mother's mouth when he saw the look of horror on Sparcticus' face. Instead, he interrupted her with a sharp clear of his throat.

"Not _my_ boyfriend, Mamma. He belongs to her," Eddie patted his mom on the shoulder and pointed to Sahari, who was snickering behind her hand.

"Your mom's right, you know," she said between snickers. Sparcticus' face burst into flames.

"Sahari-"

"Oh, funny girl! I am liking you," Eddie's mother leaned over and beamed at Sahari. "What is name?"

"I'm Sahari Acosta," Sahari gestured to herself. "And your makeover subject for this evening is Sparcticus Frostmourne. I call him Sparty for short."

"Ooh, Sparty, from Piñarctic?" Eddie's mother's high heeled boots clicked loudly as she made her way over to him. "Can tell by clothes. No good fashion sense in men there." She sighed and shook her head morosely, her choppy pink haircut swaying with the motion.

Sparcticus frowned the slightest bit and Eddie's mom stuck out her slender hand towards him.

"Erin Lizard. You hear of me? Fashion designer, model, celebrity in city?" She smiled with pride as Sparcticus shook her hand.

"Sparcticus barely knows how an Alert System works, Mrs. Lizard," Sahari laughed. "Today will be his first taste of your talents!"

"No call Mrs. Lizard," Erin shook a finger at Sahari. "Make feel old. Erin is good. As for Sparty…" Erin swirled in her colorful dress towards the tall man. "Leave me to work. Must be alone."

"Aww, we can't watch?" Eddie pouted at his mom and her eyes filled with tears.

She stood on her toes and kissed Eddie on the cheek, leaving a gigantic purple lipstick mark. "Mamma work best alone, you get nice surprise later, _älskling_." She wiped her tears, smirked at Sahari, and added: "Even better surprise for girlfriend, yes?"

"_Very_ yes," Sahari grinned right back.

"Um…how much will this…cost me?" Sparcticus looked around shiftily. "I'm saving money, and I can't afford to get…makeovers…"

"You handsome man," Erin reached up high to pat his cheek. "Pleasure to work with you. Free of charge."

"Aww, Mamma, you're the best," Eddie gushed. "I could pay for him if you really-"

Erin swiftly held up a hand, stopping Eddie's sentence right in its tracks. "No, is free. Insist. You two go. Let Erin work magic."

Eddie laughed. "Gotcha," he winked at Sparcticus before heading out of the room with Sahari hot on his heels.

"Your mom sure is…dramatic…" Sahari blinked once they shut the door behind them. "She had Sparty so stunned that he barely said a word!"

"She's two months pregnant," Eddie gestured in front of his completely flat belly. "It adds more drama than usual…but only a bit…" he chuckled and shook his head as the two of them headed over to the living room to wait for Erin's call.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Damn it, boy, do you _have_ to take that Godforsaken bird with you?" Bart pulled his hat down over his head and grumbled as his nephew petted the Parrybo on his shoulder.

"It's a piñata rearing convention!" Yoto nodded and Potato mimicked his gesture, nearly falling off Yoto's shoulder in the process. "Potato's the only piñata I rear!"

"BRAWK! Storkos has a nice rear!" Potato squawked and Yoto jumped a mile and shut Potato's beak, grinning goobaaishly at his uncle on the couch.

"I ask myself every day…" Bart peeked ominously at Yoto from under his hat. "…why I ever thought it was a splendid idea to let you keep that Parrybo."

Potato bit Yoto's fingers and his beak was freed once again. "BRAWK! Bart is charming and witty!" Potato fluttered his eyes at the tinker and Bart put his head down on the coffee table.

"That will _not_ work on me, bird," Bart groaned loudly. "To take the topic away from your moronic companion, have you seen your brother lately?"

"…no…" Yoto scratched his chin with his free hand. "…actually, I haven't! Huh…not for a few days. He always comes home to sleep but he hasn't been…" Yoto sucked in a gasp. "Do you think he got eaten by a Sarsgorilla? I read his diary once and he said that was his worst fear! Man, that would SUCK!"

"YEN IS STUPID!" Potato sang out. "Stupid, stupid, dumb…" he continued to sing-song as Yoto kept talking.

"Or maybe he _snapped_ and ran off to become a serial killer!" Yoto's jaw dropped at the images his mind was conjuring up. "Have you ever even _glanced_ at the books he buys? They're all stories about chopping people up, human dissections, one had a story about some man who was addicted to eating uteruses-"

"ENOUGH!" Bart flew up from the table and glared daggers at his nephew. "Yen is nineteen years old and can fend for himself. You forget that he has done this before."

"Oh yeah, that's right…" Yoto hunched over and Potato hopped to the top of his head. "Man, if he turned out to be a serial killer I could tell everyone I saw it coming…"

"Besides, more room for us at the hotel," Bart folded his hands in his lap and smiled in satisfaction. "You'll love the city, boy. Everyone is obnoxious, like yourself."

"And like you?" Yoto snickered. "Mister Hammity-Ham?"

"For the last time, boy, my surname is _Cunningham._ That joke stopped being amusing when you were _thirteen," _Bart stood up and adjusted his hat. "I'll be back, I need a few stiff shots at Arfur's to rid my mind of your despicable bird's existence…oh, and the disappearance of my other nephew, but him missing _pales_ in comparison to the levels of annoyance that damned Parrybo is capable of." Bart snorted and headed for the door.

"Oh, Gretchen~" Potato feigned a swoon. "One day we shall consummate our love and you will finally see-"

Bart growled and slammed the door shut behind him.

"Potato, that's gross," Yoto flicked his Parrybo on the head and he let out a disappointed squawk. "Come on, let me teach you more excerpts from Yen's diary…" Yoto plucked Potato off of his head and cradled him in his arms like some sort of deranged paper bird-baby.

"Yoto is _not_ stupid," Potato cooed, snuggling his paper feathers into Yoto's chest.

"You're the only one that thinks so, little buddy," Yoto patted Potato on the head. "I appreciate it."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Ohmygosh, Fannie, which one should I bring?" Petula held up two particularly fluffy, squish-faced pink Kittyflosses by the scruffs of their necks. They both looked absolutely baffled. One wore a bright red bow between her ears, and the other wore a gigantic bell collar. "Angie or Kizzy?"

Fannie tilted her gigantic head to the side. "Um…are you holding 'em right?"

"Answer the question," Petula narrowed her eyes at her empty-headed friend. "I need a kitty that will help me make a big entrance! I want to be the center of attention!"

"Do you _always_ have to make a big deal of yourself?" Fannie huffed and the Kittyflosses mewed in agreement.

"Of _course_ I do! I have the biggest entrances on the whole Island!" Petula buried her face in the fluffy fur of her Kittyflosses. "Isn't that right, girlies?"

"I, um, I like the bow," Fannie pointed to the Kittyfloss in Petula's left hand.

"Angie it is, then!" Petula unceremoniously plopped Kizzy down on the counter of Paper Pets and snuggled with her cat of choice. "I'll carry her in a little bag, oh my God, it'll be the _cutest!"_ Petula's face fell as she looked at her friend. "Um…you don't plan on wearing _that_ mask to the city, do you?"

"I-it's the only one I have!" Fannie rubbed the cold side of her mailbox mask. "Plus it makes me recognizable…what's a post office girl without a mask that SCREAMS out her occupation, right?"

"Well, if you really like it _that_ much…" Petula sniffed, reaching under the counter for a brush. "…you can keep it on." _Besides,_ she thought as she stroked the brush through Angie's fur. _I'll look __much__ cuter when I'm standing next to an ugly chick like you…_

"City boys are _great,"_ Fannie giggled. "I can't wait to meet some!"

"Forget city boys," Petula scoffed. "I'm still going to do my damn best to impress Eddie Lizard. He's damn cute and he has lots of money. There's like, no way I'm going to wait until his little brother is born and all grown up to marry rich!" Petula adjusted a mirror on the counter and smiled into it. "I'll just turn on the charm _extra_ high…"

"Eddie's mom is _pregnant?" _Fannie blinked, the corners of her mailbox flap curling upwards with delight. "How _cute!_ You know, Petula, I really want a baby of my own, I want a daughter, I'd name her Suzie and I'd curl her hair and make her wear the sweetest little dresses…"

As Fannie began to rattle off the names of possible sperm donors for "Suzie," Petula tuned her out, her full attention on her purring Kittyfloss.

Petula _will_ get Eddie's attention in Poprockolis. Nothing or no one was going to stop her.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"WOW!" Eddie breathed, his jaw practically flying off his face and across the room. He felt his heart speed up tenfold. _WOW, he knew Sparcticus was good looking, but with his mother's magic…_

Eddie mentally slapped himself. _No. NO. Bad Eddie. He belongs to Sahari and they are the cutest couple ever. No matter how droolworthy Mr. Frostmourne looks, he's not yours for the taking…_

Those thoughts didn't stop Eddie's pants from flooding hot. He practically salivating at the very sight of his Piñarctican friend.

Sahari actually _swooned_ when she saw him, and she really wasn't the type to swoon. Erin Lizard had done that amazing of a job.

"Sparty…you look _incredible!"_ Sahari breathed once the shock wore off.

"You think so?" Sparcticus blushed and tugged on his collar. "I think it's a bit much…"

"No, no, no," Erin shook her hand around frantically. "Sparty is perfect. _Älskling,_ your mamma did good, yes?"

Eddie nodded with immense vigor, wiping his wet chin on his sleeve.

Sparcticus was wearing a short-sleeved shirt that was patterned with the same blues that adorned the Piñarctic. He was wearing a small, fashionable bandana around his neck that looked almost identical to the scarf he usually wore on a daily basis. His muscular arms were in full view, and his pants and shoes were among Erin Lizard's classiest designs. Erin had even carefully brushed Sparcticus' unruly hair and pulled it back into a slick, dark ponytail.

"Save that outfit, Sparty," Sahari ran up to her boyfriend and pulled him into a hug. "Don't want to get it dirty before we have to pack for the trip!"

"No worrying," Erin produced a suitcase that matched Sparcticus' bandana practically out of thin air. "All packed. Seven outfit. One each day." Erin gave Sparcticus a gentle pat on the back. "Enjoy, all free, all for you. Tell that Erin Lizard gave, get my name out there." She winked one heavily mascaraed eye at him and he blushed.

"Mamma, you're _incredible!"_ Eddie ran over to his mother and began to excitedly chatter compliments away at her. You could tell Erin appreciated the praise, her cheeks might have been pink, but her smile was full of pride. She _knew_ she was a great designer.

"She's a little too touchy-feely for my liking…" Sparcticus crouched down to Sahari's level and whispered.

"I'll kill her," Sahari cracked her knuckles and gritted her teeth.

Sparcticus barely resisted laughing. "No, it's okay, she's married and I have you. Wouldn't trade you for any rich, pregnant, fashion designer/supermodel, Swedish or not."

"That's…sweet, I guess…" Sahari giggled. "Well, coming from you, anyway." Sahari pressed the mouth of her mask against his in a quick smooch. "Now c'mon, I wanna show you off!" She grabbed Sparcticus' oversized hand and tugged it.

"Buh-but I don't want to make a scene-" Sparcticus protested as he was led away.

Erin turned away from her son and snapped her fingers loudly. "Sparty, you wearing Erin Lizard designed clothings! You make scene! You make _many_ scene!" Her tone was mock-scolding and her eyes were shimmering with stars. "Handsome man, best work in while!" She grinned at Sahari. "Take good care of him, _ja?_"

"_Ja,_ Erin!" Sahari waved goodbye to her. "And thanks for doing this for free!"

"I am liking my sweet little _gubben's_ friends," Erin waved right back. "Free anytime for you!"

Sahari said "YESSS!" before the door was shut. She didn't usually care too much about clothes, but the idea of getting designer fashions for free was too good for _anyone_ to pass up.

Erin yawned hugely once the door clicked closed. "Mamma need rest…start bath for me, _älskling?"_ She gave Eddie a kiss on the top of his head. "Not too hot. Do not want boil brains of baby like happened with you." She giggled extremely loudly and Eddie laughed with her.

"I will, Mamma," Eddie flounced towards the door. "Glad to have you back home."

"Oh, one thing more?" Erin raised a finger, stopping Eddie in his tracks.

"Yes?" Eddie cocked his head at her.

"Mamma read about what you do in papers, rescue women while dress like woman," Erin drummed her perfectly manicured nails against her chin. "Mamma want you try on new dresses. You make good model, ja?"

Eddie's face erupted into flames. "It was that one time-urgh, how'd they get a photo of…?" Eddie shook his head to knock some sense into himself. "I mean, sure, Mamma, anything for you."

"Good," Erin smirked. "Run along, Eddie. I choose dress, you run bath."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Leena had been watering her tulips in her garden when she was suddenly grabbed from behind, had something completely block her vision, and got spun around three times. She opened her mouth to scream bloody murder but Seedos placed his dirt-caked hand onto her face before she could make a sound.

"Just me, Leena! Just me!" Seedos chuckled nervously.

"Warn me next time!" Leena's hand-muffled voice scolded. Seedos apologized and uncovered her mouth. "Why the blindfold? You aren't going to shove me into the swamp, are you?"  
Seedos thought that little comment was hilarious and laughed for a good minute before saying: "Don't be silly! Your surprise is ready; I spent _all day_ working on it! It wasn't easy, but I think you'll _love_ it!" Seedos hooked his arm through Leena's. "Just walk steady. We'll be at my house in no time."

Once Leena felt the mushy swamp ground underneath her shoes and heard the creek of Seedos' front door, she knew they were well on their way. Seedos' house was only a short ways from Leena's garden, after all.

"Okay…" Seedos' footfalls came to a stop and Leena could practically hear his mask bursting into a grin. "You ready?"

"I guess…" Leena took a deep breath.

Leena felt a tug at the back of her head and the blindfold fell down to the ground.

Leena sucked in an enormous gasp of disbelief at the sight before her. She hadn't expected _this!_


	4. And They're Off

"Seedos…you…" Leena turned to gape at her grinning friend before turning her attention back to his gift. "…you went through all this trouble for…me?"

Seedos waved Leena off. "It was no biggie. It's not too hard and I figured you deserved one, so-GUH!" Seedos went rigid when Leena pulled him into a grateful hug. "…you're welcome?" he said, giving Leena an awkward pat on the back. Seedos wasn't too used to hugs, especially from girls, and he had no idea what to do or say.

Luckily, that seemed to suffice. Leena ran over to her gift, her eyes glimmering. "Is this…can I touch it? Is the paint dry?" Leena gingerly reached her hands forward, letting them hover as she looked over her shoulder at Seedos, waiting for his approval.

"Go ahead! Try it on! Let me see it on you!" Seedos shook off his hug-induced embarrassment and his huge grin returned. "I'll turn around and cover my eyes…" Seedos turned on his heel and pressed his palms against the lenses of his glasses.

"Okay…" Leena smiled as she picked up what Seedos made her.

It was a brand new mask. It was a lovely green affair with pink and light blue accents that would leave Leena's mouth uncovered. Two small antennas stuck out of the top, no doubt referencing Leena's garden full of bug piñatas. Leena took off her eyeband and carefully drew the mask's strap over her head.

"Are the antennae too doofy?" Seedos asked, his back still to Leena. "Storkos said she wasn't sure if you would like them, but I do. I can take them off if-"

"No, Seedos," Leena chuckled as she fixed her mask onto her face. "It's _perfect._ You can look now!"

Seedos uncovered his eyes and burst into a broad smile once he got a load of Leena. "It looks great on you!"

Leena blushed and looked at her feet. Seedos clapped his hands with delight and added: "It emotes perfectly, too! Not bad for my first try at making a mask from scratch, if I do say so myself!" Seedos gave the straps of his backpack a few proud tugs, standing up straight and prideful.

"How did you know how to _make_ this?" Leena gave the cheek of her new mask a disbelieving touch. "Masks always seemed so…weird to me! They must be hard to make!"

"Oh, psh, not really," Seedos flapped a hand at Leena. "Storkos got me a book, materials, and some paint, and that was all I needed!" Seedos rubbed his arm bashfully and added: "Also, um, when my mask breaks, I need to use the emoting enchantment on it again. Otherwise it'd be all still and creepy…" Seedos shuddered audibly.

"Can't only a few people make masks on the Island?" Leena kept her hands on the sides of her mask. She didn't have a mirror to use, so she had no clue what she looked like. Somehow she thought that feeling her mask would somehow give her a clear picture of how it looked on her. "I bet you could make a lot of money doing this, Seedos! I know you're…in hard times…" Leena shifted back and forth on her feet. "Can't be easy, being sixteen and living on your own…" Leena's eyes settled on a pile of Shellybeans sleeping in the corner of the room. "…supporting a family of Shellybeans and all that."

"Oh, don't worry about me, Leena," Seedos shook his head rapidly. "Mask-making isn't my _passion!"_ Seedos grabbed the straps of his backpack again, only less roughly and more affectionately. He rested the cheek of his mask against his backpack and shut his eyes. "These guys are!"

"Yes," Leena almost sighed. "I know."

Seedos opened his eyes and bounced on the balls of his feet. "Hey, Leena, Avalon and Storkos are dropping by to see how the mask came out soon. I really hope they like it as much as you do! I…don't know too much about mask 'fashions' and all that." Seedos shrugged, his backpack bobbing with the motion. "I don't even know if they even have 'fashions.' But hopefully they'll-" Seedos was cut off when there were four firm knocks on the door. "Ooh, that's them, I'll get it!"

Leena smiled to herself as Seedos skidded across his floor towards the door. It really was kind of him to go through all this trouble for her…the mask wasn't extravagant, like so many she had seen, but that was just enough for her. It was nice, light, and pretty, and her favorite colors! Leena was already feeling like less of an outsider.

As soon as Seedos opened the door, he was practically knocked over by Storkos flying in and giving him one of the biggest Fizzlybear hugs Leena had ever seen in her life. Avalon ducked under the door and lit up as soon as she saw Leena.

"'Ey, 'e…actually did a good job!" Avalon beamed and Leena felt herself blush.

"I expected nothing less!" Storkos ruffled Seedos' hair roughly, baring her teeth. "This little guy here is talented, you know! I knew it from the start!"

"Storkos, please…" Seedos laughed, but Storkos just continued ruffling her little brother's hair mercilessly. By the time she let him go, Seedos looked like he had just stuck his finger in an electrical socket, his bright blue hair sticking out comically at every angle.

"I'm glad you treat my little brother so well, Leena," Storkos winked at the novice gardener. "He…doesn't have much luck in the friendship department. I'm happy you're around!" Storkos gave Leena a pat on the shoulder and she beamed. Leena had always admired Storkos; she might have been a busy woman, but she always made time for her family. Not to mention she was super smart and pretty…Leena never thought she would receive a compliment from someone like Storkos. She glowed quietly to herself and nodded in affirmation.

"Stop, Storkos, you're embarrassing me…" Seedos gently elbowed his sister, who began teasing him in hushed tones. Seedos' mask rapidly began to turn red. Leena did her best to eavesdrop, but Avalon stepped into her line of sight before she got the chance.

"'Ey, Leena, yew know wot?" Avalon crouched a bit so she could make eye contact with the much shorter girl. "I want to buy yew some brand new clothes for the city to go with that mask. My treat."

"O-oh, Avalon, you…" Leena twirled a frizzy curl around one of her fingers. "That seems like too much trouble…you don't have to do that…"

"Nonsense!" Avalon straightened up and wrapped an arm around Leena's shoulder. "Yew've lived here for an entire year; it's about time yew started looking like it!" Avalon gave the small girl a warm smile. "Not to mention yew're one of my best friends. I want to 'elp yew in every way that I possibly can."

"You're too kind…" Leena affectionately squeezed the hand that Avalon had resting on her shoulder. "…okay, I'll let you do that. Thank you, Avalon!"

"'Ey, yew," Avalon clapped Seedos on the back as she shuffled Leena by him. "I'm going to take Leena out for some new clothes. Thanks for making 'er feel more at 'ome."

"Oh, uh, no problem!" Seedos waved goodbye to both of them. "Happy to help!"

"Oh, hey, Avalon?" Storkos flew in front of the door right when Avalon was reaching to open it. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Depends on wot it is…" Avalon cocked a brow, her hand still hovering in anticipation of opening the door.

"If you see Yoto, can you let him know I convinced Langston to let me have time off so I can go to the city?" Storkos turned the slightest bit red and absent-mindedly flicked one of her pigtails over her shoulder. "I think he should know that."

"Heh," Avalon let a smile cross her face. "Okay."

"You're the _best!"_ Storkos gushed. She stepped aside and let Avalon leave Seedos' house, Leena in tow.

"…Storkos…" Seedos gave his sister a nervous look. "…is something going on between you and Yoto? Why would you want him to know you have time off?"

"Oh, it's nothing…" Storkos chuckled. "Don't get your undies in a bunch, Seedos." Storkos gave him a cheeky look. "Especially since you're _rooming with Leena._ What's the deal with that, hmm?"

Seedos groaned and threw himself onto his wicker couch. "WHO told you that? Everyone's making a huge deal out of it and I have _NO. IDEA. WHY!"_ Seedos punctuated those last few words with a punch to his couch cushions.

"Oh Seedos…" Storkos shook her head. "You have a lot to learn. To prevent any awkwardness, I'll tell you later." Storkos opened the door to Seedos' house and winked over her shoulder at her little brother.

Seedos jolted up and gave his sister a wide-eyed look. "Wait, Storkos, what-?"

"Ciao~!" Storkos saluted and flew off, slamming the door shut with her foot on her way off the ground.

Seedos groaned and flopped back onto the couch.

_ Girls are **so** confusing. Even my sister is!_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"I've got them!" Eddie yelled triumphantly as he burst into his father's office, waving his colorful clipboard over his head. "I've got them! Everyone's rooming plans!"

"That's my boy!" Edward beamed from his desk, holding out his hand to his son. Eddie proudly gave the clipboard to his dad and smiled right back at him. "Let's see what we have here…" Edward slipped on a pair of bright blue, square reading glasses and began to scan over the pages.

"Lottie and Willy, Sahari and Sparcticus…saw those coming…Arfur's alone, Bart's with his nephew…" Edward's brows flew upwards and he smirked at his son. "Wait a moment…Eddie, why are you rooming with the young doctor, hm?"

Eddie turned bright red and tugged on his eyeband. "Puh-Patch came up to me and told me that he would be _completely_ lost in the city, so I told him I'd happily give him a hand and he asked if he could room with me," Eddie began to wring his hands. "You should have _seen_ the look he gave me! His eyes got all big and he sounded like he was going to _cry-"_

Edward laughed and held up a hand. "Calm down, Eddie. I'm just teasing you. Still, I'm surprised you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend yet!" Edward stuck out his lower lip at his son. "I want grandkids! Even if they're adopted!"

"Dad, you have another son on the way," Eddie chuckled, still blushing. "I'm only seventeen; I don't have to rush into marriage!"

"I got married at eighteen," Edward sighed. "Never looked back. What a wonderful woman your mother is. Why, when we met, we locked eyes across one of the parks in the city…her pink-painted lips curled into the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen…she had long hair back then, blonde as blonde could be…" Edward was leaning his cheek into his palm now, a dreamy expression on his face. "She was brand new to the Island, young, wide-eyed, and hoping to become the Island's best _fashionista!_ The bright colors inspired her, and I let her come to the P-Factor to see how Islanders dressed during more formal occasions…" Edward steepled his fingers, his smile growing goofier. "Needless to say, she became successful, and she owed it all to me. We married the _heck_ out of each other and haven't looked back, even if she needs to be in the city often!"

"I know, Dad," Eddie shook his head and folded his arms. "You've told me that story, what, nine billion times?"

"It's a great one, though!" Edward nodded sagely and turned his attention back to the list. "Let's see who else we have here…"

Eddie pulled up a chair in the corner of the room and moved next to his father, looking at the list as his father read it out loud.

"Petula and Fannie, Avalon's alone, she _insisted _on paying for her own room, can you _believe _that? Maxime's with Leafos, Storkos is with her father, Gretchen is alone…" Edward's eyebrows rose up. "Figured Gretchen would be staying with a beau, not by herself. Don't tell your mom I said this, but that woman is a _striking_ beauty, even with that mask."

"She…hasn't had much luck with men," Eddie smiled goobaaishly. He figured it would be best if he didn't tell his father about Bart's thing for Gretchen. Edward would probably fly out of his seat, desperate to set the two of them up on a date in one of the fanciest restaurants in the city, and let everyone in town know about Bart's little crush. Bart may be a grown man, but he seems more than a bit shy about his thing for Gretchen. Eddie did _not_ want to be on the receiving end of Bart's anger, especially since the tinker claimed to have a "mean right hook." Eddie didn't want his face to be ruined!

"Seedos and…Leena?" Edward's eyes got so big that Eddie was ready to dart forward and catch them if they popped out of his head. "When did _they_ get together? Is Jardiniero okay about them…" Edward intertwined two fingers together tightly. "You know? Isn't Leena _fifteen?_ That's too young for…oh my…"

Eddie couldn't tell if his father was excited or terrified by Leena and Seedos' rooming together. Probably both. Edward was always a bit of a gossip hound. Not nearly as bad as Petula or Leafos, though. Eddie had made _sure_ that neither of them snuck a peek at the rooming list.

"It's platonic! Purely platonic!" Eddie pulled at his hair. "They're _just friends!_ Please, Dad, don't make a big deal about it, Leena's embarrassed enough as it is…"

"Okay, Eddie, sure," Edward winked at his son and continued going through the list.

He finished a few minutes later and began typing away at his computer.

"_Awesome,_ so glad that mostly everyone has someone to room with!" Edward sing-songed as he typed away. "Money is no problem, but it's always nice to save some!" Edward leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin. "Hey, Eddie, do you think I should give everyone a suite as a thank you for saving us money?"

"_No,_ Dad!" Eddie wasn't sure whether to laugh or forcibly pull his father away from the computer. "Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of-?"

_"Nonsense!_ I want all of our friends to be happy!" Edward grinned and resumed his high speed typing. "Suites for _all~!_ They have hot tubs! I'll let that be a surprise, don't let it slip, Eddie!"

Eddie put his head down on the desk. His father was a great guy, sure, but he was a little _too_ generous for his own good…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

A few days later, everyone was ready to go. There was a large, colorful purple and blue patterned bus idling in the Village Square, ready to head down the only road that was connected to the Village.

Everyone was sitting on benches and standing around the square with their luggage, waiting for Edward to finish up his conversation with the driver. Sparcticus was eyeing the bus with a mixture of distrust and disdain. He had never even seen a large vehicle, let alone ridden in one. He was biting his lip and tilting his head, completely uncertain about whether he would make it out of the day alive. Sahari snickered quietly at her boyfriend, too amused by his inner turmoil to even offer the smallest reassuring word.

Yoto was ecstatically talking to Storkos, a doofy grin on his face and his hands constantly darting forward in an attempt to grab hers. Much to his sadness, Storkos would gently push his hands away whenever he attempted that. She wanted to keep their relationship on the down-low for now, fearing that Langston would have a thing or two to say about it. Her wish to hide their feelings for each other didn't prevent her from beaming at the redhead, though. They'd sneak off and go to all kinds of awesome places in the city, like a _normal_ couple! They could hardly wait!

Eddie could hardly wait, either. He was excitedly chattering away to Patch about all the sights and activities in the city, and the doctor looked at him with complete awe. Patch had asked Eddie what there was to do in the city and what the people were like, and Eddie could honestly have sang the praises of the city for _days._ Patch didn't seem to mind; it was comforting to him that Eddie seemed to have such a high opinion of Poprockolis! Patch was still more than a bit nervous about the crowds, though…

Petula was dressed in a skirt so short that it wasn't possibly legal. Even Fannie thought so, quietly pondering to herself why her friend wasn't getting accosted by the police officers for indecent exposure as she silently applied lipstick to the mouth of her mask. Every time Petula so much as took a step or got hit with the slightest bit of breeze, she showed the world her bright pink Kittyfloss print underwear. Petula was also wearing boots with stiletto heels; those wouldn't be fun to walk in while they were going around the city. She didn't care, though, she was sure to catch some eyes! Including a certain purple pair that she had been trying her best to dazzle for far too long…

Professor Pester and Dastardos were off in a corner in their disguises. Edward had approached them earlier and handed them a piece of fancy stationary that had a hastily scribbled down address on it. Edward had lied right through his teeth and said that the hotel everyone else was staying at was "full" and, since they were last minute, he had to give them a second option. Professor Pester had clumsily tucked the paper in between his fake breasts and told Edward that it was "no big deal." He was just delighted to be able to go to the city anyway!

As for Dastardos, he would do whatever it took to get away from Pester. The reaper's expression was utterly grim as he thought about being dragged to the red light district by his boss.

"Okay!" Edward boomed, finally finished discussing things with the bus driver. "Everyone line up, Mister Handleton here will put your luggage away and let you on board. No pushing, please!" Edward grinned at the crowd and they all excitedly ran towards the bus. Edward stood on his toes and smiled over the crowd at his family. "Erin, Eddie, come along with me. You too, Avalon."

Avalon had refused to ride on a bus. She drew the line at crowded public transportation. Not to mention she'd probably have her ear talked off the whole time by Yoto, or even worse, Langston. After a bit of schmoozing, Edward had agreed to let her come with the Lizard family in their private vehicle.

"See you all at the hotel!" Eddie waved his arm like a palm tree in a hurricane. "You're all gonna love the city, I promise!"

"You better be telling the truth, Lizard!" Maxime's voice came from the crowd, her tone teasing. Eddie blushed beet red as he followed after his father.

After everyone was loaded onto the bus, it took off down the road and towards Poprockolis, its excited passengers creating quite the din.

Minus Sparcticus, who was clinging to Sahari with fear in his dark eyes. Sahari rubbed his arm and whispered quiet words of encouragement. She hoped he wouldn't be like this all week…


	5. Arrival

"Damn it, where the _hell_ is that bus?" Maxime huffed, tapping her foot impatiently.

"It'll be here soon, I promise-" Eddie moved to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder, but Maxime swatted him away before he got the chance.

"Man, your stupid Limeocerous better not have eaten my Parrybo," Yoto wrinkled his nose at Maxime. "I saw the way it was looking at Potato. Wanted to swallow him up like…he was a potato or something!"

Maxime ignored the brash redhead and Eddie glared daggers at him.

Everyone was sitting on a bunch of benches outside of the hotel, waiting for the piñata's bus to arrive. They had been waiting twenty minutes, and by now everyone was getting restless and was more than ready to get inside. The hot sun beating down on their heads didn't help matters.

The city was _enormous._ When they had rolled in on the bus, everyone was pressed up against the windows, excitedly chatting about everything they saw like little kids going on their very first field trip. The city had an enormous shopping district, an impressive street that consisted only of theaters, and every kind of person you could possibly think of.

Seedos was sitting tailor style on a bench, looking extremely uncomfortable. Not only did Storkos make him leave his backpack full of seeds back home, she had forced him into a sweater vest and long pants. He had managed to ditch the shoes she wanted him to wear, at the price of him burning his feet on the asphalt as soon as he stepped off of the bus. The soles of his feet were bright red, and he winced every time he felt so much as the wind blow against them. Ugh, he wasn't sure what would be worse, wearing shoes or dealing with _this._

The heat wasn't treating Sparcticus too well, either. He had removed his bandana, unbuttoned his shirt halfway down his chest, and rolled up his pant legs. He fanned himself with his hand, breathing heavily, perspiration dripping down his thick neck.

"Sparcticus, while I appreciate the show…" Sahari rested her brown eyes on Sparcticus' sweat-drenched exposed chest. "This heat is _nothing._ You are _never_ going to survive if you ever come to my house."

"This is a bad omen, Sahari…" Sparcticus breathed, giving her a weak look of worry. "I'm going to die of heat stroke here, or something just as terrible will happen…" He slammed his back against the bench and slouched, shutting his eyes. "Ugh, smart of you to get me new clothes…I'd _already_ be dead if I came here in layers…"

"We seriously need to get you into the shower, Sparty…" Sahari wrinkled her nose. "I hope that bus shows up soon."

Yoto _really_ wished he was standing next to Storkos. He smiled like a doof as he looked over at her. She was chatting with Leafos and Maxime, occasionally tossing her head back to laugh. The heat didn't seem to bother her; she had changed into an aqua blue and white spaghetti-strapped dress and had tied her dark hair back in a high, bouncy ponytail with pink ribbon. Unlike Seedos, she had thought ahead and was wearing white, strappy sandals.

Eddie had caught him looking and elbowed him in the ribs. "You're _still_ hung up on her?" he whispered to Yoto, his purple brows peeking out of his red eyeband.

"How could I _not_ be?" Yoto sighed and leaned forward to get a better look at Storkos from around the crowd. He barely resisted the urge to tell Eddie all about what had happened between him and Storkos. _No, Yoto, BAD! It's supposed to be a secret!_ Yoto mentally beat himself up.

"She has time off now," Eddie tapped his chin. "Don't waste your time, though, you don't deserve someone like her." Eddie flicked his wrist and turned away from Yoto.

Yoto didn't get angry, unlike last time Eddie had said something like that to him. He simply chuckled under his breath and muttered "That's what you think, Lizard."

"Pardon?" Eddie folded his arms and stuck out his lower lip at Yoto.

Yoto waved Eddie off as if he were an overzealous Dragumfly. "Oh, nothing. Mind your own Buzzlegumswax."

"Oh my _God,_ Gretchen, you look _fabulous!"_ Fannie squealed as she smiled as much as her mailbox mask would allow at the huntress.

"What's with the new mask, though?" Petula folded her arms. "Finally decide to get rid of that super ugly thing you usually wear?"

Gretchen narrowed her eyes into a glare in Petula's direction. She had swapped her bulky mask for a much lighter wooden one that covered half of her face. It was lilac colored with some pink accents.

"I'm trying to keep a low profile, girls," Gretchen sighed. "Too many people know me here…"

"Oooh, how so?" Petula's eyes widened with interest and she looked at Gretchen expectantly.

"Please, Petula," Gretchen snorted. "You're the _last_ person I would talk about my life with." With that, she clacked off on her high heels to the other end of the crowd, leaving Petula and Fannie behind.

"Aww, you scared her off!" Fannie's voice was practically pouting. "I _never_ get the chance to talk to her! She's so _cool!"_

"She's _hiding something, _Fannie!" Petula ignored her friend's protests and let an enormous, mischievous grin cross her pretty face. "That's another thing I'll have to go for during my time in the city!"

"What else are you going for?" Fannie cocked her enormous head to one side.

"Please, you don't know?" Petula giggled. "I'm going to shop until I pass out, of course, but my first order of business is _this…" _Petula looked lewdly at Eddie Lizard, who was having an animated conversation with his parents. "Get into Eddie Lizard's life-_and_ his pants-and stay there!"

"Oooh, he's cuuuute!" Fannie squealed. "Good luck with that! If anyone can win him over, it's probably you! You're the smartest, funniest, most beautiful-est girl in town!"

"Don't I know it," Petula examined her nails with a smirk. "Wish me luck, Fannie. Not that I need it!"

Finally, a bus that was at least four times the size of the one the Villagers began to idle near the sidewalk in front of the hotel. It was covered with cartoony images of a bunch of frolicking piñatas. Eddie couldn't help wrinkling his nose at that. How tacky! He didn't understand why he had to let Ari ride on that ghastly bus. Edward had said that being social with the other piñatas would be "good for her." Eddie just hoped in vain that Ari didn't get squashed or eaten…

Two masked specialists stepped off of the bus, one holding Ari and the other holding Seedos' Shellybean, Taru. Eddie instantly flew over to the two young men and grabbed Ari from them, quickly looking her over for any dents or scratches. Her bow was slightly askew, but other than that, she seemed just perfect. Eddie let out a sigh of relief and gave the man who had been holding Ari a 500 CC tip. The young man grinned boastfully at his companion and he stuck out his tongue at him.

_So juvenile…_ Eddie sighed, giving Ari an affectionate pet on the head. _I'm glad they took good care of you, though._

After several more minutes, everyone was safely reunited with their piñatas. Crispy was going nuts after being cooped up on that bus, rustling Leena's new clothes with her constant rushing around. Avalon fretted over Leena before the young girl walked into the hotel; fixing her skirt, smoothing her hair, and straightening her mask.

Passerbys raised their eyebrows and just kept on walking, trying their best not to stare. They thought that the tall woman must have had a baby at thirteen in order to have a daughter of that age…

"Go get your man," Avalon winked at Leena and pointed to Seedos, who was hobbling into the building unsteadily on his burned feet.

Leena blushed a deep dark red and frowned up at her friend. "Avalon. I-"

"Just messing with yew," Avalon clapped Leena on the back. "Good luck. Can't imagine rooming with 'im would be easy!"

Leena gave Avalon a good-natured shove on the shoulder before heading into the building. Crispy had finally worn herself out, snoozing away in Leena's arms.

_I can only imagine what Jardiniero thinks of all the lark with those two kids…_ Avalon chuckled to herself as she made her way into the hotel.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Professor Pester and Dastardos were walking along the city streets, Pester holding a tattered map with a crudely drawn line directing them to their hotel. Dastardos had his latest replacement for Victor dozing on his shoulder. He was envious of the Vulchurro; all he wanted to do was take a nap. Oddly, Professor Pester and Dastardos didn't garner too many stares, despite how off-kilter Dastardos' walking was and the fact that Professor Pester was dressed completely in drag with hairy legs and obviously fake boobs.

_Must be a ton of ugly drag queens in this town…_ Dastardos shuddered audibly at the thought. _At least Pester will fit right in…_

"Stupid Edward, why'd he have to go and put us somewhere else?" Professor Pester grumbled. "I'm sure he made up that Flapyakshit excuse. He must have seen right through us!"

"He's one hell of a good actor, then…" Dastardos muttered under his breath. Unlike Pester, he actually wanted to keep his true identity hidden. Professor Pester was shouting, as always, in his remarkably unfeminine voice.

"OOH!" Professor Pester raised his head for a moment and something caught his interest. He came to a stop in the middle of the street and Dastardos almost walked right through him. Thankfully, the reaper caught himself.

"Look, Das-er, I mean, Tom," Professor Pester winked a heavily mascaraed eye at his underling and pointed a sharp nail down a narrow street. Dastardos' jaw almost dislocated itself when he saw the many bright signs that adorned that street.

_ LIVE GIRLS! BARELY LEGAL! SHAMELESS AND MASKLESS! BIKINI SHOW!_

Neon cartoons of girls leaning over and posing lit up the street that was darkened by the tall buildings over it. Real live women in the skimpiest clothes Dastardos had ever seen milled around, giggling and smiling at men who passed them by.

Most other men would think they had died and gone to Heaven upon witnessing the sight before Dastardos, but all the reaper could think was _SHIT, Pester found it already?_

"That's the red light district~!" Pester practically sang, gleefully shaking Dastardos' arm. "Oh, we should go! Forget our hotel; we'll find it later!" Professor Pester ran forward, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, but he tripped after a few seconds, his skirt hiking up and winding up around his waist. Dastardos learned that Professor Pester had worn fluffy, bright pink bloomers, and had to do his best not to vomit his nonexistent stomach contents. How goddamned revolting.

Dastardos' scarves had lunged forward and tripped his boss. The last thing Dastardos wanted was to have to witness Pester in the red light district, especially when he was dressed like _that. _Someone might mistake him for a fat fetish-pandering tranny prostitute. _Ugh._

"What's the big idea?" Pester wobbled to his feet, straightening his skirt. He glared daggers at Dastardos and hissed: "I figured you'd be _all over_ the idea of seeing these girls! I bet you get lonely, sitting in that tree all day, no female companionship…" Pester pursed his lips at his underling and Dastardos almost exploded from sheer rage.

_No, Dastardos, deep breaths…_ Dastardos inhaled and exhaled slowly, shutting his eyes. If he turned Pester's skull into chunky salsa that would _certainly_ attract more attention than they wanted. People were already shoving by Dastardos and Pester and grumbling angrily from them taking up so much space on the sidewalk.

Dastardos finally found his voice, managing to only let a shred of his festering fury into his tone. "Pester-"

Professor Pester went into shushing overdrive when Dastardos said his name. Dastardos huffed and corrected himself. "_Mom…"_

Pester nodded in approval and gestured for Dastardos to go on.

"I don't think we should go to the red light district while you're dressed like _that,"_ Dastardos wrinkled his nose. "I don't think the girls would go for it. Just saying. We should find our hotel first."  
"Sounds good, hehehe!" Pester giggled and linked arms with Dastardos. Dastardos cursed mentally; he couldn't phase his arm through Pester's without making a big show of it. Damn it. "Let's go find that hotel!" He flounced down the street, dragging Dastardos behind him.

Dastardos shut his eyes as he let Pester drag him along. _This is going to be one hell of a long trip…_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Oh, wow, this room looks _big!"_ Leena breathed, a huge grin adorning her lips. She and Seedos were standing outside of their hotel room, Seedos wrestling with the key in an attempt to get the door open.

"Edward really _is_ generous…" Seedos' voice was full of wonderment as he finally inserted the key into the lock and turned it. "I could never afford a room like this if I saved the coins I find for _years!"_

Once Seedos opened the door and revealed the room to Leena, she nearly dropped Crispy from sheer embarrassment. Seedos just knitted his brows. "What's with all this…?"

The walls of the room light pink and patterned with white and red hearts. There was one single large double bed, adorned in purple and also patterned with hearts. A quick glance into the bathroom gave Leena a view of a _two person shower!_ Next to a window with a breathtaking view of the city, there was an enormous hot tub. Even the _couch_ was heart shaped, situated in front of a pink plasma screen television.

"It's girly in here…" Seedos said, wrinkling his nose a bit as he stepped onto the room's plush red carpet. His Shellybean's eyes grew large when he saw the room and it let out a series of noises that sounded remarkably like snickering.

"That's…one word for it…" Leena felt light headed as she followed him into the room, dragging her suitcase behind her. Crispy jumped out from under Leena's arm and immediately made herself comfortable on the enormous bed.

"Leena, are you okay?" Seedos asked, his brow furrowing as Leena knelt on the carpet and attempted to busy herself by straightening out her suitcase. "You look really pale."

"I'm…I'm just fine, Seedos!" Leena gave him a broken grin and he folded his arms.

"I don't buy it," Seedos sat down next to his friend and gazed at her with his enormous purple eyes. "Tell me what's wrong."  
"I'd rather not…" Leena blanched paper white, but her cheeks flushed a dark scarlet.

Seedos frowned intensely at her and Leena tore her gaze away from his and opened the top pocket of her suitcase.

"Um, we still have a few hours before the convention starts…I brought board games…do you want to play Guess Who?" Leena pulled out a box covered with a whole manner of silly-looking cartoon masked faces.

"Eh, why not?" Seedos figured it would be best to stop bugging Leena about whatever was bothering her. Whenever she got all red like that, it never meant anything good. "I must warn you, though; I'm _really_ good at this game!" Seedos gave Leena a cheeky grin. "I used to play it with Stardos all the time back when we were kids." At the mention of his brother's name, Seedos felt a hollow feeling in his heart. He didn't think he had played this game _since_ he did with Stardos…

Stardos would always make the six year old Sidos giggle with the silly questions he would ask about the person he was supposed to guess. Seedos quickly entertained the thought of asking Dastardos for a game of Guess Who?, but he was sure he'd get nothing but a raised brow and a shake of the head as a response.

Leena's soft voice snapped Seedos out of his fog. "Hehe, okay, but I'm pretty good, myself!" Leena began to set up the game, a small smile on her face.

The hollow feeling in Seedos' heart went away. He was glad he was able to make Leena smile, despite how embarrassed she was. Seedos felt his own face grow hot as he chased that thought away.

_No more stupid, confusing feelings… _Seedos thought as he set up his board. _Only Guess Who now._

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Little did Leena and Seedos know, there had been a bit of a mix-up with rooms…they wound up receiving Sahari and Sparcticus' room, while the two of them wound up with a room with two tiny twin beds.

"Sparcticus…you are _never_ going to fit in that…" Sahari sighed as she looked at one of the small beds, on which her S'morepion and Sparcticus' Lemmoning were snoozing in a papery heap. "Why didn't Edward get us a room with a large bed? He _knows_ we're a couple…"

"Maybe he doesn't want any…" Sparcticus cleared his throat. "…_shenanigans_ going on during this convention." He scratched the back of his head and gave Sahari a bashful grin.

"Psh, if that's the case, there wouldn't be a hot tub in this room!" Sahari was crouching next to the room's hot tub and fiddling with some dials on it.

"A what now?" Sparcticus tilted his head in confusion at Sahari.

"A hot tub!" Sahari turned it on and it began to bubble. "It's like a big bathtub with a lot of jets and bubbles! Meant for more than one person." Sahari never thought she'd have to explain what a _hot tub_ was to anyone, but Sparcticus wasn't too well-versed in technology. She hoped she wouldn't have to explain the television to her caveman boyfriend.

"I don't need any more heat…" Sparcticus took a step back and eyed the hot tub with suspicion.

"Oh, _come on,_ Sparty, it's refreshing!" Sahari threw off her poncho and laughed. "You're all sweaty; it'll feel good, I promise!"

"I don't know…" Sparcticus put his index finger into his mouth and Sahari groaned.

"Fine, then!" Sahari took off her undershirt, revealing that she was wearing nothing underneath. She quickly undid her mask and tossed that aside as well. "Will you join me _now?"_ It was a low blow, but she pouted at Sparcticus, trying to look as needy as possible.

How could _any_ man say no to that face? Sparcticus sighed a bit and decided to join Sahari. At least it would take his mind off of their lousy room…

Sparcticus felt bad for Edward. He'd _surely_ get an earful and half from Sahari soon.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Pester and Dastardos' hotel wasn't too far from the red light district. Professor Pester felt a bit…ill at ease around the people loitering around this street. People with stained, torn eyebands or dingy, poorly made masks and raggy clothes were flopped all over the sidewalks, some smoking very odd-smelling stuff that let out fantastically colorful smoke. An emaciated-looking girl with long dirty blonde hair poking out of a blue bandana looked right into Dastardos' mirrored sunglasses, winked lewdly at him, and blew bright pink smoke in the shape of a lopsided heart. Dastardos just shook his head and ignored her.

"This is the place…" Professor Pester looked positively crestfallen as he took in the hotel…if you could call it that. Dastardos took one look at the place and instantly wanted to go home.

The building was…lopsided. Bricks that were probably once as colorful as everything else on the Island had faded to disgusting shades of brown and grey. Pretty much every single window on the place was boarded up and the stairs looked ready to collapse.

"Don't be alarmed, but I think Edward saw through us…" Dastardos murmured to his crossdressing boss.

Professor Pester nearly threw a temper tantrum on the sidewalk. Instead, he tore the fancy stationary with the address on it to shreds and threw the remains of it like it was confetti over a middle-aged man lying in the gutter. Pester stomped over to the building, Dastardos close behind.

After dealing with the creepy woman behind the counter who looked like she could be Professor Pester's sister, Dastardos and Professor Pester began to head up to their room. It was on the very top floor, so they ascended the creaky staircase for what seemed like hours.

Professor Pester had to stop every time they went up another flight of steps, much to Dastardos' annoyance.

"Why didn't we just take the elevator?" Dastardos buried his mask in his hands and Victor cawed in annoyed agreement.

"Did you _see_ that thing?" Pester hissed. "It was _terrifying…_but you're right. Might have been better than going up all of these goddamned steps!"

Seven years later, they finally arrived at their room. Dastardos cocked a brow once he noticed a door in the hallway marked _LAV T RY._

"Looks like you have to share one bathroom with the whole entire hallway, Pester…" Dastardos smirked and peeked into the bathroom. He instantly slammed the door shut and gave Pester a wide-eyed look. Victor had covered his eyes with his wings. "Someone blew chunks everywhere in there. Lovely. I'm glad I don't ever-"

"Enough bragging, _Tom!"_ Professor Pester glowered at Dastardos over his shoulder as he unlocked their room with a rusty key. "Let's just get this overwith!"

The inside of the room was quite possibly the most revolting thing Dastardos had ever laid eyes on, and his gnarled tree was certainly no palace. The two beds looked like they had rock-solid mattresses. The sheets were torn and covered with a whole manner of colorful stains, as were the sorry excuses for curtains. There was an old, rattling air conditioner in the window, which was leaking like crazy. It had soaked the curtains and gave the room an awful mildewy odor.

Victor let out the angriest screech Dastardos had ever heard.

"I agree," Dastardos patted the bird's papery feathers. "Pester, I've had enough of this room to last a lifetime. Can we go somewhere else?" The red light district didn't seem so bad in comparison to this godawful room.

"Hold on, I need to get changed…" Professor Pester dropped his suitcase down and began to go through it. "Shield your eyes!"

"Gladly," Dastardos said, and obliged.

Once Pester was finally dressed like a man again, the two of them agreed to taking the elevator downstairs this time. Dastardos left a very angry Victor alone in the room and braced himself for a terrible afternoon.

Things didn't get off to a very good start. As soon as the elevator began to screech downward, it made a loud, ominous noise and stopped. Completely.

Professor Pester began pressing the buttons like mad and let out a roar of irritation.

"What is it?" Dastardos asked, even though he had a bad feeling that he already knew the answer.

Professor Pester gave Dastardos a terrified frown.

"We're _stuck."_


	6. Girls, Girls, Girls

"What do you MEAN 'we're stuck?'" Dastardos parroted, planting his hands on his hips and glaring harpoons at his boss.

"The elevator isn't moving!" Pester slammed a fist into the door, making the whole elevator rock. He made an uneasy face and stumbled backwards. "And there's no emergency button!" Pester crumpled to his knees and buried his mask in his hands. "We could be stuck in here for _hours! Days,_ even! How will I get to spend time with beautiful women now?" Pester blubbered.

Dastardos wrinkled his nose. Was Pester _crying?_ Wow.

"Well, that sucks…" Dastardos gave Pester a mock-comforting pat on the back. "For _you,_ I mean."

"What?" Professor Pester raised his head and narrowed his eyes into glowing green slits towards his underling.

"Have you forgotten?" Dastardos let a smirk overtake his disguise's mask. Professor Pester noted that Dastardos' smirks weren't the slightest bit creepy when he was wearing this mask. There was nothing scary about it; it just made Dastardos look like a little shit. "I have _powers_, you know!" Dastardos whirled around but Pester grabbed onto his pant leg.

"That won't stop me," Dastardos chuckled as he looked down at his kneeling boss. "Nice try, though. A for effort. Have fun!"

"You MORON! What if someone sees-?" Pester began to protest, but Dastardos had already phased through the bottom of the elevator. Pester groaned and flopped over so he was lying on the filthy floor.

He had a feeling he would be here for quite a while.

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Dastardos phased right through the elevator door on the ground floor of the disgusting hotel, making eye contact with the obese woman who ran the desk as soon as he turned solid again. She just rubbed her glassy eyes, shook her head, and turned her attention to the stained guest list. The vacant look on her face gave Dastardos a hint that she had been smoking some of that funky stuff that the people outside seemed to like so much.

Dastardos began to head for the door, briefly pausing in front of the front desk to smile at the innkeeper.

"That elevator works _perfectly,_ ma'am. Much better than I expected," Dastardos gushed, folding his gloved, bony hands at his waist. He received nothing but a grunt in response from the innkeeper and noticed with quite a bit of revulsion that she had the slightest hint of a mustache underneath the rim of her worn half-mask. Dastardos suppressed a shudder and headed out of the creaky door, more than ready to be away from that disgusting woman…and his disgusting boss.

_I hope he'll stay in that elevator for a while,_ Dastardos thought as he stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked down the sidewalk. _I'm glad I don't have to sleep. I'm going to stay far, FAR away from him and that horrible hotel room all week._

Dastardos had absolutely no clue where he was going, but anywhere would be better than staying with Pester. He just wandered off in a random direction in hopes it would lead him out of the bad part of Poprockolis.

Dastardos thought how absurd it was for a happy place like Piñata Island to have any area that was considered "bad." Sure, Dastardos was a villain, but he never hurt _people_ aside from giving Doc Patch a smack on the head on occasion. All he did was follow fate's destiny, reaping the life sweets from piñatas and smirking to himself as newbie gardeners cried or attempted to intimidate him. Normally he'd hum gleefully; swinging his staff in a circle like a cheerleader's baton as he floated off, a string of swears pouring from the mouth of the irresponsible gardener he just reaped a piñata from. He might have hated his boss, but sometimes he loved his job. He would give _anything_ to crack open a Chewnicorn right about now. A majestic piñata with fear in its eyes was a much more welcome sight than these forsaken streets.

Dastardos ignored the girl who had winked at him on his way into the hotel crackling: "Hey, I missed you," and continued on his way.

He'd find _something_ to entertain himself. He always did.

_Wonder what Patch is up to…_ One corner of Dastardos' mouth lifted up into a sadistic smirk. _I'd love to see how that spaz acts in the city…_

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"Eh-Eh-Eddie?" Patch fiddled with his hands as looked at Eddie, parting his lips in a look of vague surprise. Eddie had a feeling Patch's eyes were bulging behind his bangs, though, considering how shaky the doctor's voice was. "Where are you guh-going?"

Eddie sighed as he swished a rainbow comb through his already perfect purple hair. "Unlike you, I actually have some responsibilities in this city. You can't stay here alone for a bit? It's safe in the hotel room!"

Patch looked out the large window that took up a good portion of the entire wall, overlooking the sidewalks crawling with tiny people who looked no bigger than Raisants. "Whuh-what if I tuh-trip and fall out of the window?" Patch began gnawing on the nail of his index finger.

"Patch, _no,"_ Eddie put his comb down and approached Patch, gently removing his hand from his mouth. "That's disgusting. Ladies will never go for you if your hands are gnarled like that!" Eddie tsk-tsked and took a step back, looking Patch up and down.

Patch wasn't wearing his doctor's coat for once. It was a bit weird seeing him out of that; he even kept that on when he wore a tie to the P-Factor. He was wearing a blue polo shirt patterned with white lines and squares and matching pants. Not too fashionable, but he could look worse.

"You're lucky you're handsome," Eddie smirked at Patch and Patch burst into a bright red blush.

"Thuh-that's not something I'd expect to huh-hear from another guh-guh-guy…" Patch nervously fiddled with his fingers. "Buh-but…thanks."

"You obviously haven't been hanging around me for long," Eddie snickered and winked at Patch. "You can just stay in the room until I get back…" Eddie walked over to the TV, picked up the remote, and tossed it at Patch. Patch fumbled with it and it fell on the floor. He turned even redder and crouched down to retrieve it.

"Watch a movie. You won't hurt yourself watching a movie!" Eddie gave Patch his six million Chocolate Coin smile and Patch immediately started spluttering like a lawnmower again.

"Buh-buh-buh-buh-but-" Patch was silenced when Eddie held up a hand.

"It's okay; it's on me," Eddie grabbed a bright orange bowler hat that matched his vest perfectly off of a rack in the corner of the room and tipped it to Patch before placing it on top of his purple mop of hair. "Just try to find something that doesn't include Alejandro Mastroberardino. Good luck with that!" Eddie laughed and was out the door before Patch could protest.

Patch figured it would be best to not look a gift Horstachio in the mouth and settled down on an overly plush chair.

"Wuh-wonder what he's off to do…" Patch wondered to himself as he flicked the TV on. "Puh-probably something really important…it is Eddie, after all…"

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The door to the room Maxime was staying in was _huge._ No wonder; what with large piñatas to account for, the hotel had to have some rooms big enough to keep them in. Eddie didn't let that intimidate him, and gave the door several polite knocks.

"Maxime? You in there?" Eddie put on his most charming smile despite Maxime not being able to see him.

"Nope!" Maxime's distinct voice called from inside.

Eddie laughed and shook his head. "Can I come in?" he asked, leaning his cheek against the door. Even hearing one word from Maxime's mouth made his heart pound. What a voice; beneath the rough tone of it, it was always melodious.

Maxime sighed and Eddie heard footsteps approaching the door. They stopped short and Maxime said: "What do you want?"

"Just open the door; I have a surprise for you!" Eddie barely contained his excitement and bounced on his toes. He reached into his pocket, pulled out the surprise, and hid it behind his back.

"Is it chloroform?" Maxime inquired, her voice deadpan.

Eddie shrieked and pounded a fist against the door. "Maxime, don't you DARE even suggest such a thing! I wouldn't _dream_ of doing that to _anyone!"_

Maxime actually let a chuckle slip and Eddie heard the doorknob turn. "Don't freak out, spaz, it was only a joke!" One half of the double door opened, revealing Maxime. She had put her extremely long hair up into an oversized, messy bun and was wearing loose clothes that looked as if they were passed down from her older brothers.

Only Maxime could look pretty in something like _that._ Eddie pondered how she would look if he let his mother give her a makeover…his eyes glazed over and a goofy smile overtook his lips.

Maxime snapped her fingers in his face and he jumped out of his fantasy. "So…what did you want to give me?" Maxime folded her arms and raised an expectant brow at Eddie.

"Oh, uh, I bought these a few weeks before we came here!" Eddie held out two brightly colored tickets. "Front row seats to see the new musical Dastardly!"

"Dastardly…?" Maxime eyed the tickets with confusion. "What's _that_ about?"

"Oh, it's _amazing!"_ Eddie's eyes filled with stars and he held the tickets up to his heart. "It's a tale of love, loss, and darkness! The music is amazing, the costumes are _fantastic,_ and, oh," Eddie smirked a bit. "It's about _Dastardos._ Didn't expect that one, did you?"

"…No way," Maxime's jaw unhinged itself. "Why didn't you _tell_ me there was a _musical_ about that jackass?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise," Eddie waved the tickets at her again. "I was certainly surprised when I heard about it! The reviews say it's heartfelt, romantic, tear-inducing, and-"

"Funny as _hell!"_ Maxime laughed triumphantly and snatched one of the tickets out of Eddie's hand. "This sounds like it'll be a _scream!_ A romantic musical about a dead asshole who kills sick piñatas? Sign _me_ up!"

That…wasn't quite the reaction Eddie was expecting. He was hoping the musical would move Maxime into experiencing her own feelings of love, not laughing until her sides hurt. Oh well; it was better than her saying 'no.' "The show's at eight tonight. I'll Alert you and we can meet up around seven, all right?" Eddie gave Maxime a hopeful grin.

She adopted a grin of her own, only it was _much_ smirkier than Eddie's. "I'll go with you on one condition…" Maxime held up her index finger. "We do something _I_ want to do afterwards."

"It will be late…" Eddie bit his lower lip. "Staying up late isn't good for your skin, you know!"

Maxime gave him a look of utter disbelief. "No deal, then." She moved to hand the ticket back to Eddie and he shouted "WAIT!"

"Hm?" Maxime tried to stop an amused look from overtaking her face and failed. Eddie really was melodramatic…

"Fine, I'll stay up late just this once," Eddie swallowed. "I know you'll pick something entertaining to do, and you know how much I've been wanting to spend time with you…"

"Spare me the sap, Lizard," Maxime gave Eddie a playful punch in the arm. "I'll see you at seven. This show will be…interesting."

"Oh, you'll love it!" Eddie gushed, waving goodbye to Maxime as she shut the door.

Maxime turned around to see Leafos, her hair dripping wet and clad in a fuzzy green bathrobe. She wasn't completely indecent, though, her mask was on. She stood there with most of her fingers shoved into her mouth, looking absolutely enthralled.

Maxime slumped upon seeing her freshly-showered friend. "How long have you been standing there, Leafos?"

"I heard _everything!"_ Leafos practically squealed and ran over to Maxime. "He asked you to a _romantic play?_ Wow, Maxime, do you realize how many girls would _kill_ to be in your shoes? What an opportunity!" Leafos gushed, her cheeks turning pink. "Don't worry, I'll give you all the advice you-"

"Don't worry, Leafos, I know what I'm doing," Maxime interrupted, a glint in her eyes.

"Oh…you sure?" Leafos seemed a bit disappointed. She always loved hearing about everyone's matters of the heart.

"One hundred percent," Maxime clapped Leafos on her fluffy shoulder. "Don't worry; I'll make sure to tell you _everything_ that happens!"

"Oh boy," Leafos looked almost evil for a moment. "Just wait until Petula hears about _this!"_

"You know what?" Maxime snickered and leaned against the wall. "I think I'd like to be there when you relay the story to her…"

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Dastardos had only been out for about an hour and he was already bored. The most interesting thing he saw through his walk through the city was an old hobo with a skinny Barkbark resting on his lap. Dastardos could tell the Barkbark was horribly sick and it took everything in his power not to summon the Whacking Stick and break the piñata into bits. He really was a creature of habit…

_Enough of this wandering crap…_ Dastardos reached into his pocket and pulled out his Alert System. _I bet Seedos isn't hanging out with anyone…besides, with me in disguise, people won't give us strange looks for being together in public!_

Dastardos liked the idea of walking around the city with his little brother more than he would willingly admit. He leaned against a bright pink and green building, scrolled to Seedos' Alert number, and gave him a call.

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"HA! I win again!" Seedos threw his card in the air in celebration and it floated down unremarkably.

"You're really good at this game…" Leena looked absolutely amazed, as if Seedos had found the cure for cancer instead of beaten her at Guess Who five rounds in a row.

"I had a lot of practice!" Seedos folded his arms and beamed with pride. "Not to mention I _love_ winning!"

Leena could tell. Seedos was practically gloating like a bloated Lackatoad. She giggled behind her hand and was about to say something else when Seedos' Alert System went off.

"Oops, sorry!" Seedos dug into the pocket of his trousers and pulled his Alert System out. He switched it on and pressed it against his ear without even checking who was calling. "Hello?"

_"Hey, kiddo,"_ drawled a familiar cold voice.

Seedos' eyes bulged and his jaw dropped. "_Bro?_" he squeaked in disbelief.

Leena's brows flew upwards. "Huh?"  
"Oh, nothing, nothing, sorry, I have to take this…" Seedos jumped to his feet, ran into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut. "Okay…" Seedos sighed and pressed his back against the wall, slowly sliding down so he was seated on the cold tiles. "What do you want?" Seedos did his best to keep his voice low. "I knew you snuck on this trip, but what are you doing Alerting me?" Seedos' confusion was audible and Dastardos couldn't help laughing as he imagined his younger brother's maskial expression.

_"Just wanted to know if you wanted to spend some time with your big brother,"_ Dastardos' grin was practically audible. _"I'm in disguise, so people won't be too weirded out if we hang out together. What do you say?"_

"Gee, bro, I'd love to, but I can't," Seedos shook his head. "I'm sort of…already hanging out with someone."

_"You ARE?"_ Dastardos sounded shocked. Seedos would have felt insulted if he wouldn't have had the same reaction to hearing Dastardos had human company. _"With who?"_

"Leena," Seedos stated plainly. He expected Dastardos to burst into a giggling fit and he didn't disappoint.

_"Oooh, well, don't let me get in between you two. I'll figure something out…"_ Dastardos pondered.

"Aren't you with Pester?" Seedos asked, blinking.

_"Seedos, I'd rather saw off my foreskin with a Dastardos Shovel than spend any more time with him," _Seedos heard the sound of flesh hitting wood. He knew Dastardos had slammed a palm into the forehead of his mask. _"Look, don't worry about me. Have a good date!"_

"It's NOT a-!" Seedos attempted to protest, but he stopped mid-sentence when he heard the dial tone. He sighed, rose to his feet, and headed back out to the room where Leena was waiting for him.

"Who was that?" she asked, jutting out her lower lip in thought.

"Oh, nobody!" Seedos crouched down next to Leena and grabbed her arm. "Hey, want to go get some lunch?" He gave her the widest grin his mask could muster, which was ridiculously huge.

Seedos' freakishly large grin made Leena totally forget about Seedos' earlier slip-up. "But…I don't know of any places to eat!" Leena's eyes kept darting to Seedos' hand on her arm. It was horribly distracting having her arm be held by a guy, dirty fingernails or not. "Do you? That's probably a dumb question…"

"Easy!" Seedos pulled Leena to her feet. "We wander around until we find someplace! It'll be fun; like looking for seeds!" Seedos laughed triumphantly and ran towards the door.

"Okay, Seedos…" Leena looked down and noticed Seedos limping from his earlier burns. "…but we're buying you some sandals first."

"Aww, man…"

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After wandering around for fifteen minutes, Leena and Seedos had found a cute little Japanese restaurant on a corner. Seedos had never eaten Japanese food, nor eaten in a proper restaurant that wasn't Arfur's Inn, so Leena was pretty excited about getting him inside.

Some time later, both of them received their food. Leena had ordered vegetable tempura and Seedos had followed her example, barely even able to process what the heck all of the dishes were. His diet mainly consisted of jelly on toast and the occasional raw carrot, so he wasn't exactly a gourmet. The bright side of that was the food he was eating tasted _incredible._ It took everything in his power not to shed tears of joy as he chewed blissfully.

Leena smiled as she watched him eat. She knew he wouldn't be able to pay for his half of the meal, but she didn't care. She was glad to see Seedos get some food in him. He was almost horrifically skinny.

Seedos was sipping his green tea when he heard a voice chime: "HEY, I know you! You're Jardiniero's son!"

Seedos coughed, green tea dribbling out of his mask's mouth as he gaped at the person who spoke. It was a short blonde girl with bouncy braids and a bright pink and yellow chiffon dress that was nearly blinding. Leena thought she looked like a human Easter egg as she reached over to mop up the puddle of green tea that was starting to pool on Seedos' side of the table. At least he didn't get his food all soaked…that much couldn't be said for the front of Seedos' sweater vest.

Seedos was dumbfounded and he said the first thing that popped into his head: "Um…" Seedos was the pinnacle of eloquence, as always. "I, er, didn't think anyone knew who I was here."

The girl was looking at Seedos like he was a celebrity or something, her brown eyes glimmering and her mouth curled up into a smile of admiration. Leena frowned intensely. Easter egg mishap or not, this girl was pretty. She hoped Seedos' dumbfounded, dribbly look was because of this girl's behavior and not her appearance.

Leena searched the cheeks of Seedos' mask for any signs of redness when the girl slid in the booth next to Seedos.

"Of _course_ I know who you are! Don't you even _know_ how famous your dad is?" the girl blinked at Seedos as if he was completely crazy.

Seedos blinked right back at her and shrunk away as far as the booth would allow. He wasn't used to _anyone_ being this friendly with him.

"Yes, I'm well aware about my father's fame…" Seedos grumbled. Considering "The Great Jardiniero" felt the need to remind everyone of his legacy every thirty seconds, Seedos was sure every last person on the Island was in the know.

"My name's Cory," the girl grinned at Seedos, revealing that she was wearing braces with rainbow bands despite the fact that she looked at least eighteen. Leena thought that was strange; Piñata Island didn't seem like it would have much orthodontic care. Well, it was the city, after all. "I know we just met, but can you do me a _huge_ favor?" She took Seedos' hand and gave her the most pathetic pout she could muster.

Seedos did his best to withdraw his hand, but Cory had an absolute death grip on him. He sighed and glanced at his food longingly. He wished she would go away so he could get back to eating, despite the fact that talking about his dad never failed to give him indigestion. "What?"

"Hmph, never thought Jardiniero's son would be a grump!" Cory let go of Seedos' hand, shaking her head in disapproval. "Still, I'll take what I can get. Is he here? Can you introduce me to him?" There were practically stars in Cory's eyes as she pleaded with Seedos.

"Why? You want his autograph or something?" Seedos folded his arms and tilted his oversized head to the side.

"Don't be silly," Cory waved Seedos off. "I want to ask him out!"

"WHAT?" Seedos covered his mouth in a vain attempt to keep from laughing at her request. "WHY?"

Leena stopped chewing and gaped at Cory, giving the world a lovely view of her partially eaten tempura.

"I have a thing for older men!" Cory folded her hands under her chin and sighed. "MUCH older. Some people think it's weird, but I really do think it's great! And your mom died a few years back, right? So he's available!"

"You know what?" Seedos grabbed his napkin and held his hand out to Leena. "Do you have a pen?"

Leena nodded, reached into her purse, and pulled out an extremely unmasculine fluffy pink pen with a cute little Galagoogoo decoration on top. Seedos didn't complain and began scribbling on the napkin in bright pink ink.

Cory craned her neck in an attempt to see what Seedos was writing. He stopped a moment later and thrust the napkin at her.

"Here's the address of the hotel room he's staying at and his room number," Seedos chuckled. "You're welcome."

Cory squealed at a pitch that could slash the tires of the Pestermobile, grabbed the napkin, and pulled Seedos into a quick hug. "!" With that, she leapt up from the booth and ran out of the restaurant at top speed without paying her bill.

Seedos and Leena's eyes met, both of their mouths curled into smiles, and they blurted in unison: "What was THAT all about?"

They burst into loud laughter that garnered a few stares from the restaurant patrons. One elderly couple smiled warmly at them, misinterpreting them as being in love.

"Well, Jardiniero's going to get one heck of a surprise…" Seedos sniggered. "Wish I could be there to see it."

"Won't he be mad if he knows you're the one who told her where he is?" Leena asked, tapping her chin with her chopsticks in thought.

"Worth it," Seedos stabbed a chopstick through a piece of tempura. "One hundred percent worth it."

A few minutes later, his Alert System went off. He opened it up and saw that he had a text message from his brother.

_"kiss herr yet?"_

Seedos slammed his Alert System shut as fast as possible, his face blazing.

"That was violent…" Leena's eyes widened. "Was that your dad?"

"It was nobody," Seedos shook his head. "Nobody at all." Seedos busied himself by cramming as much food in his mouth as possible so Leena couldn't ask him any more questions.

Leena furrowed her brow. Was Seedos hiding something from her…?

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Dastardos had collapsed down onto a graffiti'd bench, laying on his back so no one would sit next to him. He might have looked like an idiot, but stares and looks of concern were things that he was _very_ used to. He was completely at a loss at what to do. He had no money, no map; he didn't even take Victor with him so he couldn't go to that piñata rearing convention to show him off…

Dastardos might have been incapable of feeling physically tired, but he still wished he could close his eyes and take a nap, not even caring who saw him. He rolled that idea in his head for a few minutes when his Alert System beeped.

Dastardos sat up and took a look at the screen.

_Avalon Pendragonache is waiting for you to take your turn in Draw Something! Don't keep her waiting!_

A lightbulb switched on in Dastardos' brain.

_Avalon…of COURSE!_

Dastardos snickered with victory as he dialed her number. Things were about to get interesting…


	7. Dastardos in the City

Avalon wasn't doing much when her Alert System started ringing. She was relaxing on the bed in her penthouse suite, preening Cid's feathers and pondering how she would spend the day. She let out a huff of annoyance when her Alert System went off and picked it up swiftly without checking who was calling her.

"'Ello?" she said as Cid rested his head on her thigh and began to doze.

_"Hey, Princess Priss."_

If Avalon had been drinking something, she would have spat it out all over the luxurious carpets. Instead, she shrieked a startled shriek that she wouldn't have been caught _dead_ letting out normally. Cid woke up instantly, squawked in fear, and flew on top of the armoire.

Loud laughter came over the line and Avalon felt her face blaze hot. "God damn it, yew, why are yew calling me?" Avalon growled angrily.

_"Oops, this Kittyfloss has claws," _the smug voice Avalon knew all too well cooed. _"I was just wondering what you were doing."_

"I'm _very_ busy, Dastardos," Avalon lied right through her teeth. "I'm working on something important with Edward."

_"You're a dirty stinking liar,"_ Avalon could practically hear Dastardos' mouth curling up into a smirk.

"And 'ow do _yew_ know that?" Avalon felt a brief twinge of nervousness and turned towards one of the oversized windows in her suite. "Yew better not be spying on me."

_"Ha! You admit it!" _Avalon imagined Dastardos doing a little dance of victory. _"You called me by name. You'd __never__ do that if you were with anyone else!"_

"…Just tell me what yew want!" Avalon was getting impatient. Did he call just to mess with her?

She wouldn't put that past him…ever since the incident at Pester's Dastardos had been messing with her like crazy. He would draw obscene images in the dirt of her garden, he would insult her whenever he passed on through, and whenever they happened to be in the same place as other people, he would make sure to voice his distaste for her. He was probably trying to keep rumors about him being friends with her from spreading like wildfire. There was no one around to hear him do _this,_ though. Who the hell was he trying to fool?

_"I wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out,"_ Dastardos stated like it was the simplest thing in the world. _"Pester got stuck in an elevator, so I ditched his fat ass, and See-er, I mean, I don't know anyone else. I don't feel like walking around alone. That's all I frigging do. I think a change of pace would be good, especially since I'm in disguise."_

Avalon was taken aback by Dastardos' sudden change in tone, not to mention his request. "Yew want to spend time with _me?"_ Avalon was completely dumbstruck.

_"No, I want to spend time with Purplehair McFaggyPants. Hell yes I want to spend time with you! You're the closest thing I have to a friend on this stupid Island. It seemed like the logical choice…"_

Dastardos was full of surprises today. How could he admit the friend thing without even the slightest hint of hesitation? Wow…

"Yew consider me a friend?" Avalon voiced her disbelief and Dastardos actually spluttered a la Doc Patch for a moment before finally regaining his usual cool.

_"NO! No. No. I never said that. I said you're the __closest__ thing I have to a friend. Not a friend. Capische?" _Dastardos backpedaled as quickly as possible. _"So, are you in, or do I have to wander around alone?"_

Avalon thought for a minute. She really didn't have anything pressing to do yet, and Edward hadn't called her and asked for any favors…

Besides, she would be lying if she didn't want to know more about the mysterious reaper everyone seemed to revile.

"Yew know what, Dastardos?" One corner of Avalon's mouth lifted up involuntarily. "I'll do it. Where are yew?"

_"Um…" _There was a long pause as Dastardos tried to figure out where on Earth he was. _"The corner of…Grape Road and Bathtub Way?"_

Avalon chuckled a bit and corrected him. "Great Road and Barthur Way. I know where that is. Don't move, I'll be there as soon as I can!"

_"Hurry up, I'm bored,"_ There was a _beep_ as Dastardos hung up without saying goodbye.

Avalon shook her head, stood up, and grabbed her purse off of one of the bed's four posters. Cid gave her a disbelieving look from on top of the armoire.

"Wot's with that face?" Avalon squinted at her bird and he shook his head in reply. "Oh, relax, Cid, 'e isn't going to 'urt me."

Cid gave Avalon a long, lingering look that seemed disapproving before shutting his eyes and tucking his face under one wing.

"Wot do yew know?" Avalon teased the Crowla before turning around and making her way to the door. "Yew're a paper bird!"

Cid scowled to himself shortly before dozing off.

He didn't exactly approve of Dastardos. He cared a lot about Avalon's well-being, though his usually aloof attitude would fool anyone. He thought his owner deserved someone smarter and less skeletal. Yen, maybe.

Cid was a bit biased, though. Dastardos _did_ sic a Vulchurro on him in an attempt to get him killed, while afterwards Yen saved him and pieced him back together.

Cid wondered where on Earth Yen was. He hadn't heard from him in a while…

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Yoto did his best to look casual and not like an anxious geek. He wasn't in his usual rainbow-splattered attire for once, instead opting for a bright red, orange, and blue short sleeved hoodie. He was leaning against a building not too far from the hotel and trying to busy himself by playing some brain-numbingly addictive restaurant management game on his Alert System, but his mind kept wandering off. Storkos was late. Fifteen minutes and forty seconds late if the clock on his Alert System was correct. Did she decide he was too boring and ditch him? Did she forget? Did Langston force her to go back to work despite the promise of time off?

Yoto slumped against the building, stuck out his lower lip, and turned his Alert System off. He was too depressed to run his virtual restaurant _Ratatoing_ right now. He had to use quite a bit of effort to shove it into his shallower-than-usual pocket and he didn't even hear any footsteps as a certain someone walked up to him.

He was more than a bit startled when he looked up and found himself nose-to-nose with the girl of his dreams.

He opened his mouth to let out a shriek of surprise, but was silenced when Storkos grabbed him by the shoulders and planted an enormous smooch on his lips, not caring about the ocean of pedestrians around them.

Yoto's mood instantly went from way down in the dumps to walking on air.

When they finally separated, Yoto gave Storkos a goofy smile and admitted: "I thought you forgot about me…"

"Not in a million years!" Storkos beeped Yoto on the nose of his mask. "I got a little lost. I can't exactly fly in a skirt, so…" Storkos took a step back and swished her skirt to make a point.

"Don't worry; I forgive you," Yoto said, his voice blushing just as much as his face. It was impossible for him to be mad at Storkos for even a millisecond. "So, what did you have planned for us today?"

"That's a surprise…" Storkos smiled mysteriously at Yoto and laced her fingers through his.

"I'm going to _explode,"_ Yoto squirmed a bit. "You know I don't like having secrets kept from me!" He feigned a pout at Storkos and she threw her head back in laughter.

"Just hold on; it's not _too_ far away," She winked at him and his heart promptly turned into a quivering mound of Jell-O. "I promise, it's worth it!"

"You say that like you've been there before…" Yoto scratched the red stubble on his chin with his free hand.

Storkos shook her head, her ponytail swishing with the motion. "I haven't. But judging by the pamphlet Leafos gave me, it's absolutely _mind-blowing."_

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The two of them came to a building that stood out among all of the bright, colorful constructions in the city. This building was sloped and much smaller than the towering skyscrapers, and was painted black and patterned with a dark blue. Blue lettering over the large glass doorways read _MYSTIC._

"Well, that sign doesn't exactly give away what this place is…" Yoto squinted to read the letters in the bright sunlight. "Who designed this building, anyway? My brother?"

Storkos giggled and then stopped abruptly, her brow furrowing. "Where has Yen been? I usually see him walking around when I'm delivering eggs. It's hard to miss a giant black smear on the ground below me."

"He has a tendency to disappear for long periods of time," Yoto shrugged his skinny shoulders. "When Uncle Bart and I get home he'll be in our kitchen, drinking tea and asking us where the heck we were all week."

"For Yen's sake, I hope you're right…" Storkos shook her head. "Well, we didn't come here to talk about your brother! Wanna get in there and get out of the heat?" Storkos grinned at Yoto and he let out a little sigh of adoration. Man, her teeth were _perfect._ How the hell did she find time for dental care with her job keeping her busy?

"Uh-huh, let's go…" Yoto said dumbly, his expression unchanging.

"Great!" Storkos exclaimed, pulling Yoto at top speed through the doors.

Yoto's doofy smile grew doofier with every moment. He was out on a _real_ date with his _girlfriend,_ who just so happened to be _Storkos._ He was nineteen and he couldn't have said that any other day of his life…today was going to be a great day.

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"_Wow…_this is…" Yoto was so dazzled he could hardly speak above a whisper, which was a once in a blue moon occasion for him.

Yoto's eyes were filled with a whole manner of bright colors. These were different from the usual loud colors of Piñata Island- the colors were on gracefully moving swimming creatures in decorated tanks of water.

"No…way…" Yoto breathed as he approached one of the tanks and got a good look at what was inside. "These…these things aren't made of paper…!"

"Crazy, isn't it?" Storkos smiled, her voice hushed for once as well. The atmosphere of the dim lights and the tranquil water had a really calming effect on her and Yoto, despite their usually brash attitudes. "Those things are called _fish_. The brochure said that they're imported from all over the world. They're not made of paper like all of the creatures here; they're flesh and bone, just like people."

"Man, that's weird…" Yoto blinked as he squinted at the information blurb underneath the fish tank. "Where's the Cah-rye-bee-in?"

Storkos shrugged. "Beats me. I never learned much about places outside of Piñata Island, to be totally honest."

"Me either…" Yoto admitted. "I feel like I should, though."

About fifteen minutes later, after being thoroughly confused by jellyfish and exclaiming over the awesomeness of sharks, Storkos heard an all too familiar voice from around the corner. She held out an arm and stopped Yoto in his tracks when they were walking to the next exhibit.

"Wh-" Yoto begun, but Storkos covered his mouth before he could speak another syllable.

"Shh!" she shushed him sharply. His look of sad confusion hurt her heart, but she couldn't risk being discovered by who she heard talking-

"STORKOS? What are _you_ doing here?"

_DAMN._

Leafos had turned the corner, her jaw agape and her arms holding Storkos' boss, Langston Lickatoad. The cheeks of Leafos' mask turned bright red upon sight of her sister, and she didn't even notice that Storkos had her hand over Yoto's mouth and was holding him horribly close.

"Oh, hey, Leafos!" Storkos let Yoto go and he sucked in an enormous breath. Storkos placed her hands behind her back and grinned almost evilly at her sister. "And…Langston. I came here because of that pamphlet you showed me, remember? Huh, big surprise we'd end up here at the same time, huh? Great minds think alike!"

Yoto could barely contain his amusement. He chortled behind his hand and soon found himself saying: "Leafos, what are you doing out with _Langston?"_

Leafos turned even redder and Yoto fully expected the leaves adorning her mask to catch on fire. "Nothing-"

Leafos was interrupted by the Lickatoad happily piping up: "Oh, it took some convincing, but Leafos agreed to take me out!" Langston affectionately nuzzled his nose into Leafos' chest, a huge smile on his papery face. "She certainly picked a great place! It's so _romantic!"_

Leafos made sure Langston was busy rubbing his face on her chest and shook her head rapidly at Storkos. Storkos bit her lip and gave a solemn nod.

Ah, a pity date. Of course. _Geez, Leafos is too sympathetic for her own good,_ Storkos thought, her brow furrowing in concern.

"Wait a second…" It was Leafos' turn to smile evilly. "What are _you_ doing out with _Yoto Yoa?"_

Yoto yelped in an entirely unmanly way, jamming all of his fingers into his enormous mouth. A woman with a small child glared at him for disturbing the peaceful aquarium with a sudden noise, but he ignored her.

Langston stopped nuzzling and his face fell. He squinted at Storkos accusingly and began to scold her. "Young lady, you shouldn't be dating _anyone!_ What about your _job?_ Not to mention…" Langston looked Yoto up and down. "_Anyone_ deserves better than _this_ buffoon!"

"I'm right here, _frog,"_ Yoto bent down and shoved his nose against Langston's. "Why don't you say that to my mask, huh?"

Storkos grabbed Yoto by the collar like he was a disobedient Barkbark and yanked him until he was standing up straight. "Yoto, don't, that's not exactly going to leave a good impression…"

Yoto slouched and pouted at Storkos. "You're right…"

Leafos' blue eyes widened and she almost dropped Langston. "He's _listening to you!_ There's _obviously_ something going on between you two!" Leafos bounced around like the Lickatoad she held in her arms often did. "Yoto _never_ listens to _anyone!"_

"She's got me there…" Yoto admitted, his cheeks flushing.

Storkos sighed morosely. "Guess the Kittyfloss is out of the bag…" She placed an elbow in her hand and rested her chin on a fist. "Yoto and I are seeing each other-Langston, I see you opening your mouth!" Storkos stabbed a finger at her boss. "I won't let him interfere with my work, I _swear._ It's important to me that all the piñatas get their eggs!"

Yoto noticed a hint of sadness in Storkos' voice. He knew she cared about the piñatas, but now that she was older, she felt more need for the company of others. Storkos' hand found Yoto's as she awaited the response of Leafos and Langston. Geez, her expression was serious. Yoto blinked and put on a face to match it. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"How _cute!"_ Leafos' eyes began to glimmer and Langston quickly adopted a look of absolute disgust.

"That's _one_ word for it…" the Lickatoad sneered.

"Oh, shove off, you," Leafos put Langston on the floor and flew over to her sister, prying her hand out of Yoto's so she could clasp both hands in hers. "I _knew_ you'd get a guy one day! You would never talk about them, so I wasn't sure what kind you liked! You _knew_ I would have set you up on a date, though!"

_Which is precisely why I didn't tell you my type…_ Storkos almost said. She figured it would be better not to, and simply gave her sister a polite smile.

"How did you two meet? Why did you decide to date him? Did you two kiss yet? Is he a romantic? Oh man, I have SO many questions…"

Leafos prattled on and on to poor Storkos and Langston stuck out his lower lip and it quivered like crazy.

"I wanted to go see the imported frogs…" he sniffled. "Leafos _promised_ she would take me to see the frogs!"

"I'll take you," Yoto scooped up his girlfriend's boss. "I think we got off on the wrong foot…besides, I don't think either of our dates are going anywhere for a while."

"Tch," Langston shook his head, which was basically his entire body. "You aren't even _close_ to being as attractive as Leafos is."

"Oh, come on, Langston!" Yoto shot Storkos a quick look of sympathy before heading off to take Langston on a quick frog viewing run. "I think I'd look really cute in a belly shirt."

"Oh, Leafos?" Storkos finally got a moment to pipe up in between Leafos' barrage of questions.

"Yes?" Leafos asked, her eyes still glimmering like a Galagoogoo's upon finding a field full of tulips.

"You know me…" Storkos placed a hand on Leafos' shoulder, her tone solemn. "I'm a purveyor of justice. I'm not one to blackmail, but you leave me no choice."

"What?" Leafos' smile fell and was replaced with a look of fear. "Buh-but I'm your sister!"

"Exactly, and I know how you are," Storkos took her hand away from Leafos and folded her arms. "I'll cut you a deal. If you don't let word get out about Yoto and me, I won't tell anyone about you being here with Langston." Storkos held out her hand towards her sister. "Shake on it."

"But that's different! Langston and I aren't _serious_ about each other or anything!" Leafos looked repulsed at the very thought.

"Please, Leafos, for me?" Storkos frowned. "I don't want to cause Yoto any trouble. I care about him a _lot."_

Leafos looked positively moved at that sentiment. She wiped her eyes and nodded sagely. "Deal!" She shook her sister's hand, sealing the pact with an enormous grin.

"…but seriously, why are you dating a Lickatoad?" Storkos cocked a brow at Leafos and she buried her head in her hands.

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Avalon recognized Dastardos as soon as she laid eyes on him. He was leaning against the street sign, his arms folded and his lips fixed in the shape of an upside-down U. His complete lack of fashion sense or coordination, not to mention how big the clothes were on him , made him stick out like a sore thumb. He was _instantly_ recognizable in that hideous disguise he had on. She couldn't _believe_ he wore it to the city!

"Dastardos," Avalon shook her head as she approached him. She placed a hand on his shoulder and he tensed up. He whipped around and Avalon suddenly felt like she plunged her hand into icy water. She gasped, withdrew it from within Dastardos' shoulder quickly, and shook it out. Damn, it was tingling like crazy.

"Don't scare me like that!" Dastardos hissed through clenched teeth. "It's about time you got here, by the way-why are you making a face like you smelled something bad?" He placed one hand on a hip and looked up at Avalon. He hated standing; it made him feel really, really short, especially when he was next to towering people like Avalon or Pester.

"Charming as always, I see," Avalon snorted and narrowed her eyes at the diminutive villain. "I can't believe yew're walking around in _that_ getup."

"Why? What's wrong with it?" Dastardos flapped an overly long sleeve of his trenchcoat at Avalon. "I put it together myself, you know, and I think it looks AWESOME."

"Well, for one…" Avalon tapped her chin in thought. "That jacket's too big, and it makes yew look suspicious because it's 'eavy and it's 'ot as '_ell_ out, two, your 'air is all crazy, and three, yew're going to take someone's eye out with that nose!" Avalon poked Dastardos right in the nose of his disguise's mask. The cheeks of the mask instantly darkened. Much to Avalon's shock and mild revulsion, instead of red, the blush was black.

Avalon withdrew her hand and dusted her finger off.

"Oh, someone's a fashionista all of a sudden?" Dastardos tossed his hair and struck a pose that was an obvious mockery of the usual advertisement model's. Avalon barely disguised a sudden unexpected chuckle as a cough. "Hey, I did a better job than Pester did!"

"Anyone would do better than an obese man squeezed into a tiny leather dress…" Avalon grumbled. "Come on." Avalon grabbed onto Dastardos' wrist and began to drag him down the street.

"Hey, hey, HEY!" Dastardos yanked his wrist away from her, ghosting through her hand and causing Avalon to yelp a bit.

"Can yew _not_ do that?" Avalon rubbed her freezing fingers and glared daggers at Dastardos.

"Sorr-_y,_ I just hate being grabbed without my consent," Dastardos folded his bony arms and backed up to meet Avalon's eyes. "Where the hell are you taking me?"

Avalon snorted. "Wow, what did I do to deserve such a classy date?"

The black blush returned, but Dastardos refused to acknowledge her comment. "Just answer my question." He averted his eyes from her, but Avalon couldn't see that through his mirrored sunglasses.

"Yew, my not quite friend…" Avalon gave Dastardos a half-smile despite the childish attitude he was displaying. "…are in serious need of a better disguise."

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Dastardos couldn't _believe_ he let himself get roped into this.

He was sitting in a changing room in his tattered underwear, eyeing his reflection in the mirror with irritation. Avalon kept tossing outfits over the top at him, rejecting every last one of them once she saw it on him. They had been at this for what seemed like _hours._

At least getting a new mask didn't take all that long. Avalon had chosen a bright yellow, orange, and purple full face mask with pointed ears. Dastardos had stuck out his tongue and complained that it would make him look _super_ gay. Avalon rolled her eyes and told him that no one would recognize the obviously-heterosexual Dastardos as the one in the bright mask. She had continued the trend of making Dastardos look like a budding metrosexual by giving him triangular sunglasses to hide his eyes.

Dastardos tentatively lifted up his mask and moved closer to the mirror. He didn't have a mirror in his home, so he couldn't remember the last time he saw his own unmasked face reflected in something. Ugh, he wouldn't admit it in a million years, but he _hated_ what the Souring had done to him. His cheekbones were gaunt, his eyes were sunken in impossibly deep, and he had leathery burn scars all over one side of his face.

Dastardos grinned ironically at his reflection, exposing his uneven teeth. "Heh. Why Avalon wants to hang out with a looker like _this,_ I'll never know…" he snickered under his breath.

"'Ey!"

_Speak of the she-devil…_

"I think I _finally_ found something that will work!" Avalon tossed an impossible amount of brightly-colored clothes over the top of the changing booth. They fell into a heap at Dastardos' feet and he eyed them as if they were highly toxic.

"_Really,_ Avalon?" Dastardos griped. Avalon could imagine the sour look on his mask all too well.

"Yes, really," Avalon planted her hands on her hips adamantly. "Yew need layers in order to mask that skinny frame of yours. Not to mention the bright colors will throw-"

"Shhh, not so loud! Yeesh." Dastardos was surprised by how Avalon was dropping hints about his true identity like bombs. Dastardos was being overly paranoid, though. Most people in the city thought Dastardos was a myth, a legend created to encourage up and coming piñata owners to keep their papery companions from getting sick. Pester wasn't so cruel as to force Dastardos to go to the city every time a stray, starving Barkbark was expiring in the gutter. He needed Dastardos around for grunt work that required more brains than a Ruffian possessed, after all. Pester couldn't go sending him to Guam to kill sick piñatas.

Dastardos threw all the clothes on as quickly as he could, hoping in vain that Avalon would deem this disguise acceptable and they could get on with their lives. Dastardos plunked an oversized colorful bucket hat on his head and opened the door to the changing room.

Much to Dastardos' immense delight, she did. "Finally, one that works!" Avalon sighed in relief. "Yew look acceptable. But…hmm…" Avalon took off Dastardos' hat and attempted to smooth his hair down. His expression immediately changed to one of immense irritation and his hair kept popping back up no matter what she tried to do. "I can't seem to tame this mane of yours…"

"That isn't going to happen; my hair has a mind of its own," Dastardos rolled his good eye behind his glasses, grabbed his hat back from Avalon, and plunked it back on his head, pulling it down hard as if that would somehow prevent Avalon from touching his hair again.

"Ah, never mind. Let's just buy those clothes and get out of 'ere," Avalon waved Dastardos off and he grinned at her.

"I thought you'd _never_ say that."

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"'Ave any idea of wot yew want to do?" Avalon asked Dastardos as they walked out of the store.

"Please, I've never been…to…" Dastardos trailed off, his eyes growing huge behind his glasses. "Is that…me?"

"Wot?" Avalon's brows flew up as Dastardos ran to the window of a fancy restaurant and placed his hand on an oversized poster. Avalon decided to take a closer look and followed the disguised reaper. "Oh, bloody 'ell, that _is_ yew!"

The poster was _enormous._ It depicted a much more handsome-looking Dastardos, folding his arms with his scarf flying in the air with a comically obese Professor Pester whispering into his ear. Above the two of them, it read in enormous, eye catching lettering: _DASTARDLY: THE MUSICAL._

"Oh dear God…" Dastardos looked ready to faint. "There's a musical…about ME?"

"Not so loud!" Avalon scolded, wriggling a finger at Dastardos. "Weren't yew on my case earlier about dropping hints about-"

"Avalon…" Dastardos hooked his arm through hers and grinned up at her like a six year old expecting the best bedtime story of his life. "You know, I think you're really awesome. Pretty, too. Smart and talented, a great gardener…never let anything get sick-"

"Cut the crap," Avalon laughed in spite of herself. "I take it yew want to go see this drivel?"

Dastardos bit his lip and made a noise that almost sounded like a suppressed squeal, nodding vigorously. "Can we go tonight? Please please please please PLEEEASE?"

"Well, if it will keep yew in a good mood and not whining like a child…" Avalon pulled out her Alert System and began to dial. "I'll see wot I can do about getting us good tickets!"

Dastardos leapt up into the air impossibly high, pumping his fist up towards the sky. "YESSSSSSSSSS!"


	8. Dastardly: The Musical!

_**(AN: During the musical portion, I will refer to the real Dastardos as 'Niles' to prevent confusion as to which Dastardos is speaking at the time.**_

_**Why Niles? You'll see…)**_

"Okay, let's get this train wreck a-rolling!" Maxime boomed as she slammed the door of her hotel room open.

Eddie flinched and jumped back a bit at her sudden arrival. After he knocked on her door he busied himself with straightening his bowtie after knocking on her door, but Maxime had burst out in a mere five seconds! Ladies usually took at least a few extra minutes to get ready when they wanted to impress the guy they were going out with…was Maxime enthusiastic, or did she just not care?

Eddie looked up to pout at her and his jaw promptly unhinged itself. Maxime looked _BEAUTIFUL-_well, more beautiful than usual!

_Must have asked Leafos for fashion advice…_ Eddie had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything. As much as he wanted to go on and on about how great Maxime looked, he had a feeling she didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to risk her wrath after seeing what she did to Bear. A. Maracus after he made a crude comment about the quality of her backside.

Still, he was awfully tempted. Maxime was looking splendid in a knee-length gold and green patterned dress with a liberal amount of sparkles. Her gorgeous long hair was hanging loose and she wore boots with ridiculously high heels.

_She must still be insecure about her height…_ Eddie furrowed his brow. Eddie expected Maxime to move clumsily on her heels, but she moved swiftly and with great ease.

"Don't just stand there gawking like a brain-dead Bonboon, buddy," Maxime grinned at Eddie, her hands on her hips. "We have a show to catch!"

"My, you're excited!" Eddie beamed. "I am too; I've heard _amazing_ things about this show! It'll be a real tear jerker for sure!" Eddie sighed and placed a hand on his heart.

"Yeah, I bet," Maxime snickered. "I'll be crying with _laughter._ Dastardos will _never_ live this one down!"

"I'm…" Eddie bit one finger of his glove. "…just hoping that this will help me get a better understanding of how his mind works. But while I'm watching the show I'll pretend it's not him to maximize my enjoyment!" Eddie smiled and swung his messenger bag cheerfully. "I didn't even buy the soundtrack this time, so everything will be a surprise! This is going to give me an absolute symphony of feelings~!"

Maxime gave Eddie a look of complete, utter disbelief. She shook her head, but smirked a bit.

"I'll never understand how your mind works, Lizard."

"Oh! I just remembered, we need to go get Doctor Patch!" Eddie's eyes grew as big as saucers and he grabbed Maxime by the hand. "Dad was going to join us for the play tonight, but he changed his mind at the last minute to go to an important meeting about the televised P-Factor round we're having later on in the week!"

Maxime silently thanked whatever deity would listen for the third wheel. Eddie wouldn't try any funny business with another person there!

…actually, Maxime figured he'd be too busy crying over Dastardos' "tragic life" to even attempt to hold her hand. Oh well, no great loss.

"Why _Patch_ would want to see a play about his worst enemy, I'll never know…" Eddie shook his head as he began heading back to his hotel room. Maxime figured it would be better not to tug her hand out of Eddie's grasp. It would be a complete waste of energy.

"I can think of a few good reasons…" Maxime grinned. "After all, I hate the guy too. Don't you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Maxime," Eddie stuck his nose up in the air. "A gentleman doesn't 'hate' anyone. Sure, there are some that rub me the wrong way, but I would never claim to _hate _anyone, no matter how they've wronged me." Eddie gave Maxime a very serious look. "'Hate' is a very strong word."

Maxime couldn't help snickering at Eddie's choice of words. "'Strong word,' huh? What can it do? Punch my lights out?"

_Dismissing wisdom with humor, hmph._ Eddie huffed and gave Maxime the best pout he could muster. "Miss Diminuto, you're impossible sometimes, you know that?"

Maxime reached up and gave Eddie a mocking pat on one of his cheeks, which promptly turned a bright shade of scarlet. "Same to you, buddy."

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Avalon and Dastardos had arrived at the theater early and the two of them were outside loitering around, waiting for the doors to open. Avalon bit her lip and gave Dastardos a once-over. When she had asked Edward how she would go obtaining tickets, she learned that Maxime, Eddie, and _Doc Patchingo_ would be seeing the show tonight as well. Was this disguise good enough to throw them off Dastardos' trail?

Sunglasses to hide his glowing eyes, gloves to hide his skeletal hands, a brightly colored coat with padded shoulders to disguise his small, bony frame, a completely different mask that wasn't warped in the slightest, oversized shoes to mask how small his feet were, and a giant orange and purple hat to cover up his mop of silver hair. His hair was clearly visible even with the hat. Would the gray hair be enough to make people sniff him out as the infamous Piñata Reaper?

"What's with the face?" Dastardos asked, gazing up at Avalon over his sunglasses. If Avalon didn't know better, she'd mistake the look on his face for one of concern. "Having second thoughts about seeing this show? Well, too bad for-"

Avalon shook her head. "It's not that. I was thinking about your disguise…is it really enough to keep your real identity from the masses?"

Dastardos grinned up at her. "When you say it like that, it sounds mysterious and really cool. I feel like I'm on an undercover mission or something!"

Avalon narrowed her eyes at Dastardos. "Please keep the childish comments to a minimum; this is serious! Do yew 'ave any idea on 'ow you can make your disguise better? _Patch_ is going to be 'ere! PATCH!" Avalon goggled at Dastardos as he made a big show of yawning. "Oh, don't give me that! If anyone will recognize yew, it's _'im._ 'E _'ates_ yew."

"Well, then…" Dastardos cleared his throat, tipped his glasses down, and winked at Avalon. "I'll just have to disguise my voice!"

"And 'ow will yew do that?" Avalon folded her arms and looked at Dastardos expectantly.

"I'll draw inspiration from my surroundings!" Dastardos spun for emphasis and then gave Avalon a smug grin. He cleared his throat again and burst into one of the most ridiculous voices Avalon had ever heard. "'Ello there, luv! Tea and crumpets and all that!"

Avalon gave Dastardos a flat, incredulous look. "Really? REALLY, Das-"

"Up-up-up!" Dastardos waggled a finger at Avalon and gave her the douchiest grin Avalon had ever seen on _anyone._ "It's _Niles,_ dear sod."

"That's _not _wot that word means…" Avalon buried her face in her hands and Dastardos had a feeling she wouldn't be coming up for a very long time.

Dastardos giggled to himself. He knew very well what 'sod' meant, having grown up with a violently British father. He just thought it was _really_ fun to press Avalon's buttons. She made the most amusing sounds and faces when she was cross…

"Wot is _with_ that name?" Avalon peeked up from her hands at Dastardos, her eyes narrowed into a disapproving scowl. "Did yew just pull that out of your nonexistent arse?"

"Yes, bint!" Dastardos grinned at Avalon and she winced as if she had just been struck. She was ready to tear Dastardos' head off when he gave her the most pathetic look of sheer confusion. She figured Dastardos probably didn't know what that word meant, and it would be a waste of breath to try and correct him. She relaxed and instead opted to shoot him an unamused glare.

"Full name is Niles Fishnchips, eh wot, crumpets and all that lark!" Dastardos threw his arms out. Dastardos knew very well what he had called Avalon. He certainly didn't think she was a prostitute, but when would he ever turn down an opportunity to insult someone without consequence?

Avalon buried her face in her hands again and didn't come up for a very, _very _long time. Dastardos was getting bored when he noticed a familiar blue monkey head in the crowd.

_Doc Patchingo._

Dastardos smirked as much as he could. He couldn't _believe_ Patch was coming to see a musical about _him._ What would prompt such a thing?

Patch was talking with and smiling like a fool at Eddie, too. Was he…_excited?_ No freakin' way!

Dastardos elbowed Avalon in the ribs. "'Oly tea and crumpets, would yew take a look-see at that!" Avalon groaned loudly and her gaze travelled to where Dastardos' bony finger was pointing. Patch was grinning in the crowd, obviously gushing thankfully to an embarrassed Eddie. She could barely see the top of Maxime's head, but Avalon imagined her either rolling her eyes or drooling at the scene before her.

"Wow, 'e looks excited…" Avalon blinked. "I certainly didn't expect _that._ 'E even dressed up!"

"Yeah, and that Cinnamonkey suit makes him look like even _more_ of a dork…" Dastardos sneered in his usual rough voice. Avalon raised a brow at him and he coughed and corrected himself: "I-I mean, wot a barmpot!"

"Come on, _Niles,_ let's get into the theater before 'e 'ears that ridiculous voice of yours…" Avalon tugged on Dastardos' sleeve and began heading towards the door.

"Yew are such a nutter," Dastardos flapped a hand before traipsing after her. "Plonker!"

"Are yew just spitting out random words?" Avalon grumbled to Dastardos as they headed into the crowd.

"Random _British_ words, slag!" Dastardos flashed Avalon a thumbs up and she huffed.

"Just don't…talk during the show," Avalon turned up her nose. "Not loudly and in that _'orrific_ accent, anyway."

"Yew. Are. No. Fun," Dastardos poked Avalon on the arm with every word as they headed into the theater.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Avalon and Dastardos found their seats, fifth row center. Dastardos was impressed that Avalon managed to get seats so close up on such short notice, but of course he would never admit that. He wouldn't admit to the excitement welling in his chest either, but Avalon noticed that the air around Dastardos didn't seem quite as cold tonight.

Dastardos squinted at the program, holding it up to his good eye in an attempt to read it. "Okay, so I-er, I mean _Dastardos _is being played by a Kristopher Sparks…if I read that right…have you heard of him?" Dastardos gave Avalon a questioning glance, cocking his head to the side.

Avalon was suddenly hit with how weird this situation was and had to pause for a moment. Hanging out with the feared grim reaper of beloved papery pets, making small talk while waiting for a play _about him_ to start.

"Hell-oooo? Piñata Island to Avalon?" Dastardos waved a hand in front of Avalon's face and she snapped out of it.

"Ah, sorry," Avalon shook her head around and then stroked her chin. "I do know 'im, actually! 'E was in all kinds of musicals that were imported and adapted. _Ghost, Next to Normal-"_

"Never heard of 'em," Dastardos stretched and yawned. "I don't see frou-frou things like musicals often. So stupid."

"Well, 'e doesn't 'suck,' if that's wot yew were worried about," Avalon rolled her eyes. "I'm actually a big fan of 'im! I've seen 'im on the Great Sugar Way more times than I can count…but…it's an odd casting choice. 'E's fairly built and tall and 'andsome…doesn't suit Dastardos at all…"

"Hah!" Dastardos barked a bit too loudly. "Guess I'll have to judge for myself!"

"Yew won't 'ave to wait too long," Avalon lifted one corner of her mouth into a smile. She wasn't going to lie; she was looking forward to seeing how on Earth Dastardos would react to a musical about _him…_and she was more than a bit curious about how it was executed herself…

Eddie, Patch, and Maxime made their way to their seats in the front row. Eddie's eyes sparkled like overshined amethysts, Maxime was chuckling under her breath, and Patch looked more than a bit nervous as his eyes flitted around the enormous crowd.

Some girl pointed at Patch and whispered to her friend, who promptly burst into obnoxious giggles. Patch turned red as he sat down right between Eddie and Maxime.

Eddie's gleaming smile faded once he noticed where Patch was sitting. He tapped him on the shoulder and went "Um…Patch?"

"Yuh-yuh-yes?" Patch asked, one finger in his mouth, his one revealed eye showing his nervousness clearly.

Eddie decided the seating arrangement wasn't important and the irritation on his face was instantly replaced by a much softer look. "Why do you look so nervous?"

"He's got a crush on Dastardos and he's worried he'll make out with a hot girl and not him," Maxime leaned forward, grinning like a schoolgirl whose two favorite guys were about to get into a fist fight.

Doc Patch retreated into his shirt collar and Maxime burst into laughter.

"Don't be ridiculous, Maxime," Eddie drummed his fingers on one of the arms of his chair and stuck out his lower lip at her. He put a comforting hand on Patch's shoulder after a few moments of pouting at Maxime. "Hey, relax, once the show starts, you won't even notice the crowd!"

"Thuh-that's true…" Patch lit up a bit and Eddie smiled at him. Suddenly, soft music swelled from the orchestra pit and Eddie clapped his hands together.

"OOH, the orchestra's tuning!" He bit a squeal in two. "That means it's starting soon!"

"I wish I had popcorn…" Maxime grinned and settled into her chair. "This is gonna be _good."_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Ergh…" Dastardos adjusted himself so he was kneeling, and made a face at the person sitting in front of him. They were extraordinarily tall, and Dastardos was extraordinarily short, so that was an issue.

"Wot's wrong, Niles?" Avalon asked, raising an eyebrow at her companion.

"I can't see…" he grumbled. "This is going to be a problem …"

"Can't yew float?" Avalon folded her arms and made a face as if that were the most obvious thing in the world.

Dastardos narrowed his eyes at her for a second. "You've _got _to be joking-actually, that's a good idea!"

"Wait, won't that give yew away?" Avalon hiss-whispered.

"Shhh! I have an idea…" Dastardos took off his oversized coat, spread it across his legs, and suddenly increased quite a bit in height. "Tah-dah! Now I can see perfectly!" He grinned at Avalon and she tsk-tsk'd.

"You never cease to amaze me with your many accomplishments…" she turned her eyes to the stage and noticed shadows moving behind the curtains. "Looks like it's starting."

The enormous gold-patterned curtains finally rose, to reveal a scene in the middle of an all-too-familiar looking Village that was filled with all-too-familiar looking people.

"Shit," Dastardos elbowed Avalon in the ribs and pointed to the stage. "That's Patch! That's frigging Patch!" he whispered, his eyes rolling in opposite directions with his sheer disbelief.

"Are yew going to talk through the 'ole show?" Avalon whispered back, squinting at Dastardos.

Dastardos huffed and folded his arms. It obviously _was_ Patch, they were identical apart from this character wearing blue scrubs and having an Elephanilla mask instead of Patch's monkey one. Dastardos wasn't sure Patch could look more doofy. This show proved him otherwise.

The entire ensemble burst into their opening number. They were listing every horrible thing "the reaper" had done that week, swapping rumors about him secretly being a demon, having an extra eye, and sewing piñata shells together into macabre sculptures.

Dastardos slammed a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. Well, the show was more accurate than he expected so far…

When the song mentioned Dastardos doing unspeakably violent acts towards the doctor, one thought entered the reaper's head.

_I need this song to be my ringtone._

The song screeched to a grinding halt when a clear voice with a pleasant cadence piped up: "Oh, 'e can't be _that_ bad!"

Everyone in the chorus gasped and backed up, revealing a young woman with a lilac half-mask, curly blonde hair down to her waist, and a flowing off-the-shoulder blue dress. She blushed when she noticed the crowd was paying attention to her, coiling a curl around a delicate finger.

_'oo the 'ell…? _Avalon thought, blinking.

"Raelyn, are you CRAZY?" the doctor exclaimed obnoxiously loudly, grabbing the girl by her slender shoulder. "I'm certain he wants to kill us all!"

"Doctor Stitch…" Raelyn shook her head and chuckled. "…wot makes yew say that? Has he ever tried to harm a single person?"

The crowd in the stage Village burst into grumblings. Stitch groaned and pushed his bangs aside, revealing a black eye.

"Well, you get between him and his goal!" Raelyn stuck out her tongue for a moment and giggled. "He only takes the life candy. Maybe he needs it for something?"

The crowd in the Village burst into louder, more frantic whispers. An old man hobbled up with a cane and gave Raelyn a scolding smack on the arm.

"Have you fallen off your rocker?" the old man spat. "That man is dangerous!"

"Says you!" Raelyn folded her hands over her heart and began to sing. _"Everyone deserves second chances/In life, fortune, and romances…"_

"Oh dear God…" Dastardos grumbled and slammed a palm into his forehead, his face burning. This play was going to be about _him?_ Damn, he expected any media based on him to have a lot less sap and a lot more face-smashing.

"Looks like yew 'ave a love interest!" Avalon giggled behind her hand. "A busty blonde bimbo! 'Oo would 'ave thought?"

A man sitting in front of them shushed Avalon and she immediately turned a little red and shut her mouth.

"What did you tell me about not talking during the play?" Dastardos whispered to her. Avalon could see his evil, mocking grin even in the darkness of the theater.

"Just…just shoosh and watch," Avalon shoved Dastardos on the arm and he sniggered.

As soon as Raelyn opened her eyes and finished her song, everyone in the Village groaned and walked offstage.

"Hmph," Raelyn struck a pose, her hands on her hips and her lower lip jutting out. "What do all of _yew_ know?"

With that, the scene ended and the theater blacked out. Everyone burst into applause, Eddie in particular, a humungous grin on his face.

"Eddie…" Patch lightly tapped Eddie's shoulder while he was applauding. "Wuh-was that Stitch guy supposed to be…me…? I don't remember signing anything…" Patch folded his hands in his lap and tapped his thumbs together.

Eddie shrugged and puckered his lips in thought. "He did look like you…and I could have _sworn_ I saw someone that looked like Leafos in that crowd scene…but don't worry about it. I'm just hoping that there will be someone in the background that looks like _me…!"_ Eddie squealed and gripped onto his program in his excitement. Maxime rolled her eyes and yawned. Hopefully things would get more hilarious than that dull opening number…

Maxime's prayers were answered. When the lights came back up, the scene had changed to a high tech laboratory with someone who looked like a caricature of Professor Pester in it. They were wearing an exaggerated mask, had inaccurate "tattoos," and wore a fat suit that made them look ten times as large as the already-hefty Professor Pester.

Maxime couldn't help bursting into laughter. Luckily, she managed not to embarrass herself, because most of the audience laughed too. The audience roared even louder when "Professor Pester" tripped and hit his head on his massive desk.

"Accurate as hell," Dastardos whispered, his tone nonchalant. "No critiques from me. This guy is perfect. Who's playing him?"

Avalon squinted at her program. "Some bloke named David Brimmer. Never 'eard of 'im."

"Damn my clumsiness!" Professor Pester rose to his feet and shook his head around, knocking his graduation cap askew. "Rrrruffians!" he called, placing one hand on the side of his face. Four extremely short people in crudely made Ruffian costumes came bumbling onto the stage, crashing into one another as they went.

Every costume and set in the show looked fantastic, so the Ruffian "costumes" stuck out like four great big sore thumbs. Either they blew all of their funds on everything else, or whoever made the show really, _really_ hated Ruffians. Perhaps both. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who wasn't Pester and actually liked Ruffians.

"You've arrived just in time, my dim-witted comrades!" Professor Pester began to pace around his lair, his hands behind his back and an enormous smirk on his ugly mask. "I've come up with the most _wonderfully_ evil plot _ever!"_ Professor Pester grabbed and held up a folder that said _BAD IDEAS._

"Shit, his voice is _exactly_ like Pester's…" Dastardos whispered to Avalon, actually sounding impressed.

Professor Pester promptly burst into a song outlining his new plan. Apparently, he planned on kidnapping a whole manner of local gardeners, demanding that they hand over all of their money and piñatas in order to be released.

The rhyming scheme in this particular song was totally off, and the strong, sinister chords seemed out of place on such a goofy character.

_Damn, I'm glad Pester doesn't sing when he's plotting in real life…_ Dastardos scowled a bit at the very thought.

When the song ended and the audience's applause had died down, Professor Pester put his hands on his bloated hips. "Now, where on Earth is that Dastardos? I need to tell him all about my dastardly plan!"

"I hope you don't sing about it again…" one of the Ruffians grumbled, earning chuckles from the audience.

"What the fuck…Ruffians don't speak…" Dastardos huffed under his breath. "And I am _so_ glad they don't."

"You called?" a voice came from offstage. The voice was velvety and mysterious, with a dark tone to it.

Avalon bit her lip in anticipation.

The door to the lair slid open and there floated Dastardos. The strings were barely visible and his mask was barely as twisted as it was in real life. He smirked at his boss and folded his arms. The audience burst into loud applause.

This Dastardos was about fifty times more attractive than the real thing. He wasn't horrifically skinny and there was nothing twisted about his smile; unlike the real Dastardos' mask, stage Dastardos had perfect teeth.

Niles sniggered to himself. That was the exact _opposite_ of the usual greeting he got at the P-Factor…

"Dastardos, finally!" Pester waddled over to him at top speed and put his beefy hands on his shoulders. "I have a great plan to tell you about!"

He burst into the first few bars of his plotting song and Dastardos reached out and closed Pester's mask.

"…just _tell_ me," Dastardos let go and folded his arms. The audience cracked up and Pester looked like cotton candy that someone sat on.

Professor Pester outlined his plan to Dastardos, pulling a whiteboard out of nowhere with a crudely drawn, marked up map on it. He pointed to several places as he spoke and Dastardos' brows rose up.

"_All_ of the gardeners…?" Dastardos frowned and looked thoughtful.

"Yes, all of them!" Pester nodded vigorously. "Why aren't you more excited, my boy?"

"Nothing…just have a lot on my mind, that's all…" Dastardos' eyes widened when a dark tune began playing from his pocket. He pulled out an Alert System, smiled for a fleeting second, and then shoved it back in his pocket. He put on a more sour-looking face and began heading for the door. "Hey, boss, I've got some reaping to do. Good luck with that plan…whatever it is."

After the blackout, the set had changed to the most beautiful garden that backers' money could buy. Raelyn was kneeling in her garden next to an animatronic, sick-looking Pretztail. A snoozing Galagoogoo with a large purple bow clung to her shoulder. Raelyn blew a stray lock of blonde hair out of her eyes and raised her head just in time to see Dastardos floating in to her garden.

"_Another_ one, huh, Rae?" Dastardos smirked at her, flipping the Whacking Stick around like a baton. "You never struck me as the irresponsible type…"

"Maybe I let them get sick for a reason…" Raelyn rose to her feet and took a step back. "I didn't call Doctor Stichnleave, if that's wot yew're thinking. Yew always work so 'ard to get life sweets from piñatas…so…" She raised her head to meet Dastardos' eyes. "I'll let yew 'ave this one. Yew need it more than I do."

"Why are you helping _me?"_ Dastardos was obviously taken aback. He floated backwards, his hand over his heart and his eyes wide.

"Because," Raelyn let a smile cross her perfect pink lips. "I know yew need it. Yew're too proud to admit it, I'm sure. Just take the candy."

"You…don't even care about this piñata? At all?" Dastardos seemed like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I care more about people in need," Raelyn giggled a windchimey giggle and added. "Pretztails are overrated anyway."

They gave each other a long, lingering look and the orchestra began to be playing a soft melody.

_"What is this give you gave me?" _Dastardos sang, floating closer to Raelyn. The Pretztail let out a pathetic squeak but neither of them batted an eye at it. _"Why do you want to save me?"_

"_Dastardos, please…"_ Raelyn shook her head. _"A caring person helps all with needs. The Villagers are blind; they don't see yew like I do. Today, yew can just take the candy and pass through."_

Niles leaned over and patted Avalon on the shoulder.

"Wot?" When she turned towards him, Niles noticed that Avalon had a look on her face that looked like a strange mix of confusion, amusement, and nausea.

"Who the hell _wrote_ these lyrics?" Niles whispered, barely disguised amusement in his voice. "They must have been a 13 year old with all kinds of conflicting meds fighting for control of their three brain cells."

"Yew're too hard on-" Avalon stopped short when the song rhymed "pain" with itself three times. "…yew 'ave a point for once."

Niles burst into an enormous grin and pridefully stuck his chest out like a gloating Lickatoad.

The song ended and both Dastardos and Raelyn turned a bit red.

"I'll…be taking that Pretztail now…" Dastardos raised his Whacking Stick and brought it down onto the sick piñata. It took more than two tries to break it; his swing seemed much softer than usual. Raelyn apparently found that hilarious, and giggled all throughout his attempt to break the Pretztail. He finally did, picked up the Life Sweet, and gave Raelyn one last, lingering look.

"Well…guess I'll be off now…" Dastardos pocketed the sweet and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Raelyn shouted suddenly, covering her mouth and blushing sweetly. The words had come so suddenly…so unexpectedly… "Why don't you…stay for a while?"

Dastardos stopped in his tracks and looked back at her. "I…I can't." Dastardos turned away from her, his voice strong. "I can't."

"Why not?" Raelyn placed her Galagoogoo on the ground and slowly walked up behind Dastardos. "Don't you get lonely? I'd love to get to know you… "Why don't you…stay for a while?"

"…meet me in the jungle, near the waterfall, tonight at midnight," Dastardos stage-whispered, his voice hushed. "It's too risky for me to stay here."

With that, he was gone, leaving Raelyn in the wind, her hands over her heart and her lips parted. A soft, slow song swelled up from the orchestra.

"_Oh, if I could only know yew, where yew came from, where yew go…"_ Raelyn sat on the grass and began combing through her hair with her fingers. "_Slipping through my fingers like pale flakes of snow…"_

Niles had a sudden overwhelming urge to kill himself and not care who saw.

_"All I want is for him to open up, like a flower in the morning, or the back of a truck…one day people will see him as he truly is…a man, not a monster, and stay out of his biz."_

"…these lyrics just get worse and worse…" Avalon grumbled.

"Avalon, what's a truck?" Niles asked, a look of utter confusion on his face.

"I hope you can make it tonight…" Raelyn sighed and tossed her mane. "I'll be waiting."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The next scene opened with the lovely, melodic sound of Pester screaming his freaking brains out.

"You were TALKING to _HER_ AGAIN!" Professor Pester shouted, stomping his foot on the ground, creating a loud echoing noise throughout the whole theater. "How many times do I have to TELL you, she belongs to ME!"

"I think you should let Raelyn decide for herself who she likes…" Dastardos' brows rose and he looked at Pester with the most dramatic expression on his mask. "_Father."_

The entire theater gasped, including Avalon, who gaped at Niles in disbelief. "Is he really your-" Avalon pointed a shaky finger at the cariacature of Pester up on stage.

"Maybe," Niles murmured, taking immense interest in his fingernails. "…maybe not."

Avalon huffed and turned away from him. She should have known better than to expect a straight answer.

Truth be told, Dastardos had told the absolute truth. He had learned not too long ago that Pester had slept with his mother shortly before she married Jardiniero. So he COULD be the son of Pester, or he COULDN'T be. He was perfectly content not knowing the truth. He hated both of his prospective fathers, anyway, but he didn't want Pester taking advantage of _official parentage._ Ugh.

The two of them burst into an in-song argument, screaming right into each other's faces. From where Maxime was sitting, she could see spit flying from their mouths and right onto each other's masks.

_"Don't you see how much she matters to me?"_ they sang in unison. _"I know what's best!"_

Once the argument died down, Pester pointed to the door. "_Go. _Go see your little girlfriend and see what I do!"

"I won't let you do _anything!_ She's the only person who so much as gave me a second look!" With that, Dastardos stormed off as well as a person held up by wires could.

"He'll see…" Professor Pester sat down and steepled his fingers. "_Everyone_ will see…"

The scene changed to Dastardos speed-floating through a forest when he crashed into the doctor. He got knocked on his back and let out a cry of shock. The doctor was completely unfazed.

"_Reaper."_ The doctor said, leaning against his car and folding his arms.

"_Doctor."_ Dastardos replied, rising to his feet to have a stare-down with his nemesis.

"What are you doing out at this hour?" the doctor checked his clipboard. "I've already cured _three_ sick piñatas tonight, and I know for a fact that there aren't any left!"

"It's none of your business where I'm going or what I'm doing!" Dastardos started to float off, but the doctor grabbed Dastardos by his scarves.

"I can't _believe_ you," Doc Stitchinleave whirled Dastardos around and leaned in too close to him. "Do you realize how much suffering you've caused _everyone?_ So much mental anguish…especially _me!"_

"Now's not the time!" Dastardos attempted to escape from his grasp to no avail. Apparently whoever wrote this wasn't aware of Dastardos' ghosting powers. "I need to go meet some-" Dastardos trailed off once he realized what had just come out of his mouth.

"Don't you make up excuses! We have a score to settle!" Doc Stitch let Dastardos go and looked dramatically to the distance. "I need to get something straight with you!"

"And what might that be?" You could tell from Dastardos' tone of voice that he was leading up to a song cue.

_"You drive me crazy, all of the time!" _Doc Stitch tore at his hair and glared at Dastardos. _"You drive me crazy; you drive me out of my mind!"_

Niles had a feeling that the real Doc Patch would sing this to him if he got him alone.

_"So why can't I stop thinking about you, why do I care? I don't know why I let it faze me, but you drive me crazy!"_

Niles didn't like the way this song was going. He sank down in his seat and began chewing on his glove. Avalon gave him a comforting pat on the arm. She expected Niles to think this was a laugh, or get angry over how stupid it was. She hadn't expected him to seem _terrified._ She actually felt bad for him.

Doc Patchingo retreated into his collar again, his face burning. Maxime did her best not to burst into loud laughter and ultimately failed. Eddie leaned over Patch and shushed her maniacally but she took no notice of him.

When the song ended, the doctor grabbed the end of Dastardos scarves and twirled them until Dastardos was bound in his embrace. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this…I just recently decided to go for it!"

"Do whuh-" Dastardos was interrupted by the doctor whipping off his mask and pressing his lips against the ones on Dastardos' own mask.

The audience gasped yet again, some squealing was heard, and Niles let out a sound that sounded like a Kittyfloss being squashed by the Pestermobile. Patch shrieked and instantly became hotter than a Redhott on a lit grill in the Dessert Desert.

Eddie attempted to give the doctor a comforting pat on the arm, but he wound up burning his hand.

Dastardos smacked the doctor away with the Whacking Stick. "I love another," he spat, as if he had kissed something venomous. "And I would never love someone like _you,_ someone who would _never_ understand me no matter what." A lock of Dastardos' hair flopped over one of his intense eyes. "Our tension isn't love. It's _hatred._ I'll _never _feel anything beyond hatred for you!" He gave the doctor one last smack before retreating into the jungle.

"He'll regret turning me down…" the doctor gritted his teeth. "To think, we could have ended this bitter rivalry forever! I'll make him see the error of his ways!" The doctor let out a laugh that could only be described as sinister.

As he laughed, the theater faded to black.

Niles squirmed in his seat, his hands over his mouth and his eyes bugging out behind his glasses. Avalon couldn't help herself; the scene she just saw combined with Dastardos' priceless reaction led to her shedding all social normalties and bursting into laughter, her giddy chortling filling the entire theater and echoing off the walls. Everyone in a five row radius turned to shush Avalon. Her face blazed and she covered her mouth to stop the laugher.

"Avalon…" Niles looked completely dumbfounded and…somewhat impressed. "You can actually _laugh?"_

Like Avalon, he was shushed, but he ignored the angry theatergoers.

"I'm 'uman, aren't I?" Avalon whispered back to him, still smirking a bit. "Glad that made yew forget the kiss."

Niles huffed and slouched in his seat, folding his arms. That _really_ deducted a whole bunch of points from the show for him. What was even the _point_ of that? Doc Patch hadn't even displayed the slightest desire to plant a smooch on his lips in real life. What writer in their right mind would think "Hey, that guy and that guy seem to _really_ hate each other! I sure would love to see them make out!" _UGH._

The curtain rose and the lights came back on to reveal an extremely expensive looking jungle set, complete with what looked like real flowers and Bispottis milling about. Raelyn sat in the midst of it all, her Galagoogoo on her lap. She was absent-mindedly fixing its bow and the Galagoogoo nuzzled its head into her stomach, eliciting "_awwwws"_ from the audience and a fake gag from Niles.

"Oh, Junebug…" Raelyn sighed to her Galagoogoo, running her fingers through her lustrous golden locks, her bright blue, thickly-lashed orbs sad and overflowing with pure tears, threatening to burst forth into a waterfall of pure sadness and woe. "I should have known 'e wouldn't show up…'e's a cold, mysterious type…they never waste time with _plain_ girls like me!" She reached up underneath her mask to wipe away a tear and burst into song, singing about her lonely soul and how only her one true love could make it whole. She also called herself ugly about forty-seven times in the five minute ballad. Niles counted.

After she finished singing, she sighed and dropped back to her knees. Her Galagoogoo sidled up to her and gave her a reassuring pat on the leg.

"Sorry I'm late," the voice Raelyn had been waiting to hear drifted through the trees. "I got a little…tied up." Dastardos appeared in the clearing, an odd bulge in the chest of his sweater and his hands behind his back. "To make up for it, I got you these…" He pulled his hands from behind his back to reveal a bouquet. It was made up of black, red, and green roses with every thorny edge cut off. "I've been growing them secretly for ages now…and now I can finally give them to someone…"

"Oh, Dastardos…they're beautiful…" Raelyn reached out for them and held them close to her chest, smiling at the reaper with her blue sapphire eyes shimmering like pools of the purest spring water. "I didn't know yew liked to garden…"

"There's a lot you don't know about me…" Dastardos absent-mindedly touched the lump in his sweater. "By the way, I heard your entire song. Your singing voice is beautiful, like birds in the darkest night."

Raelyn blushed and hid her mouth behind the flowers. "It's all true, yew know…I worry about yew…"

"I know…" Dastardos sat down on the grass. "By the way, you aren't ugly in the slightest. You're the most beautiful woman in the Village. On that lovely day when I first came to your garden, I was filled with regret as soon as I saw your sad eyes and your beautiful mask. I couldn't _believe_ I had to take one of your piñatas from you…" Dastardos sighed and clenched his fists. "So…I'm going to come clean. I'm going to tell you why I need life sweets."

"But…why do yew trust me?" Raelyn tenderly touched her own ample chest in a gesture to indicate herself being the one that was the topic of conversation speaking. "Yew barely know me…"

Dastardos adopted a lovesick look and started to sing. Niles felt the numb urge to vomit all over the people sitting in front of him.

_"I see it in your eyes, the way you look at me, the way you smile, I can truly see…"_ He floated forward and gingerly touched Raelyn's cheek.

When the song ended, Raelyn let the most charming dimpled smile cross her flawless lips. "I'm so glad yew trust me, Dastardos. That means more than yew know…don't leave me 'anging, though! I promise not to tell anyone about your secret! I swear on my poor dearly departed mother's grave!" Raelyn folded her hands over her pure heart and bowed her head.

Dastardos reached into his sweater and pulled out a pale looking Galagoogoo. The audience gasped and Niles yelled out _"WHAT?"_

"His name is Fluffs; I've had him since I was very, _very_ young…" Dastardos turned away from Raelyn, a look of complete other anguish on his mask. "He's sick. The Life Candy keeps him around. It's a tireless effort for me and it's the one and only reason I reap the sweets from sick piñatas…" Dastardos sounded choked up; like he was ready to burst into tears any second. "He keeps me sane through everything with Pester, and the doctor…and all of the Villagers who hate me so…"

Dastardos put Fluffs down and he instantly caught the eye of Junebug. The two Galagoogoos smiled at one another and then pulled each other into a heartfelt embrace.

"Wow…" Raelyn smiled at Dastardos. "That's touching…I knew yew were a kind man at 'eart. And look 'ow well our piñatas are getting along!"

Dastardos placed a hand on his chin as he looked at the two piñatas embracing. "Wow…piñatas certainly do…" he made eye contact with Raelyn. "…fall in love fast…"

"I've been told that…" Raelyn flipped her golden locks. "…I'm the same way…it's a silly trait to 'ave, I know, but…"

"No…" Dastardos floated over to her and moved some of her hair away from her face. "I understand…"

After staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity, they whipped each other's masks off and clashed their lips together in a passionate kiss.

The audience gasped yet again and Niles let out a yelp and covered his eyes. Eddie began to blot his eyes with a tissue, completely choked up over the wonderful, fantastic, completely well-written romance.

"'Uh…" Avalon blinked, completely unaffected by the facial nudity in front of her. "So _that's_ why the tickets 'ad a mature content warning on them…"

Raelyn and Dastardos broke apart and promptly burst into a song about how their love was forbidden and how they should enjoy and cherish what little time they had together. They clung to each other; their uncovered faces inches apart as they sang right into each other's faces.

"'Ey, Niles, yew're certainly 'andsome," Avalon elbowed Niles in the ribs and smirked at him.

Niles clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Not. Even. Close."

After their dramatic power ballad about their love, the curtain descended and the lights came back on in the theater. Everyone began chattering, some standing up and heading to the lobby, others staying right in their seats.

Dastardos looked visibly confused, looking around like a scared Whirlm in a Sparrowmint's nest. "Avalon…wot's going on and all that?" He had immediately jumped back into his British personage, especially since Eddie, Maxime, and Patch were walking by in the crowd heading up the aisle.

"It's called an 'intermission,'" Avalon never thought she'd have to explain this to anyone, but she was dealing with the Grim Reaper of piñatas, and she couldn't imagine him taking in much musical theater. "The performers take a little break for fifteen minutes 'alfway through the show."

"Ohh, I see…" Dastardos stroked his chin. He stood up and smirked at Avalon. "Now, if you don't mind, Queen of English muffins…"

Avalon rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"…I'm off to listen in on wot others thought of this bloody show!" Dastardos practically skipped into the aisles, secretly wishing he could phase through all of these people.


	9. Dastardly: Part 2

Avalon followed Niles out into the main lobby, just to make sure he didn't hurt anyone or incriminate himself. She fretted inwardly a bit; what the hell would she do if he _had _gotten into trouble? She wouldn't want to associate herself with a criminal, but she couldn't just abandon him…she snapped out of her haze of concern when she heard an effete voice call: "Avalon! Avalon!"

Avalon turned her head to see Eddie standing with Maxime. Eddie had puffy eyes and the biggest grin on his face and for some reason Maxime was bright red and a bit sweaty. Rather than coming to the conclusion most others would, Avalon assumed that Eddie cried his eyes out at the play and Maxime laughed her tiny arse off.

Avalon made her way over to them and Eddie's grin faded away. He planted his hands on his hips and leaned forward; giving Avalon the most accusing pout she had ever seen in her life. "Was that _you_ laughing after Dastardos kissed Doc Stitchinleave? That was _obnoxious!"_

"I can't say I blame her…" Maxime shrugged, a tiny grin on her face. Eddie gave her a chastising look, but that only made her smile widen.

Avalon began to chuckle again at the memory of the doctor suddenly and without warning pulling the faux-Reaper into a gigantic smooch. "I…I couldn't 'elp myself. I didn't expect that at _all!"_

"Neither did I!" Eddie suddenly dropped his accusing tone and sounded excited. "I'm surprised I didn't notice before; whoever wrote this is a _genius!_ I don't know if _you_ noticed, but you can cut the belligerent sexual tension between Dastardos and the _real_ doctor with a _knife!"_ Eddie practically had stars in his eyes and he twirled around once in his enthusiasm. "This show is getting popular; I never thought I'd say this, but I'll have to make _sure_ the two of them are in more P-Factor rounds together!" He hopped twice and clapped his hands gaily. "The audience would eat it up like gourmet pudding!"

"Don't let Patch hear you say that," Maxime cut in, barely disguised amusement in her voice. "Did you _see_ him when they kissed in the show? I thought he was going to start a fire, he was blushing so hard! It was pitch black in the theater and I could still see how red he was!"

"Oh, dear, you're right…" Eddie's enthusiasm deflated. "So…I guess asking him how he feels about Dastardos is out of the question?"

"Oh, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie…" Maxime shook her head. "I never thought I'd meet someone who was worse than Leafos, but you've gone and surprised me yet again."

Eddie stomped a foot. "Hey, I resent that-"

Ugh, Eddie would talk Avalon's ear off until the second act. She had to find Niles before he got in trouble. Knowing him, he probably went off in search of the guy who played Doctor Stitch in hopes of murdering him for daring to lay his lips on a Dastardos doppelganger.

"Well, nice talking with yew two!" Avalon waved goodbye to them. "I need to go find my wayward date!"

"Wait, your _what?"_ Eddie's head snapped towards Avalon, an almost manic smile on his lips.

"Um, nothing! See yew later!" Avalon waved even harder and disappeared into the crowd.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Niles was hiding behind an ornate pillar listening in to a conversation Patch was having on his Alert System. Sure, he could only hear one half of it, but he was just wondering what the hell his arch-rival thought about the whole smooching business. Ugh, even _thinking_ about it made his tattered stomach turn. He'd never be able to look Patch in the eye again-well, if Patch's eyes were even visible behind his stupid haircut.

Patch was pacing around, a small smile on his face as he described the show to whoever was on the line. "Nuh-no, it's actually not that buh-bad…" Patch shook his monkey-clad head. "I expected it to be a lot worse…I mean, a musical about Duh-Duh-Duh-_Dastardos?"_ Patch giggled a bit. "It sounds weird when I say it out loud…favorite part?" Patch bit his lip and scratched behind one of his helmet's ears as he thought. "Uh, I liked the opening number…get this…there's actually a character that looks like _me!"_ Patch looked visibly frightened for a moment. "Nuh-nuh-NO, he doesn't act like me! He's jealous, controlling, _mean…_oh, and guh-guess what? He_ ki-ki-kissed _Dastardos! On the _mouth!"_

Niles could hear loud laughter on the other line. Very distinct laughter. He felt his heart drop into his stomach once he realized who Patch was talking to. Dastardos knew that high-pitched, intense, snorting laughter _anywhere. __Shit; he was giving a musical synopsis to SEEDOS, of all people!_ Niles slammed his head into the pillar. He would _never_ live this down.

Niles' thoughts evaporated when a British accent pierced his ears. "THERE yew are, Niles!" He felt a strong arm link through his and looked up to see Avalon glaring down at him. "The show's about to start again. Let's get going." Niles sighed a bit, but he went with Avalon anyway. She filed him by Patch and Patch covered the receiver to his Alert System to call out:  
"Oh, hello, Avalon! And…" His face fell when he saw Niles look over his shoulder. "…friend." Avalon stopped in her tracks for a moment when she heard Patch's tone of voice.

"Wot's up, young chap?" Niles gave Patch an over-the-shoulder shit-eating grin. "We must skedaddle. 'Ave your chapself a good show!" He tipped his hat to Patch before pulling Avalon along back into the theater.

"Seedos?" Patch said into the receiver, his voice a little shaky.

"Yeah?"

"I'll call you back luh-later," Patch watched Niles until he disappeared into the theater. "Act Two's about to start."

"Let me know if you kiss Dastardos again!" Seedos burst into another bout of obnoxious laughter. Patch huffed and shut his Alert System off. He didn't think Seedos was that bad of a guy, but he knew very well that he had hit rock bottom to be laughed at by the seed maniac.

Doc Patch's thoughts turned to the grey haired fellow who was with Avalon again. He was pretty sure his eyes were playing tricks on him. Avalon wouldn't be caught _dead_ bringing the Reaper _anywhere,_ let alone a show about his own "life!" Or…would she? Avalon had been acting a little odd lately…

Two _ding_ noises came over the intercom. Patch would have to worry about Avalon's little "friend" later; he had a play to finish. He let out a little sigh and headed back into the theater. He hoped no one else in the Village would hear about the smooching incident…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The curtain rose again to reveal Doc Stitchinleave standing with Professor Pester. Doc Stitch had a malicious look on his face and was stirring something in a small pot. Theatrical red and black smoke rolled out of the pot and up to the ceiling.

"I can't believe you feel such strong hate towards Dastardos that you would help me like this…" Professor Pester clapped the doctor on the shoulder. "…but, as I always say, the more hatred, the merrier!" He burst into cackling laughter. "What made you _finally_ decide to swear revenge?"

"No reason," The doctor added some thick, viscous fluid to the pot and a small green explosion came out of the mixture. The doctor fanned it away from his face and added: "I just got sick of him pushing me around! I want to get back at him!"

"As do I," Professor Pester wrinkled the nose of his mask. "If I can't have that goddamned Raelyn, _no one can!_ Ruining Dastardos' life would just be a bonus!" Pester snorted. "I don't even _want_ her anymore; I just want to see Dastardos break down for once!"

"You and me both, Professor," Doctor Stitch added a few final touches to the brew and burst into an unsettling grin. "It's ready." He filled up a syringe with the goop and turned his creepy smile onto Professor Pester. "Now, all that's left to do is to kidnap Raelyn."

"Leave that to me!" Professor Pester gestured to himself. "I'm used to doing dirty work! This will get her out of our hair for _sure!"_ He let out a maniacal laugh and was soon joined by Doc Stitch. With that, the theater faded to black.

Maxime elbowed Patch in the ribs. "Hey, you're kind of a huge bastard," she snickered.

Patch placed his hands on his burning cheeks. "That's _not me!"_ he whisper-whined.

Raelyn had been kidnapped offstage; the lights came up and showed that she was passed out in Professor Pester's arms. Pester was gleefully singing a song about how the deed had gone down, him wrenching her own shovel from her and hitting her in the head with it, and how excited he was to see her meet her demise.

As soon as he left the stage, Dastardos came flying onstage in a frenzy, singing a song of his own about his desperate search and how she made him feel things he had never felt before. Niles felt his stomach knot and he fake gagged. Avalon barely suppressed some serious giggling. His reactions to this show were absolutely _priceless._

_"I can't get help from anyone, I know,"_ Dastardos sang with a sigh. _"But I will never let go!"_ He raised his eyes to the sky. "Don't worry, Raelyn, I'll be there very soon!"

After a blackout, the scene switched to reveal Raelyn tied to an operating table with Doctor Stitch looming over her with the syringe. Pester rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Oh, such a shame Dastardos won't be here! I would love to see the look on his mask when we kill her with this Sour serum!" he cackled. Raelyn woke up at just that moment and gasped overdramatically. Niles was sure she'd inhale Doc Stitch's entire being.

"You _aren't_ going to kill me!" Raelyn cried. "Dastardos would _never_ let that happen! He loves me _so_ much!"

Pester narrowed his eyes at her. "You interacted romantically _once._ How do you know he loves you?"

Niles snickered behind his hand. Not-Actually-Pester had a point.

"I see it in his eyes, I hear it in the way he says my name…" Raelyn grew misty, a smile adorning her flawless face. "He's _always_ loved me!"

"I guess we'll know for sure when he's mourning over your _grave!"_ Professor Pester snatched the serum from Doctor Stitch and slowly brought it closer to Raelyn's arm.

"LET HER GO!" Dastardos burst through the doors of the lair, an angry snarl on his mask. "I _do_ love her, and if you hurt her, so help me, I'll _quadruple_ her pain your way!"

"Too late!" Professor Pester plunged the needle into Raelyn's arm and she shrieked and promptly burst into theatrical convulsions, the lighting going completely nuts in seizure-inducing flashes and colors. Dastardos let out an enormous scream that made the lights rattle even more. His scream eventually trailed off into choked sobs.

Once that all ended, Raelyn laid still on the operating table and both Pester and Doctor Stitch burst into laughter.

Now wasn't the time for tears! Dastardos pulled himself together and let out a mighty roar. He produced a much larger version of The Whacking Stick out of thin air, and went to town on the two of them.

Dastardos made quick work of the villains, and soon they were lying on the floor in a heap and Dastardos unstrapped Raelyn from the table, gently lifting her body off of it and holding her close.

"No…" he choked. "I can't lose one of the only things I have left…Raelyn…stay with me!"

As if on cue, Raelyn floated out of his arms, lighting effects following her as she floated upward. Dastardos looked up at her in wonder.

"What…what is that Sour serum _doing_ to you?" Dastardos said in wonder, his voice barely a breath.

The lights went down for a moment and when they came back on a moment later, Raelyn had been completely transformed.

The audience gasped, including Niles, despite how absurd everything was.

"How did they _do_ that?!" he whispered frantically to Avalon. "That was cheesy, but it was _cool!"_

"Lots of money," Avalon gave him a pat on the arm. "Lots and _lots_ of money."

Raelyn floated down back to the ground. Her mask had changed to a shade of red, her hair had become long and silver, and she was suddenly wearing a tattered green and black dress. Her mask had developed sharper angles and was now colored bright red with black accents. Her long, silver hair reminded Niles of a more buxom version of a certain someone.

"Holy doppelgangers, Sherbatman…" he blinked, cocking his head to the side.

"Wot?" Avalon asked, giving him a look.

Niles cleared his throat. "Nothing."

Dastardos reached out his arms and caught the new Raelyn, his mouth open in shock. Raelyn fluttered open her black-lined eyes and revealed that they were now glowing bright blue. "Das…tardos?" she whispered, her voice breathy.

"Raelyn…" Dastardos took in a deep breath and burst into a smile. "You're _alive!"_

"I feel…I feel _amazing…"_ Raelyn stood up and ran her fingers through her hair. "Whatever they tried to do to me _backfired!_ I feel better than ever now!"

"You might feel good, but…" Dastardos bit his lip. "You've been Soured…the Village would never accept you as you are now…not to mention you'll have Pester and that evil doctor after you…" He looked away from Raelyn, his eyes filling up with tears. "You're the world's first Sour Human."

The audience gasped yet again. Eddie almost launched out of his chair.

Niles snorted at that one, earning a raised eyebrow from Avalon that he didn't notice.

"Well, then, I guess we'll just…" Raelyn made eye contact with Dastardos. "…have to run away together. That is, if you'll have me."

"I'll gladly have you…" Dastardos removed his mask again and gave Raelyn a kiss on her black-painted lips. When they broke apart, they burst into another song. When they reached the lyric _"You're the sweetness in my life"_ Niles was about ready to rage quit the theater.

The song went on for five minutes and Niles mumbled under his breath "Dear God, just _go_ already!" As if the actors could hear him, they ended the song shortly after, shared another kiss, and ran out of Pester's lair, holding hands.

The curtains rose again to reveal the two of them with a small girl, also with long grey hair, beaming happily. Raelyn had a rather prominent baby bump under her torn dress as well.

"I promise…" Dastardos took Raelyn's hands and looked into her eyes. "I'll give you and our children a wonderful life…it will be anything but normal, though."

"I wouldn't have it any other way…" Raelyn gave Dastardos a small kiss on the lips and picked up the little girl. The happy family walked off into the sunset to a dramatic tune from the orchestra.

A spotlight shone on the backdrop and the words _FIN_ adorned the orange sky. The curtain dropped, and then the entire cast came out to take their bows to an upbeat version of the opening number.

Everyone in the theater rose in a standing ovation, minus Niles and Avalon, who just shared a glance.

"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" Niles asked Avalon, a look of dread on his mask.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos was glad the show was over and he could be called by his own name in the narrative again.

"Blimey…that sure was a play…" Dastardos' brows were arched and he was frowning intensely. "And by 'a play' I mean a gaggle of bobbins!"

"Not the best introduction to musical theater, 'uh?" Avalon laughed in spite of herself. "I take it yew won't want to be seeing any other plays?"

"CRUMPETS, no! Not in this lifetime!" Dastardos shook his head as if Avalon had just asked him if he wanted a Dastardos Shovel through his chest cavity.

"Yew're no fun…" Avalon's eyes traveled over to an enormous sign over a stage door that read _"MEET THE ACTORS!'_ "But yew know what WOULD be fun? That!" Avalon enthusiastically pointed to the sign.

Dastardos squinted in an attempt to read the sign, and he groaned when he finished. "Avalon, can we…" Dastardos grumbled in his own voice. "_Not_ do that?"

"Up-up-up!" Avalon shook a finger at him. "What 'appened to 'Niles?'"

Dastardos huffed and corrected himself. "Good bint, can we _not_ partake in ballyhoo with the players? I fear I may rip out their flobbleguts and show them off in the town square!" He feigned a faint and Avalon sighed.

"Now yew're just making up words…" Avalon shook her head. She quickly forgot about her annoyance when she saw a purple blaze of hair in the corner of her eye.

"Fannie?! Is that Fannie?" Eddie bounced out of the crowd like a Squazzil on coffee, a huge grin on his face. Avalon had a feeling that he was the type of person who got really excited whenever he saw someone he knew in public.

"Holy shit, that _is_ Fannie…" Maxime poked her head out of the crowd, her thick brown brows peeking out of her eyeband. "…whelp, Eddie. I'll be waiting outside. Take all the time you need."

"Aww, Maxime-" Eddie turned around to discourage her, but she had already disappeared back into the throng of people. He let out a huffy breath, folded his arms, and stuck out a hip.

While he was pouting at the place Maxime stood moments ago, Fannie crept up behind him and covered his eyes. "Guess who?"

Eddie jumped a bit, but he recognized that shrill voice instantly. "Fannie?"

"Ding!" Fannie grinned a hideous grin and spun Eddie around toward her.

_Fannie should be banned from grinning…_ Avalon and Dastardos thought in unison.

"Ooh, there's Avalon!" Fannie bounced up and waved up at the much taller woman. "Hiiii, Avalon!"  
"Shit, there's no running away from 'er now…" Avalon grumbled through her teeth. She quickly changed her expression to an obviously forced grin and waved her fingers at Fannie.

"Avalon…" Dastardos tugged on her skirt. "…wot is she _wearing?"_

Avalon's jaw dropped as Fannie ran up to them, practically dragging poor Eddie along by his wrist. Fannie was clad head-to-toe in merchandise that beared the handsome mask of Dastardly's star. A hat, a T-shirt, a skirt emblazoned with the logo, and even official _leg warmers._

Avalon picked her jaw up off the floor and put her false smile back on. "Yew…yew must be a big fan of this show, Fannie!"

"I'll say!" Eddie beamed up at Fannie. "Where can I get some of that swag?"

Fannie pointed to a crowded merchandise booth, a satisfied smile on her mouth flap. Eddie squealed and jetted off towards it.

"You could say I'm a big fan…" Fannie coyly bit the tip of a finger and fluttered her eyes. "Actually…you wanna hear a secret?"

"Sure…" Avalon resisted the urge to step back.

"Okay, first you gotta tell _me_ something!" Fannie bent a bit to make eye contact with Dastardos. "Who's this cute friend of yours, hm?"

Dastardos realized that he was still gripping onto Avalon's skirt in fear of the mailwoman. He blushed a bit and quickly let go, clearing his throat and wiping his hands on his trousers.

"Oh, 'e's just my friend. Know 'im from back in the racing days," Avalon nodded sagely.

"Friend, hmm?" Fannie tapped her mailbox flap. "Ooh, sweetie, if only you were taller…"

Dastardos suddenly felt really happy that the gods saddled him with such a small frame.

"Okay, I'll tell you why I'm here now!" Fannie squealed and struck a pose. "This was the first night I got to see the play I _wrote!"_

"WOT," Avalon staggered backwards.

"WHAT?!" Dastardos shrieked in his normal voice. He quickly covered his mouth, his face blazing. "Um, sorry, miss. I 'ave a bout of Tourettes Syndrome." His eyes bulged out and he suddenly yelled "WOT WOT WOT!" He covered his eyes and feigned immense embarrassment.

"Oh, that's serious…" Fannie looked concerned for a moment before returning to her proud stance. She puffed out her meager chest and grinned again. "I only wrote the book, the music and lyrics were written by my online friend Melody, but oh my _God,_ I never expected it to be as well received as it was!" Fannie had stars in her fishlike eyes. She folded her hands under her chin and looked at Avalon expectantly. "Did you like it? How was my writing?"

"G-great…" Avalon flashed her a shaky thumbs up and discreetly covered Dastardos' mouth with her other hand. She knew better than to insult Fannie to her face. Fannie would spend the entire evening trying to "change her mind," probably with flow charts, diagrams, and quotes from rave reviews about the show.

"Eee!" Fannie hopped in the air with sheer joy. "It was great seein' ya, Avalon! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to meet Melody for victory coffee!" Fannie skipped off into the crowd, humming the opening number to the show.

Avalon slowly took her hand off of Dastardos' mouth and they turned to look at each other. After a few moments of silence, both of them burst into loud laughter.

"Hey, what's so funny?" Eddie's voice broke through their hysterical front. They calmed down, wiping tears from their eyes. Dastardos almost fell over when he noticed the small plush doll of his likeness poking out of Eddie's enormous bag of merchandise. "Are you laughing at this show again? Please, Avalon, I thought you had _class."_ Eddie flicked his bangs and turned his nose up.

"'Ate to break it to yew, pal, but your little girlfriend seemed to find the show 'ilarious, too!" Avalon chortled.

Eddie turned red. "She's not-ugh, never mind. I just want to meet the actors! I'm not letting you hinder my enthusiasm!" Eddie stuck his tongue out at Avalon and traipsed over to the enormous stage doors. He waved Doc Patchingo over to him and began excitedly chattering to him. Patch attempted to escape several times, but Eddie kept pulling him back.

"…eh, Dastardos, yew only live once," Avalon shrugged.

"Oh, don't yew tell me yew're saying that too…" Dastardos pinched the bridge of his mask's nose in irritation.

Avalon ignored that comment. "Let's go meet 'em. Just…don't kill them, okay?"

"I'll try!" Dastardos burst into his trademark lopsided grin. Avalon shook her head and placed a hand on his back, guiding him towards the stage door.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The actors, changed out of their costumes, came out of the stage door a few moments later. A small crowd had gathered around and they began happily shrieking, snapping photos, and asking to get their programs, posters, and soundtracks signed.

"There's Dastardos," Avalon nodded in the general direction of a dark haired young man with a black and white full-face mask. "Yew wouldn't be able to tell in his day-to-day attire, 'uh?"

Dastardos made a face. He wasn't sure how he felt about talking to…himself. He kept his feet planted firmly on the ground.

"He looks like a wuss in real life," Dastardos whispered to Avalon, dropping his accent yet again. "I bet I can sing better than him, too."

Avalon cocked a brow at him and a smile crossed her face. "Really, now?"

Dastardos frowned at her. "Don't expect me to prove it. I get stage fright."

Avalon rolled her eyes at that comment, but figured it would be better not to push it. Taking foolish chances with Dastardos was like digging your own grave.

Eddie had no qualms about talking to Kristopher Sparks. He beamed as brightly as a full moon while Kristopher signed his poster. "A big fan, hmm?" Kristopher gave Eddie a six million Chocolate Coin smile and Eddie nodded so vigorously that Dastardos fully expected his head to pop off. "Glad to see that attractive men are as into me as the women are…" Kristopher purred, winking at Eddie. All the color drained from Eddie's face and he shakily took the poster back from Kristopher. He smiled a doofy smile and squeaked "Thank you…" before fainting. Patch squeaked, reached out, and caught the reeling Eddie. He pried the poster from Eddie's clammy fingers and began to fan him with it.

Kristopher murmured another comment that made Patch turn beet red and almost drop Eddie. Patch promptly began spluttering, unable to form a coherent word.

Dastardos choked. "The guy playing me is a HOMO?!" he whispered frantically to Avalon.

"No, I know a bit about Sparks, 'e's pansexual," Avalon patted Dastardos on the hat. "Like most others on the Island. Apart from yew, of course, Mr. 'Eterosexual."

Dastardos seemed to calm down a bit at Avalon's last comment and she smirked inwardly. She had no idea what made him so adverse to the idea of homosexuality. He must be _heavily_ in denial about the rumors involving him and Patch's relationship.

Speaking of Patch, the man who played his doppelganger had just joined the cast in signing autographs. Turns out the Elephanilla mask was his real one, which surprised Avalon a bit. In Piñata Island musical theater, masks were usually specially made to correspond with the character.

"I want 'is autograph," Avalon snickered. "Must take some serious courage to kiss _yew."_ She whispered that last comment and Dastardos' face erupted into flames.

"That _wasn't me!"_ he protested under his breath. Avalon gave him a patronizing pat on the head and Dastardos' face blazed hotter.

Avalon beckoned the actor over and held out her program for him to sign. He happily obliged and turned to Dastardos once he was done. Dastardos started a bit as the young man's mouth curled into a smile. "You want me to sign yours, too?"

"No, no, no!" Dastardos burst into his fake accent, giving the actor a finger-waggle. "That won't be necessary, mayhaps young man!"

"Oh, you're British?" The actor lit up and folded his hands. "I _love_ British men! I don't usually ask fans this, but do you want to grab a cup of coffee sometime? I'd really love to get to know you better; you seem interesting!" He was positively _gushing__._ His expression was friendly looking and brimming with fascination, but Dastardos didn't care about how nice the actor looked at all.

Dastardos broke. He adopted the most stupid, zombie-like expression as he gazed at Doc Stitch's actor in disbelief.

_Oh, Gordon Bennett… _Avalon slammed a palm into her forehead and slowly brought it down her face. _Is EVERYONE in this cast overtly flirtatious? I wouldn't 'ave brought Dastardos over 'ere if I knew this would 'appen!_

Avalon noticed the crestfallen, confused look on "Stitch's" face and figured it was time for her to stop in.

She took Dastardos' limp arm, gave a nervous grin to Stitch, and said: "Sorry; 'e's with me. 'E 'as some…issues. Better get 'im out of 'ere before 'e starts drooling!" Avalon waved goodbye to the baffled actor and dragged Dastardos off.

Dastardos unbroke when they were far away from the actors. "How _dare_ he hit on me! I should teach him a-" He attempted to run off but Avalon grabbed him by his coat before he could.

"Don't. Do. Anything. You'll. Regret." Avalon's voice and expression were firm as granite.

Dastardos glared up at her over his glasses, his black and white lopsided eyes in full view. "You're. No. Fun."

Avalon was completely unfazed by those creepy peepers of his. "Come on, let's get out of 'ere…" Avalon gave him one final tug on the coat before letting him go.

"Wait…" Dastardos paused, turning his head towards the merchandise stand. "…as horrifying and traumatic as tonight was, this still was a show about…y'know…" He was smirking a bit and he rested a hand on his chest. "I feel like I should get a poster."

Avalon brightened up a bit at his change in attitude and let a chuckle slip. "Why not? Yew deserve one for controlling yourself!"

The two of them headed over to the merchandise stand and bought the biggest, most dramatic poster they had. Dastardos took the bag from Avalon and let a small smile cross his face as he hung it from his shoulder.

His tree's décor could use a poster to brighten things up…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie ran out of the theater at top speed. As splendid as it was meeting the actors, Eddie was eager to meet up with Maxime again! As soon as he threw open the doors, he found her standing against the wall with a bored look on her face. She was absent-mindedly playing with the things in her bag when he walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Ready to go back to the hotel?" Eddie offered her his arm. "I'll happily escort you back to your room!"

Eddie sighed a bit as his mind wandered off. He imagined Maxime taking his arm, the most beautiful smile on her face, as they walked through the darkened city together in the warm night air. Eddie would make sure to walk extra slow so they could spend time together, talking and laughing over their memories of the evening. And then, once they finally reached her room, Eddie would tell her goodbye. Maxime would look down, play with her hair, and finally, stand on her toes and press her mouth against his own-

"Whoa there, buddy," Maxime's voice shattered Eddie's fantasy to bits. "Did you forget our deal? I did something you wanted to do, so we do something _I _want to do." Maxime bared her teeth at Eddie and placed her hands on her hips proudly.

Eddie deflated and pouted at Maxime. "Psh, I was hoping _you_ forgot…what could you _possibly_ want to do _this_ late at night, Maxime?"

"Actually…" Maxime checked the clock on her Alert System. "It doesn't start until about fifteen minutes from now! It's just some…late night entertainment. I'm sure you'll find it interesting!" Maxime's tone was teasing.

"Fine…" Eddie rubbed his tired eyes. "A gentleman always honors his promises. Where is this place?"

"Follow my lead!" Maxime began darting up the street, still full of energy despite the late hour. "Believe me, Eddie, this is going to be a _blast!"_

Eddie suddenly had a very, very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

_Oh, Hell…_


	10. Eddie's Shock

Eddie didn't like the looks of the neighborhood he and Maxime were wandering through.

Every building was run down, most of the street lamps were burnt out, and there were far too many people sleeping on the sidewalks and benches for Eddie's liking. Trash was strewn all over the streets and the air reeked like pee and rotten food. Eddie clung to Maxime's shoulders for dear life as he looked around in sheer terror. She tried to shrug him off at first, but he had an absolute vice grip on her. She sighed and kept shuffling him along without complaining.

"Maxime, this neighborhood is absolutely _disgusting!"_ Eddie hiss-whispered, his voice shaky. "What on _Earth_ could you want to see that's in a place like this?!

"First of all, this neighborhood is absolutely _nothing_ compared to my older brother Grant's room," Maxime chuckled at her own little joke. "Second of all, didn't I say you'll see when we get there?" Maxime looked back at Eddie and smiled at him.

Eddie felt his heart melt into a puddle of jelly as he smiled back. For a fleeting moment Maxime's flawless smile made him forget all of the filth around him. Though Eddie instantly resumed looking around like a frightened Robean the second she turned back around.

"Almost there…" Maxime increased her stride in her anticipation. "I memorized the directions to this place; I've been dying to go for _ages!"_

Eddie racked his brain for the kinds of things Maxime enjoyed in hopes of guessing where on Earth they were going…

…Eddie's brain almost blew a fuse when he realized he had absolutely _no idea_ about what Maxime was interested in. He knew she could sew and she loved big piñatas, but that was it…he had fallen in love with her looks and not her brain. What kind of man _was_ he?

"…hey, Eddie? Are you _crying?"_ Maxime turned to look at Eddie, one eyebrow cocked in disbelief.

"I am _not!"_ Eddie sniffled. He had just got a bit misty…he thought he was _smarter_ than this! He looked down at Maxime's inquisitive face and felt something stir inside him. He would make it his _mission_ to learn more about her. He couldn't make himself fall _out_ of love…he was already in way too deep!

Eddie swallowed and blinked back tears. Maybe going along with Maxime tonight would teach him what he needed to know…something good would come out of letting his expensive shoes touch the disgusting concrete of this sorry excuse for a neighborhood…

"Oh boy, we're finally here!" Maxime's thrilled voice broke Eddie out of his thoughts. When Eddie was spacing out, Maxime had led him down an alleyway with an enormous set of stone stairs at the end. The stairs descended underground and Eddie could hear a muffled din of loud voices coming up from the darkness.

"Here…right!" Eddie put on a false grin. "Well…shall we go?"

Maxime narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't look like you're about to walk into your death, Eddie. I went to that dumb play, so you have to come here. That was the deal!"

"I know, and I'm ready and willing!" Eddie nervously straightened his tie.

Maxime sighed. "If you say so, buddy…" With that, she began descending the stairs.

Eddie felt a brief urge to make a run for it and then mentally kicked himself. He was doing this for a _lady._ A rough and tumble lady, but a _lady_ nonetheless!

He descended the stairs after Maxime, swallowing a lump in his throat. This night was going to be…trying. He could feel it in his bones…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie nearly fainted when he and Maxime finished walking down the stairs. They opened up into an enormous underground room that was _filled_ with people. People who Eddie usually wouldn't _dream_ of associating with. Almost all of them were dressed in dark colors, they were louder and pushier than a herd of agitated Elephanillas. The room was thick with smoke and stunk like Smelba.

There was a gigantic ring in the center of the room surrounded by a chain-link fence that most of the people were crowded around, whooping and cheering. In the ring were two Limeoceri with their horns locked. Both of the Limeos were gold variants and appeared to be poorly sewn back together hundreds of times. On two elevated platforms on either side of it were a burly-looking young man with a thick beard sticking out of the bottom of his blue mask, and-

Eddie had to rub his eyes and check again just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

The other person was an exceptionally tiny woman. She wore a long Zumbug patterned dress and a half-mask to match. Her almond-shaped eyes were outlined in thick black eyeliner and she wore her jet black hair in a long, swishy ponytail that reached halfway down her back.

"Maxime…" Eddie tugged on her arm and pointed to the young woman. "Who's _that?"_

Maxime almost chuckled at the dopey look on Eddie's face. Of _course_ he would notice the most attractive thing in the room right away…

"She's _gorgeous_, huh?" Maxime's brown eyes filled with stars and she actually folded her hands under her chin. That girlish stance was normally something Maxime would _never_ be caught in, but she admired this woman beyond belief! "Her name is Sayuri Yoshida. I've been following her website for _years,_ she's one of the biggest names in piñata fighting!" Maxime sighed in adoration. "She's my _idol!_ The very reason I love big piñatas as much as I do!"

_"What?!"_ Eddie was stuck on the words "piñata fighting." "This is a piñata fighting ring?! Maxime, this is _illegal!_ If my father found out I could get in serious trouble, be _forbidden_ to speak with you ever again, be _so_ disrespected that no one would join the P-Factor! I'd have to leave town, start a new life, and-what is that?"

Eddie's rant came to a screeching halt when Maxime reached into her purse and held a long white _thing_ up to Eddie's face.

"Light it up and stick it in your mouth," Maxime said as if it were the easiest thing in the world. "It will work that stick out of your ass in _no time._"

_"Maxime!"_ Eddie placed his hand over his heart and his jaw plummeted right to the floor. "Is that _mary-wanna?!_ Why would you even _have_ such a thing?! Get that away from me this _instant!_"

"Cripes, Eddie, who are you, my dad?" Maxime rolled her eyes and lowered the joint away from Eddie's face.

"You aren't going to smoke…are you?" Eddie looked a bit nervous. He had never been around anyone who was high, and he was more than a bit frightened of what those horrid chemicals would do to someone like Maxime.

"You kidding me?" Maxime chuckled a bit. "I wanna be stone cold sober! Like I said earlier, I've wanted to come here all my life!"

Eddie let out a long sigh of relief. "Good…" He still looked more than a little jittery.

"Seriously, you need to loosen up…" Maxime stealthily slipped the joint into Eddie's messenger bag. "Just try not to think. It'll make things easier!" She grinned at him and clapped him on the back.

"Easier said than done…" Eddie turned his eyes back to the tiny woman yelling out commands to her Limeocerous. The confident way she was standing and the gigantic toothy smile on her face…man, she really reminded him of Maxime…

Eddie snapped out of his trance when an enormous Sarsgorilla showed up in his peripheral vision. He turned towards it just in time for it to loom over him. Much to Eddie's immense shock, the Sarsgorilla opened its mouth and started to speak.

"You lookin' at my girl, fairy boy?" The Sarsgorilla picked up Eddie by his shirt collar. Eddie let out a gigantic squeak and his jaw dropped once he realized that this wasn't a Sarsgorilla at all. It was an _enormous_ man with a frighteningly accurate Sarsgorilla mask on, built like a brick wall and nearly eight feet tall. Eddie wriggled around like a fish on a line in an attempt to get away from him, but this man's grip would not be broken. "You wanna fight me for her?" The mouth of the man's mask turned up into a smug smile. "I could snap you like a _toothpick,_ kid!"

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and waited for his life to end.

"HEY!" Maxime's voice broke through the din of the crowd. Everyone went silent and turned to look at her. They instantly became _very_ interested in what was going on once they noticed skinny little Eddie about to have his ass kicked by an _enormous_ Sarsgorilla of a man.

"Put him down!" Maxime stomped a foot impudently as she glared up at Sarsgorilla Man.

Sarsgorilla Man glared back at her for five full seconds before throwing his head back and laughing, shaking poor Eddie like an old rag doll. Eddie let out a whimper and looked down at Maxime, manic desperation in his violet eyes.

"Ha, that's a good one, little lady!" Sarsgorilla Man wiped his eyes with his free hand. "What's someone like you doing with a pussy like this, huh? I could talk Sayuri into-OOF!"

While he was busy monologueing, Maxime had slammed her knee right into his crotch. Sarsgorilla released his grip on Eddie as he doubled over in pain. Eddie landed ass-first on the pavement and softly groaned, curling up into a little ball.

The crowd was stunned silent for a moment, but promptly burst into whistles and cheers once they processed what had just happened. Maxime beamed and her cheeks went rosy. She might have just knocked over her idol's boyfriend, but hey, it was a hell of a first impression!

The crowd suddenly parted and Sayuri stepped through, her high heels clacking on the concrete. Maxime felt her heart fall into her stomach. _Oh, shit…_ Things would take a turn for the worse if Sayuri felt the need to knock out Maxime for hurting her boyfriend…

Sayuri made eye contact with Maxime, covered her mouth, and let out a series of rough chuckles. Maxime almost passed out from sheer relief.

"She got you good, huh, Lars?" Sayuri said between snickers. She strolled over to her boyfriend and put a hand on his arm, but he swatted her away.

"Who does she think she is; bringing a guy with a _purse_ to a place like this?" Lars seethed, glaring at Eddie, who was still in a shaky heap on the ground. "Just _look_ at him. Pathetic!"

"It's a messenger bag…" Eddie squeaked, but no one heard him over the crowd's laughter.

Sayuri glared at the crowd and they instantly shut up. She reached into her purse, pulled out an enormous brown cigar, and lit it. "Hey, sweetie, you're brave, coming here with a guy like that…" Sayuri puffed the cigar once and smiled at Maxime. "He wouldn't exactly do a good job protecting you if the going got tough, right? Glad to see a girl who can take care of herself." She clenched the cigar between her teeth and held out her dainty hand to Maxime.

Maxime eyed her hand with sheer disbelief. _Sayuri Yoshida,_ a woman that she had only _read about,_ just complimented her and wanted to shake her hand.

Maxime snapped out of it and gave Sayuri the firmest handshake she could muster in her starstruck haze. She probably had the stupidest look on her face, but she didn't care. Her hand was still tingling when she withdrew it from Sayuri's.

"I'm a big fan," Maxime smiled bashfully at Sayuri. Shy smiles weren't her usual thing, but she couldn't help herself. "I just came here to _see_ you, but I didn't expect to be complimented by you! Thanks, it means a whole lot! I love what you do and-"

"Sweetie, believe me, I _love _receiving compliments as much as the next girl, but you might want to help your boyfriend up," Sayuri said around her cigar, nodding in Eddie's direction.

"We're just friends, Sayuri…" Maxime shook her head, but she headed over to help poor Eddie up anyway.

Eddie leaned on her shoulder, his legs wobbling like a newborn Chocstrich's as Maxime hauled him to his feet.

"Maxime, I wanna go home…" Eddie whispered to her. Maxime almost groaned. He looked like a frightened little Galagoogoo that had ventured too deep into the jungle. Eddie was a sorry excuse for a man; Maxime couldn't _believe_ that Sayuri had assumed that she was dating a guy like him.

"Eddie, apart from you almost getting your ass kicked to high heaven, tonight has been _amazing_ for me," Maxime whispered right back, barely disguised irritation in her voice. "At least let me enjoy my time here just for a _little_ bit? No one will mess with you for the rest of the night. I _promise."_

Eddie knew very well that Maxime couldn't control the actions of others, and with all of the burly men around, that promise probably wouldn't hold true…

…but her voice and expression were completely sincere. How could Eddie say no to a face like hers?

Not to mention Eddie wouldn't _dream_ about leaving a beautiful girl in a place like this! She could be hurt or defiled, and he'd NEVER forgive himself if he left without her!

Eddie put on a pale, broken grin. "Okay," he squeaked, his voice half an octave higher than usual.

"Atta boy," Maxime gave him two firm pats on the shoulder. "You really do need to loosen up, though. Are you _sure_ you don't want a joint?"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Half an hour passed as sluggishly as a sick Shellybean in quicksand.

Eddie couldn't believe how _barbaric_ everyone here was! It seemed like every three seconds an argument or a fistfight would break out in the crowd, not to mention all of these sorry excuses for human beings had _awful_ vocabularies. Eddie didn't think it was possible for someone to swear five times in one sentence. This crowd of rapscallions proved him otherwise.

The piñata fighting was even _worse._ It was mostly big piñatas or smaller, but still fearsome ones. They would fight aggressively and a tall man in an odd cash register shaped mask would take bets. The piñatas would snarl, tear off each others' limbs, and send candy flying all over the place like a sugary explosion of bullets. Paper flew into the crowd and stuck to the hair and clothes of the observers. Every time a piñata swiped at its opponent, the crowd would erupt into obnoxious cheers that pounded unpleasantly into Eddie's ears. _Ugh._

Maxime screamed with glee when a Sour Cocoadile tore one of the heads off of a Fourheads and sent it skyward. Eddie gasped, raising his hands to his mouth. He couldn't _believe_ someone would let such a beautiful piñata be torn to shreds by a Sour for _entertainment!_ How on Earth did someone even manage to keep a Sour Piñata as a _pet?_ The only person Eddie ever met who could wrangle a Sour was Dastardos, and that towering young man with the surprisingly perfect smile _certainly_ wasn't the grim reaper of piñatas!

To make matters even worse, Maxime kept getting hit on. Random guys would tell her that they were much better than "the sissy boy" she came in with or make lewd comments. Much to Eddie's relief, Maxime usually ignored them or gave them a chastising glare. Eddie wouldn't know what to do if she was receptive to guys like _that_ flirting with her…

The next round had Sayuri's Jeli against a Sour Limeocerous. The latter's trainer was covered with bruises and cuts, and even had what looked like a prosthetic left arm. Despite his infirmities, he had a great air of confidence about him as he led his snarling piñata into the ring.

Maxime burst into a grin. "Ooh, I'm gonna go make a bet on Sayuri's Jeli!" She went to run off towards the betting table, but Eddie grabbed onto the back of her dress before she could.

"Don't be so foolish with your money, Maxime!" Eddie scolded, his voice low. "_Gambling?_ Didn't you say that money is tight with your family?"

Maxime snorted. "Eddie, it's my money, and I'll do what I want with it." She pulled Eddie's hand off of her dress and let a smile cross her lips. "I _know_ I'll win this one. Sayuri only lost _one_ match, and I happen to know for a fact that her opponent cheated!"

Eddie gave Maxime a look of disapproval, but she completely ignored him and went running to make her bet. Eddie slumped in defeat and waited for her to come back.

A few minutes later, the match began. Maxime had returned to Eddie's side, clutching her ticket and grinning at the ring. Eddie's stomach had triple knotted itself and his heart was beating ridiculously fast. He wasn't the one who had made the bet, but the very _thought_ of Maxime losing her money…he couldn't _bear_ to see her with a look of crushed disappointment on her face! He'd surely cry if that happened…and God only knows what the brutes here would do to him if he did!

The Sour Limeo rammed into the Jeli, tearing an enormous hole in its stomach using its sharp horn. Eddie sucked in an enormous gasp and Maxime yelled "COME ON!"

Eddie covered his eyes and braced himself for the worst…

_RRRRRRRRIIIIIIP!_

Eddie peeked through his fingers just to see what that horrible noise was. He almost cried out from sheer relief when he saw that Sayuri's Jeli had torn the head of the Sour Limeo clean off.

Sayuri snickered and gave her cigar a victory puff. Her opponent tore at his red hair and looked like he was ready to walk over there and punch that smug look right off of her face. He locked eyes with Sayuri's boyfriend for a brief second and then decided that probably wasn't the best idea.

Most of the audience began cursing and complaining since they had blown huge sums of money betting on the Sour Limeocerous. A small fraction, including Maxime, cheered and ran to the betting table like Sherbats out of Hell.

Maxime ran back to Eddie with a ridiculously fat bag of Chocolate Coins. She was all smiles as she waved it in his face.

"I was scared I wouldn't win for a second there, but I DID!" Maxime shouted gleefully. "Twenty five thousand chocolate coins, right here!" She hugged the money to her chest, her eyes glimmering.

"Not so loud! Someone here might mug you…" Eddie placed his thumb in his mouth as he nervously looked around at the crowd around him.

Maxime gave Eddie a flat look. "You are such a buzzkill, Edward Lizard." She pinched his arm a little too hard and he yelped.

Eddie bit his lip and rubbed where Maxime pinched him. "Fine, Maxime. I'm very happy for you. I mean that." Eddie put on the most charming grin he could in surroundings like this.

Maxime smiled back at him. "That's more like it." She gave his arm an affectionate pat. "Just one more hour? Then we can go."

Eddie gave that careful thought, bobbing side to side as he pondered. "…okay, for you."

"You're a good guy!" Maxime gave him a half-hug and Eddie almost melted into a puddle. It wasn't a full hug and it was ridiculously quick, but it was _way_ more affection than Maxime had ever shown him before! Eddie blushed and smiled, barely even processing the fact that Maxime ran off to talk with Sayuri again.

Sure, Maxime wasn't the kind of person he usually got along with. She was brash, loud, rough, and brave to a fault…but she had a great sense of humor, confidence, and a wonderfully endearing excitable nature. Eddie might have fallen in love with her looks, but after learning a bit more about her…he certainly wasn't going to give up.

His whole body still felt warm from Maxime's half-hug. That one little bit of affection gave him faith that their relationship might actually go somewhere one day…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Professor Pester sat curled up in the corner of the rickety elevator, lethargic and miserable. He had been stuck here for what felt like _weeks,_ his stomach was practically eating itself and he had been reduced to quietly crying in the corner. He had attempted to Alert Dastardos hundreds of times in hopes that he would come to rescue him, but to no avail. Every time he Alerted Dastardos, he got the same message:

_ "If this is Pester, I'm busy. If this is anyone else, how the fuck did you get this number?"_

The fact that Pester's underling didn't give a care about him bothered him more than he thought it would. This was _no way_ for an evil villain to act! No one would find him intimidating if they knew about _this…_

_I'm going to die in here…_ Pester realized, clutching the fabric of his zoot suit in a fist. _This is no end for a villain of my caliber…I'll be the laughing stock of the Evil League of Evil!_

Pester let out a roar of anger and punched the metal wall of the elevator so hard that he made an enormous dent. The entire elevator car shifted and suddenly started moving downward again.

Professor Pester leapt to his feet, completely energized, and jumped for joy. "YES YES YES! Finally I can prowl the streets of Poprockolis! Professor Pester's _back,_ baby!" He threw his head back and burst into an evil laugh as the doors to the elevator opened.

"Whatever you're on…" the obese woman behind the desk blinked slowly at Professor Pester. "…I want some."

Professor Pester ignored her and strolled out the creaky door, grinning ear to ear.

"First order of business…" Professor Pester snickered to himself. He was so used to speaking out loud as he thought in his evil lair that it didn't occur to him that it might not be acceptable to think aloud in public. "…is to go and get some food. Then I find myself a beautiful buxom woman to spend the night with!" He rubbed his hands together and practically skipped down the cracked sidewalk.

_Who needs Dastardos anyway?_ Pester thought as he pranced. _I'll enjoy myself much more without him mucking things up!_


	11. The Bonboon's Bum

Dastardos settled down on the enormous cushioned windowsill overlooking the view of the city.

He never expected to find himself in Avalon's room. He had nowhere else to go, so, after melodramatically claiming that he had "nowhere else to go," Avalon said he could spend the night in her room as long as he "didn't try anything funny." Dastardos had to admire Avalon's guts; he couldn't think of _any_ sane person who would allow the Grim Reaper of piñatas to stay in a room with them while they were _sleeping._

Avalon had passed out on the room's canopied king size bed soon after they had gotten there. That stupid play must have bored her to tears…Dastardos didn't exactly blame her. He also didn't blame her for keeping her mask on while she slept. Not many people would want someone like Dastardos to see their face, one of the most intimate parts of their body.

Ugh, Dastardos felt his face getting hot at that thought. He knew he didn't have any _feelings_ for Avalon, that would just be foolish, wishful thinking. Still, he never did get to see anyone else's face-well, anyone who wasn't Pester or his family's from his childhood. He could barely remember what his family looked like without their masks on, though…Seedos had refreshed his memory last November, but that still wasn't the same as a romantic mutual unmasking.

It is customary to hide your face from the world on Piñata Island. No one knew exactly why that tradition started, but it still holds true. People on Piñata Island couldn't _imagine_ life without their masks; more conservative people always react scandalously to imported media. Couples in love show their faces to each other as a milestone in their relationship. After falling in love with one another's personalities, they could finally gaze upon each other's true faces. As a result, much of the love on Piñata Island was genuine and strong, and the divorce rate was almost nonexistent.

Ugh, all of that romantic stuff made Dastardos sick. He'd never get to unmask anyone, anyway. It was stupid to even think about.

He had to clear his brain of all this mush. He took a deep breath, held it, and floated through the window.

Avalon's room was at the very top of the hotel, so Dastardos made it onto the roof with ease. The night air blowing through his hair was refreshing, and he let a smile cross the mask of his disguise.

He gazed down at the city below him. It was late at night, but the city was still active as ever. The lights of the city were dazzling; every single color on the spectrum dotted the cityscape and lit up the night. Much to Dastardos' irritation, they also blocked out most of the stars, but the cityscape was just as dazzling as any starry sky…and much more active.

Dastardos had good ears, so he could hear what was going on in the city despite the immense height of the hotel roof. People were talking and laughing as they walked down the street, he could make out the bass thumping in clubs, and he heard the droning of Piñata Island's famous blimp as it drifted over the city.

"Now _this_ is much more fun than going to see a lame musical…" Dastardos reached behind his head and undid the strap of his mask. "I think I could do this forever…" he said to himself as the cool night air hit his bony, uncovered face. He tucked his mask into his jacket and leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees.

Dastardos felt a familiar feeling well up in his chest. He spent many moments in his childhood sitting on the edges of cliffs with the wind in his uncovered face. It was probably dangerous for a young boy like him to go wandering off into the forest to find a place to think.

Come to think of it, Dastardos didn't really have much of a sense of danger back when he was Stardos. He was stupidly brave, he was always up for taking risks, and he never thought about the consequences of his actions.

If only he had…

Dastardos shook his head around to dismiss those bad, bad thoughts. He came out here to _clear_ his head, not to fill it with horrifying flashbacks to his transformation. Dastardos let out a small sigh and let himself be overtaken by the sights of the city lights.

Dastardos stayed up there all night, eventually marveling at the sight of the sun rising over the city. Dastardos would never admit it, but he really did appreciate the beauty of nature. His love of nature was one of the traits that stayed after his corruption. Stardos would stay outside at all times, even sleeping in the garden some days. He never found himself wanting anything fancy, he just wanted to be outside with his Macaraccoon and work in the garden. Those days were long gone now, though. Dastardos saw no sense in dwelling on them.

Dastardos put his mask back on and let a small smile cross his lips. Time seemed to move faster when he wasn't having a godawful time. Anything was better than doing the bidding of Pester and having to deal with sniveling gardeners.

Dastardos flew back through the window like it wasn't even there.

Someone in the building next door witnessed that little feat, and grumbled to themselves about having to get their medication changed.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Once Avalon had gone through an excruciatingly long morning routine, she turned to Dastardos with a cheeky grin.

"Looks like yew didn't take off last night!" she snickered, flipping a long hunk of dark hair off her shoulder. "Yew really _are_ full of surprises…"

"Hey, I take offense to that," Dastardos tipped his sunglasses down to glare at her, but once again, her expression didn't even falter for a moment. Damn, Avalon was tough, especially for a woman. Female gardeners usually screamed at the sight of him…or sent him love letters, but Dastardos didn't like to even think for a _second_ about the latter. "So, uh, what are we doing today?"

"I actually wanted to wander around until we find a place to eat breakfast," Avalon adjusted the skirt of her dress a bit. "That is, if _yew_ don't mind."

"Don't say 'yew' like that," Dastardos smirked at Avalon despite his harsh tone, placing his hands on his bony hips. "I might actually be gone when you wake up in the morning next time."

Avalon rolled her eyes and headed for the door. Dastardos tailed after her, walking a bit more normally than he did the previous day. He was getting the hang of actually using his legs rather than having them dangle in the air at all times.

"Wot did yew do last night, anyway?" Avalon asked as she pushed the door open.

"Oh, you know…" Dastardos shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "This and that."

Avalon paused with one foot out the door to shoot Dastardos an accusing squint. "Yew didn't touch any of my things, did yew?"

"Wouldn't _dream_ of it," Dastardos shook his head vigorously. "I'd like to keep my limbs attached, thank you."

"Smart man," Avalon half-smiled at him before turning back to the door. "Come on, then, let's get going."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The elevator from the top floor took about ten years to reach the overdecorated lobby. Dastardos crossed his fingers that this one wouldn't get stuck like the last elevator he rode on. He couldn't exactly ditch Avalon like he did with Pester, and not to mention being stuck in an elevator with her would be horribly, _horribly_ awkward. It luckily didn't happen, and they were out on the street in next to no time.

"Wot are yew in the mood for?" Avalon asked Dastardos as they strolled down the sidewalk.

"Didn't I tell you?" Dastardos blinked at her from behind his sunglasses. "I don't eat. I couldn't if I wanted to. My stomach's like a tattered sack of tissue. Can't hold _anything_ in this thing." Dastardos patted his concave belly. "Thankfully, I don't actually _need_ to eat or drink."

"Yew are…" Avalon turned to look at him, one brow of her mask arched. "…a complete enigma, Mr. Reaper."

Dastardos' eyes bulged and he shushed her. "How many times do I have to tell you; don't call me that here!" He folded his arms and Avalon thought that he looked like a petulant little child who was just told he couldn't have cookies until after dinner.

"Fine, fine…" Avalon huffed as she continued walking. Dastardos really _was_ an enigma. He could go from sarcastic to snippy at the drop of a hat.

Dastardos saw something across the street and his jaw dropped for a brief moment. He pulled his hat down over his face and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Wot-" Avalon began, but she was cut off by Dastardos shushing her. Avalon turned her head to where Dastardos was looking moments before, and saw Doctor Patch on a bench eating an ice cream cone.

"_Shit,"_ Avalon grabbed Dastardos' arm. "'e was acting weird when 'e saw yew at the play! If 'e sees us, we're done for!" she whispered frantically. "My reputation will be ruined if 'e outs yew!"

"Don't say 'outs!'" Dastardos glared up at her.

Avalon quickly looked around until she saw a café on the corner of the block. It looked like a French bistro, with umbrella tables outside and fancy windows.

"There!" Avalon practically picked Dastardos up and ran him to the café. She pushed the door open with her hip and let out a sigh of relief once the two of them were safely inside.

"That was a close one…" Avalon wiped the forehead of her mask.

"I'll say…" Dastardos didn't sound the least bit tired or shaken. "I _really _don't want to deal with that loser when I'm on vacation."

Dastardos' good eye flitted around the place they stumbled into. It seemed to be a café…but where were all the people? _This place is deader than I am…_ Dastardos thought with the slightest of smirks.

There were about twelve empty tables in the center of the room and the café was colored dully. Over the counter was an enormous sign that read _THE BONBOON'S BUM._

Dastardos squinted and read the sign. "…am I reading that wrong?" he whispered to Avalon.

"Nope," Avalon shook her head. "That says 'The Bonboon's Bum.'"

"Eugh," Dastardos shuddered audibly. "Glad I don't eat. I wouldn't eat anything here if you paid me."

"Well, I'm going to eat," Avalon patted her empty stomach. "I'm so 'ungry I'd eat _anything._ 'Oo knows? Maybe this place will be good…"

"Don't count on it…" Dastardos groused. Avalon shook her head at him before heading up to the counter. Dastardos sat down at an empty table and rested his chin in his hands.

Strangely, the counter was unmanned. There were several coffee machines and a huge rack filled with baked goods behind it, but no cashier. Avalon banged on the counter a few times. "'Ello? Is anyone 'ere?" she called into the back room.

Avalon was sure she heard what sounded like a surprised shout from the back room. The set of doors opened slowly, and Avalon's jaw dropped at the sight of the worker that emerged.

"Hello, Avalon," he said, clearing his throat and averting his eyes. Avalon was sure she was imagining things in her shock, but the cheeks of his mask seemed like they had darkened.

He had messy, red hair that flopped down over one eye. He wore an unremarkable apron over a grey and black patterned T-shirt. Avalon knew that mask of his anywhere.

"_Yen?!"_ Avalon managed to choke out.

Dastardos heard her say that and his head snapped over to the counter. He had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing. That stupid ginger's brother was working in a place called _The Bonboon's Bum?!_ He really _had_ hit rock bottom!

Yen was stunned for a few moments. It had been a while since he saw Avalon all dressed up…she looked absolutely _stunning…_that dress hugged her figure in all the right places and the color really brought out her eyes…oh geez, he was staring at her body…_say something!_

"Yup…" Yen finally spoke as he smiled a bit, finally looking up to meet Avalon's eyes. "I…really didn't expect to see anyone I knew come in here…" he admitted, absent-mindedly playing with the hem of his apron. "I'm glad it's you…" he admitted, the cheeks of his mask darkening further as he broke eye contact with Avalon. "What are you doing in the city anyway?"

"Oh, _everyone_ is 'ere!" Avalon nodded. "There's a piñata rearing convention in a few days. Edward let us come 'ere for a whole week to enjoy the city before that 'appens."

Yen suddenly adopted an expression as if Avalon had just told him a very, _very_ scary story.

"_Everyone_ is here?" Yen's voice was trembling. "Even _Yoto and my uncle?"_

"Yes, they count as 'everyone…'" Avalon tapped her chin. "Actually, I think they were looking for yew! Said yew disappeared without a trace…is this where yew went to?"

"Yeah, I…" Yen shuffled his feet. "I need to get away from them sometimes, y'know? They're _so_ loud and…uncultured…I took a summer job in the city so I could earn some money and get some space from my family…" Yen blew his bangs out of his eyes and looked up at Avalon, his face actually wearing a look of desperation. Avalon had to take a step back from shock. She wasn't used to seeing Yen not looking bored or tired.

"_PLEASE_ don't tell anyone you saw me here, Avalon!" Yen slammed both palms onto the counter, his voice pleading. "If anyone knew I worked here, well…things would be _so_ awkward! Have you ever been to the store and you saw someone you knew and they came over to talk to you and you never knew what to say?! It would be _just like that_ and I can't stand that kind of-" Yen stopped rambling when Avalon held up a hand.

"Don't worry, Yen, your secret's safe with me." She was smiling, but she seemed a bit shaken. She wasn't used to Yen speaking so many words at once, let alone so quickly.

Yen let out a long breath and his shoulders relaxed. "Thank you, Avalon. I really appreciate that…" He punched himself in the head suddenly. "Oh man, I almost forgot. You probably want coffee or something, right? What can I get you?" Yen smirked a bit. "I don't mean to brag, but the boss says I make the best coffee and tea that he's ever had."

Avalon looked over at the pastries and thought for a moment. "A blueberry muffin, please. I think I'll 'ave coffee too…" She smirked right back at Yen. "Surprise me. I trust your judgment."

Yen blushed at that comment and stared down at the counter. "Sure, I'll do my-"

He was interrupted by a loud British accent piercing the air. "'EY, LUV! WOT'S TAKING SO LONG!? YEW PAYING YOUR BLOODY TAXES TO THE QUEEN?"

Avalon buried her mask in her hands.

"Who's that?" Yen asked; his voice strained. "D-did you come here with someone?"

"Yes," Avalon massaged her forehead for a moment before coming back up from her hands. "Pay 'im no mind. 'E's a little…short tempered."

"Is he your…_boyfriend?"_ Yen's voice suddenly became very very small. His mask turned several shades paler and he had to hold on to the counter to keep from falling over. He never even entertained the possibility that Avalon could be seeing someone! He had admired Avalon from afar for so long, he never even thought that someone else would get to her first! He would _die_ if someone else got to her first…why now? Oh God-

Avalon threw her head back and laughed at Yen's interpretation of her and Dastardos' situation. "No, no, don't make that mask! 'E's a friend of mine. Showing 'im around the city because I owed 'im a favor."

Yen exhaled every last bit of air in his lungs and did his best to regain his cool. He straightened up, flicked his bangs out of his eyes, and leaned an arm on the counter. "Does he want anything?" Yen asked, his voice back to its usual steady tone.

"Niles!" Avalon called over her shoulder. "Yew want anything? This is a coffee place!"

"Nooooo, I shan't 'ave a thing!" Dastardos flapped a wrist at Avalon.

Avalon turned to Yen and shrugged. Yen snickered and moved to a coffee machine.

"You can go sit down, Avalon…" Yen drawled as he began pressing buttons. "It'll be ready soon. I'll bring it to your table."

Avalon nodded and made her way back over to where Dastardos was sitting.

"Geez, what took you?" Dastardos said under his breath, a horrifically bored expression on his mask. "Didn't know that dreary ginger could hold a conversation."

"I 'appen to_ like_ Yen, thank yew," Avalon smoothed her skirt before sitting down across from him. "I 'aden't seen 'im in a while."

"Oh, really?" Dastardos leaned forward a bit. "Didn't know you knew Yen that well. Since when are you two friends?"

Avalon chuckled and looked over her shoulder at Yen, who was meticulously arranging Avalon's order on a tray. "Actually, 'e…"

Avalon trailed off when she noticed Yen pick up the serving dish and head over. She'd have to save the story about how Yen rescued Cid for later.

"All set; I hope you like it…" Yen slipped the tray on the table and Avalon thanked him. "Pay me when you're all done." Yen smiled at her before turning his attention to Dastardos. His lips parted slightly and he tilted his head to the side, squinting his eyes as if he was trying to remember what he wanted to say.

Dastardos sprang to life and adopted his Niles persona. "Why 'ello there, mayhaps young man! Wouldst thou kindly not stare? I am shy as a seabird!" Dastardos shielded his mask with an arm. Something about Yen's piercing gaze was making him uneasy…and he wasn't used to feeling that way.

"Niles…is it?" Yen ran his hand along the table as he walked closer to Dastardos. "Are you _sure_ you don't want anything?" Yen leaned down and whispered right in Dastardos' ear. "Our coffee's strong enough to _wake the dead."_

Dastardos impulsively slapped Yen away. Yen bristled, his hand on the cheek of his mask where he was struck. "Hmm…I'll take that as a 'no,' then…" His demeanor completely changed when he looked at the stunned Avalon, a shy smile crossing the mouth of his mask. "Hey, I'm going to go make myself some coffee and come back. It's _dead_ in here right now and I want to chat with you…so…" Yen trailed off and turned around to head back to the counter without finishing his sentence.

"He _knows,"_ Dastardos pointed several times at Yen's back, a frantic expression on his mask. "He fucking _knows!"_ Dastardos did his best to keep his voice down, but he could barely contain his panic.

"Yew didn't 'ave to slap 'im!" Avalon glared daggers at Dastardos.

"But he _knows!"_ Dastardos punched the innocent table. Avalon expected him to start frothing at the mouth any moment…she _had_ to calm him down before he did something they'd both regret.

"It's _Yen…"_ Avalon shook her head. "Even if 'e does know, 'e won't say anything to incriminate yew. 'E said 'e wants to avoid everyone in town, anyway. Your cover is safe."

Avalon had a point. Dastardos never caught wind of rumors about Yen when he would eavesdrop on the townsfolk. Not to mention Yen was pretty much the only person that Dastardos had never insulted…not to his mask, anyway.

Dastardos relaxed a bit. "If you say so…"

Yen returned a few moments later, a cup of piping hot coffee in his hand. Suddenly, he stumbled forward, limbs flailing, and a caramel-covered wave of coffee completely soaked Dastardos.

"Oh my God, I'm _soooo_ sorry!" Yen put his coffee cup down and righted himself, his voice filled with obviously forced concern. "Are you okay? That must have _hurt…"_

"I'm _fine…"_ Dastardos growled in his normal voice. Avalon frantically made throat-slashing motions behind Yen's back and Dastardos hissed one final "guv…"

"Piping hot coffee and he's fine!" Yen shrugged nonchalantly. "This world gets weirder and weirder every day…" He made eye contact with Dastardos and smiled just the slightest bit.

_THE BASTARD DID THIS ON PURPOSE._

Dastardos seethed and clenched his fists as he looked back at Yen, his jacket, hat, and hair dripping with the bitter-smelling coffee.

Avalon couldn't help herself. Dastardos' expression…he looked like a wet Kittyfloss that just had its tail stomped on…she really, really, really shouldn't have, but she did it.

Avalon _laughed._

She threw her head back and laughed at Dastardos, slamming a fist on the table with tears in the corners of her eyes.

The sound of Avalon's laughter was the final straw. Dastardos stood up, dripping coffee all over the place, and growled: "I'm going to clean up!" He flicked a coffee-covered sleeve at Yen before retreating into the men's room. He paused before opening the door, glared over his shoulder, and flipped Yen off.

Yen sighed and liberated Avalon's napkin to wipe the flecks of liquid off of his face. "That…friend of yours is an interesting fellow…"

"I'm sorry; 'is temper…" Avalon scratched her knuckles since she didn't have any gloves to pick at today. "I shouldn't 'ave laughed. That probably didn't 'elp 'is sour mood."

Yen took a chair that wasn't dripping in coffee and placed his hand on his cheek. "No big deal…but…speaking of sour…"

Avalon folded her arms and gave Yen a serious look "_That_ obvious, 'uh?" Avalon's brow crinkled in worry. "Don't yew _dare_ think any less of me, it's a long story and-"

Yen held up a hand to silence her. "You can spare me. I'm sure you have good reasons…" Yen shifted a bit and tugged at his collar. "He's probably going to kill me, isn't he?"

"Not if I 'ave anything to say about it!" Avalon's voice was filled with determination. "If 'e lays one _finger_ on yew, I swear I'll buy the first Dastardos shovel I see in this city and give 'im a walloping!"

Yen positively glowed. "I was hoping you'd say that…hey, you wanna see something cool?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a partially folded sheet of paper. "I taught myself origami while business was slow…let me show you…"

Avalon brightened and leaned forward. She admired men who were good with their hands…this was going to be interesting!

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Dastardos fumed as he furiously rubbed his jacket with a wet paper towel. He _hated_ the smell of coffee; always did ever since he was a kid. He barely had a sense of smell nowadays but that pungent, strong odor still stung his nostrils. Ugh.

His father used to have a cup of coffee every morning when he was growing up. As his hatred for the man began to grow, so did his hatred for that smell that clung to his beard all day. Ever since he was ten, he thought Jardiniero was egotistical, harsh, and a gigantic jerk.

"I wish they'd find a cure for Jardiniero's legs just so I could cripple him again," Dastardos snarled to his reflection in the mirror as he toweled off his hair. "Ugh, I hate how my mind always goes back to him. Fucking _YEN _is the man of the hour!" Dastardos slammed a fist on the sink. "What's the big idea, just throwing coffee on me like that?! He's lucky I didn't strangle him on the spot!"

Dastardos wrung out his hat so roughly that he heard the seams crack. "He has some _serious_ balls. I could tell that he _knew_ it was me! Well, if you mess with the Reaper, you get the scythe…" Dastardos smirked at himself in the mirror, snickering sinisterly. Ugh, it didn't have the same effect when he was wearing this pansy mask.

His smirk faded away when something began to niggle at the back of his conscience.

_Avalon wouldn't approve if you stormed out and lopped off Yen's head,_ advised Something. _Not to mention murdering someone for spilling coffee on you is seriously disproportionate retribution. You could settle this in a different way, you know._

"A different way, huh…?" Dastardos racked his brain. He was eavesdropping on Avalon and Yen's little conversation earlier, and the memory of Yen's outburst popped into his head.

"_PLEASE_ _don't tell anyone you saw me here, Avalon!"_

Yen had slammed his hands on the counter and gone off into high speed gibberish about how much he would _hate_ to have someone from his home Village as a customer.

"You're going to have quite the surprise, you anti-social little freak…" Dastardos sniggered to himself as he pulled his Alert System out of his pocket. He dialed and held it up to his ear. "Hey, Seedos?" Dastardos' smirk widened so much that it threatened to push the boundaries of his mask. "You'll never _guess_ who I just ran into…"

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Yen's hands were practically a blur as he folded the piece of paper into a picture perfect origami Swanana. It was completely flawless; creases in all the right places and it stood up perfectly on its own.

Avalon smiled and politely applauded Yen. He promptly burst into a blush and pushed the Swanana towards her.

"If you like it, you can have it…" Yen tugged on one of the straps of his apron, suddenly taking immense interest in the wall. "I always wanted to give one of these to someone…my coworkers aren't really interested, so…"

"Thank you, Yen, that's sweet of yew…" Avalon tapped her chin in thought. "But first, can you do me a favor?" She gave Yen a heart melting smile and he nodded vigorously. The boy would put his head in the mouth of a Roario if it would make Avalon happy.

Dastardos slunk out of the bathroom just in time to hear Yen exclaim: "What!? Y-you want my number?!"

Dastardos retreated behind the door and peeked at the two of them. Yen had his back to Dastardos, and Avalon seemed transfixed with something on the table.

"I sure do," Avalon nodded and pushed the origami bird back towards Yen. "Write it right on this Swanana 'ere…"

"I'm honored that you would…never mind, okay, I can do that…!" Yen began to fumble through his pockets for a pen.

Yen sounded like he was positively bursting with joy as the two began to have a hushed conversation. _Wow,_ Dastardos thought with a snort. _Real charmer, there, Yen. You're in for a nasty surprise…_

He quietly lifted his feet off the ground and began floating towards the door.

_Avalon doesn't need me hanging around with __him__ there…_ Dastardos did his best to keep from sniggering. _We'll see how she likes him once he gets some 'visitors' and has a complete mental breakdown!_

He floated through the wall and onto the street, letting his feet hit the concrete. If any pedestrians took notice, they thankfully didn't show it.

Dastardos shoved his hands into his pockets and began to walk away from the Bonboon's Bum, no particular direction in mind.

_Just me and the big city…_ Dastardos thought, the light summer breeze sending his already messy hair every which way. _Avalon won't miss me. Hopefully she won't get killed without me around to be her bodyguard!_

Dastardos couldn't help laughing to himself about that thought. _As if._


	12. Lots of Alert Systems

Dastardos wasn't sure how long he had been walking, but he was sure he was quite a ways away from the Bonboon's Bum…and Avalon and Yen. The farther away he was from those two, the better. Dastardos could practically _smell_ the sexual tension between them and it made his tattered stomach turn.

Yen even had the balls to spill hot coffee all over Dastardos, pissing the reaper off beyond belief. Yen obviously _knew_ who he was; why would he deliberately toss coffee on someone he _knew_ could kill him with his bare hands?

_He was checking,_ Dastardos' conscience nagged. _He was making sure it was you. Any normal guy would have screamed in pain and writhed on the floor. Not you. You just got angry and slightly inconvienced._

Dastardos huffed. He should have thought of that as soon as Yen spilled the coffee on him; it would have thrown that idiot for a loop! But _no._ He had to act like an asshole right off the bat. Of _course._

Still, Dastardos was pissed beyond belief that Yen messed with him. Valid alibi or not, he was going to get revenge on that little shit.

Dastardos pulled out his Alert System and opened his contact list. He scrolled through it before he came across "LOUD GUY."

"Loud Guy" was Bart. During the whole spiel with the new guy in town who was stealing everyone's girls away, Dastardos had collected the numbers of his comrades while they were conspiring to drive the new guy out of town. Of course, Dastardos had his number set to private, so the others never got to see so much of a digit of his Alert System's number. He just never bothered to delete them off his contact list. He he had a feeling that having their numbers might come in handy one day…and oh boy, was he right. He began texting the tinker at top speed.

_"Yn is t the Bonbon's Bum"_

He hit Send and grinned to himself as he leaned against the side of a bright pink brick building. He wondered how Bart would react to being reunited with his long lost nephew…

Dastardos hoped with all his heart that their reunion would include Bart's infamous right hook.

Dastardos' text tone went off a few moments later and he flipped his Alert System open.

_"Who in blazes is this?! That message was utterly incomprehensible! I do believe you have mistaken me for a lady of the night…unless you are one yourself!"_

Dastardos rolled his good eye. Bart texted just like he talked. Dastardos couldn't say the same about himself; he knew very well that he was prone to…the occasional mild typo.

_"No! Yr nepew, Yen, is wrking t a caf caled Teh Bobboon's Bum. Izn't he mising? I fund him"_ Dastardos furiously texted back, his bony fingers a blur. He was doing his best not to think too hard about how Bart could possibly misinterpret his message as one from a prostitute. Dastardos might be considered evil by many, but there are some things even _he _wouldn't want to know.

Bart's next reply took about five minutes to show up on Dastardos' Alert System. It read:

_"Apologies, it took me quite some time to decipher that hideous regurgitation that you call typing. You mean to say you found my missing nephew, and he is working at a place with such an obscene name as The Bonboon's Bum?"_

Dastardos couldn't help reading Bart's texts in his voice. Dastardos and Bart might not have had many one-on-one conversations, but if you hear that man speak one sentence, his voice sticks in your brain forevermore.

Dastardos texted him back _"YES!1!"_

_"Thank you, anonymous (wo)man! I am off to give my wayward nephew a walloping he'll never forget! You should look into typing classes so you cannot be ridiculed by other people you might aid in the future. May good fortune follow you like an STD follows a hooker!"_

"Thank you, Bartholomew…" Dastardos muttered under his breath as he slipped his Alert System back into his pocket. "Hate to admit it, but you always say the wisest of words."

Dastardos continued his aimless ambling down the sidewalk, the smallest of smirks spreading across the mouth of his mask as he imagined Bart and Yen's "heartwarming" reunion.

Oh, how he wished he could be there to see it…

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Bart had his Alert System wedged between his ear and his shoulder as he struggled in vain to get his pack slung across his chest.

_"You've reached Gretchen Fetchem,"_ a recording of the huntress' sultry voice purred. _"Please leave a message or a hunting request after the tone. I'll get back to you as soon as I'm available."_

_Splendid, her voicemail._ Bart wasn't sure he'd be able to tell Gretchen directly that he had to delay their get-together because of a family emergency…as a man who almost married four times; he knew very well that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. None of the previous women in his life were anything like _Gretchen,_ though…

He hated that he had to do this. Yen might be gone when he returned from his outing, and Bart absolutely could _not_ take that risk, even for Gretchen.

Bart finally righted his pack and pressed his palm against the back of his Alert System. "Ahem, felicitations, Miss Fetchem. I regret to inform you that I must delay our one o' clock meeting. A problem has arisen in the family and I must go set it right! Do not fret; this is not a cancellation. We shall reschedule as soon as possible!" Bart nodded sagely despite the fact that Gretchen couldn't see him. "My apologies. I hope you have a splendid day!" Bart hung up after that and smacked his Alert System against his head twice.

"She is going to devour my entire being…" Bart huffed as he grabbed his gigantic hat off of one of the bedposts and fixed it atop his head. He scowled to himself and folded his arms tightly. "Gretchen is not the issue at hand, Bartholomew! You have a prodigal nephew to knock some sense into!" With that, Bart headed out the door with a vengeance, a look of utter determination on his mask.

What on Earth was Yen doing at a _café,_ of all places? Was he _working?_

Bart felt immensely insulted at that thought. He paid Yen for his delivery work for his tinkering service. Was 50 CC a week not enough for the little ingrate? He treated Yen well and gave him room and board out of the kindness of his heart, despite him being legally an adult! Hmph, kids these days…so greedy!

Bart rolled up his sleeves as he headed down the hotel's grand staircase. Yen would receive a talking-to he'd _never _forget. He wouldn't even _think_ about running off from his family ever again!

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Gretchen pursed her lips as she listened to Bart's voicemail, snapping her Alert System shut when it ended and sighing. She was lounging on the couch in her hotel room, her usual mask off and an exfoliating skin treatment in its place.

"They always ditch me eventually…" Gretchen huffed as she scrolled through her contact list. "Not anymore. I'm going to make _sure_ I don't lose this one before it even starts!"

She shook her head at her own actions as she hit Call when she reached the contact she desired. "I can't believe I'm doing this…" she muttered to herself as the phone rang in her ear. This was a new low for her, but she knew very well that you had to take risks in life. You don't capture an Elephanilla by just waiting and watching. You have to take _action._

"Hello?" a baffled voice answered. "Gretchen…you, like, never call me…is this the wrong number…?"

"Petula, this is an emergency." Gretchen took a deep breath to prepare herself for her next sentence.

"Do you know of any good lingerie stores…?"

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Sparcticus and Sahari were having an utterly peaceful, non-chaotic vacation. The two of them had pushed together their two single beds and were sleeping soundly despite not getting the room they expected. Sahari clung to Sparcticus like a koala and his ridiculously long legs hung off the bottom of the bed.

Both of them figured it would be a treat to sleep in, especially after Sahari had dragged Sparcticus to a late night movie as soon as she learned that he had never been to a movie theater. It was an extremely dramatic film about a young boy getting separated from his beloved Kittyfloss. They were happily reunited at the end…and much to Sahari's surprise, Sparcticus cried through the whole entire thing, much to the amusement of a group of young women sitting in front of them.

Sahari woke up first, wiping the sleep from her heavy lidded eyes as she stumbled to the bathroom. She gave her wild hair no more than two strokes with a brush before putting on a pale blue poncho and heading to Sparty's bedside.

"Hey, Sparty…" Sahari jostled one of his broad shoulders and he grumbled a bit in his sleep. "I'm hungry…wanna go see if we can find somewhere to eat?"

"Actually…" Sparcticus mumbled as he yawned and stretched in an attempt to come back to life. "…I was kind of hoping we could stay in today until the sun sets. Get out of the heat and all that…" He slowly blinked his tired eyes as he hoisted himself out of bed. "Enjoy each other's company…" He looked over his shoulder and gave Sahari the slyest smirk he could muster while coming out of his slumber.

"Well, what are we going to do about food, then?" Sahari folded her arms and stuck out her lower lip. "…Not that I'm opposed to spending the day with you, of course!" Sahari shook her head rapidly. She'd been surprised by how easy it was to hurt Sparcticus' feelings. He never came out and said it, but sometimes when he misinterpreted something he'd look a little sad. She couldn't _stand_ that look; it made her feel so damn guilty. She had expected him to be…a bit manlier, but hey, this was his first relationship, after all…

"You can sleep in if you want!" Sparcticus had gotten out of bed and was going through the bag Eddie's mother had packed for him in search of an outfit. "I can go out and get you some food…" He finally settled on an outfit and retreated into the bathroom to get dressed. "I know what you like!" he called from behind the closed door.

Sahari threw back her head and burst into laughter, pounding her tiny fist on the bed in her hysterics.

"What's so funny?" Sparcticus sounded a bit hurt. "I can go get you some food without any problems!"

"Yeah, _right,_ Sparty," Sahari's crazy laughter dissolved into tiny giggles. "Knowing you, you'll get lost in the city all by yourself. Why don't you let me go with you?"

Sparcticus opened the door to the bathroom, now fully dressed, a look of utter determination on his face.

"I know you got blisters from all that walking around yesterday," Sparcticus gestured to Sahari's tiny feet. "I don't want you to get any more hurt." He shook his head. "As the man in your life, it's my duty to get things for you!" Sparcticus thumped a fist into his chest and closed his eyes solemnly.

"Sparcticus…" Sahari chuckled and planted her fists on her meager hips. "I think you've been hanging around Eddie too much. Did you go to him for love advice?" Sahari cocked her head to the side, a knowing smirk adorning her lips.

The cheeks of Sparcticus' mask instantly blazed bright red and he suddenly found a spot on the floor to be an overwhelmingly interesting sight.

"I can read you like a book, big guy," Sahari padded over to him and poked him in the chest. "Come on; let's go together."

"…no," Sparcticus sounded like he had to try really, _really_ hard to refuse Sahari. "I'll be fine." One of his enormous hands completely engulfed Sahari's tiny hands. "Have faith in me?"

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic, Sparty?" Sahari chuckled nervously, her cheeks turning rosy. "It's just food…"

She wasn't gonna lie; having Sparcticus fuss over her like this was…kind of nice. He had completely changed from his cold persona when they first met. She never would have expected _this._

"You know what?" Sahari looked up at her towering boyfriend. "I believe in you. You go ahead." She took a step back and adopted a stern expression. "But you better come back alive!"

Sparcticus absolutely lit up. "You bet I will!" He pulled Sahari into a hug before running out the door at top speed.

Sahari flopped onto the bed and pulled out her Alert System.

"If he's not back in an hour…" Sahari absent-mindedly pushed a few buttons. "…he's going to be receiving a _whole_ lot of calls…"

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Yoto was leisurely walking through the ornate halls of the hotel, the bright red and gold patterns on carpet making him a little dizzy. The doors seemed to go on for miles. Ugh, he couldn't believe he had gotten stuck with a room at the end of the hall. At least he could call Avalon to pass the time during his dangerous trek down The Hall That Never Ends.

"'Ello?" Avalon's all-too-familiar British accent said on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Avvie!" Yoto said enthusiastically, pausing to lean against a wall. "I was wondering if you wanted to join me and Storkos for lunch! I found a reeeeeeally awesome sushi place! I never tried sushi, is it good?"

"Ohhh, I'd love to come!" Avalon was having some serious mixed feelings about that whole thing. On one hand, she loved both Yoto and Storkos as people, but together, they were absolutely _nauseating__._ They'd finish each other's sentences, give each other long, lingering looks, go on and on about how _wonderful_ they found one another_…_She'd need some time to brace herself before she went out to eat with _them._ "I'm kind of busy right now, though, Yoto. Can it be a little later in the day?"

"Will you be busy in an hour?" Yoto asked, absent-mindedly picking an ear with a pinkie finger.

"An 'our sounds good to me!" Yoto imagined Avalon nodding. "I really must be going though, Yoto. Text me a meeting place in a bit. See yew soon!" With that, Avalon hung up.

"Huh…wonder what has her in such a hurry…oh well…" Yoto shrugged, dropping his Alert System back into his pocket. He fished around in yet another pocket in search of his card key as he headed to his room. He wanted to switch outfits so he looked more presentable for Storkos. God, it was amazing how falling for a girl could completely change the way he took care of himself…he never wanted to look like a slob anymore if he knew Storkos would see him. He kept his hair combed, he took showers, and his wardrobe had increased beyond his typical torn and rainbow-stained T-shirts.

He finally found the card key a few moments after arriving at his hotel room door. He swiped it through the slot, entered…

…and felt his brain fizzle into goop at what he saw.

There was a muscular woman he didn't recognize on one of the double beds, completely maskless and wearing see-through, purple tinted lacy lingerie.

"B? You're back already?" She sat up, her voice filled with the slightest bit of excitement.

Before she could get a good look at Yoto, he spasmed out the door and slammed it shut with his back, his chest heaving.

"Oh. My. God…" Yoto flipped his Alert System out of his pocket before taking off down the hallway. Once he was a safe distance away from the room, he called Storkos.

"Storkos?" Yoto snickered, an enormous, smirky grin crossing his face. "You'll never _guess_ what I just saw. Uncle Bart got a _hooker!"_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Sparcticus had seen that store before…

It was the only one that had stuck in his memory because it had a giant pink sign that was emblazoned with the embarrassing name _CONDOM WORLD._

Sparcticus sighed under his breath and dropped down onto a nearby bench. He needed to take a rest…he had been walking in circles for God-knows-how-long and there still was absolutely no sign of any Thai restaurants…

He'd take a breather and be back on his feet and looking again in no time. Sahari was probably worried about him…he couldn't just give up and go back to the hotel, though! That would be like admitting defeat…

Sparcticus lost himself in watching the people passing by. None of them caught his interest, until an extremely skinny, diminutive young man walked by with his hands in his pockets.

He might have been wearing bright colors and a totally different mask, but there was no mistaking that figure and that hair.

Sparcticus drawled: "Hi, Dastardos, " against his better judgment.

Dastardos instantly froze and turned his head sloooowly towards Sparcticus, a look of utter terror on his mask. Sparcticus just smiled warmly.

"You're human…aren't you? You deserve to enjoy the city like the rest of us," Sparcticus absent-mindedly stretched his arms, the smile not leaving his face. "I certainly don't mind you being around and I won't tell anyone I saw you." Sparcticus crossed his heart. "Swear on my mother's soul."

Dastardos still looked apprehensive, crossing his arms and giving Sparcticus an aside glance. "…why are you talking to me like that?" He finally spoke, his cold voice unmistakable even in that hushed tone.

"Like what?" Sparcticus asked innocently.

Dastardos searched Sparcticus' mask for any sign of ill intent. He seemed honest…dumb as a post, but honest. It was…just weird to be spoken to like he was a normal person and not a cold hearted piñata murderer.

"…nothing. And I'm going nowhere." Without thinking it through, Dastardos sat down next to Sparcticus, his sorry excuse for a butt barely perched on the edge of the bench.

"Sorry; I just didn't expect to see anyone I knew when I was walking around…" Sparcticus tugged at his collar, averting his eyes from Dastardos. "I'm looking for a Thai food place for my girlfriend…she likes spicy things. I ran off outside without a second thought because she thought I'd get lost." Sparcticus folded his muscular arms and made eye contact with Dastardos' shades. "You haven't seen a Thai place, have you?"

"What the hell is a Thai?" Dastardos asked, blinking incredulously behind his sunglasses.

"…that answers that question…" Sparcticus leaned forward, resting his cheek on his hand. "Hey…every time I see you back home, you're always alone. Did you come to the city alone too?"

"I came here with my boss…" Dastardos rolled his eyes so hard his head went with them. "I ditched him at the first opportunity. I'm so sick of Pester, you have no idea…" Dastardos scowled. The mere mention of his boss' name made what remained of his stomach twist into knots. Ugh.

"Why don't you-"

"Quit?" Dastardos half smiled and turned back towards Sparcticus. "I wish it were that easy. There's some stuff I can't share with everyone, you know."

"Oh yes, of course…" Sparcticus tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. "…hey, can I ask you something else?"

"Dear God, you sound like Patch during that whole Man's Army thing…" Dastardos snorted. "Sure, but make it quick."

"Do you have anyone who misses you?" Sparcticus asked, chuckling a bit under his breath. "I…I know it sounds crazy, but bear with me. You might act all distant, but I know you're a person, like me. Wandering around alone like this…someone could get worried if they expected you to be with them."

Dastardos' expression softened for the slightest moment, but it swiftly shifted to a hard angry scowl. Before Sparcticus knew it, Dastardos and him were nose to nose.

"Are you implying that Pester and I have a thing? I'll have you know that I'd rather eat my own _guts_ than-" Dastardos hissed, flecks of discolored spit flying out of his mouth and landing on the cheeks of Sparcticus' mask.

"No, no, that's not it at _all!"_ Sparcticus made a face, placed a hand on Dastardos' concave chest, and gently pushed him away. "I meant…your family. Or a girl."

"PFFT!" Dastardos let out his signature laugh, slapping his knee. "Are you _joking? _A girl wouldn't look _twice _at my mug unless she was making sure she didn't hallucinate my ugliness!"

"Oh, come on, it was worth asking," Sparcticus seemed a bit hurt that Dastardos dismissed his sentiment like that. "You'd be surprised who can find female companionship these days…erm, no offense."

"Seedos isn't dating that girl if that's who you're thinking of…" Dastardos yawned nonchalantly.

Sparcticus' brows flew up. "How do you-"

"Anyway…I gotta get going…" Dastardos smoothed his jacket as he rose from the bench. "It was…an experience talking with you."

"You too," Sparcticus smiled up at Dastardos. "Hope you have a good day."

Dastardos shrugged, tucked his hands into his pockets, and continued his aimless walk through the city.

Little did Sparcticus know, that comment of his got Dastardos thinking.

_There's no way in a frozen hell that Avalon would miss me…_ Dastardos scoffed at the thought. He was nothing but a big jerk to her and he dragged her to go see a stupid musical that he wound up _hating._ She had to pay for the whole damn thing too _and_ cover for him when he had a mental breakdown when one of the actors hit on him. The whole coffee shop incident too…Dastardos didn't exactly react to the coffee spilling maturely. He stomped to the bathroom and flipped Yen off like an angry teenager who was trying his best to be "edgy."

"Maybe I _should_ go back and check on her…" Dastardos mumbled aloud to himself. Talking to himself was a nasty habit he developed from all the time he spent in isolation. Not to mention he always wanted Magnar to listen to his thoughts…ugh, he missed that little piñata. He hoped the emergency life sweet stash Dastardos let him have would last him the whole week…

He would have taken Magnar…if not for the fact the little guy's existence was complete and utter proof of his true identity. Sometimes the sacrifices Dastardos had to make really hurt. Not just himself, other people too.

Dastardos would never admit it in a thousand years, but his heart sank a bit whenever he turned down Seedos' numerous offers to hang out. Seedos' reputation was in tatters already; Dastardos didn't want to make things worse for his little brother, who was the only human being left in the world who loved him.

After spending all that time with Avalon, did he develop an…odd attachment to her? Even though he kidnapped her and spent hours upon _hours_ making sure she didn't leave her cell, they still forged something that could be called a friendship…

Dastardos…didn't have too many friends…

_Ugh, I'll go check on her…_ Dastardos felt his heart twist in a way that he _hated._ He ignored that feeling and began heading back in the general direction of the Bonboon's Bum. _Bet she's still there. Broodingly charming Yen certainly seemed to keep her attention…_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos had a point. Yen and Avalon had been chatting about whatever topics that came to mind for almost an hour now. Yen hung on Avalon's every word, smiling dreamily as she spoke in her entrancing British accent. Avalon was similarly entranced with Yen's creative side; he told her about a psychological thriller he planned on writing and the idea was intricate, thought out, and interesting. Avalon always did like creative types…

Avalon checked her Alert System for the time at one point and her eyes grew big. Yen slumped over onto the table.

"Does that mean you have to go now?" he murmured, looking up at Avalon pitifully.

"Yes, it does, I'm meeting your brother for-wait a second…" Avalon's face fell into the most alarmed frown Yen had ever seen. "Dastardos…where the 'ell did 'e go? 'E never came out of the bathroom!"

"Oh man, I must have really pissed him off…" Yen pushed himself out of his chair. "I'll go check for you." He ran over to the men's restroom and disappeared inside for a few moments.

The door swung open again and Yen shrugged at Avalon. "No sign of him, apart from some dried coffee stains on the ground…and smeary stains on the mirror that say 'Fuck you, Yen…'" Yen sighed a bit and put his hands into his apron pockets. "He took off. It's my fault…sorry."

"Ugh, that _bastard!"_ Avalon cursed, stomping her foot. "I can't even go after 'im now because I'm meeting Yoto and Storkos for lunch…

"Why would you even _want_ to go after him?" Yen leaned against the doorframe. "I don't know if you noticed, but he's a big jerk and everyone hates him…"

"Yew know wot?" Avalon nodded in agreement. "Yew are _completely _right. 'oo needs 'im?"

Yen smiled to himself. _Good._ If Avalon had any feelings for the Reaper, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. Having a floating corpse with a bad attitude get chosen as a significant other over you…well, that's a _real_ blow to the confidence.

"I still need to go meet Yoto and Storkos for lunch, though," Avalon rose from the table and gave Yen a warm smile. "It was nice talking to yew. Alert me." After a quick wave, she headed for the door.

Yen siiiiiiiighed and just let himself droop to the floor. He kept his eyes on Avalon's swinging hips until she was no longer in sight. He got to talk to the girl of his dreams _and_ get her phone number, not to mention stand up to the intimidating Piñata Reaper!

Today was a _great_ day.

Avalon almost bumped into Bart on her way around a corner. "Oops! Pardon, Mr. Cunningham," Avalon apologized. Bart shrugged her apology off as he straightened his hat.

"I shall take the blame myself. Now, if you excuse me, I have an important matter to attend to…" Bart swaggered down the street like a man on a mission.

Avalon shook her head and continued on her way. She figured whatever Bart was up to was none of her concern.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Avalon and Yoto had agreed to meet at a sushi place on the other side of the city and Avalon decided to take a short cut…unfortunately, that short cut turned out to be through the bad part of town.

She kept a death grip onto her purse, ignoring the hungry glances of the men she passed, not sure if they were hungry for her body or for her money…or both. She did her best not to think about it.

_Just keep your eyes straight ahead, Avalon. It'll be okay…_

Avalon wasn't one who got scared easily, but places like this were the exact opposite of a comfortable environment for her. Hopefully she'd be at the sushi place soon, get to see one of her best friends…that's it, focusing on the positive was help-

Suddenly, Avalon a sharp yank on her right arm and the world became a blur as she flew in that direction. She opened her mouth to scream, but was silenced when a huge hand covered her mouth. She could barely see in her fright, but she had been pulled deep into a dark alley by a muscular man.

"Hey, Ricky, look what I found us…" a low, sniggering voice said. "She must have a _ton_ of cash on her…"

Avalon began to struggle in protest, but she instantly stopped when she felt something cold and metal against her temple.

"Stay still, or I'll shoot…" her assailant hissed into her ear.

_THIS GUY HAD A GUN._

Avalon squeezed her eyes shut and her lower lip quivered.

Suddenly…she was really regretting her decision to take a shortcut.


	13. Avalon's Savior

Dastardos found himself walking through the bad part of town again, smirking to himself as he thought about Pester, who was probably still stuck in that elevator.

_I hope that bastard starves to death…_ Dastardos chuckled under his breath as he continued his trek through the slums of Poprockolis. He was still searching for Avalon, of course, but these slums reminded him of the crappy hotel he was forced to stay at, and, by association, his boss. Oh, how he hoped Pester was completely miserable.

Dastardos' thoughts came to a halt when he saw Avalon over on the other side of the road. He brightened a bit and made a move to dart across the street, but as soon as Avalon walked by an alleyway, she was yanked into it in a blink of an eye.

Dastardos' eyes grew huge before narrowing into a scowl. What the _fuck_ was going on?!

He knew _very_ well what the fuck was going on. Some punks just pulled Avalon into an alley and were about to do who knows what to her! If it had been any other person, Dastardos would have just kept walking, not giving a single care. But Avalon in danger…that sent his anger into overdrive. His heart was even pounding! He had to do something!

_Thank God I'm here…_ Dastardos rolled up his sleeves before taking off across the street. Despite the fact that Avalon was in danger, he felt an excited grin spread across his face. _I'm actually going to be a hero for once!_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Avalon trembled, her eyes still squeezed shut. She was mentally kicking herself over and over; she _never_ should have walked through this part of town alone with her fancy clothes and bulging purse. She might has well have been wearing an enormous neon sign on her head that read, in bright lights, "MUG ME! I'M RICH!"

"Give us your money, sweetheart…" one of her assailants drawled. "…and_ maybe_ we'll go easy on ya."

Avalon cracked one eye open to get a look at the two muggers. She almost gasped when she saw that the guy holding the gun to her head was completely barefaced, with a long, thin scar going across his ugly, hooked nose. Avalon was quite revolted by his naked face. Not only that, but this man had a _gun_ and refused to conform to the most basic of Piñata Island norms. He was obviously a foreigner who came to the Island hoping to make a wad of cash off of the pacifist population.

The other guy was pacing around with his pants practically to his ankles, waddling like a Quackberry. He wore an intimidating Sour Profitamole mask and his spiky hair was dyed an acid green. He was obviously keeping watch, casting nervous looks at the street. "Hurry it _up!_ We don't have all day!" he urged his buddy. "There's, like, _no_ crime on this stupid Island, you know, the police will be here before we know it!"

Avalon choked when Maskless Man tightened his hold on her. "You were given an _order,_ bitch! Now _hand over_ that money! I _know_ you're rolling in it!" His words stung Avalon's ears. She was about ready to give in; she couldn't fight back, she wasn't an idiot. This guy had a gun. She would _die _if she so much as struggled the slightest bit.

"Okay…" Avalon whispered, trying her best not to get choked up in her fear.

"What was that,_ bitch?"_ Avalon felt the cold metal gun press even harder against her head.

Avalon took a deep, shaky breath. "I _said-"_

"HEY!" a voice echoed through the alley. "Let the lady go, or I'll _make you."_ The voice was loud, eerie, and _utterly_ unmistakable.

"Dass-MMPH!" Avalon exclaimed before having her mouth covered by her assailant.

Dastardos was in a poorly lit part of the alley, but his unmistakable eyes were glowing right through his sunglasses. Avalon gasped behind her assailant's hand as the man came out of the shadows and confirmed her suspicions. Short in stature, but huge in presence, smirking in the same way he always did whenever he was about to put down a sick piñata.

"Who's THIS mug?!" the guy with his pants down to his ankles exclaimed.

The guy holding on to Avalon burst into wheezing laughter, flecks of spit flying out of his mouth and into Avalon's ear. _Eugh._

"You're in _way _too deep, _little man!"_ he took the gun away from Avalon's head and pointed it at Dastardos. "Just turn around and walk away. This doesn't involve you!"

"I think it _does _involve me, punk," Dastardos kept walking down the alley. "That's my _friend_ you have there. If you hurt her, you're in for a _world_ of pain!" Dastardos growled through his teeth.

"This guy's crazy!" the guy in the Sour Profitamole mask exclaimed, backing up. He obviously didn't expect this one, he looked around frantically as if that would give him an idea as to how to get rid of this odd vigilante.

The barefaced man just snarled right back at Dastardos.

Avalon, on the other hand, felt a strange fluttering in her chest. Did Dastardos _really_ consider her a 'friend…?'

Dastardos' smirk didn't falter even the slightest bit as he continued to walk. "You're not gonna stop me, you know. Go ahead, try. _I dare you."_

The maskless man looked frightened for a brief moment before pointing the gun at Dastardos. He hoped the gun alone would scare him off, but that didn't happen. Dastardos actually sped up his pace, his smile almost murderous.

"Forget crazy; this guy's _suicidal!"_ the Sour Profitamole masked man exclaimed. "You're gonna have to shoot him, Martin! God damn it!"

The maskless guy obliged. There was a loud _bang!_ as he shot the gun. Avalon's eyes followed the bullet as it headed for Dastardos' forehead, her heart pounding even though she knew he was invulnerable.

When the bullet finally made contact with Dastardos, it flew right through his skull and out onto the street without even so much as making a dent.

"Is that all you got?" Dastardos bared his teeth as he flexed his hand, the Whacking Stick appearing in it.

The thug holding Avalon was stunned for a moment…he must have missed! There was no way anyone could take a bullet without flinching!

He fired again, this time at Dastardos' stomach, and again it went right through him without Dastardos so much as blinking.

"This guy's _inhuman!"_ Sour Profitamole Mask exclaimed, his hands flying to his face. "Let's get out of here, Martin!"

"You, my dear friend…" Dastardos' feet lifted off the ground as he flew over to the low-panted thug. "…are not going _anywhere."_ He grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and gave his face a good few smacks with the Whacking Stick.

In a few moments, his Sour Profitamole mask was shattered, and he fell to the ground, his face bleeding from every opening. He groaned in pain and his partner screamed, dropping his gun –and Avalon- and attempting to make a break for it.

Dastardos took off after him, grabbing him by the hair and landing a few choice blows on his arms and torso.

Avalon watched in shock as Dastardos moved on to the thug's unmasked face, beating it until it was swollen, bloody, and barely even recognizable. Avalon swooned a little bit; the sight of blood usually made her faint, but she willed herself to stay conscious.

She was happy she didn't pass out; she wouldn't have wanted to miss the spectacle of Dastardos beating two men who tried to attack her senseless. He _did_ have some good in him, after all!

Once both the men were unconscious, Dastardos turned to Avalon, his expression almost unreadable. His mouth was a thin line, but his eyes were full of concern. He stumbled forward, and much to Avalon's surprise, pulled her into an embrace, burying his face into her chest.

Avalon gasped with surprise, but reciprocated the hug, resting her head on top of Dastardos'.

They stood like that for who knows how long, the only sound in the whole alleyway their heartbeats and the occasional groan from the passed out thugs.

"Dastardos…" Avalon finally broke the silence, barely speaking above a breath. "Thank yew…if yew 'adn't shown up, well, 'oo knows where I would be…"

"That was a stroke of luck…" Dastardos broke the embrace and looked up at Avalon, a sad smile on his face. "If I hadn't made it…well, I don't even want to think about it." Dastardos hugged himself and looked away from Avalon. "I don't think I could take losing my only friend…"  
Avalon was momentarily shocked silent by Dastardos' honesty, and then surprised herself by chuckling in spite of the situation. "I'm 'onored yew think of me that way…" She leaned down, placed her hands on Dastardos' shoulders, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Dastardos' mask instantly colored darker once Avalon kissed him. He pressed a hand against the spot she had kissed and looked away from Avalon again. "It wasn't _that_ big a deal…"

"Yes it was!" Avalon would have smacked him if she were able to. "Now come on, we should get out of 'ere before any cops show up…"

"You just want them to get away with what they did?!" Dastardos gave Avalon a look of complete shock, stomping a foot.

"Look at them, Dastardos," Avalon gestured to the thugs with a sweep of her arm. One's face was beaten into a bloody mess, and the other was barely breathing, clutching his ribcage. Avalon wasn't sure if she was hallucinating, but it looked like one of the man's ribs was sticking out between his fingers. "I think they learned their lesson."

Avalon was still absolutely stunned. She hadn't expected to be saved, let alone by _Dastardos,_ who just weeks ago she had found insufferably annoying. She looked over at him and felt a strange, twisted affection well up in her chest. This man, this grim reaper of piñatas, he had nearly beaten two men to death for attempting to rob her. Avalon wasn't about to get cocky, but she had a feeling Dastardos wouldn't have done this for _anyone_ else.

Dastardos smiled. The smile stretched to the smuggest grin Avalon had ever seen after a few moments. "I did this. I saved someone's life…I'm not a total piece of shit!" he sounded excited and he did a little jig of joy.

"Yew are _covered_ in blood stains, though," Avalon took a step back. "Ugh, I'm already late for my lunch date…this will be a setback…"

"Not a problem!" Dastardos whipped off his coat and unceremoniously tossed it into a nearby, beat-up looking dumpster. To Avalon's annoyed expression, he chuckled Goobaaishly and added: "Uh, I'll steal some money from Pester and pay you back."

"Eh, no big deal…" Avalon shook her head and began heading out of the alley, her legs still shaking. Dastardos caught up with her and had to take long strides to match her pace. Avalon was much taller and Dastardos had to keep up a serious effort.

"We'll 'ave to clean the blood off your mask though…" Avalon made a face as she leaned down to examine Dastardos' mask. She pulled a handkerchief from her purse and wiped some of the blood off of his cheek.

Dastardos studied Avalon's face for a few moments before speaking up, his brow furrowing the slightest bit. "Hey, Avalon…you okay? You look a little pale."

Avalon managed a weak smile and shakily put her handkerchief away. "Didn't think yew'd say anything. Sorry; I just don't…react too well to blood…" Without thinking, Avalon reached for Dastardos' skeletal hand and took hold of it. Avalon felt his muscles contract with surprise, but he relaxed after a moment.

Dastardos didn't say anything, but he figured Avalon could use all of the support she could get after what just happened…and he was more than willing to give her the support she needed. Dastardos would never admit it in a million years, but it was nice to have some encouragement that she was still okay. He almost kicked himself over that thought. Ugh, was he losing his edge? He'd have to go a on a serious piñata murdering spree once he got back home in order to feel tough again.

After walking silently along like that for a few minutes, Dastardos finally broke the silence.

"Hey, Avalon, what's all this about a…lunch date?" The nose of Dastardos' mask wrinkled. "If it's a date, I don't think they'd take too kindly to you showing up with some midget dude. You let me know when you want me to scram and I will, you know."

"No, no!" Avalon shook her head, slightly amused. "It's not a _date._ Just a get-together. I'm eating lunch with Yoto and Storkos-"

"_Eew!"_ Dastardos exclaimed as if he had suddenly stepped in something disgusting.

Avalon ignored him and continued. "-and I want yew to tag along. I think they'd enjoy meeting the man 'oo saved my 'ide today, don't yew?" Avalon smiled down at Dastardos and gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. She regretted it instantly, Dastardos' bones painfully dug into her skin. She hissed through her teeth in an attempt to counteract the pain. Dastardos didn't notice.

"Wait, are you implying that you _want_ me to gloat?" Dastardos made eye contact with Avalon and burst into a giant grin, revealing his uneven teeth. "I'd absolutely _love_ to!"

Avalon snickered. "Why not? Yew deserve it. And if it'll make yew behave while in the company of Yoto and Storkos, all the more reason to let yew!"

"Ugh, Storkos is going to recognize me straight away though," Dastardos sighed and slumped over. "She has a nose for evil. Even if it's buried under new clothes and a fake British accent."

Not to mention she was his sister. They really haven't had a conversation since Dastardos was Soured…and Dastardos was more than a little nervous that she'd see _right_ through him if she looked close enough. Storkos wasn't dumb. He knew that for a fact.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that…" Avalon kept her eyes ahead, a knowing smirk on her face. "Once she hears about your amazing feat of 'eroism, she'll _know_ yew're not really Dastardos…even though yew are…" Avalon blinked and scratched her head with her free hand. "Damn it, now I've confused myself…"

"I get the gist of it…" Dastardos laughed, not bothering to hold back at all. A few passerbys stared at him.

"…don't laugh like that, though," Avalon narrowed her eyes at him.

"I know," Dastardos chuckled, covering his mouth. "Just wanted to get it all out. I promise to be nice to the dumb ginger, too."

"Good luck with that…" Avalon snorted. "Wait until yew see 'im when 'e's around Storkos…they're nauseating."

"Well then," Dastardos placed a hand on his concave stomach. "I'm glad I won't be eating."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The two of them arrived at the sushi place about fifteen minutes later. It stood out on the street with its Eastern style décor and subdued coloring. This place didn't look like it belonged on Piñata Island whatsoever.

"Foreigners are weird," Dastardos grumbled under his breath as Avalon looked around outside the building.

"Guess Yoto and Storkos already went inside," she observed, not seeing hide nor hair of them. "They probably couldn't wait. Let's go in…and remember that obnoxious accent of yours!"

Dastardos beamed. "That's another thing I'd _never_ thought you'd say!" He followed her into the restaurant.

The inside was just as subdued at the outside, the walls decorated with murals of plants rather than the usual bright patterns most buildings cover their walls with. There were a few fish tanks with real flesh and blood fish inside, which momentarily baffled Dastardos. He wasn't able to be taken in by them for long, because a boisterous voice shouted across the restaurant and shattered his thoughts into a million pieces.

"AVVIE! AVVIE, HEY!"

Dastardos followed the voice and saw Yoto waving rapidly at the two of them. Storkos seemed more than a bit embarrassed by Yoto's shouting, she slammed her mask into the table and didn't come up for a while.

"WE'RE OVER HERE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN WAITING?!" Pretty much the whole restaurant was shushing Yoto at this point, but he didn't care. He had been shushed all his life and he wasn't going to let random strangers finally force him to shut that mouth of his.

Avalon grabbed Dastardos by the wrist and filed him over to Yoto. Dastardos had forgotten exactly how much he detested the fiery redhead, but Yoto had refreshed his memory within mere seconds of them coming back in contact with each other. _Impressive._

Storkos raised her head up to greet Avalon when they finally reached the table, but her eyes narrowed as soon as she laid eyes on Dastardos. Dastardos felt the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up, which almost never happened.

"Avalon…" Storkos began, putting on an obviously false smile. "Who's your friend?"

"Yeah, I thought only you were coming!" Yoto chimed in, a more genuine grin on his face. "The more the merrier, though! You didn't tell me you got a boyfriend…" Yoto gave Dastardos a once over, pursing his lips. "…I really expected you to date someone taller."

"We are _not_ dating," Avalon said a bit too quickly. Had Dastardos been of weaker heart, he would have been offended. He knew very well what kind of person he was, so he didn't blame Avalon for reacting that way. "But 'e _did_ save my life. This is Niles, I know 'im from way back and 'e just so 'appened by when I was being mugged!"

Storkos' chastising expression instantly became one of admiration. Dastardos mentally celebrated his victory. Avalon was _right_ when she said Storkos would drop all suspicions when she heard about the heroics! What a smart girl.

"Really?!" Yoto held up a hand for a high five. "That's _so_ cool! Avalon's, like, my best friend EVER, so if you hadn't been there, things would have turned out awful!"

Dastardos figured it wouldn't be good to leave him hanging, so he high-fived Yoto across the table.

"Mayhaps yew would like to 'ear 'ow it happenstanced?" Dastardos' voice was welling up with pride.

"Hell yeah I would!" Yoto nodded vigorously.

Dastardos wove them a heavily accented tale of heroism…with some minor twists. In his version, there were _four_ thugs and he took them down with his bare hands, no piñata smashing staff or invulnerability on his side. Just pure old fashioned luck.

Yoto and Storkos listened intently, the former looking ready to ask Dastardos for an autograph and the latter's eyes glimmering with admiration. Avalon sat up proudly, arms folded, as Dastardos animatedly told his exaggerated story. Avalon would never admit it to the world, but she was proud that someone who used to have a shell as hard as a Dragonache's actually cared enough about her to save her life. She never would have expected Dastardos to show up to beat down her assailants, but he did. She owed him several favors for that one.

"Man, Niles, you are _so_ cool!" Yoto folded his hand, his smile so wide that Dastardos was a little afraid that his cheeks would rip open.

"You're lucky, Avalon!" Storkos nodded sagely. "Good to know I'm not the only one doing heroics around here…Niles, what part of England are you from?" Storkos turned her attention to Dastardos, who looked a bit shell-shocked. "My father's British, and I know very well that they teach chivalrous ways there. You must have had some amazing parents!"

_You have no idea…_ Dastardos almost laughed.

"Um, I am from…the middle part!" Dastardos said proudly. "The part that makes the muffins! Same part as this good woman!" Dastardos affectionately patted Avalon on the arm.

"I'm a born and raised Islander, Niles," Avalon corrected him, gently pushing his hand away. She really couldn't decide if his faux-British antics were amusing or insulting…eh, she'd let him have his fun. He earned it.

"Yew certainly can't tell by your accent, madam!" Dastardos snickered behind his fingers.

A few seconds later, a pleasantly plump waitress with curly hair approached them. "I see the rest of your party finally arrived!" she giggled. "An hour late, no less! Good thing we're not crowded!"

Avalon blushed a bit and Yoto got more than a little miffed.

"Hey, lady, my friend here got _mugged_ on the way over, so it wasn't her fault!" Yoto glared at the waitress, who retreated behind her notepad.

"O-oh…" it was the waitress' turn to go red in the mask. She obviously didn't know what to say to that and looked around the table uncomfortably.

"Sorry, my friend 'ere…" Avalon shook her head and reached across the table to pinch Yoto on the arm. "…'as no tact whatsoever."

"I-I noticed…" the waitress sighed as she lowered her notepad away from her masked mouth. "I'm terribly sorry…um…have you decided what you want to order?" She looked at Dastardos first, obviously trying to keep her gaze away from Avalon.

"I shan't be 'aving a thing, mate!" Dastardos shook his head. "Um…I already ate lunch. I am bloody lovely darling fine and will not be eating."

"Oh-kay then!" the waitress turned her attention to Yoto and Storkos.

Yoto overzealously ordered about twelve different kinds of sushi and Storkos decided it would be best if she ate whatever Yoto didn't. Avalon almost laughed; she knew that Storkos would have next to nothing to choose from. Yoto might be skinny, but he could eat his own weight in food if he put his mind to it.

Avalon wasn't feeling too adventurous, so she ordered vegetable sushi rolls. The waitress thanked them and scurried off as quickly as she could.

"Yoto, yew don't 'ave to tell the world about wot 'appened," Avalon folded her arms and gave her friend the most chastising look she could muster. It worked very well and Yoto wilted like a neglected tiger lily under her intense glower.

"But it's really awesome…" Yoto squeaked, massaging his arm where Avalon had pinched him. "I think everyone should know about it…"

"Maybe for someone 'oo wasn't there," Avalon shuddered a bit. "Those are _not_ 'appy memories, Yoto. I'd appreciate it if this story stayed _out_ of the Island Inquirer."

Yoto opened his mouth to protest further, but shut up when Storkos scolded: "Yoto…"

"I'll be good…" Yoto slumped over guiltily, resting his cheek on a palm.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Everyone forgot all about the awkwardness with the waitress when the food arrived. Much to Avalon's surprise, Yoto shared with Storkos, even feeding her sushi with a look of adoration on his face.

The two talked in hushed tones over their meal like they were the only two people at the table. They'd share private jokes and giggle like the fools in love that they were.

Dastardos was having quite enough of that. He tapped Avalon on the shoulder. As soon as she turned to look at him, he nodded in the direction of the lovey-dovey couple and then mimed hanging himself.

Avalon had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. She gave Yoto and Storkos another paranoid glance, but they were too busy having eye sex to notice what Dastardos did. Avalon turned back to him and mimed slitting her wrists.

Dastardos retorted by pretending to pop a full bottle of pills and putting his head down on the table in a perfect mockery of death.

Avalon let a chuckle slip. "Okay, yew win," Avalon snickered under her breath. "I'm all out of ways to commit suicide."

"Yessssss…!" Dastardos pumped a victorious fist in the air. "I knew I would win!"

"Sorry, what was that?" Storkos asked, giggling a bit.

Dastardos stumbled over his words for a moment in a remarkable impression of Patch before putting his thick accent back on. "Oh, I was simply challenging your man friend to a wasabi eating contest!"

"What?!" Storkos exclaimed, a hand flying to her mouth.

"WOT?!" Avalon gave Dastardos an accusing look.

"Ooooh!" Yoto wiggled his fingers with anticipation. "A gentleman's challenge! I'm there, Niles!"

"Are you sure about this, Yoto?" Storkos bit her lip, giving Niles an uncomfortable look.

"Hell yeah I'm sure! Bring it on!" Yoto swiped a huge glob of wasabi off of one of the sushi plates and smirked at Niles. "You go first, good sir!"

"Wot ho, then!" Dastardos flipped up a huge piece of wasabi so quickly that Avalon barely registered the movement. He didn't even flinch as he chewed, making direct eye contact with Yoto. He swallowed and smiled, resting his chin on his hands. "Yew next, young chap!"

Avalon stared at Dastardos, completely dumbfounded. Little did she know, Dastardos had quite a bit of experience with sleight of hand. He had hidden the wasabi up his sleeve, not even a single molecule of it made it onto his tongue.

"No fair! You're superhuman or something!" Yoto glared at Dastardos. "Or you _cheated!_ Open your mouth!" Yoto slammed his hands on the table and leaned across it.

Dastardos sighed, but complied, sticking his tongue out. Yoto examined his mouth thoroughly, a serious expression on his face.

Storkos and Avalon watched this scene awkwardly. Neither of them had any idea of how this would prove whether Dastardos cheated or not, but they both knew better than to question Yoto's logic.

"…okay, you're clean…" Yoto fanned his face as he sat back down. "You _seriously_ need a mint, though! You smell like you haven't brushed your teeth in ten years!"

Avalon disguised a laugh as a coughing fit.

"Tis the curse of the British, I'm afraid!" Dastardos rested a hand on his chest dramatically. His expression darkened and a smirk took over his mask. "Now it is your turn."

"I can beat that, no problem!" Before anyone could stop him, Yoto jammed the entire glob of wasabi into his mouth. Milliseconds later, his eyes were watering and his face was bright red. He gasped for breath as he grabbed his soda and practically poured it on his face in an attempt to cool himself down.

Dastardos couldn't help himself. He burst into crazy laughter, but miraculously managed to keep his fake accent on. The result was a cartoonish, aristocratic laugh that set Avalon off too. Storkos glared at both of them as Yoto spluttered and coughed.

After a few moments, Yoto calmed down, practically hyperventilating as he tried to catch his breath.

"Are you okay?" Storkos asked him moments before slapping him on the arm. "That was a _really_ stupid thing to do! You could have damaged your mouth, you know!"

"I might have…" Yoto rasped, sticking out his tongue for a brief moment. "At least my sinuses are clear now…I think you win, Niles…" he burst into another coughing fit and Storkos smacked him on the back.

"Not a big surprise, young man!" Dastardos tittered, leaning back in his chair.

"You're a pretty cool guy, Niles!" Yoto admitted while scratching his nose, which was still tingling. "We should trade Alert numbers!"

Dastardos gave Avalon a brief, desperate look, but she just smiled smugly back at him. There was no _way_ he could get out of this one.

"Um…sure…" Dastardos ground his teeth together. Avalon gave him a kick under the table. Dastardos might not have felt any pain, but he felt the impact and put his cheerful act back on. "I'd be chuffed as chips! My numerals are…"

After the two of them swapped Alert numbers, the waitress returned with the check. While Storkos and Avalon argued over who would pay the bill, Dastardos pretended to key in Yoto's number. He already had it from the Man's Army escapades a few months ago…ugh, he'd have to keep up the act if Yoto ever decided to Alert him. Oh well; at least he could have fun with that…

As Dastardos' mind ran rampant with thoughts on how he could be a bad influence on Yoto, Avalon and Storkos rummaged in their purses, finally deciding to split the bill down the middle.

They paid it full with tip in chocolate cash, and Avalon rose up from the table.

"It was nice seeing yew two!" Avalon hoisted the spaced out Dastardos from his chair and he snapped out of it. "But we must be going!"

"Aww, I hope we can see you guys again soon!" Storkos smiled as she too stood up.

"I hope you two have fun…alone…" Yoto winked at Dastardos and clicked his tongue. Avalon frowned at Yoto, but that didn't deter his mischievous look.

"Oh, we will!" Dastardos tugged on Avalon's arm. "Ciao, my good man! May good fortune follow yew like an STD follows a 'ooker!" Dastardos tipped his hat.

Yoto burst into laughter at that comment, but Storkos made a face.

"Classy…" Storkos stuck out her tongue with disgust.

Avalon and Dastardos were out on the street a few minutes later.

"Whew…" Dastardos exhaled. "I'm so glad I'm invulnerable, or else that accent might be hurting my throat by now…"

"Yew are a real piece of work, yew know that?" Avalon shook her head and let his arm go. "Oh well; like I said earlier, yew deserved to 'ave a little fun after wot yew did."

"Thank you," Dastardos said sincerely. "And that's not something I say a lot! Hey, speaking of fun…when we get back to the hotel tonight, there's something I want to show you…"

Avalon suddenly jumped away from Dastardos, her eyes wide and her head shaking frantically. "No. NO. I'm not _that_ grateful!"

"Eugh, I'm offended!" Dastardos stuck up his nose. "That's not what I meant at _all!"_

"Wot _did_ yew mean then…?" Avalon was still a bit apprehensive.

"You'll see…" Dastardos smiled to himself. "I promise it'll be worth it."


	14. Their First Date

_This was a date…_

Leena swallowed a lump in her throat as she fastened her lily necklace.

_For the first time in her life, Leena was going on a __date._

Neither she nor Seedos was calling it that, but Leena knew in her heart that a date was exactly what this was. She had spent most of yesterday gathering every ounce of courage she had, and finally, with quite a bit of stuttering, she managed to ask Seedos if he would go on a picnic in the park with her. Much to her relief, he didn't reject her, in fact, had agreed quickly and with a gigantic smile. He said he was really missing the 'abundant flora' back home in the Village, so it would be nice to be surrounded by nature instead of concrete and buildings.

Leena had to look her best; this was her first date, after all! She put on a light purple and white patterned sundress Avalon had bought her and brushed her hair until most of the frizz was out. Leena pulled her mask over her face and smiled to herself in the bathroom mirror. She didn't look like a foreigner anymore; she looked like a born and raised Islander. Hopefully Seedos would notice that she took the time to look good for him…

She left the bathroom to find Seedos snickering at something on his Alert System. Leena felt a little disappointed that he was wearing his usual T-shirt and shorts, but as she approached him, she noticed that his hair didn't have its usual greasy sheen.

_He must have taken a shower when I was asleep!_ Leena's heart fluttered a bit. _Maybe he does care…_

Seedos looked up from his Alert System and jumped when he saw Leena, quickly putting his Alert System away. "Didn't hear you come in…" he mumbled, but he quickly adopted a chipper persona. "Well, you ready to go?" He grudgingly slipped his feet into his flip-flops, which were lying on the floor nearby.

"Sure am!" Leena swung her purse with a little smile on her lips. "Leafos recommended me a few places we could go buy our lunch. What are you in the mood for?"

"Considering I usually only eat raw carrots and turnips…" Seedos mused. "…_anything else_ sounds good."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The park was _enormous._ Leena's garden had nothing on this sprawling area of green. It wasn't especially crowded, apart from the occasional lovey-dovey couple and one street performer playing the guitar very well.

Leena stopped for a moment to throw a few Chocolate Coins into his open guitar case. He winked and thanked her. Leena blushed while she and Seedos walked the flower-lined stone paths, and Seedos felt a twinge of jealousy.

The two of them soon came to the very center of the park, which was adorned with a gold statue. Seedos' expression fell when he got a good look at it.

"Oh, _great,"_ Seedos huffed, using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "I didn't think there would be a statue of _him_ here."

"Who-ohhhh…" Leena suddenly felt extremely guilty for taking Seedos to this particular park. She shrank like a wilting buttercup under the statue's golden glint.

The statue was of Jardiniero in his younger years, his beard barely a fraction of the beard it is today. Its arms were folded and it wore a wide, thin smile. Ugh, Seedos hated that smile. That looked _exactly_ like the fake one Jardiniero wore whenever he was forced to be in the same room as his son.

"Let's sit somewhere where my dad can't stare at us…" Seedos grabbed Leena's hand and led her away from the statue.

The two of them spread their blanket out underneath a kind of tree that Leena wasn't familiar with. Seedos recognized it, though.

"Oh my gosh, this is a persimmon tree!" Seedos' violet eyes began to sparkle. "You can't find seeds for these back at the Village…hold on a second Leena…" Seedos dropped to his hands and knees and began to shuffle around the base of the tree.

As Seedos enthusiastically searched, Leena let out a little sigh and placed the picnic basket in the center of the blanket. Leave it to Seedos to find a way to indulge in his eponymous hobby in the middle of a city.

"Hahaha!" Seedos' triumphant laugh came from the other side of the tree. _"Pay-diiiiirt~!"_

He came running back to Leena, five orange and green square seeds in his hands. "I found five!" He plonked down on the picnic blanket, his mask in an enormous toothy grin.

"Glad you did…" Leena smiled gently at Seedos. "Um…what are you going to do with them?"omg

"Probably give them to gardeners, save for one, _that's_ going in my display cabinet…" Seedos deposited all but one of the seeds into a hip pocket. He held that one out to Leena. "Here, I want you to raise this. It likes you."

"R-really?" Leena blushed a bit and gently took the seed from Seedos. "I'll do my best…"

"I have every faith in you!" Seedos nodded sagely. "You've really been improving lately, Leena! You'll keep getting better, too, I promise."

Leena blushed deeper and carefully tucked the persimmon seed into her bag. Seedos very rarely complimented people, _especially_ on how they raised their plants. Leena knew very well that getting praised by him was a high honor…even if she was probably the only one who would consider it as such.

The two ate their lunch in relative silence, Seedos eating as if someone would take the food away from him. After a while, Seedos spoke up, his mouth still full of sandwich.

"Hey, Leena…" He paused for a moment to swallow his food. "You know a _lot_ about my family, but you never told me much about yours…" He took another bite and added: "I've been a little curious since you told me you're from New York."

"Oh, well…" Leena scratched her head in thought. "There's not much to tell, to be honest. Dad's a florist and Mom's a teacher at a Catholic school…"

"A what school?" Seedos asked, his brow furrowing with confusion.

Leena chuckled. "A Catholic school. It's a school that's expensive to go to, and really difficult…my mom's a strict teacher…she was always strict at home, too, so, we never really got along..." Leena twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "It took _ages_ for Dad and I to convince her that me coming here would be beneficial. I actually don't think she fully agreed…she didn't come to see me off."

"Does she call?" Seedos felt a little tugging in his heart. Even if he had only spent six years with her, he had always gotten along with his mother. It made him a little sad to hear that Leena didn't get along with hers.

Leena shook her head. "Dad does, though. And so do my sisters, sometimes!" Leena brightened up a bit. "I have two older sisters. Renee and Alyssa…they've actually been talking about visiting me soon!" Leena chuckled a bit. "Alyssa's a bit…tightly wound, like Mom. I think she'd be overwhelmed if she ever came to Piñata Island. Renee would love it though; she absolutely _loves_ animals, so seeing all of these interesting species would be a treat!"

"If they come by, I'll try not to scare them away," Seedos laughed.

Leena laughed along with him, but in reality, she dreaded her sisters coming to visit. The way she had described Seedos to them, well…it wasn't exactly…accurate. Alyssa and Renee were under the impression that Seedos was handsome, kind, and had acceptable social skills. She wasn't sure what they would think of her if they knew how the boy she liked _really_ acted, especially since Renee was _so excited_ that her little sister finally "found herself a man!"

Leena shook her head. Whether her sisters disapproved of Seedos or not, they wouldn't change how she felt about him.

Once they were finished with their meal, Seedos suddenly brightened up, like he had an idea.

"Hey, Leena, I wanna show you something…" Seedos looked at his twitching hand, concentrated, and after a few moments, what looked like a tiny guitar appeared in his hand.

"S-summoning magic?!" Leena gaped. She knew very well that magic was possible on Piñata Island, Dastardos' ability to go through walls and Bart's tinkering were proof of that, but she didn't think Seedos had any potential for it! "Where'd you learn how to do _that?"_

"Oh, you know…" Seedos adjusted how he was holding his instrument. "Here and there…"

Truth be told, after much curious prodding from Seedos, Dastardos had taught him how he summoned The Whacking Stick. After a bit of practice Seedos had learned how to summon his ukulele the same way.

Dastardos had laughed maniacally when he saw what Seedos wanted to summon. _"That's not intimidating!"_ he had said. _"I was hoping you'd learn to summon some kind of weapon. A tiny guitar won't scare bullies away! What are you gonna do, serenade them to death?"_

Seedos had punched him on the arm and told him to shut up. He could tell that Dastardos was proud that he learned to do that summoning trick, despite everything. He had that same prideful look in his eyes that he had back in the day whenever Sidos would accomplish something great.

Seedos snapped out of that memory and shook his head around.

"That's not what I wanted to show you, though…" Seedos swallowed, his voice shaking. "Sorry if I'm nervous…I never played my ukulele for anyone but my seeds…"

"Don't worry…!" Leena was doing her best to hide her excitement. Leena had heard that the ukulele was easy to learn, but she still thought it was amazing that Seedos could play an instrument! "Are you going to sing, too?"

Seedos' entire mask turned red. "Nuh-not today…" He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and began to moves his fingers up and down the strings.

Leena listened, spellbound, as Seedos played. The song seemed difficult to play; Leena saw Seedos' left hand change chords frequently and rapidly. The melody was fast-paced, clear and tropical-sounding, obviously written on the Island.

Leena studied Seedos' mask. For once, his mask's teeth weren't bared, and he was wearing a small, prideful smile. Easy to learn or not, Leena could tell Seedos was proud to have this talent. Leena found herself swaying to the music, enjoying how well it went with the warm summer breeze. It was rare that Leena got to see Seedos looking so…content. He almost always looked like he was bothered by something, but not now. Seedos' playing trailed off and the song came to an end, much to Leena's disappointment.

There was a pause between the two of them, each one waiting for the other to speak first.

"That was fantastic, Seedos…" Leena meant it, and Seedos could tell. He had expected her to react positively, but she looked like she had seen an angel or something…it was embarrassing. Seedos had to look away as well. "What's that song called?"

"Flight of the Parrybo," Seedos twitched his hand again and the ukulele disappeared. "It's on the last page of my music book back home. It took me _so_ long to learn it…"

"When did you learn how to play the ukulele?" Leena still sounded positively dazzled. "You never mentioned anything about it before!"

"Some foolish person had tossed an old ukulele in the swamp when I was around…eleven, I think…" Seedos stroked the maple leaves on the bottom of his mask as he searched through his memory. "I fixed it up and taught myself. I got a lot better once I actually _left_ the swamp and managed to get myself a book…" Seedos chuckled, finally making eye contact with Leena again. "I have a lot of talents that people don't know about, you know."

"You have _more?"_ Leena's voice flooded with affection despite her best efforts to hide it. "Like what?"

Blushing, Seedos stood up and brushed himself off. "Those are going to stay secret…for now," He winked at Leena. "You'll learn one day. Come on, let's go for a walk."

Leena nodded in agreement and began to pack up everything. Once the two of them were walking out of the park, Leena smiled to herself.

She felt like she learned a lot about Seedos today…and she liked him even more than she did before!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"…and THEN I said, 'You're planting it in _snow?!_ Are you _crazy?!'"_

Leena burst into giggles behind her hand. It turned out that Seedos was an excellent storyteller on top of everything else. They had decided to wander around the city and chat for a little while. Although they saw each other almost every day, they never really enjoyed too many proper chats. Leena was almost always too caught up in gardening and Seedos was too caught up in making his seed rounds.

"Seriously, Leena, you should have seen the _look_ on his mask! I thought he was going to…" Seedos suddenly stopped speaking when a door to a nearby toy shop opened. Both he and Leena halted in their tracks when they saw the all-too-familiar person exiting that store.

"This is great…Claire is going to love this…"

The sun was suddenly blotted out by a tall, bulky figure. Seedos raised a brow; this guy's voice didn't have his usual roughness when he was talking to himself…but he still felt a chill settle in his gut. This was Bear. A. Maracus, the guy who would beat him up if he dared to set foot into his garden. He'd also tease Leena on occasion, mainly about her questionable taste in men. He was not a welcome sight for either of them.

Bear looked up and his face suddenly went extremely pale when he saw Seedos and Leena goggling at him in disbelief. It wasn't every day you saw someone who had a reputation as a bully carrying a teddy Fizzlybear.

Bear quickly hid the stuffed toy behind his back, his face turning as red as his hair.

"…what are you _doing?"_ Seedos could barely disguise the amusement in his voice; despite the fact that he knew very well it could net him a punch in the face.

"B-Bear ain't doin' nothing!" Bear couldn't make eye contact with Seedos nor Leena.

"Hah! Double negative!" Seedos pumped a fist in the air. "You _are_ doing something!"

"Y-you are so _annoying!"_ Bear raised a fist of his own. "Can't you mind your own business and leave Bear alone?!"

"Hmmmm…" Seedos pondered. Suddenly, his eyes flashed with a mischievous light that actually frightened Leena a bit. "How about you never beat me up again and I won't tell anyone what I saw?"

"Graaagh, Bear will beat you up right now, you smug little-!" He made a move to barrel towards Seedos, but Leena stepped in front of him. Bear stopped short and burst into laughter. "Look at this! You think _you_ can stop Bear, little girl?"

"J-just go away!" Leena was shaking, but she was obviously angry. No one was going to hurt Seedos. Not on her watch. "We won't say anything, I promise!"

Bear withdrew, one of his red brows peeking out of his eyeband. "Leena, huh…I didn't recognize you with that mask…" Bear frowned intensely and glared at Seedos. "You're lucky Bear don't hurt cute girls. Bear will leave you alone, but you better not come near Bear's garden!" Bear stomped off down the street, making a point to shove Seedos as he went by him.

"You okay?" Leena asked Seedos, who was rubbing his shoved shoulder.

"Bruised, but it could have been worse…" Seedos gave Leena his trademark big grin. "Thanks…but I wonder what that was all about?" Seedos glanced over his shoulder at Bear, who was now just a gold and purple blur in the distance.

"Guess we'll never know…" Leena shrugged. "Come on, let's go see if we can find a gardening shop…that'll cheer you up."

"Sounds like a plan!" Much to Leena's delight, Seedos linked his arms through hers. "Let's go!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Bear sighed as he sat on a bench, gazing vacantly at the plush Fizzlybear in his lap.

He hated how his first course of action was to threaten people…but he had a reputation to uphold! There weren't no wuss in the world with a name like Bear!

_At least Claire will like this…_ Bear let a smile slip, dimples appearing on his cheeks. He imagined his little sister lighting up when her big brother gave her a bunch of presents from the big city.

His little sister Claire was cute as could be, eight years old, with bright red hair that she usually wore in high, swingy pigtails. No one in the Village even knew she existed; both she and Bear's mother were extremely sickly and had to stay at home most of the time. Claire had as much energy as a sickly little girl could have, though, and whenever she was feeling better she would go outside and play with Bear's Fizzlybears. Although Bear made a habit out of wrestling with his Fizzlybears, he made sure to train them to treat little Claire gently.

He hoped she was doing alright without him there…he should give her a call later on…

Bear rose from the bench and put his tough demeanor back on. Couldn't go walking down the street lookin' like a sentimental fool.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"So…" Avalon began, sitting on her ornate hotel room bed. "…wot was it that yew wanted to show me?"

The sun was setting, and Dastardos had cast aside his sunglasses as soon as they entered the hotel room, claiming that they didn't help his crappy eyesight.

His eyes glowed brightly in the low light. Avalon was glad he wasn't in his usual mask right now; his bright eyes paired with that twisted thing would have been …nerve-wracking, to say the least.

"This is going to sound weird…" the brow ridge of Dastardos' mask crinkled. "…but remember when we saw _Dastardly _and I said I could sing better than the leading guy?"

"…yes…" Avalon felt her heart twist with anticipation. She had a feeling about what Dastardos wanted to show her now, but she wasn't going to count her Cluckles before they hatched.

"Well, I'm gonna prove it…" Dastardos cracked his knuckles. "You've heard me sing when I reaped before, I'm sure, but that's not _real_ singing. That's just me making up macabre shit on the spot."

"So, yew're _not_ going to sing about death and decay?" Avalon snorted, doing her damn best to hide her excitement. The piñata reaper was going to _sing_ just for her? This day was getting stranger and stranger…but she actually _liked _this.

"Not tonight," Dastardos shook his head. He took a few deep breaths, even though he knew they were futile. He didn't actually need to breathe, but old habits die hard.

Dastardos had never sung for _anyone,_ not even back when he was Stardos. Singing was always something he did when no one was around, a way to clear his head. Singing to entertain someone else, well…that thought had never crossed his mind…until now. Avalon was his friend, and, sad as it was, this was the only way he could think of to thank her for how well she's been treating him.

"This song is stupid…but it's the only one I can come up with right now…don't look at me like that! I'll get stage fright…"

It might have been her imagination or a trick of the light, but Avalon could have sworn that Dastardos was blushing an inky black.

Avalon snickered at the idea of this guy getting stage fright for something like singing. Avalon was one to talk; she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but she always admired those with musical ability.

"Okay…here I go…" Dastardos shut his eyes and waited a few moments. Once he felt ready, he opened his mouth and began to sing.

Avalon's eyes widened. Not only was Dastardos an amazing singer, she knew this song. It was a common lullaby on Piñata Island; her mother had sung it to her growing up. It was a folk song about the legend of the Dragonache. How did Dastardos know about…?

Avalon decided not to question it and just enjoy Dastardos' singing. He kept his eyes closed for a while, and when he finally opened them, he refused to look directly at Avalon. Avalon didn't mind; she just enjoyed his voice.

His wasn't like the common famous Piñata Island singer, nor any theater performers Avalon had ever seen in her life. Dastardos' voice had an otherworldly quality to it, and the fact that he didn't need to breathe let him hold notes steadily and clearly. Avalon detected just a trace of an accent in Dastardos' singing voice, but she couldn't place it. As he sang, Avalon didn't see the feared Grim Reaper of piñatas, Avalon saw an interesting man who had walked down the wrong path in his life.

Did he have a family, Avalon wondered. He must have in order to know this lullaby…she had a feeling he wouldn't appreciate it if she asked him this now. He'd accuse her of becoming his friend just to learn things about him, she was sure. She'd have to save that for another day, when it felt right.

That didn't stop her from wondering, though…what sort of people gave birth to a man like this? Did Dastardos always look this twisted? What on Earth was he like as a child?

Avalon tried to picture a younger Dastardos. It was no good; every young Dastardos she came up with still looked twisted and broken. It was starting to depress her…she'd worry about all of this some other day…for now, she'd just enjoy his singing.

Dastardos sang for another minute before trailing off. His good eye made contact with Avalon's eyes for a brief moment before looking away again. "So…yeah…" Dastardos shrugged. "That's that."

Avalon smiled and burst into spontaneous applause. "Bravo, Dastardos!" she was beaming, which made Dastardos a little bit happy. "I didn't expect yew to sing _that_ well! Will yew sing something else for me?"

"Don't push your luck…" Dastardos yawned. "I'm tired from all of the hero-ing I did today. I'm going to sleep."

"Aww…" Avalon frowned, but that did nothing to faze Dastardos.

Dastardos half-smiled at Avalon before he flew over to the cushioned windowsill. "I'm glad you liked it." With that, he curled up into a ball and shut his eyes.

Avalon felt…something swell in her chest. She wasn't sure what it was, but she was so glad she got to see that.

Dastardos was a human being once, she knew that now. She was sure she'd learn more about him soon…she couldn't wait.

Once Avalon headed into the bathroom to get changed for bed, Dastardos let out a long sigh. He never thought it was possible, but he had let someone new walk into his life. Someone that he actually didn't want out of it.

He smiled to himself as he felt sleep take its hold on him.

_Miss Pendragonache, you are something else._


	15. Petula Also Gets a Date

_Was it a dream…?_

Avalon, half asleep, could not stop thinking about Dastardos' serenade last night. Being a woman of wealth and beauty, quite a few men in the past have attempted to attract her attention with music…but none of them had quite the impact that Dastardos did.

Avalon wasn't in _love_ with Dastardos –perish the thought- but she'd be lying if she didn't admit that she was flattered by his singing…and even more intrigued about him. That action made him seem more like a human being and less like a creepy spirit who killed piñatas on a daily basis. She felt him open up to her, even if it was just a tiny bit, and she felt so accomplished about that that it even invaded her dreams.

The dream she had came flooding back to her as she opened her eyes. She dreamed that Dastardos opened up to her, telling her a shameful secret, unable to look her in the eyes. Both of them had been barefaced, but they seemed completely fine with it. Dastardos' face was a blur, as if he were underwater, which admittedly disappointed Avalon. Avalon couldn't remember for the life of her what that secret was, but that was a _dream._ There was no way it could have any relevance in real life.

Avalon stretched, yawned, and lumbered out of bed and into the bathroom. A hot shower shocked her awake and she examined herself in the mirror as she brushed her long, inky hair.

"Better check on Dastardos…" she said to her reflection. "I didn't even look at the window…I wonder if 'e's still 'ere?" Avalon felt a tiny bit of panic well up in her chest. Ugh, it would get on her last nerve if she had gotten this close with Dastardos only to have him completely end the friendship!

She covered up her dripping body with a gold and purple bathrobe and put her mask back on before heading back into the bedroom. Her heart flooded with relief when she saw that familiar skeletal figure asleep on the windowsill, his mask pressed up against the pane…but her chest tightened once she got a better look at him.

Dastardos' mask had slid up during the night, revealing his mouth and a good portion of his left cheek. Avalon felt like she was invading the reaper's privacy, but she couldn't help gazing at him in fascination. Islanders had a natural curiosity for the faces of others, after all.

Dastardos' mouth, parted with sleep, was thin-lipped and wide across his face. His teeth were crooked, which didn't come as a surprise to Avalon. What _did_ come as a surprise was that a good portion of his exposed skin was covered in what appeared to be burn scars.

_Scars…?_ Avalon thought, her breath catching in her throat. _He never mentioned any scars…I knew 'e 'ad a bad eye, but it looks like there was __much__ more damage than that…_

A million questions ran rampant in Avalon's head, just like they did last night after Dastardos finished singing that folk song for her. _How did he get those scars? Wasn't he invulnerable? What-or who-could have hurt him that way? Does…does this mean he didn't always have his powers?_

Avalon carefully took a step forward, hoping to get an even closer look, when Dastardos' eyes suddenly opened wide.

Avalon let out a cry of surprise and jumped back, her robe nearly popping open in the process. She managed to catch it and crossed her arms tightly to prevent any further bathrobe malfunctions.

Dastardos quickly fixed his mask, his dark black blush clearly showing in the light of day. "You scared me half to death!" Dastardos placed a finger against his right cheek. "You were going to peek at my face, weren't you? Here I thought I could trust you! Shows what I know!" Dastardos threw his hands up in the air exasperatedly.

"N…no…yew…your mask was just…" Avalon frantically tried to save herself, fumbling with her hands as if that would somehow make her come up with a better excuse. She regained her cool and stood up straight and proud. "I wasn't going to take it off of yew if that's what yew're thinking!" She stuck her nose up in the air. "I 'ave some standards of decency, yew know! I just got curious about your mouth…"

"Oh God, you saw my mouth?!" Dastardos covered up the mouth of his mask for a second before realizing it was futile. Avalon couldn't take back what she saw. He slumped over on his stomach, hanging off of the windowsill like a tossed-aside ragdoll. "J-just forget about it, okay? It's not like you saw my whole face, and you leave that mouth of yours uncovered all the time." Dastardos rolled his good eyes. "Young people these days and their edgy, mouth-revealing masks…" Dastardos was back to his usual sarcastic self. Avalon smirked to herself. She couldn't resist throwing him for another loop; she had actually made him _embarrassed!_ Having that power over him was…kind of fun.

"For the record…" Avalon tied her bathrobe tight before putting her hands behind her back. "…yew 'ave quite elegant lips."

Dastardos gazed at her in what looked like complete and utter horror.

"Wot? Never received a compliment before?" Avalon asked innocently, touching her chin with her pinky finger. "It's the truth!"

Avalon figured it would be better to not let Dastardos know that she had seen his scars. As many billion questions as she had about them, scars that severe _had_ to be a touchy subject for Dastardos. Avalon wasn't about to let this friendship break apart based on a personal question asked a little too soon.

"Bah," Dastardos floated to his feet. "Just…forget the whole thing, okay? We should get going." He grabbed his hat off of one of Avalon's bed posters and fixed it atop his silver blaze of hair.

"Get going _where?"_ Avalon chuckled, amused that Dastardos was grasping at straws to find an excuse to change the subject.

"I, er…sightseeing! Yup, sightseeing!" Dastardos nodded as if that was what he intended to say all along. "You know this city better than me! I want to go see some interesting places!"

"Okay, okay, 'old on," Avalon bent to rummage through a suitcase. "I need to get dressed before we can do anything."

"Oh, you're not going in that?" Dastardos asked ingenuously, rocking back and forth in the air. "I think it suits you!"

Avalon responded by tossing a stiletto shoe at him. It went right through Dastardos, but he got the point.

"All right, all right!" Dastardos laughed as the shoe hit the wall. "Just don't take forever! I know how you women are." With that, he sat down on the bed, crossing his arms and swinging his legs impatiently.

Avalon shook her head, finally choosing an outfit. Dastardos was just like a little kid sometimes…hopefully she wouldn't have to buy him a leash to keep him from wandering off today.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Wooooow, Petula, you look _gorgeous!"_ Fannie squealed, her hands clasped underneath her mailbox mask.

"Are you implying I don't _always_ look gorgeous?" Petula drawled as she meticulously applied mascara to her bottom eyelashes.

"Yeah, well…today it's more gorgeous than usual!" Fannie bounced enthusiastically.

The two of them were getting ready for the day in their suite's bathroom, Petula maskless. She and Fannie were childhood friends, more or less stuck with one another, as much as Petula hated to admit it. She didn't mind if Fannie saw her face. Strangely she still had never seen Fannie's, despite numerous requests when they were younger. Fannie wouldn't take her mask off for _anything._ Petula hypothesized that Fannie must have a _serious_ Horstachio face to fit into that long, long mask. Oh well, it wasn't that big of a deal…

"Hopefully today will be the day Eddie finally agrees to go out with me…" Petula adjusted her boobs, still not quite used to the super push up bra she had brought the previous day. "…I need to look my _very_ best!"

"Ooh, are you wearing that lingerie you bought with Gretchen?" Fannie asked, tilting her head to the side. She was probably trying to look cute, but that mask of hers made her look like a drunk Chocstrich. "Did you manage to learn _why_ she wanted to buy lingerie? Or anything else juicy?"

Petula was willing to let the topic stray from her love life for a moment. She _loved_ gossip, and she _had_ learned an interesting tidbit…

Yesterday, Gretchen had been flitting around every question Petula asked her, brief looks of horror flickering on her new mask when Petula would ask her about her love life. Gretchen was obviously searching for something perfect judging by the way she meticulously sorted through the lingerie, …Petula could only draw one conclusion.

"I think Gretchen's in love!" Petula giggled. "Or at least in lust. You should have _seen_ her yesterday, Fannie! Whenever I asked her about guys her face would get _so red…_I never saw her lose her cool like that!" Petula applied a copious amount of pink sparkly eyeshadow and added: "Shame I didn't catch a single _hint_ about who it could be. Could be Dastardos, for all I know. Can you _imagine?"_

"Ooh, I could, like, totally see the attraction there!" Stars appeared in Fannie's eyes. "Healing a broken soul…learning the reason behind all of his mystery…he's not even that ugly when you look at him up close!"

Petula feigned a gag and raised a perfectly plucked brow at Fannie. "I think that musical you wrote poisoned your brain, Fan."

"Hey, don't you diss me, it's making me some serious choco cash!" Fannie stuck out her tongue at Petula. "I'm not the only one who thinks so now; do you have any idea how many love letters Dastardos gets on a daily basis? Of course, most of the time the postman is too scared to deliver them, so I have to go out and do it myself-"

"Okay, Fannie, that's enough!" Petula huffed and folded her arms, squinting her heavily lashed eyes at her irritating friend. "My stomach can only take so much information about Dastardos before I start wanting to _vomit."_

Truth be told, Petula had a personal beef with Dastardos. Back when he first showed up in the village he would constantly show up in her windows, scaring the life out of her almost nightly. She had no idea what she did to deserve that, but she was _very_ happy once he finally stopped bothering her.

"Let's change the subject; what do you think of this outfit?" Petula twirled around like a model on a runway, a confident smirk adorning her face. Fannie's eyes began to sparkle again. "Wow…your skirt is so whooshy!"

"I heard from Leafos that Eddie _loves _long skirts on girls…" Petula smoothed her long, ruffly pink skirt. "So I went out and bought some name brand stuff, and not just _any_ name brand!" Petula pointed to the swirly, vaguely Geckie shaped logo on the lower left side of her yellow and pink patterned tank top. "His _mom _designed these clothes! Supporting his mom's fashion line will net me some extra points!" She adopted a confident smile, posing with her hands on her hips. "And this matches my mask _perfectly!_ Do you know how _hard_ it is to find clothes that do?"

"You're a _genius,_ Petula!" Fannie hopped up and down, applauding her tiny hands. "Eddie will fall, and he'll fall _hard!"_

"Glad you think so," Petula applied shiny pink lip gloss with two quick swishes before placing her mask atop her head. "I was too pushy before, but I'm going to take a more subtle approach…Eddie is my ticket out of my boring life at Paper Pets, after all…my super cute ticket!" Petula giggled, resting a hand against her cheek. "Ahh, could you see me as his right hand woman, Fannie? _That's_ the life I want! The envy of all of the other girls in town…not some super lame cashier at a stupid accessory shop!" Petula wrinkled her nose.

"That would be _wonderful…"_ Fannie sighed at that mental image. "You two would make _such_ a gorgeous couple! I know I'd be _totes_ jealous of you two!" Fannie reached for Petula's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Heh, glad to have you as a cheerleader, then," Petula began to walk towards the door. "Promise you won't, like, stalk me on the date or anything though?"

"Promise~!" Fannie sing-songed.

"See you later!" Petula gave Fannie a quick wave before disappearing out the door.

Fannie waved back at her friend, secretly overcome with a flood of inspiration.

"Oooh, I need to get my laptop!" Fannie ran over to her suitcase and began to rummage. "Petula's wonderful persistence to get her man will make a great new trait for my main character!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Petula checked herself out in her compact mirror before she even thought about knocking on Eddie's door. Good, every hair was in place, her makeup was smooth, and she looked _gorgeous._ She'd knock his socks off with his shoes still on, she was _sure._

Much to her disappointment, Eddie wasn't the one who opened the door. It was Doc Patchingo, wearing the dweebiest vest she had ever seen. He gasped when he saw her, his cheeks turning bright red.

"Puh-Puh-Petula! Whuh-what buh-buh-brings you here?" he asked, taking a step back and wringing his hands. He was looking at Petula like she was a Sour Macaraccoon ready to maul him. "A-and you're all dressed up…wow…um…er…" Patch struggled to come up with some sort of conversation topic, his gaze darting around like a hyperactive Robean's, obviously trying not to stare at Petula. His face was getting redder and redder by the second.

_Psh, what a dork,_ Petula barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _If he always acts this way around pretty girls, he'll NEVER get any action outside of breast examinations._

She didn't insult Patch or make a face at him, though. Couldn't make a bad impression in case Eddie overheard. Instead, she gave him her most charming smile. "Patch, is Eddie here?" she asked casually, absent-mindedly smoothing her hair.

Patch burst into a cold sweat and tugged at his collar. "O-oh, you're here to see h-him? He's guh-getting duh-duh-dressed…" He moved aside and gestured to the room with a shaky arm. "You can cuh-cuh-come in if you want."

"Thank you!" With that, Petula skirted into the room and sat right down on one of the enormous plush chairs. It was so cushioned she almost sunk completely into it, but she crossed her legs and did her best to look prim and proper despite the chair's best efforts to stop her.

"Patch, who's here? I heard voices…" Eddie exited the bathroom in the middle of buttoning up his polo. His eyes fell on Petula and his expression faltered a bit before he put on a gigantic smile. "Ah, Miss Petula. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I came to ask you out!" Petula ambled over to Eddie, perking up at the sight of the guy she dreamed about. "I heard about the _cutest_ little café, and I instantly thought of you! We should _totally_ go together."

"Well, I don't have any plans…" Eddie bit his lip as he thought. Turning down Petula would be awful…he knew very well that girls had fragile feelings. Petula gently touched his hand, hoping that would help implore him to say yes. "…you know what? Sure! One condition, though."

"What's that…?" Petula's eyebrows creased.

"_I_ pay for everything. That's the man's duty, Petula," Eddie smiled into her eyes and Petula felt like she was ready to melt.

"You got yourself a deal, Eddie!" Petula barely resisted the urge to squeal as she pulled Eddie into a hug.

Eddie sighed mentally. Hopefully Petula wouldn't cross his boundaries again today…but he couldn't say no to her invitation, that would be _rude_! She did seem a little bit…different. That outfit was cute, she wasn't all over him like a rash, and this date sounded nice and safe…

The thought of Maxime might still make Eddie's heart flutter, but Eddie wanted to explore his options a bit more after that disastrous date at the piñata fights. Maybe there was another girl out there who would require much less bodily injury and stress. Giving Petula a chance couldn't hurt.

"What's the name of this café?" Eddie asked with a smile once Petula released him from the hug. Much to Petula's delight, Eddie took hold of her hand as they walked towards the door.

"Oh, the name is super gross…" Petula stuck out her tongue. "…but I heard it's good there. It's called The Bonboon's Bum."

Eddie shrugged. "Could be worse. I always did appreciate the sunset red of a Bonboon's behind, you know!" He threw his head back and laughed. Petula wasn't sure whether he meant that or not, but she snickered along with him. "Well, let's get going, then. Goodbye, Patch!" He waved at his temporary roommate before heading out.

"Bye…" Patch waved his fingers at Eddie before throwing himself on the bed with a pout.

"Hmph…Eddie's been out with two different pretty girls this week and I can't even muster up the courage to ask out _anyone_…" Patch hugged a nearby pillow to his chest. "Lucky Quackberry."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

_Your hair flows down your shoulders like spilt ink_

_ You're the only woman of whom I think_

_ Every time I see your mask-_

"Ugh, this poem is so half-assed…" Yen grumbled as he crumpled up yet another sheet of paper and tossed it into the trash. It was another slow day at The Bonboon's Bum, barely anyone felt like going to a coffee shop in this hot weather. He had been spending his time trying to think up a _great_ poem for Avalon, but his muse absolutely refused to cooperate. He still couldn't stop thinking about the conversation he had with her yesterday; it was _fantastic_ when the woman you were head over heels for knew that you existed!

Of course, his uncle Bart had to come in and completely tear Yen's love-high to shreds. Bart had punched Yen in the face right in front of everyone in the café (which, admittedly, wasn't too many people) and went on this big tirade about how worried he was.

_"Gordon Bennett, boy!" Bart had exasperatedly thrown his arms in the air. "We're a broken family as it is; we can't have you cavorting off willy-nilly and without so much as a goodbye!"_

Luckily, once Bart calmed down, he admitted that he was impressed with Yen's independence. Going to the city at age 19 and finding a job AND an apartment without any help from his family? Paying his own bills? Impressive.

_"About time you learned a thing or two about the world outside of your bedroom, Yen,"_ _Bart had actually called his nephew by name and ruffled his hair, both rare occurrences. "Now if only that absolutely bothersome brother of yours would follow your lead…"_

Yen had felt much better after that, but his heart dropped into his stomach when he realized he had forgotten to ask his uncle not to tell anyone where he was. God damn it, if word got back to Yoto, _everyone_ would know…

Yen tried to drown his sorrows in poetry and thoughts about Avalon, but he just couldn't write today…_ugh._

"Hey, Yen," His boss came out of the back room, a huge grin on her bright, sun-like mask. "A little Robean told me you had some luck with the ladies yesterday!"

"D-don't worry, Eloise, there was no one else in the store, so-" Yen was interrupted by his boss punching him in the arm.

"Just wanted to congratulate you, hon!" She winked at him. "It's about time you found yourself a girl! Cute guy like you deserves one!"

Yen let out a sigh of relief. His boss was a total nosebag. She was around fifty, short and stout, but absolutely full of energy for her age. She had a wiry grey afro and wore an apron that looked older than she did. Yen was her favorite employee; probably because every young lady that came in always ordered extra food and coffee just to get another look at the handsome, mysterious barista. Yen couldn't help having suspicions that she only hired him so more young ladies would come in.

The front door jingled, signaling the arrival of a new customer. Eloise gave Yen's arm an affectionate squeeze. "Customers! Do your stuff, sweetie pie." With that, she returned to the back room.

Sighing, Yen looked at the door and instantly had a heart attack.

He dived to the ground underneath the counter, his brain working overtime with panic.

_Damn it, no one else is working today! I HAVE to serve them, but if I do, it'll be so awkward…oh man, disguises…gotta disguise myself…_

Yen pulled off his nametag and tossed it aside. Hastily, he grabbed the calligraphy pen he was using to write his poem and drew a twirly mustache beneath the nose of his mask. He spat on his hands and quickly slicked his hair back. Yen had no mirror, but he figured this was better than nothing.

"Hello?" That same fruity voice that Yen had heard over the P-Factor speakers oh so many times called. There were three firm knocks on the counter. "Is anyone here?"

Yen took a deeeeeep breath, braced himself, and rose to his feet.

He hadn't hallucinated who had come in. There was Eddie, with Petula on his arm, both wearing completely baffled expressions.

Suddenly, Petula narrowed her eyes. "Yen, what the hell are you doing?" she drawled.

Eddie burst into raucous laughter. "Is that a _disguise?_ Oh, Yen, that's positively _golden!"_

Petula's expression remained unchanged. "Yen, next time you need a disguise, talk to _me…"_ a smirk finally crossed her face. "I can do much better than a magic marker mustache!" She joined Eddie in laughter and Yen's cheeks blazed.

"It's…calligraphy pen…ugh…" He knew it was no use. He buried his mask in his hands. "Can you guys just…order something, please? Don't make this any more awkward than it has to be."

"I think that was your fault, Yenio," Petula snickered.

"All right, all right…" Eddie finally trailed off to chuckles. "That's enough, Petula."

"Heh…" Petula wished she could take a picture, but to be honest, she was kind of scared that Yen would jump over the counter and maul her. He always seemed like he was one hair away from a mental breakdown. One of the many, many things she learned from the movies she had watched was to beware the quiet ones. "Sorry, Yen."

"Okay, let's start again…" Yen licked his finger and attempted to wipe off the fake mustache. It wound up looking like he had rubbed tar under his nose, but Yen obviously couldn't see that. "Can I take your orders?"

"Ooh, I'll have a double peach half whipped frappé with extra milk and a cinnamon bun, please!" Eddie said enthusiastically. "Oh, and an ice water too!"

Yen frantically wrote down that order as Eddie spoke. Petula was kinda impressed; she could barely remember what accessory her customers were looking for on a daily basis.

Yen turned his steely gaze onto Petula. "What about you?"

"Hot chocolate with whipped cream and…uh, a cherry Danish," Petula could tell that Yen was eager to end this conversation. How boring. She had no idea how anyone could sit at work all day and like it _better_ when they weren't talking to anyone! Petula was secretly grateful whenever her customers would take the time to shoot the breeze with her. Ugh, Yen's weirdness wasn't really a big surprise; he _is_ Yoto's twin brother after all.

"Sit wherever you want," Yen flicked his wrist at them as if they were annoying Tafflies. "I'll bring you your orders in a few minutes…" With that, he ripped the order out of his notepad and disappeared into the back room.

"Friendly as ever, I see…" Eddie folded his arms and sighed. "I didn't even get to ask him what he's doing here!"

"It's no big deal…" Petula tugged on Eddie's arm. "Let's just go sit down."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Petula, I meant to ask you…" Eddie folded his hands on the table that they had settled into just a few minutes earlier. "…your clothes…my mom designed them, didn't she?"

"You noticed?" Petula rested a hand on her chest, trying to hide just how pleased she was with Eddie's observation. She couldn't help a huge smile from crossing her face, though. "Your mom is an _awesome_ designer, I just _love_ her clothes!" That was the truth. Petula had to save for _ages_ just to buy this outfit, though. Though Petula had always admired Erin Lizard's clothing, they seemed unattainable with her tiny, tiny allowance. No wonder the Lizards were doing all right for themselves…

"She'd be happy to hear that! The clothes really suit you," Eddie beamed at Petula and she felt her heart quiver like jelly. "I should take you to meet her. I think she'd like you." _She likes pretty much everyone…_ Eddie added in his head. It was the truth; if there was one thing Eddie loved about his mother, she could see the good in pretty much everyone. She detested Pester, though, the mere mention of that man's name sent his mother off into a "BAH!" fest.

"You'd do that for me…?" Petula blinked disbelievingly. Eddie, who had brushed her off back when she was younger and stupider, was finally treating her kindly.

_Guess taking things slowly is worth it…_ Petula mentally patted herself on the back.

"Of course I would!" Eddie opened his mouth to say something else, but he was interrupted by a tray of sweets and coffee clanking down on the table.

"Enjoy," Yen grumbled before taking off back towards the counter.

"Hope he didn't spit in our drinks…" Petula wrinkled her nose and squinted suspiciously at her hot chocolate.

"I doubt it…" Eddie said, but he gazed into his coffee for a few moments. "Yen's not a bad guy; he does well at the P-Factor with that Galagoogoo of his!" Eddie took a bite of his cinnamon roll. "He is kind of scary though…" Eddie admitted.

"You don't know the half of it," Petula snickered, shaking her head. "Do you know what Fannie told me one day? He orders novels from overseas; really nasty splattery stuff." She said around a mouthful of Danish.

"Not the best conversation to have over breakfast," Eddie laughed sheepishly, reaching for his napkin. "You have some cherry on your lips, let me get it…"

Petula couldn't help blushing as Eddie blotted her mouth. Did he treat _every_ girl this way? Petula hoped not. She wished Eddie would only look at her; she couldn't even _bear_ the thought of someone else getting to be his bride. She felt her stomach twist at the very idea…

_NO, Petula,_ She mentally kicked herself. _YOU'RE on a date with him right now. No one else. Make a good impression and you're set! Maybe he'll be the one to ask you out next time…_

Once they were done with their meal, Eddie tapped his chin in thought. "Hey, Petula, would you like to go for a walk around the city? I know a few interesting places that I'd love to show you."

"I'd love to!" Petula said just a little too enthusiastically. Wow, this vacation to Poprockolis was _amazing…_she didn't even want to think about going home back to stupid Paper Pets…

"Let me pay, I'll be right back," Eddie winked at Petula before heading towards the counter, where a very wary Yen was waiting.

Petula sighed, turning in her chair to watch him go. He actually didn't want to get rid of her…in fact, he wanted to spend the rest of the day with her! Petula was on the right track!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Petula was convinced that she had died and gone to Heaven.

Eddie was the perfect date, the kind of guy that most girls dreamed about. He had actually bought Petula three more outfits that his mother had designed, with price tags that made Petula's wallet hurt just by looking at them. Everything that came out of his mouth was interesting; Petula learned that he played guitar, which almost made her swoon on the spot. She thought Eddie was too good to be true already, so learning that he could play her favorite instrument was _amazing._ She hoped she'd get to hear him play one day…

The two of them were walking through a historical section of Poprockolis, signs with facts about the Island's history dotting the streets. Petula couldn't care less about the signs, but Eddie would occasionally stop to read one, his eyes shining with interest. Petula sighed a bit; she wished she could be so easily amused. Sitting at a counter all day didn't honestly give you the best outlook on life.

Eddie suddenly stopped again, taking his arm out of Petula's and rushing over to a store window.

"What's up?" Petula asked, walking up behind him. "Another one of those signs?"

"No…Petula…" Eddie pointed to a black and white poster hanging on the shop's window. "She looks just like you!"

Petula sucked in a gasp when she saw that poster. She knew that mask…she knew that mask _very_ well.

It turned out that this store sold old, remastered movies, and the poster was an image of Petula's grandmother, Lillian Clarke, in her younger years. She was posed on a chair, giving a coy smile to the camera, her hair fluffed up and an ornate hat on top of her head. She wore a catlike mask that was remarkably similar to her granddaughter's, only its cheeks were decorated with flower patterns rather than the simple dots that adorned Petula's mask.

"That's my grandma…" Petula breathed. "I…I thought everyone forgot about her…!"

"That's your _grandmother?!"_ Eddie looked back and forth between Petula and the poster several times. "She looks just like you! What's she doing on this poster?"

"Back in the forties, she was a big movie star…" Fondness flooded Petula's voice as she gazed at the poster. "I was born not long after she retired from the big screen…she told me everything about her life…she told me that I had a big future, she had ins in the movie and theater industries…" Petula absent-mindedly brushed her fingers over the poster. "She said that once I was old enough she was going to take me to all kinds of auditions and make me a star…" Petula choked a bit, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She managed to blink them away, though. She was _not_ going to cry in front of Eddie, that would be _beyond_ uncool! "She died on my fourteenth birthday, so that…never got to happen." Petula sighed and shut her eyes. "She opened Paper Pets after she retired, you know. When she died, she left it to my parents…but they didn't want it, so they saddled me with the store. I think the reason I keep on working there is because I feel like I owe it to my grandma, y'know…? I really miss her…"

Petula chuckled, wiping away another annoying tear. "I'm sorry, Eddie. That was so lame…you probably didn't want to hear all of that Flapyakshi-"

All of a sudden, Eddie grabbed Petula and pulled her close, overwhelming her with the scent of his expensive cologne. Petula felt his chest heaving up and down quickly…oh God, was _he_ crying?!

"I had no idea…!" Eddie's voice was choked up. _He __was__ crying._ "That's so sad, I'm sorry you had to go through that!"

"I-it's okay! Really…" Petula patted Eddie on the back. She never would have told the story if she knew it would upset him _this_ much…but it was kinda nice that he cared. Fannie always looked so bored whenever Petula would mention her future that never was…no wonder, Fannie had heard that story six billion times.

Eddie let Petula go, looked her straight in the eyes, his expression serious and unwavering despite his watery eyes.

"I'm buying her movies," he stated before disappearing inside of the store.

"Eddie, hold on…!" Petula took off after him.

Eddie, all smiles, listened intently to Petula's recommendations once she caught up with him. Eddie bought one of each Lillian Clarke movie anyway, which turned out to be a _lot._

"Who knows," Eddie winked at Petula as the baffled shopkeeper packed up the many, _many_ movies. "Maybe you_ will_ have a future in showbiz after all."

Coming from anyone else, Petula would have brushed that comment off. For the first time in a long, long, while, Petula let a genuine, grateful smile cross her face.

"You're the best," she admitted, meaning every word.

Eddie gave her hand an affectionate squeeze. "I try."


	16. Back in Time

Dastardos finally let himself let out a long sigh of relief.

After several hours running around Poprockolis, taking in the sculpture garden, Western district, and far too many art galleries, Dastardos was confident that Avalon forgot all about the incident earlier when his mask slipped upward.

The first place they had visited was a historical cemetery, a little macabre, but Avalon was joking that it would appeal to Dastardos more that way. It was a Piñata Island tradition to fix the mask of the deceased onto the headstone. Dastardos really hoped that wasn't a hint towards her curiosity about his face; if he was capable of doing such, he probably would have been sweating bullets. He wasn't ready to show any non-Seedos person his face and he probably never would be.

Avalon had left the cemetery in a huff when Dastardos burst into laughter upon finding the headstone of a certain Richard Bonesly, who had a remarkably phallic mask. As luck would have it, his descendents were in the cemetery paying their respects at the same time and burst into tears. Avalon had dragged the hysterical Dastardos out of the cemetery by the collar of his shirt, accusing him of being five years old. Dastardos mentally gave himself a high five for that one.

Avalon thankfully cooled down around the third art museum, and now the two of them were walking through a bustling part of town to their next destination.

Dastardos was honestly overwhelmed with all the different kinds of people in Poprockolis. Back at home-well, as much 'home' as a town that ostracized him could be- there were so few people with so few different walks of life. On their trek down this city street, Dastardos saw a young man with a pink Mohawk that was probably as tall as Dastardos was, an American girl with a plastic party mask who was obviously a starry-eyed tourist, and he could have sworn he saw Ava Maradonna, the actress who had played the vampy villainess in a James Pond film that Pester had once forced him to watch.

Dastardos wasn't the only one who noticed interesting people in the crowd, though. Out of the blue, a baffled, feminine voice called out: "Avalon?!"

Avalon completely froze, her mouth agape.

"What's wrong?" Dastardos whispered as loudly as he could, but Avalon didn't respond. No wonder, there was quite a distance between him and Avalon's ear. Ugh, he hated being so short.

After a few moments, a tall, thin man wearing the frilliest, most colorful outfit Dastardos had ever seen emerged from between a couple that had been hogging the sidewalk. His face was covered by a purple birdlike mask with enormous feathers sticking out of the top. His mouth was uncovered and crossed his face in a humongous grin.

_Who the hell is this?_ Dastardos thought, knitting his brows together. _The Almighty King of Fags? Why does he know Avalon?_

"Lonnie!" Once he finally reached Avalon, he swooped down on one knee, took Avalon's hand, and kissed it. "You look as radiant as ever, I see! It's a pleasure!"

Avalon yanked her hand out of this strange man's grasp. "Lukah…could yew please leave me alone? I'm trying to-"

"_What_ did he call you?" Dastardos was so shocked he forgot to disguise his voice.

The girly guy, Lukah, apparently, chuckled and Avalon heaved a heavy sigh.

"Why, I called her Lonnie!" He rose to his feet and rested a hand on his chest. "That's only been her nickname since she was a child! It's just _charming,_ isn't it?" Lukah took a step back, folding his arms and looking down at Dastardos, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "And who might _you_ be?"

Dastardos didn't hear him. All he could hear was his own thoughts swimming far too fast for him to keep up with.

Everything made sense now…no wonder Avalon always seemed so familiar to him! Lonnie…that was the girl he met two months before…The Incident.

"Hell-_oooo?"_ Lukah waved his hand in front of Dastardos' face, but he got no response at all. Dastardos was off in his thoughts, his eyes blank behind his sunglasses, as if he was fully dead.

_It's all coming back to me now…_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

It was ten…or eleven years ago? I forget exactly when it was…but I remember it now, like it was yesterday.

The day our little slice of Eden had some special visitors.

Don't get me wrong, we had visitors coming in every day. Jardiniero would actually charge money for tours, for cripes' sake, it got ridiculous after a while. I got really sick of seeing strangers marveling at every blade of grass in our garden and puking up praise for Jardiniero's gardening skills. The old man could have taken a piss right in front of them and gotten praise for it.

Sure, the garden was gorgeous, I'll give it that. It had every kind of flora and fauna that you could think of, even its own clearing filled with orchids. I used to go in there all the time to clear my head with Magnar, but that didn't work out once Jardiniero started giving the tours. He'd come barreling in, talking loudly in that too strong accent of his, showing off his prized plants. He'd even poke fun at me sometimes. "Oh, that's my son, Stardos; the one off brooding in the corner with that sick Macaraccoon of his! What a funny boy, teenagers are barmy, am I right?"

Usually the tourists would laugh and move on, but on occasion someone, usually a girl much younger than me, would come striding up and start nailing me with questions. _"How old are you? What's your favorite color? Isn't it COOL being Jardiniero's son? Oooh, can I hold your Macaraccoon?"_

I hated that last stupid request the most. The first and only time I let a girl hold Magnar she squeezed him so tightly that he turned blue. I yanked him right back a bit too violently and she went crying to her mother. Jardiniero gave me an earful for that one, but I didn't give a crap, as long as Magnar was okay. Ever since that incident, I wasn't too big on girls.

It didn't help that situation when my poor little brother Sidos got his heart broken by Petula. She was such a spoiled brat back in the day, constantly getting entered in those stomach-churning child pageants and always dressed in frills. She looked like a walking cupcake more often than not. Sidos fell for her anyway and poured his heart out to me one night when neither of us could sleep. I psyched him up; I mean, what else could I have done? I'd be a bad big brother if I didn't encourage him! He picked a bouquet of gorgeous flowers from our garden and offered it to Petula the next day…and she shoved it right back into his face. She said she didn't care if he had a rich daddy or a cool big brother, she didn't want to spend her time with a "dork."

Sidos and I shared a room, and he cried so much every night that I'm pretty sure that I barely slept for eight days. I managed to get a little revenge for Sidos a few months later, but that's another story for another day.

Anyway, back to what I was flashing back to in the first place. One day, this _enormous_ guy came to the garden. GIGANTIC. He must have been at least seven or eight feet tall. I was always…vertically challenged, so this guy made me feel like I was a Mousemallow about to be squashed by an Elephanilla. He's not really a big part of the story, though. This is more about the girl that he brought with him.

Jardiniero insisted that I come and greet the guests, and I did. I wrinkled my nose a bit when I saw that this tall guy had brought his daughter with him. A girl of twelve, a bit tall for her age, with her long jet black hair in a braid. I wouldn't have found her especially striking if not for her irritated expression and the scars that decorated the side of her face. They looked like they were recently stitched up, probably caused by a nasty fall or a particularly ornery piñata. I remembered thinking I would hate to have ugly scars like that, even if my mask would cover them. Heh, how naïve I was…

"I'm interested in purchasing that Tigermisu I read about…" the tall man produced a newspaper seemingly out of thin air. "The one that knows all of those impressive tricks? Is it true that it can do the Charleston? That would certainly be entertaining at parties!" The man let out a guttural, but still posh-sounding laugh. British accents could make anything sound posh, I swear. But I wasn't focused on his accent; I was focused on his request.

"Hey, that's-!" I began to protest, but suddenly I felt my father's arm drape across my shoulders and pull me closer. I gaped at Jardiniero and noticed that he was beaming with pride.

"That's the very Tigermisu that Stardos trained! He has put many,_ many_ hours into making sure that the beast can do impressive tricks! I won't let him go for anything less than a high price!"

"DAD!" I yelled, breaking away from him. "You didn't tell me you were going to_ sell _Tybalt! I planned on entering him in the P-Factor this week!"

"Well, it looks like you're going to have to withdraw, son," Jardiniero gave me a patronizing pat on the head and I felt my blood boil. "You know very well our family needs this money!"

_FLAPYAKSHIT!_ I wanted to yell, but I knew very well that would get me a good walloping later. Instead, I just gritted my teeth and folded my arms as tightly as they would go.

"Don't worry, Stardos," The tall man beamed at me. "'E will be in _very_ capable 'ands."

That did little to reassure me and I looked down at my feet, still simmering with anger. I felt eyes staring intently at me and I flicked my gaze back up to see the little girl this guy had brought with him shooting me a look of sympathy.

Ugh, I didn't need sympathy from _anyone._ I couldn't listen to these two negotiate over the price of _my_ Tigermisu, the one that I had spent _months_ training. I stomped off into the grove of trees in search of my clearing without so much as saying goodbye.

I noticed Magnar once I got there; fast asleep in the shade of our biggest oak tree. I finally let a smile cross my face. The sight of that precious little piñata never failed to cheer me up even back then. I knelt down next to him and gently lifted him onto my lap. He smiled and snuggled against my belly.

Suddenly, I felt a strong gaze on me again. Oh man, don't tell me…

I raised my eyes to the entrance of the clearing and my suspicions were confirmed. Yup, that girl had followed me.

I sighed, absent-mindedly scratching Magnar between his ears. "What do _you _want? If you're wondering about Magnar, he's not for sale. _Ever."_

"'E's so…" The girl dropped to her knees and scooted over to my side. "…_cute!_ Wow! I've seen a _lot_ of piñatas in my day, but none of them came close to 'ow cute this little guy is!"

"You can't hold him," I stated, my voice cold. At her disappointed expression, I quickly added: "Uh, I had a bad experience with some other girl. She almost squeezed the life out of him…Magnar's really week. I have him on a…special diet to keep him alive." I obviously couldn't let the whole life sweets thing slip. Back then I actually managed to keep the fact that I was a piñata murderer a secret. Nowadays…not so much.

"Really?" the girl's eyes brightened with interest. "Wow, 'e _really_ is unique! It must be 'ard on yew, thinking that 'e could die at any second…"

"That's not gonna happen!" I said a little too quickly. "I take excellent care of him, you know. No reaper's going to take Magnar on my watch!" Smiling, I looked down at the little sleeping piñata, who nuzzled his head into my stomach again. What a good piñata.

"So cool…" the girl beamed. "I expected all of Jardiniero's kids to be big losers with giant egos, just like 'e is! Uh, no offense."

"None taken, you're one hundred percent right, uh…" Damn, I didn't catch her name.

"Everyone calls me Lonnie!" She dropped herself down on the ground next to me, grabbed my hand in a surprisingly strong grip, and shook it. "Nice to meet yew, Stardos."

"Likewise…" I looked down at Magnar briefly before meeting her eyes and asked: "Do you have any piñatas you like at home?"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

I have no idea how long we talked. Hours, probably. I clicked with her better than I had clicked with anyone else. There was no one in the Village who was so close to my age, minus Leafos, who I never really found to be pleasant company. Her chipper demeanor and enthusiasm for every little thing that breathed oxygen grated on my nerves after a while. I wonder if she's still like that…

Lonnie talked about how her dad was a pain in the neck, giving all of his attention to her brother and none to her, and how her dad probably wanted to buy Tybalt for the races.

"My brother wouldn't even be able to ride 'im, I bet," Lonnie snorted. "I might let Tybalt out of 'is pen for yew. Yew think 'e'd find 'is way back 'ere?"

"He's gonna keep him in a _pen?"_ I tore at my hair. "Tigermisus need room to run! Cripes, your dad is a moron…" I calmed myself down, taking a deep breath and letting it out. "Even if Tybalt did find his way back here, I'm sure Jardiniero would return him to your father." I folded my arms and added: "God forbid he have a dissatisfied customer. Can't hurt that spotless reputation of his, oh no!"

I didn't get the chance to ask her about her scars. Little did I know I'd get that question answered for me a few minutes later…

"You be good," I whispered, setting Magnar down on a bed of grass before rising to my feet. He let out a little sigh, but he kept on sleeping. "Hey, Lonnie, I wanna show you where I go wherever I want to think." A grin crossed my mask as I held out my hand to her. "It's absolutely _incredible."_

"If yew say so…" Lonnie was looking at me with admiration in her eyes now. I thought nothing of it; it seemed that every girl that came in contact with me developed a crush. Hah, looking back on it now, I kind of regret not taking advantage of any girl's feelings. Like hell someone would fall in love with me while I look and act like _this._

Lonnie took my hand and followed me to my special place in the jungle…

…but when we got there she screamed at the top of her lungs, enveloping me in the tightest hug I had ever received.

"What?! What?! What's wrong?!" I panicked in strangled breaths, trying to pry Lonnie off of me. Geez, she was crushing my ribcage!

"Too 'igh! WAY too 'igh!" Lonnie fell to the ground, taking me with her, and we rolled down the hill together until we came to a crashing halt against a palm tree.

"Ow…" I groaned. My back had hit the palm tree at full force and my tailbone was throbbing. "God damn it, Lonnie, what did you do _that_ for?!" I was mad now. I shoved her off of me and staggered to my feet, looming over her like she was a sick piñata.

She looked extremely guilty, like she was ready to cry, but she was obviously disguising her imminent tears as a scowl. "Pfft! Yew are _so_ insensitive!" She was shaking now. "I'm _afraid of 'eights,_ you moron!"

My glare softened a bit. "…oh," I said, as good at comebacks as ever.

No wonder she wigged out. My special thinking place was at the edge of a cliff on top of an enormous hill overlooking the Village. You could see _everything_ from up there. I had become somewhat of an expert at identifying people and different piñata species from a bird's eye view. Absent-mindedly watching the Village and the surrounding areas go through the day's motions was a great way to clear my head. And the best part? No one knew about this spot. No father to annoy me, no little brother to ask me inane, obvious questions, no sound of my sister frantically sketching piñatas and going "OOH!" whenever an "interesting" person walked by.

Not to mention the stars looked amazing at night. There were no trees to obstruct them and the Village gave off little light pollution, so I spent many a night lying awake on the dewy grass, finding all the constellations I could before sleep took its hold on me.

I didn't understand how anyone couldn't find such a place beautiful, so Lonnie seemed just a little nuts to me right now, fear or no fear.

"Did…something happen?" I asked, my brow furrowing. _Better be a good reason,_ I had thought. _I feel like I took you to my favorite place for nothing! Damn it, Lonnie._

"I…I tried racing recently…" Lonnie absent-mindedly traced a finger over the thin, stitched up cut on her cheek. "The 'Orstachio was so tall, and 'e bucked me right off of 'im. I 'it a fence, and…"

"Oh," I, The King of Eloquent Responses, said again. "I was wondering about those scars, but I didn't say anything. I thought I'd offend you."

"Pfffft," Lonnie rolled her eyes so hard that her head went with them. "If you 'ad asked, we wouldn't be all covered in grass stains, now would we?"

I looked down at my sweater at that little comment. Geez, that little roll down the hill had really done a number on my clothes. My mum was going to be so pissed at me…

"Okay, fine, I'm sorry," I huffed. I never really liked admitting that I was wrong, still don't, but I knew very well that I had offended this girl. She was actually worth my time; I didn't want her to stay mad at me. "…but I still think you should see this place at night. We don't have to go all the way to the cliff to enjoy the view." I sat back down again, finally letting half a smile cross my face.

"What's 'ere at night?" Lonnie asked, scooting a little closer to me. _Good, already forgiven._ Sometimes being a teenage heartthrob was as beneficial as it was annoying!

"Stars!" I swept my arms at the sky. "Stars like you've never seen! You can see _all_ of them, Lonnie, it's incredible!" I rolled up my sleeve to check my watch and frowned. "…but I don't think we'll be able to see them today. Your dad is probably worried about you, and it's only one in the afternoon…"

"Fine then!" Lonnie took my hands and beamed. "We can see them together next time!"

"Next time?" I Parrybo'd, narrowing my eyes in confusion.

"We can meet 'ere again in a few weeks!" Lonnie bounced with joy. "I'll ask my dad for your home Alert number and we can set something up, okay?"

"Uh, sure, that would be nice…" I admitted. I was a little taken off guard with her request, most people…really didn't want to hang out with me. I was kind of…dreary back in the day. Heh, what else is new?

"Thank yew! Yew are the _best!" _Lonnie leaned forward, lips puckered, and I realized to much horror that she was trying to kiss me. I moved my head just in time and her lips collided with the cheek of my mask.

"I think we should get to know each other better before I let you do _that,"_ I gently pushed her away and she looked at me indignantly.

"Fine, yew spoilsport! Hmph," She put her nose up in the air.

_Also, you're twelve,_ I wanted to add, but she would probably have kicked me in the crotch if I said that. I figured I shouldn't.

She stomped off back towards the garden, me following slowly, not wanting to risk her wrath. I wondered if she would still take up my offer on letting her see the stars after I rejected that kiss…I hoped she would. Forward or not, it was nice to have a friend.

My dad completely misinterpreted things, though.

"You and Lonnie?" I could see him smirking behind his beard. "I noticed you snuck off together. If you two got married, our family would become even _more _influential!"

"Dad, she's just a friend, and she's _twelve!"_ I threw my hands up in exasperation. "I'm _not_ going to marry her!"

Jardiniero chuckled from where he sat in his overstuffed easy chair, still wearing a smirk. "That's what you say now, but give it ten years…"

"Dad, stop…just…stop!" Rubbing my temples, I retreated upstairs into my room.

I never wound up meeting Lonnie for stargazing. I died not long after I met her. If Lonnie really is Avalon, though…she doesn't seem too broken up about it. But I should find a way to confirm it without dropping too many hints…

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"Hey, hell-OH?! Anyone home?"

Dastardos snapped out of it to find that guy from earlier waving a hand in front of his face. Dastardos barely resisted the urge to attempt to bite his hand and shook his head around, attempting to regain his bearings.

"Dear Lonnie…" Lukah straightened up and fixed a critical gaze upon Dastardos. "…you really have gone downhill since I saw you last! You're dating a brain dead midget!"

"We are _not_ dating!" Avalon said, exasperated that it was the first conclusion everyone came to.

"I am _not_ a midget!" Dastardos exclaimed. _Why does everyone think that?!_

"You're still spending time with him, _non?"_ Lukah wrinkled his nose and gave Dastardos a mock look of sympathy. "Sorry to say this, but I think Miss Lonnie might be going out with you out of pure pity!" He wiped a fake tear from his eye. "What a pathetic soul."

Dastardos began to roll up his sleeves, ready to clean this guy's clock. Avalon grabbed onto the back of his shirt, glared at him, and mouthed _"DON'T."_

Dastardos clenched his bony fists so hard that his black veins popped out, clearly visible in the light of day.

"I trust you're attending the piñata convention?" Lukah asked Avalon, innocently putting his lanky arms behind his back. "I'll make sure to find you there! Preferably without your little friend. We have a _lot_ of catching up to do." His tone was flirtatious. He swooped closer to Avalon and, twisting his head far to the side so he wouldn't jab her with his beak, planted a quick kiss on her lips. With that, he went flouncing off.

"Oh my God, I HATE that guy!" Dastardos exclaimed, tearing at his hair.

"Way to go," Avalon elbowed Dastardos, a stern look on her mask. "Yew didn't disguise your voice!"

"Oh come on," Dastardos chuckled. "A fluffy city guy like him would probably get _ill_ at those rumors about me. He probably doesn't know a damn thing!" Dastardos shrugged nonchalantly. "I'll avoid him at the convention. He has the most punchable face I've ever seen in my life…" Dastardos held up one of his clenched fists. "Mind telling me who that guy was? Why the hell did he _kiss_ you?"

"Don't remind me…" Avalon dug in her purse, producing a travel size pocket of mouthwash. She screwed off the cap and kicked back the entire thing and, much to Dastardos' surprise and amusement, swallowed it all. "Lukah and I…we were together for a _very_ long time."

"WHAT!?" Dastardos exclaimed, earning himself quite a few stares from people passing by. "YOU dated a fruitcake like _that?!_ Avalon, I thought you had some standards!" Dastardos backed away from Avalon, looking at her with revulsion. He had expected Lukah to be the type to prefer other men…but Avalon _was_ pretty butch. Maybe he was using her as a fake girlfriend so he would look straight…

"It's a _long_ story…" Avalon slammed a palm into her mask and slowly brought it down her face. "I'd rather not revisit it…at least, not without some alcohol in my system. Let's go find a bar."

She grabbed Dastardos by the wrist and led him down the road.

_Oh man,_ Dastardos thought, a smirky grin crossing his mask. _Drunk Avalon? Now THIS will be a sight to behold!_


	17. Leafos' Plan

"Leafos…"

Without warning, the door to Leafos' suite opened, revealing Gretchen, her hair mussed and a troubled expression on her citygoing mask. Gretchen's cheeks were flushed and her clothes were in disarray, as if she had hastily put them on. Leafos raised both of her eyebrows at that one. It wasn't like Gretchen to go out looking like _this…_something must really be bothering her!

"Gretchen!" Leafos rose from the bed, tossing the book she had been reading aside. "What's wrong? You're a mess…did something bad happen?"

"No, I'm okay…mostly, but…" Gretchen took a deep breath, as if she really didn't want to say what she was about to say. "I need advice!" she exclaimed, a bit too suddenly and loudly, her face coloring red. She obviously wasn't happy with losing her cool; she covered her mouth with a slender hand, her green eyes downcast.

"Fuh-from m-me?" Leafos spluttered, doing her best Doc Patchingo impression. "Why me? I…I didn't even know you thought…"

"Thought what?" Gretchen raised an eyebrow, her usual cool tone back.

Leafos sighed. "Never mind."

Truth be told, she was shocked that Gretchen would come to her for guidance. She was always under the impression that Gretchen barely knew she existed and frowned upon her gossiping ways. Gretchen must _really_ be desperate…Leafos would have to try _really_ hard to keep some confidentiality in this exchange, no matter what she might learn. _Man, she could already feel herself ready to burst at the thought of that. Sorry, Gretchen…_

While Leafos was lost in her thoughts, Gretchen had migrated to the suite's gold and purple patterned sofa. She patted the cushion next to her. Leafos took her invitation, walking as steadily as she could towards the couch. She didn't know what it was about Gretchen that made her legs turn to jelly. Might be her intimidating height, or her steely gaze, or her unapproachable air of coldness. The latter didn't seem to be around today, though…Gretchen clenched the fabric of her skirt in her fists, and looked truly troubled. Whatever was bothering her, Leafos really hoped she could help.

"I wasn't sure who to come to…" Gretchen admitted, once Leafos finally sat down. "I…don't exactly have too many female friends. Judging from what I've heard about you, you seem like you'd be the most understanding." Gretchen looked up and actually smiled at Leafos. Leafos finally felt herself relax. That was a _real_ smile. Gretchen's usual smile was…sort of concerning, like she couldn't wait to pounce on some poor unsuspecting piñata.

Leafos didn't like to think about Gretchen's occupation. Sure, the piñatas got happy homes, but Leafos shuddered to think of what means Gretchen had to go through to subdue piñatas like Elephanillas or Jelis.

"Sorry…" Gretchen shut her eyes and slouched down the couch a little bit. "It's just…so hard to spit this out…okay, here goes…" Gretchen cleared her throat, rising back to her usual flawless posture. "Sometimes, when I'm hunting, piñatas get away. It bothers me for a long time, I always think of what I could have done correctly and beat myself up over the failure…I'm having a problem like that, but…" Gretchen made eye contact with Leafos, her expression dead serious. "With a man."

"A MAN?!" Leafos didn't even bother trying to disguise her excitement. She quickly jammed her gloved fingers into her mouth, her cheeks turning pink. Gretchen huffed and rolled her eyes. She hadn't expected Leafos to react quite so…enthusiastically. Maybe she shouldn't have come here…

"Sowwy…" Leafos mumbled around her mouthful of fingers before removing them. "Go on!" She was excited now, it was taking everything in her power not to grin or bounce in anticipation. Gretchen! In love with someone! Leafos couldn't deny it; Gretchen was stunningly beautiful, even when she was in a state of disarray like this. She was surprised this didn't happen sooner…she figured Gretchen would have suitors knocking down her door!

"Men and I…" Gretchen shifted in her seat. "We never really had a good track record. Heh…" Gretchen chuckled, shaking her head. "…it's really pathetic now that I think about it, but I'm thirty now, Leafos, and my entire life I could never seem to do well with men. I think it's because they know very well that I could kill them with my bare hands, but…" Gretchen cracked her knuckles for emphasis. "This guy…I really don't want to let him get away."

"Have you tried just telling him?" Leafos offered, her mind burning with possibilities as to who this guy could possibly be.

"Pffft, that hasn't worked too well in the past…" Gretchen flapped a hand at Leafos. "I sunk to a new low. We had a date set up, but he came up with some lame excuse and cancelled on me. I figured I'd take a…not so subtle approach…uh, how old are you?" Gretchen asked Leafos. "This part of the story might need to be a little censored."

"Gretchen, please, I'm twenty," Leafos giggled nervously. "I can handle it."

"Twenty, huh?" Gretchen laughed. "You should stop wearing your hair in pigtails. It doesn't suit a woman of your age."

Leafos, blushing, absent-mindedly fiddled with her tight pigtails. She had this hairstyle since she was a kid…did it _really_ look bad? Why didn't anyone tell her until now?

_ Ah, now isn't the time to worry about that! Gretchen is still talking!_

"Anyway, I figured I'd make a special little surprise for him for when he came back to his hotel room…forgive me for admitting this, but I went lingerie shopping with Petula as my advisor-"

Leafos interrupted Gretchen with a bout of tiny giggles. Gretchen narrowed her eyes and Leafos' laughter ceased very quickly.

"Yeah, I know, it…wasn't the best morning of my life. But I went to his hotel room, changed up, and laid on his bed. Figured I'd go for the most unsubtle approach possible…" Gretchen folded her arms and groaned a bit at the memory. "…but he _never showed up._ I was there for _four hours_ before I got fed up and left." Gretchen gave Leafos a bleak look. "He's avoiding me. I know it. Ugh, I sound like a hopeless teenage girl, I'm sorry-"

"No, no!" Leafos shook her head. "You have every right to be cross! Who is this guy, anyway? What kind of jerk would walk all over a woman's heart like that?"

"Th-that…" Gretchen spluttered again for a moment, before adopting her usual steely expression. "That's a secret."

"I think you should tell me…" Leafos, smirking, scooted a bit closer to Gretchen, a mischievous flash in her eyes. "I might be able to arrange a chance meeting for the two of you…it would be _so _romantic!" Leafos' eyes began to sparkle and Gretchen groaned.

The sparkles in Leafos' eyes disappeared as quickly as they had come, and she slumped her shoulders. "Or you can give him a proper piece of your mind. Whichever works."

"Okay, fine…" Gretchen slammed a palm over her eyes, her cheeks rapidly turning red. Leafos couldn't help grinning while Gretchen wasn't looking at her; it was _really_ interesting seeing the vulnerable side of this usually intimidating woman. "It's…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Bartholomew Cunningham, you've done it now…"

Bart laid his head on the bar counter and snaked his skinny arms around it like Syrupents. He had only one beer, but that was enough to bring his sorrows to the brim of his brain. Ugh, he had come here to _forget_ his problems…but even when he looked at the dancers here, he could only think of Gretchen. Her beauty made these dancers look like hairy old men in comparison…

"Hey, don't worry about it, buddy!" Bart felt Arfur's enormous hand smack him on the back, just a bit too hard.

"Yeah," Willy's gruff voice came from Bart's left. "Women are _way_ too much trouble. You're lucky you're single!" Bart heard Willy take a huge gulp of his drink. "You can actually come to a place like this without feeling guilty!"

"You feel _guilty?"_ Arfur chuckled.

Willy huffed. "I'm trying not to, guv, but I just keep imagining the old ball and chain's reaction when she learns about this…" Willy burst into a grating falsetto. "WILLY! I can't _BELIEVE _you went to a _STRIP CLUB! _Am _I_ not attractive to you anymore?!"

_"Never _impersonate your missus again," Bart rose from the arm cave for a few moments to glare at Willy.

"You don't get it, Bart," Willy shook his head. "I'm just sayin', it could be worse! How old are you, again? Forty? Fifty? You've been blessed with a life of bachelorhood! Why start now?"

"I don't even remember how many years I've been on this godforsaken planet," Bart finally straightened up, leaning the cheek of his mask on a fist, still wearing a big frown that looked immensely comical on his mask. "I _do_ know that Gretchen makes me feel young again, though…young and confused as a fumbling teenager!" Bart fought the urge to pull at his hat. "What is it about that woman..?!"

"Hey, if you're not going for her, I'll take her!" Arfur said with an earnest shrug.

Bart's head whipped towards Arfur like something out of a horror movie. Arfur saw unbridled, pure rage and hatred in Bart's mask that was too terrifying to even begin to describe in prose.

Arfur pointedly moved down three barstools. "I-I was joking, my friend! I'll make it up to you. How about I buy you a lap-"

"No!" Bart stood up and slammed some chocolate coins down on the bar. "I'm _done_ with you ruffians. I don't know why I thought this outing was a good idea!"

"Your loss!" Willy shrugged. "Hey, Arfur, I'll take that if Bart doesn't want it." He opened and closed a palm at his barrel-headed friend while laughing heartily.

Bart scoffed and stormed out of the strip club, feeling his face burning up beneath his mask. Was there _no one _of mature mind that he could speak to?! Sometimes he felt like the only normal person in town…

Bart slowed to a walk, feeling too numb to even appreciate the maskless posters of beautiful woman that were plastered all over the wall of a nearby club. He shoved his hands into his pockets, slumping with his hat covering his face.

"God damn it, Gretchen…" he grumbled. Sure, in his younger days, he had gone through many, _many_ woman. All fluffy, girly dreamers or sultry swinger types who he barely spent more than a few months with. His record relationship lasted a year, but that's only because he was afraid that the woman's father would murder him if he left her. All that went away when he adopted Yen and Yoto after his sister's mysterious disappearance…he had forgotten how to be smooth. Gretchen didn't seem like the type of woman who would appreciate those romantic tinkering tricks he had taught himself waaaaaaaay back when, nor any sort of gift any ordinary woman would enjoy. She hadn't called him to reschedule their date; she must be getting sick of his fumbling advances. _Feh._

Bart was yanked out of his clouded thoughts when he felt something close around his leg. It felt like a flabby Fizzlybear trap!

Bart cried out in surprise and looked down to see the saddest, sorriest sight he had ever seen in all of his years.

It was Professor Pester, in a colorful zoot suit that was stained with things Bart didn't even want to think about. Pester's mask was cracked and it wore a pathetic expression, as if he was begging for sympathy.

"You!" Despite his decrepit state, Professor Pester's voice was as loud as ever. Bart fought the urge to cover his ears. "I know you! Help me!"

"Whatever you need help with, I want no part of it!" Bart attempted to shake Pester off, but his efforts were in vain. Professor Pester must have weighed over two hundred pounds more than Bart, Pester felt like a fat, fat anchor. Bart wasn't going anywhere.

"I just need money!" Professor Pester blubbered, pulling Bart's skinny leg in a way too affectionate hug. "And a shoulder to cry on…you can't even offer me that? You're an awful man!"

"That's quite hypocritical of you…" Bart narrowed his eyes at the villain. "What on Earth did you do to get yourself in such a state?"

Professor Pester staggered to his feet and almost fell back down again. Bart caught him on reflex, and reluctantly let himself be used as a support.

"Take me to that bench, please…" Professor Pester gasped. "I need to sit down…"

Bart grudgingly obeyed, leading the obese villain to a bench covered in peeling paint. On the way, Professor Pester spun a tale of woe.

He had been banned from pretty much every gentleman's club in the red light district, due to his blatant disregard of the "HANDS OFF WOMEN WORKING" signs. He had been kicked out of multiple bars due to being drunk off his ass, and he had even gotten his ass whooped by a woman he had gotten just a little too fresh with.

"She jammed a stiletto right into my eye!" Pester sobbed, burying his face in his hands. "I never got in trouble for blatantly disregarding rules back in the Village! What makes here different?!"

Bart scooted away from the villain, eyeing him critically beneath the brim of his hat.

"I've actually had women of the night _refuse_ me!" Pester smacked himself in the chest. "ME! Am I unattractive? Do they not know I used to be a male model?!"

"I'm not answering either of those questions," Bart grumbled. Pester continued on his tirade.

"Ugh, I need to find a bar that I haven't been banned from yet…" Professor Pester wobbled to his feet. "All of this venting sobered me up…care to join me?" He looked over his shoulder at Bart.

"No," Bart raised his head to glare at Pester. "No. I'm done with you. _Never_ speak to me again!"

"Wow, harsh!" Professor Pester jumped back, as if Bart had just struck him. "All I did was unload some worries onto you! What kind of jerk are-"

It was too late. Bart was already halfway down the street, fists clenched and walking with a purpose.

He wasn't going to be like Pester. He wasn't going to end up fat, drunk, and alone, without a single thread of happiness to cling to. He had some business to take care of, and by George, he was going to do it!

Professor Pester watched Bart leave, completely stunned.

"Hmph…" He pouted, folding his meaty arms. "Buzzkill. Where on Earth am I going to get the money for booze now…?"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Leafos knocked fervently on the biggest, most ornate suite door in the hotel. If she was going to do this, she was going to need help, and she knew only one man who was as enthusiastic about love as she was!

She had even changed her clothes before she dropped by this suite. For some reason, she felt like Eddie would agree to help a "maiden in need" more if she wasn't dressed in her usual patched-up clothes. She had even let her hair down, and whoo, Gretchen was right. Leafos _did_ look her age with her long hair let loose. Maybe she should do this more often…

Leafos broke out of her fog as soon as the door opened. She then practically pounced on the room's occupant, her hands gripping their shirt. "Eddie! I need your-"

Halfway through her sentence, Leafos realized she had the wrong person. This silly-looking pale blue and white sweater vest wasn't anything Eddie would be caught dead in…Leafos looked up to see the familiar monkey mask of Doc Patchingo, and his baffled, flushed expression.

"Oh, sorry!" Leafos broke away from him as quickly as she had leapt on him. "I didn't know you were in here, Doctor. Is Eddie around?"

"Another guh-girl looking for Eddie…" Patch sighed and rolled his eyes. He was really getting quite sick of this. "No, he's out. With Puh-Petula."

"Petula?!" Leafos wrinkled up her nose with disgust. "Well, there's no accounting for taste, I suppose!"

"Duh-did you want to ask him out on a duh-date as well?" Patch folded his arms and frowned, the eyes of his monkey mask narrowing into an annoyed scowl. "There's a waiting list…"

"No, no!" Leafos shook her head, laughing at the very thought. Sure, Eddie was cute, but he was way out of _her_ league. She didn't really like guys that playfully flirted with every girl under the sun, either, even if Eddie hid it under the guise of being courteous. Leafos was secretly the jealous type… "I just need some help with a little…project I'm working on. I'll take what I can get." Leafos gave Patch what she hoped was a charming smile. "Will _you _help me, Doctor? I really need a partner for this."

"Thuh-that depends on whuh-what it is!" Patch gestured for Leafos to come inside. Leafos took that as a good sign, despite the fact that Patch was sweating bullets. The stains appearing underneath his arms weren't very becoming on him.

_Do I make him nervous?_ Leafos resisted the urge to chew on the tip of her finger. _Man, I can only imagine what rumors Petula has spread about me…no wonder._

Leafos sat down on one of the room's easy chairs in front of the television, and Patch perched on the couch right next to it. Patch's butt was right at the edge of the cushion, as if he was ready to get up and run away at any time.

"Why are you so jumpy?" Leafos chuckled, fiddling with her hair. "I promise this is no big deal!"

"Maybe not for yuh-you…" Patch wiped at his bangs, wearing a frown that looked like it would belong better on a six year old who just scraped his knee. "Buh-but I'm not one to guh-guh-get involved in suh-silly schemes!" Patch looked down and began to absent-mindedly pinch the fabric of his pants.

"It's nothing evil! I'm not going to humiliate anyone, I wouldn't dream of that!" Leafos threw up her hands defensively. "I'm not _that_ kind of person! Oh, no, no, you and I are going to help get Gretchen and Bart together!"

Patch's head snapped back up. "Bart still likes Gretchen…?" He gave Leafos a serious look. "Wow…it's been about six months since I huh-heard him mention her…that's buh-big…"

"No kidding, right?!" Leafos was getting excited now, bouncing in her chair. "Bart's had a reputation for being quite the ladies' man in the past…but I heard from Fannie that Yoto once caught Bart crying over Gretchen with frustration!"

"Bart…crying?" Patch's brow furrowed. "I have a hard time imagining that…"

Leafos ignored that comment and continued on her tirade. "He's been flighty around Gretchen lately; even though I'm sure he wants her with _every_ fiber of his being!" Leafos held up a fist for emphasis, her eyes flashing with passion. "So, you and I are going to arrange a chance meeting. I'm sure sparks will fly!"

"How exactly are we going to do that…?" Patch tilted his head.

"Oh, don't worry, Doctor, it's nothing drastic," Leafos would have patted Patch on the arm if he was within reach. "Gretchen's in on this too. She and I are going to go for a walk in the city and stop to chat in front of one of the city's most romantic restaurants! Meanwhile, you meet up with Bart and lead him to that same place. Soon as the two of them make eye contact, you and I suddenly decide we need to be elsewhere and run off!" Leafos clapped her hands together and beamed. "Simple as catching a Whirlm! You can do what you want, but I'm going to retreat into a nearby alley and listen in for a while…" Leafos rested her hands on her cheeks, her eyes sparkling. "Oh, they're _perfect_ for each other! There's no way I can miss all of their passion coming to a head, at last!"

Doc Patchingo shook his head. Never, no matter how hard he tried, would he be able to understand girls. Thinking a couple was cute was one thing, but _spying_ on them…? Leafos certainly was an odd one…

Still, he couldn't say no to her. That look in her eyes was honest; Patch could tell this meant a lot to her. Shooting her down would just be rude!

"Oh-okay!" Patch nodded firmly, doing his best to look brave. "I'll help you, Leafos."

"Yay!" Leafos leapt up from her chair and made her way over to Patch, leaning down to give him the quickest of hugs. "I owe you a favor, okay?" After whirling towards the door, she smiled over her shoulder at Patch. "I'll Alert you when it's go time!" She gave him a thumbs up and he quickly returned it. "See you later, Doc!"

"Wait!" Patch leapt up from the couch and held out an arm desperately. "What do I do if-"

It was too late. Lost in her own world of romantic triumph, Leafos hadn't heard a word of what he said and was already out the door.

Patch let out the biggest sigh of his life and flopped back down on the couch. "…if Bart doesn't want to hang out with me…"

_Oh, Patch…_ He tossed his mask aside so he could tear at his hair. _This is going to be a real strain on your anxiety…where on Earth are my pills?_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Gretchen, are you ready yet?" Leafos asked as she impatiently walked around the room, waiting for the huntress to exit the bathroom. "Come on; we don't wanna be late! If Bart and Patch beat us there, it'll ruin _everything!"_

"Leafos, please…" Gretchen's husky voice came from behind the door. "Beauty takes time. Besides, we still have an hour before we have to leave…"

"Oh, please don't tell me you're going to take an hour…!" Leafos slumped, pouting at the closed door.

"Just a few more minutes, hon," Gretchen sounded dismissive. "Sit down. I can hear you pacing and it's distracting me."

"Yes, ma'am," Leafos nodded at the door and dropped herself into a cushioned chair. She adjusted herself around fifty times, her brain rushing with possible outcomes for tonight. She wished Gretchen would wear her arm-scarf…her picking up Bart with that as she confessed her unwavering, fiery passion for him would be the most romantic thing in the _world…!_

Leafos had to cover her mouth to prevent a squeal from coming out. Damn, she was turning into Fannie…

_Could be worse…_ Leafos thought with a giggle. _At least I'm not writing corny romance stories about these two! That would just be creepy. Fannie really needs a new hobby…_

Leafos didn't feel like thinking about Fannie right now, though, she wasn't important! Leafos was about to let her mind go crazy with Gretchen/Bart scenarios again when the door to the bathroom creaked open, breaking Leafos out of her thoughts.

Leafos instantly sat up in proper posture, her jaw dropping to the floor when she got a load of Gretchen. The huntress was dressed in a lace-up dress in several shades of royal purple and her long hair was woven into an elegant French braid. She had put on purple lipstick to match her dress, and her painted lips were curled into a confident smile.

"I take it that unflattering expression means I look good?" she teased Leafos, resting a slender hand on a hip.

Leafos nodded vigorously. "WOW, you're gonna knock Bart's socks off! Or you would if he wore socks…" Leafos giggled nervously, fumbling through her purse. "I'm going to tell Patch that it's go time! Man, hope he doesn't see you. He'll want you for himself, I'm sure…"

"As if," Gretchen actually chuckled at Leafos' joke.

Patch picked up on the first ring. "Luh-Luh…" Patch cleared his throat and spoke again, his voice much deeper. "Leafos? Are you girls ready?"

"Sure are!" Leafos nodded with a grin. "Go find Bart and meet us in front of Le Nuit ASAP!"

"Guh-guh-gotcha!" Patch's voice shook. "Uh-are you absolutely sure he'll agree to hanging out with me…?"

"Oh please, it will be no problem!"

"Buh-buh-but-"

"I have every faith in you, Doctor!" Leafos giggled. "See you in an hour!"

With that, Leafos shut off her Alert System and flashed Gretchen a thumbs-up.

"Let's roll!" Leafos beamed as bright as the sun before heading for the door.

"I hope this works…" Gretchen sighed, absent-mindedly adjusting the straps of her dress. "Patch isn't the most reliable guy out there…"

"You need to be more optimistic," Leafos tsk-tsked, waggling a finger at Gretchen.

Gretchen wordlessly glided to the younger girl's side, her thoughts betraying her confident demeanor.

_Oh, I hope Bart doesn't run…_


	18. I Love the Stars

The sun was beginning to set when Gretchen and Leafos finally arrived outside the restaurant. Piñata Island sunsets were always gorgeous, even though the view of it was obstructed by the tall buildings; it still bathed the city in a soft, orange-pink light.

That light was very becoming on Gretchen. Leafos silently prayed that Bart would show up soon and be able to witness this sight. Gretchen's flooring beauty was almost otherworldly in this light; her slight sentimental expression and her braid flowing in the light breeze only helped to improve her image. Several men who passed by almost snapped their necks turning to check her out.

Leafos smiled to herself. _This was going to go great…_

Gretchen didn't seem to care about the men staring at her, coldly brushing off the occasional brave one that would ask for her number.

"Where is Bart?" Gretchen whispered to Leafos, folding her arms. "It's been ten minutes…don't tell me he's already chickened out."

"H-he'll be here!" Leafos said as confidently as she could. "I'm sure him and Patch are on their way right now!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"What on Earth is so urgent that you had to come wake me, boy?" Bart narrowed his green, sleepy eyes at Doc Patchingo.

After Bart's revelation, he was suddenly overcome by an extreme feeling of tiredness. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol in his system or talking to Pester that did it to him, but he had returned to his hotel room and threw himself onto the bed, completely clothed.

He had barely begun to slip into dreamland when he was awoken by someone pounding on the door to his room. He was not too pleased.

"I-I-I was ho-hoping we cuh-cuh-could…you know…" Patch refused to make eye contact with Bart, his gaze flitting all around. "Guh-go for a walk?"

Bart gave him a long, flat look. "If you're asking me out on a date, I'm sorry, but I'm not homosexual," Bart moved to slam the door but Patch grabbed it before he could, getting his fingers crushed for his efforts.

"Oww…!" Patch cried out in pain and clutched his hand, his eyes welling up with tears.

Bart opened the door and gave him a slit-eyed glare. "You just don't quit, do you? I'm not interested in other men-"

"Nuh-no! That's not it! I-I-I need some advice!" Doc Patch spluttered in an attempt to save himself, his cheeks burning. "A-about guh-guh-girls! I heard you had quite a few buh-buh-back in the duh-day…"

Bart pushed the door open again, his brows rising the slightest bit. "Please educate me as to why this would require us to walk around the city?"

"I-it just does!" Patch nodded firmly. Bart didn't seem impressed with that reason, so Patch quickly backpedaled. "I-I mean, I just want to take in the sights while chuh-chatting with a friend. Is that so wrong?"

Bart sighed. Patch obviously wasn't giving up; he figured spending time with the poor boy wouldn't be _too_ horrible. Patch's stuttering grated on Bart's nerves, but Patch was better company than Pester, that was for sure. "I suppose not…wait one moment, let me fetch my shoes…" Bart disappeared back into his room and Patch did a tiny dance of victory.

He pulled out his Alert System and texted Leafos at top speed.

_We're on our way! :D_

He received a response almost instantaneously.

_Good! Please hurry, Doctor; I don't know how long I can keep Gretchen entertained…_

Patch nodded to himself before slipping his Alert System back into his back pocket. Maybe this would go okay…he would hate to see anyone broken hearted.

Patch nervously chuckled to himself. _I think Leafos would be the most broken-hearted out of everyone, and she's not even a part of today's "power couple."_

Bart's boisterous voice took Patch away from his thoughts.

"Okay, boy, lead the way!" Bart adjusted his hat as he exited his hotel room. "You're lucky I take pity on poor souls like you. You seem like you've never touched a woman outside of your examination rooms."

Bart said that casually and probably didn't mean offense, but that comment pierced through Patch's fragile heart like an arrow. Patch really didn't like to be reminded of his fumbliness with women…

_Stay calm, Patch…_ Patch took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he made his way down the hallway, Bart at his side. _Maybe you can actually learn something from all of this…_

"Huh…how…" Patch struggled to come up with a question. "I heard that yuh-you almost got married once…tuh-tell me…how did you meet that woman?"

Bart burst into laughter. "Gordon Bennett, _that_ story!"

"Suh-sorry! I-if you think it's stupid you don't have to-" Patch threw up his hands in a panic, but stopped his verbal vomit once Bart draped an arm around him.

"Calm _down,_ boy! You'll never get anywhere when you're a nervous wreck," Bart chuckled again. "It's completely fine; it's well behind me, plus I don't mind revisiting that particular memory!"

Patch let out a sigh of relief that was a little too loud.

"I went out to a gorgeous Village in the Dessert Desert back in the day, with Willy Builder," Bart began as they descended the stairs. "That was about…twenty five years ago? Something like that; I was young. Maybe even younger than you!"

Patch had initially wanted to just get Bart talking so they could get to Gretchen in time, but he found himself actually quite interested in what the tinker had to say. Patch had grown up off-Island, of course, so hearing tales about life on it was always riveting to him, especially if the stories took place a long time ago. Patch let himself smile as they finally made it to the ground floor lobby.

"Willy told me he knew a great bar with gorgeous women that performed there every night," Bart snickered a bit. "He was married to Lottie even back then, they had an arranged marriage at eighteen, and oh boy, did he want out of it. In the early days he'd go off every chance he could get. It's no wonder they don't have any children."

"Anyway, we got there, and the place was mind-bogglingly gorgeous. Sheer curtains everywhere, ornate decorations, the earthy colors…I always liked simpler tones than the gaudy rubbish that most Islanders like to slap all over everything. We sat down, ordered our drinks, and that was when _she_ came out onstage…" Bart was getting a little sentimental, Patch could tell. Patch had never seen Bart's eyes glimmer quite like this.

"She?" Patch asked, rubbing the back of his neck in thought.

Bart nodded, a big smile spreading across his mask's wide mouth. "Luciana Cardona! Voice of an angel, figure of a devil." Bart licked his lips. "Mask like nothing I've ever seen. It was ridiculously ornate, probably because she was a performer. Colorful feathers and sparkles all over it! She made that Lizard boy look subtle." Bart snickered. "She started to sing, and do you know what I did?"

"What duh-did you do?" Patch asked, blinking at Bart. They were out on the street now; Patch hoped Leafos' directions to this place were right. He hoped he didn't take a wrong turn while Bart was talking…that wouldn't end well…

"I turned to Willy, and I said," Bart cleared his throat and adopted a look of determination, resting a hand on his chest. "'I'm not leaving this desert without that woman!'"

"Wow," Patch felt his heart stir a little bit. If he ever fell in love, he hoped they would have an amazing chance meeting like that… "Um, if you duh-don't mind me asking…why did you break up…?"

"She was pushy," Bart sighed, all sentimentality gone from his voice. "She wanted marriage! Kids! I was young, I didn't want that. I stuck around, though, she was beautiful and I was lonely. I hoped she'd change her mind…but one day, her father caught us in bed together…"

"Oh God…" Patch felt his cheeks blaze from secondhand embarrassment.

"He came after me with a shovel and I thought I was done for!" Bart laughed at the memory. "I was _horrified;_ I went running and didn't stop until I came to the Village I reside in today! Haven't seen either of them since."

"D-do you miss her?" Patch couldn't help feeling bad for this Luciana. If someone he loved ran away and never came back one day…to say that would hurt him would be a gross understatement.

"Not one bit," Bart shook his head. "Besides, she has nothing on Gretchen…" Bart mumbled the last part under his breath, hoping that Patch wouldn't hear it.

Patch did hear it, though. "Y-you aren't guh-going to love and leave Gretchen, right? Thuh-that is, if you d-do get together…" Patch twisted his hands together, trying to keep his eyes ahead. _I think we're almost there…_

"Feh," Bart folded his arms, lowering his head so the brim of his hat covered his eyes. "She would never be interested in a grandpa like me…"

"You duh-don't know that!" Patch spluttered. "Y-you should be more positive…"

"Easy for you to say, boy," Bart chuckled ironically. "You're still young…" Bart let out a long sigh. "I think I'm going to head back-"

"NO!" Patch shouted much too loudly, grabbing Bart by the wrist. Several passerbys gave them a quick look before moving on.

"What's gotten into you, boy?!" Bart glared at Patch. "Why do you desire my company so strongly?!"

"J-just come with me!" Patch tightened his grip. They had gotten so far; he wasn't going to let Bart leave now! "There's something _really_ important you need to see!"

Bart looked at Patch's hand, then back at Patch. He let out a long, drawn out sigh. "Fine. But it better be good."

"It will be!" Patch beamed at Bart, relieved that he was sticking around. "Just a few more minutes! I suh-swear!"

Patch took off, still keeping a hold on the reluctant Bart.

"Let go of me, boy," Bart snarled, but Patch was too focused on his goal to hear him.

_This is gonna be interesting…_ Patch let himself grin. He was actually getting excited! _Oh boy, I might actually stick around and watch…!_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"He's not coming, Leafos…" Gretchen sighed, hugging herself. They had been waiting around for quite some time now, and the sun had already gone down. "Let's just give up…he's afraid of me, I have to face the facts…"

"Come on, Gretchen, don't make that face!" Leafos frowned, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She couldn't stand to witness the heartbreak of others…Gretchen looked so vulnerable with that forlorn expression…it was ripping at Leafos' fragile heartstrings! "Patch said they're on their way…Bart might be giving Patch a hard time…"

"Leafos, you are way too optimistic…" Gretchen stretched her arms, her elbows cracking. "But…fine. I'll wait for a little longer-"

"Leafos! Gretchen! Fancy meeting you here!" Patch's voice rang out in the night. He had practiced that line in his head repeatedly and he was happy it managed to come out stutter-free.

"Wait-Gretchen?!" Bart gave Patch a suspicious look. "Don't tell me you-"

Patch ignored him. "Leafos! I have been looking _everywhere_ for you!" Patch winked at her. "I've b-been meaning to ask, wuh-would you like to g-go for a night walk with me?"

Leafos was impressed; she didn't expect Patch to do so well. Minimal stuttering, too! Grinning, she skipped up to him and said: "Of _course_ I would! Gretchen, you don't mind if I cut our time together short, do you?"

"Uh…not at all…" Gretchen was obviously not impressed with Leafos' acting skills.

"Go have fun…?" Bart offered, noticeably confused. He was refusing to make eye contact with Gretchen, bouncing one of his legs nervously.

"Thank you! Byeeee!" Leafos linked arms with Patch and began to run. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure neither Bart nor Gretchen was looking at her; she dove into a nearby alley, Patch in tow.

She accidentally kneed Patch in the hip during the dive, and he squeaked in pain. Leafos covered his mouth, crouching down. "Shhhhh! Keep your voice down; I need to hear this…!"

"Bart…" Gretchen greeted, her usually sexy, confident voice sounding fragile.

"Gretchen…I…" Bart tugged down his hat, still refusing to look at her. "Leafos and Patch set us up for this, didn't they?"

Gretchen chuckled. "Smart as a whip, as always…" She took a few steps forward.

"Why?" Bart asked, lifting his head just a bit. "I don't understand why they would go through all of this…"

"I take back what I just said," Gretchen sighed in exasperation, rubbing her temples. Without warning, she sprinted towards Bart, grabbed him, and planted a kiss on the mouth of his mask.

"MMPH?!" Bart exclaimed, his hat falling off and his arms hanging limply by his sides.

Gretchen…was _kissing_ him!? Was he dreaming? Nope, he could feel the warmth of her lips even through his mask and the heat of her body as it pressed up against his. Bart finally relaxed, enjoying the kiss, silently wishing he could take his mask off. He didn't care who saw them. This moment was just too good to be true…

Leafos had to jam an entire hand into her mouth to keep from screaming. Patch just laughed triumphantly and elbowed Leafos, whispering "Good work!" Leafos let a small squeal slip and pulled Patch into an enormous victory hug.

Gretchen broke the kiss, looked right into Bart's eyes, smiled, and said: "You are a complete idiot. I _asked_ Leafos to set this up."

"Y-you did?!" Bart gaped at her like a stupid Sarsgorilla, his mouth hanging open.

"Sure did…" Swooping around Bart, Gretchen bent down to retrieve his hat. "I was sick of you avoiding me. I had to do something about it." She placed the hat back on Bart's head. "Why _were_ you avoiding me?"

"I…I thought…" Bart let out a sigh and folded his arms, averting his gaze from Gretchen. "Promise me you won't laugh."

"I promise," Gretchen wished she could take Bart's hand, but she'd be hard pressed to find it in his pretzeled arms.

"I…I was a little intimidated by you…" Bart confessed, uncrossing his arms and pulling his hat down to cover his eyes. "You're so _different_ from every other woman I've come across…your beauty is dazzling, your strength is impeccable, your personality is without compare…" Bart finally raised his head, looking straight into Gretchen's piercing green eyes. "I thought a woman like you would want nothing to do with an old man like me…"

"Well…" Gretchen stepped forward, stroking a hand across the cheek of Bart's mask. "You couldn't have been more wrong. Let's give this a shot." A smile crossed her shapely lips and she added: "I believe in us…" Moving her hands to either side of Bart's mask, she asked: "May I…?"  
"In front of all these people…?" Bart couldn't help smirking. Gretchen certainly was an adventurous one.

"They're not paying any attention…" Gretchen moved closer. "As far as I'm concerned, it's just the two of us here…"

"One moment…" Bart removed his hat and covered his and Gretchen's faces with it. As soon as he did that, Gretchen moved his mask aside and kissed him again, much more deeply this time.

Sure, the occasional passerby jeered at them, but Gretchen and Bart didn't care. There was finally nothing but truth between them, and they were ready to start a new chapter in their lives. They were finally together.

"O-oh my…" Patch, blushing a deep red, retreated into the alley to give Gretchen and Bart some privacy.

"Mission accomplished!" Leafos exclaimed, holding up her hand for a high five.

Patch smiled in spite of his embarrassment and slapped the palm of his hand against Leafos'. "Wuh-we did much buh-better than I thought we would!"

"This calls for a celebratory dinner!" Leafos jumped for joy. "My treat! Let's go get some sushi; Storkos told me that it's really good!"

"A-are you sure? Sushi is expens-" Before Patch could finish protesting, Leafos already had him by the arm and was pulling him out of the alleyway.

He knew better than to protest. Oh well, it had been a long time since he ate sushi…hopefully it would taste as good on Piñata Island as it did back home!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Yoto, under no circumstances, do _not_ return to the hotel room tonight," Bart sternly said into his Alert System.

"Oh man, why not? Where the hell am I gonna sleep?!" Yoto whined.

"Because I said so," Bart stated. "Why not board with that girlfriend of yours, hm?"

"But-but-but!" Yoto spluttered. "She's staying with her father! I can't sleep in there with Jardiniero around!"

"That's your battle to fight, my boy!" Bart laughed. "Good luck!"

"UNCLE BAR-" Yoto was cut off by Bart hanging up.

Bart leaned over, examining his uncovered face in the bathroom mirror.

"You can do this, Bartholomew," He grinned at his reflection. "You're only a few years out of practice!"

"Oh Bart~" Gretchen's voice came from behind the door. "You ready yet?"

"J-just one moment!" Bart began frantically smoothing his hair.

The door behind him creaked open and, in the blink of an eye, Gretchen was at his side, wearing the same see-through purple lingerie she had bought with Petula.

"I've had a fifteen year dry spell, you know," Gretchen admitted, draping her arms around Bart, who began to shake. Licking her lips, she moved around Bart and lifted his chin so he met her eyes. "I don't intend to wait any longer."

An enormous grin spread across Bart's face as Gretchen swept him up and carried him into the bedroom.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos had never seen so many empty glasses in his life.

Avalon had downed drink after drink after drink, so the bar counter in front of her was _covered_ with glasses of all sizes. Dastardos was simultaneously impressed and horrified.

"Avalon…how have you drunk that much…?" Dastardos blinked at Avalon, who was teetering on her barstool. "Any normal person would be _dead_ by now!"

"Shut…shut up, yew!" Avalon flopped an arm at Dastardos. "Yew're just a…a…" Avalon flopped forward, her head hitting the counter with an audible _clunk._ "Urgh…"

"Hey, buddy…" someone whispered. Dastardos turned on his barstool and saw a very concerned-looking bartender. "You might want to take your girlfriend home. Can you lift her? There aren't too many cabs in this city, unfortunately…"

"Yeah, I can…but she's not my girlfriend," Dastardos narrowed his eyes at the bartender before turning his attention to Avalon.

"Awwww," Avalon slurred. "I'm not? After…after all we went through?" She hiccupped, slamming both hands on the counter and forcing herself to stand. She almost fell over backwards, but Dastardos moved quickly and caught her.

"Huh!" The bartender clapped his hands, a grin adorning his bottle-shaped mask. "Nice reflexes!"

"Yeah, she does this a LOT! You have no idea!" Dastardos laughed as he picked Avalon up bridal style, her head lolling over his shoulder. "Built up a lot of muscle carrying her!"

"Drinking too much isn't healthy…" the bartender folded his arms, his expression skeptical. "Are you sure spending time with a woman like this is a good idea?" The bartender was being a little blunt, and he knew it, but Avalon was far too drunk to care.

"It's her business, not mine," Dastardos stated. "Did she pay, or do I have to go rooting through her purse?"

"It's fine, just get her home safely," The bartender flicked his wrist at Dastardos dismissively. Secretly, the barkeep was a little scared that Avalon would throw up on the floor and he'd have to be the one to clean it up.

Dastardos gave him a curt nod and was out the door in a flash.

"Ugh, you're so heavy…" Dastardos complained.

"Some mentle…gentleman you are…" Avalon hiccupped. "I can walk. I don't need your 'elp. Put me down!" She shouted that last bit too loudly, and quite a few people stared, shaking their heads in disapproval. Rolling his eyes, Dastardos put Avalon down on her unsteady feet.

Avalon smirked over her shoulder at Dastardos before taking a step. "See? I'm f-" She barely moved before falling flat onto her face.

"Avalon, you're drunk as a Smelba, god damn it, let me help you…" Dastardos crouched down next to her and held out his arms.

"…fine…" Avalon rolled over onto her back, her mask a little cracked from her ungraceful landing. Dastardos picked her up as gently as possible and continued walking down the road, ignoring the stares of the people he passed.

"Seriously, Avalon, was that douchebag Lukah worth drinking _that_ much?" Dastardos scolded, keeping his eyes ahead. Ugh, he wished he could float. That would make carrying Avalon much easier.

"Yes…" Avalon admitted, resting her head against Dastardos' bony shoulder. "Yew are _much_ better than 'e ever was, though…" she murmured.

"What?" Dastardos almost stopped walking. He was sure he heard her wrong.

"Nothing…" Avalon shut her eyes. "I…I just never expected yew to act so considerate. Yew are like…like my knight in sour armor…"

"Knight in sour armor, huh…?" Dastardos repeated, a small smile spreading across his mask. "You know what? I like that. It sounds awesome."

"I'm glad…" Avalon sighed. "I'm so glad yew do…"

With that, Avalon finally passed out, remaining silent for the rest of their walk back to the hotel.

_Huh…Avalon sure acts weird when she's drunk…_ Dastardos thought as he began ascending the stairs. There was no way he was ever setting foot on another elevator, even with a passed out, drunk woman weighing him down. _She was actually laughing earlier, not to mention she's being really…friendly. _Dastardos felt his cheeks flood with heat. _Ugh, who is this woman and what has she done with Avalon?_

They finally reached the room and Dastardos, tired from the long trek, unceremoniously dumped Avalon onto the enormous king sized bed. He felt a little guilty for throwing her down, though…

Furrowing his brow, he watched Avalon for a few seconds. She curled up into a ball on the bed, mumbling a little in her sleep.

_She must be cold…_ Dastardos sighed. _I guess I should tuck her in…_

Dastardos grabbed the blankets and did just that, moving carefully so he wouldn't wake her. Once Avalon was all tucked in, the slightest of smiles crossed her mouth.

_Sleeping with her mask on again…_ Dastardos chuckled the slightest bit. _Must be uncomfortable. I'd take it off for her if she wouldn't give me a severe shovel beating when we got back to the Village._

Dastardos left Avalon to her slumber and returned to his perch on the windowsill. He gazed out into the night for quite some time, feeling a bit homesick for Magnar. He hoped he was doing all right…

Dastardos thought about his papery companion until he finally felt sleep taking its hold on him.

He drifted off, lying down with his head in a pile of pillows. This windowsill felt like luxury compared to how he usually slept.

For the first time in a while, Dastardos' dreams were completely nightmare-free. It was nice to feel peaceful for once in his life…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"UGH! I 'ave a _splitting _'eadache!" Avalon's angry voice rang out through the hotel room.

_So much for sleeping…_ Dastardos' eyes cracked open into tiny glowing slits. "What's up…?" Dastardos asked with an enormous yawn. He looked over his shoulder at the window, and saw that it was still dark as dark could be. "It's…three in the morning, or something. Why are you yelling?"

"I can't sleep," Avalon huffed, smushing her face into her palms. "Ugh…I don't even remember coming back 'ere. Wot 'appened?"

"You got smashed so I had to carry your ass back here," Dastardos shrugged nonchalantly, straightening up. "Don't worry; you didn't do anything you'd regret apart from fall on your face. You've just got a little crack on your forehead."

Avalon's fingers swept over the forehead of her mask and she let out a sigh of exasperation. "Ugh…'ow the 'ell am I gonna get back to sleep? I feel completely awake…"

"Who says you have to sleep?" Dastardos cocked a brow at her, his mouth curling into a half-smile. "I know something breathtaking I can show you…" Leaning over, he opened the window, letting the cold night wind blow into the room.

"And wot is that, exactly?" Avalon shrunk back the slightest bit.

"You'll see!" In the blink of an eye, Dastardos had flown over to her, lifting her off the bed. His smirk had turned into a full blown grin and he made a Buzzlegumline towards the open window. "Close your eyes!"

"Wot-wot-wot are yew doing?!" Avalon spluttered. She was about to try and squirm her way out of Dastardos' arms, but they were outside and floating above the city before she could. Shrieking, Avalon threw her arms around Dastardos and held onto him tight. "WOT THE 'ELL ARE YEW DOING?!" she yelled right into Dastardos' ear. "PUT ME BACK IN THE ROOM THIS INSTANT!"

"Afraid of heights, are we?" Dastardos chuckled. "Don't worry; I promise this is worth it!" He flew upwards despite Avalon's protests, finally landing on one of the roof's outcroppings.

He pried Avalon off of him and placed her next to him on the roof, but she kept on clinging to him, shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"Hey…you all right?" Dastardos asked, the slightest hint of concern in his voice. "You're paler than me."

"I-I-I…" Avalon shuddered, her eyes still squeezed shut. "I can't 'andle 'eights. Puh-please put me back in the room…"

"Avalon," Dastardos' voice was firm. He placed a hand on one of Avalon's shoulders in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. "You've put up with me these past few days. You haven't kicked me out on the street. You dealt with all my stupid jokes and whining. I _saved your life._ You think I'm gonna let you fall after all that happened?"

Avalon's eyes opened and she looked at Dastardos like a Doenut caught in Doc Patchingo's headlights.

_He's right…_ Avalon's heart quivered the slightest bit. _We really have been through a lot these past few days, haven't we?_

Admittedly, she had been skeptical about Dastardos in the beginning, back when he kidnapped her a few months back. The rumors about him weren't exactly pretty, and neither was he, with his skeletal figure and intimidating attitude… but she had seen a completely different side of him on this vacation. She saw that he was brave, funny, and a little childish, and not once had Avalon felt unsafe during the time they spent together. She could trust him.

"You don't have to look down," Dastardos took his hand off Avalon's shoulder and pointed at the sky. "Just look up. The stars look amazing tonight."

Avalon bit her lip, her expression full of doubt. "I…"

"Come on; I just said I'm not going to let you fall." Dastardos said impatiently.

Avalon took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked to the sky, still keeping her arms around Dastardos.

Dastardos was right. Even with the city's light pollution, the stars were breathtaking. Avalon had always been too busy to properly appreciate the stars, she suddenly realized. She wasn't sure why, but looking up at the sky like this made her feel overwhelmingly nostalgic…

_Well, Lonnie,_ Dastardos thought, gazing up at the sky himself. _I guess I kept my promise to take you stargazing…_

He looked over at Avalon's face and saw that her eyes were shimmering, just like the stars above them. Dastardos was relieved that she wasn't afraid anymore…and strangely happy that she was enjoying herself.

_Too bad you'll never know…_ Dastardos almost snickered. _Oh well. I'm glad I was able to keep my word._

"…'Ey, Dass?" Avalon suddenly said, keeping her eyes on the stars.

"…yes?" Dastardos asked, a bit caught off guard by the nickname.

"Thank yew. This really is quite a sight…" Avalon's lips turned up into a smile. "Sorry I'm clinging to yew like this, but…"

"It's okay…but what did you just call me?" Dastardos blinked, tilting his head to the side.

"Oh," Avalon laughed, just a little bit. "Dass. Dastardos is a mouthful; I think we're at the stage where I can call yew by a nickname. If yew don't like it I don't 'ave to-"

"No," Dastardos shook his head, suddenly hyperaware of Avalon's arms around him. He felt his cheeks color as he said: "I…actually like it. You can call me Dass."

"Good," Avalon let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad…"

Dastardos dismissed the stirring in his usually still heart as nervousness. It wasn't every day he was this close to a woman…and he doubted he would ever get any closer to one.

But maybe…it was possible…did Avalon actually like him as a person?  
Dastardos mentally laughed at the thought.

_No way. Someone like Avalon would never want to spend time with someone like me._

But she was…

Dastardos looked over at Avalon again. She still seemed absolutely spellbound by the stars above them.

_Lonnie…_ Dastardos barely resisted the urge to move a stray piece of her hair out of her face. _You've become quite a woman._

Dastardos looked down at his own bony hands and short, short legs and sighed a little. _And look at me…I've barely changed. I'm still a kid._

Dastardos dismissed all of his stupid, strange new feelings and joined Avalon in stargazing.

_I might as well make up for lost time…_ Dastardos' good eye scanned the heavens. _I still remember the constellations!_

"That's the Slumbering Quackberry," Dastardos pointed to a cluster of stars in the southeast. "I always thought it was really silly, so I never forgot it. Oh, and that one's my favorite, it's Sir Hamilton, he was a knight back in the day, you know…"

Dastardos kept pointing out constellations until Avalon stopped responding to him. He looked over to her and saw that she had fallen asleep.

Dastardos carried her back into the bedroom, laying her on the bed much more gently this time. If someone had told Dastardos two years ago that he would stargaze with a woman, he would have laughed in their faces…he was kind of glad that he could actually have that experience. So much that seemed unobtainable before seemed possible with Avalon around…

Avalon was smiling broadly in her sleep, a look of peacefulness about her. Dastardos figured it would be best to let her be and returned to his windowsill.

He gazed outside until the sun rose, a doofy grin on his mask.

For the first time in a long while, Dastardos felt truly fulfilled.


	19. The Convention Begins

Leena smoothed the fur on Crispy's papery head, and smiled as she stepped back to admire her handiwork.

She had managed to keep her squirming green Squazzil still for long enough to brush her fur and place two daisies behind her ears. Crispy seemed a bit annoyed with Leena's fussing, but Leena thought that Crispy looked _fantastic._

"You look so cute, Crispy!" Leena praised, putting her hands on her cheeks. "I hope people are impressed with you at the convention…"

"Not when she has Taru to compete with," Seedos stated, smirking at Leena with his favorite yellow Shellybean resting on the top of his head. Taru was a rare kind of Shellybean; he had a square shell rather than the usual round one. "You're going to be outshined. I'm sorry."

Leena turned around to stick her tongue out at Seedos. "Crispy might not be a wild card like Taru, but she's still adorable." Crispy hopped into Leena's arms and blinked her big eyes at Seedos, as if she was helping her owner make a point.

Seedos stared at Crispy with mock sternness for a few moments before bursting into laughter. "Okay, I admit it, she _is _pretty cute."

Crispy let out a satisfied noise and nuzzled her head against Leena's chin.

"I think you flattered her," Leena giggled, and shifted Crispy under one arm to adjust her skirt. "I don't think we'll get into the P-Factor round since it's luck of the draw, but if we do wind up competing against each other…" Leena held out her tiny little hand to Seedos. "Good luck."

"Thank you," Seedos shook her hand firmly before bursting into a smirk. "I'm going to win, you know. I won ten P-Factors when I was _five,_ you know!"

Leena playfully punched him on the arm. "Let's let the judges decide, okay?"

The televised P-Factor round wouldn't be until tomorrow; today was just a gathering of people who appreciated piñatas from all over the Island. There would be a whole section of the convention hall dedicated to gardening itself, and Seedos was particularly stoked about that. He hoped he could get himself some rare seeds.

_ "I should have gotten a booth myself," Seedos had told Leena the day before. "I don't want to sell my seeds, but it would be nice to share them with people from all walks of life. Plus they wouldn't hit me with shovels!"_

_"Maybe next year,"_ _Leena had giggled and patted him on the shoulder._

Leena was all decked out in some of the finery Avalon had bought for her, but Seedos was still in his well-worn shorts and faded T-shirt. He claimed he would dress up for the P-Factor, and Leena was secretly really looking forward to that…

"Ready to go?" Seedos asked, meandering towards the door.

"Sure am!" Leena nodded vigorously. "Let's do this!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

_ "Yoto?"_

_ "Yoto, wake up!"_

_ "I cuh-can tell he's sleeping really deeply. Try shaking him?"_

Yoto was unwillingly dragged into consciousness when someone began shaking him like crazy. His eyes peeled open and he saw two scary, glaring violet eyes. "GAH! EDDIE!" Yoto attempted to squirm away, but Eddie had a firm grip on him. "You weren't supposed to wake up before I did!" Even though he was panicking, Yoto still had sleep dragging in his voice.

"Mind telling me why you were sleeping on my floor?" Eddie asked, squeezing Yoto's shoulders a bit too hard.

"Oh, yeah, sorry…" Yoto yawned hugely, hitting Eddie with full force morning breath. Eddie dropped him like a hot potato and retreated, covering his nose and coughing vigorously. Yoto saw that Doc Patch was here too, fiddling his hands and looking concerned, as always. "Uncle Bart kicked me out and I couldn't stay with Storkos because of her dad, so…"

"…so you snuck into my room and slept on my floor?!" Eddie planted his hands on his hips, his voice full of disbelief. "Yoto, you have absolutely _no_ tact nor consideration for the feelings of others! How the heck did you even get into this room?"

"I tinkered the lock open," Yoto snickered, finally sitting up. "Easiest thing ever."

"Whuh-why did Buh-Bart kick you out?" Patch asked, tilting his monkey-masked head to the side.

"I think he might have gotten another hooker or something," Yoto feigned gagging, folding his arms tightly. "Blagh. I'm _glad_ I wasn't there."

"Wait, _another_ hooker…?" Eddie squinted at Yoto.

"O-oh!" Patch brightened a bit. "Thuh-that must mean…" His look of joy evaporated and was replaced with a completely embarrassed expression. "Oh my…relationships sure move quickly on this Island…"

"Do you know something I don't, Doctor Patch?" Eddie's gossip senses were obviously tingling as he looked at Patch with his violet eyes shimmering. Patch turned bright red; he guessed he could spill the beans…Eddie might explode otherwise, and Patch certainly didn't want to take the blame for Eddie's demise…

"Guh-Gretchen and Bart…" Patch tugged on the collar of his pajamas. "They got together! Leafos and I helped…"

"Wow, really?!" Eddie bounced up and down enthuastically. "About time those two got together! You and Leafos had a hand in it, too? Working together, I see…" Eddie waggled his eyebrows at Patch. "She's cute, you have good taste!"

"WHAT?!" Yoto was fully awake now. He jumped to his feet and gaped at Patch. "Uncle Bart got with Gretchen and he didn't tell me?! I'm _so_ out of the loop! I can't decide if I'm happy for him or really grossed out…" Yoto rested his chin on a fist in thought, sticking out his lower lip.

"Nuh-no!" Patch shook his head rapidly, his cheeks turning red. "Leafos and I are just friends. Nothing more!"

"Pfft, you're so boring," Eddie stuck out his tongue at Patch. "Let me know if you want me to set you up with a girl! Or a guy…whatever it is you're into!" Eddie shrugged, a huge grin on his face.

Patch barely resisted the urge to retreat into his monkey helmet like a Cherrapin. "I duh-don't have time for love…"

"Ah, well, we can talk about relationships later on!" Eddie flitted over to his suitcase, bending over to rummage through it. "We have a convention to prepare for!"

"Wuh-wait, that's today?" Yoto gaped. "Damn it, Potato is still in Uncle Bart's room! I hope he didn't…" Yoto turned pale white, as if he just saw a ghost. "_Watch."_

"Yoto, I swear…" Eddie stood up straight, holding a colorful formal suit in his arms. "If that bird of yours gets into the P-Factor round and says anything inappropriate on live TV…"

Yoto usually wasn't one to fear Eddie's wrath. What was the worst a skinny pansy like him could do, right? But the expression on Eddie's face at this moment might have been the most bone-chillingly horrifying thing Yoto had ever seen.

"Juh-just take my name out of the raffle!" Yoto blurted. "I-I'm gonna go!" Without saying goodbye, Yoto was out the door in a flash.

Doc Patchingo sighed, folding his arms. "He's a handful. I duh-don't know how Bart does it."

"Neither do I," Eddie heaved a sigh. "Come on, Patch. Let's get ready."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

The sun's harsh rays beat down on Avalon's blankets. Avalon wanted to stay in bed just a little bit longer, but the heat was getting too much to bear. She willed herself awake and tossed the blankets off of herself.

Avalon smiled as she rubbed her sleepy eyes, thinking of the night before. She was getting really close to Dastardos, and it seemed like the more she learned about him, the more fascinating he became. She hoped he'd behave himself at the convention…

"'Ey, the convention's today," Avalon opened her tired eyes and turned them onto the windowsill. "Yew better-'uh?"

_ Dastardos wasn't on his perch…_

Avalon jumped out of bed and began to search the room. He wasn't in the bathroom, he wasn't in the closet, he wasn't under the bed…

_God damn it!_ Avalon almost punched the wall. _I must 'ave gotten too close to that bastard! 'E must 'ave decided I wasn't worth it and just left. Feh! Wot a bastard! 'E could 'ave at least left a note!_

Avalon was positively enraged that Dastardos would even think about throwing away a perfectly good friendship, especially when he had no one else!

Avalon flopped on the bed in defeat, letting out a gigantic sigh. Cid noticed that his master wasn't feeling her best, and he flew down from his perch atop the wardrobe to keep her company, resting his head on his beloved owner's lap.

"At least I 'ave yew to rely on, Cid," Avalon half-smiled at the paper bird, scratching the top of his head. "Hmm, maybe I should send you after that bastard…I remember 'earing that 'e isn't particularly fond of Crowlas…"

"You talking about me?" a familiar, cold voice interjected.

Avalon almost jumped out of her skin, flipping over to face the door, her eyes bulging.

Dastardos had phased through the door as she was speaking and was smirking in Avalon's direction. "Were you _worried?_ Wow!" He snickered, putting a hand over his mouth.

"Yew-yew bastard!" Avalon rose from the bed, her fists clenched. "Yes, I was worried! Yew just left without warning! I thought yew got sick of me!"

"No, not at all!" Dastardos shook his head, his snickers ceasing. "I had something I had to take care of…" Dastardos began fiddling with the lock on the hotel room door. "Besides…" Dastardos glanced over his shoulder at Avalon, wearing what almost looked like an honest smile. "I wouldn't ditch you. Not after last night."

Avalon felt her cheeks erupt into flames. She had been wondering if that stargazing experience was just a dream…she was glad it wasn't. "Well…leave a note next time yew 'ave to leave, please, so I don't lose my 'ead. Wot did you 'ave to do, anyway?"

"Get my bird!" Dastardos opened the door and an enormous Vulchurro flew in, immediately landing on one of Dastardos' skinny shoulders. Avalon almost laughed at that; the Vulchurro must be almost as big as its master!

"You should have seen me, Avalon! I had to sneak into Pester's shitty hotel room. He was in there with some obese chick, and they were both snoring like you wouldn't _believe._ Poor Victor was _really_ happy to see me. We managed to make a quick exit; I'm so lucky Pester sleeps like a log…" Dastardos groaned. "I do _not_ feel like dealing with Pester during my vacation."

"Wish I could 'ave seen that…" Avalon chuckled. "Glad yew got your bird back. It would be interesting if 'e got put up against Cid in the P-Factor, 'uh?"

"Yeah, too bad I'm not in the raffle…" Dastardos looked at Avalon's Crowla, who glared right back at him. Cid wasn't too happy about what Dastardos' brief disappearance put Avalon through. "Hey, I never really got a good look at him before, but…" Dastardos let Victor fly off of his arm before he floated towards the bed, leaning over to get a better look at Cid. "…isn't this the Sour Crowla I sent to your garden back when you first started?"

"I can't believe yew said that so casually…" Avalon snorted. "That was one of the worst days of my life. I was sick as 'ell and just spent a small fortune on a bottle of medicine from Patch. All of a sudden, a _giant_ bird with a mouthful of sharp teeth comes flying in and starts torturing my poor piñatas. I really appreciated that one, Mr. Reaper," Avalon rolled her eyes.

"Hey, I was just doing my job!" Dastardos shrugged nonchalantly. "Water under the bridge now…right?"

Avalon feigned thought for a moment, tapping her chin with her finger. "…right."

"Yes," Dastardos whispered triumphantly.

"Cid drank every single drop of my medicine, which I wasn't too 'appy about, but then 'e turned into the beautiful bird 'e is today!" Avalon gave Cid an appreciative scratch on the head. "So…I guess I actually owe yew for that one."

"Believe me, Avalon," Dastardos flicked his wrist at her. "We're perfectly even."

"Do yew mind if I ask you a question?" Avalon asked, scratching Cid's belly now. The Crowla had rolled onto its back and was reacting happily to Avalon's affectionate petting. It made Dastardos homesick for Magnar, but Dastardos pressed his mouth into a thin, neutral line and did his best to suppress the feeling.

"Depends on what it is," Dastardos said, as coolly as possible.

"Why do the Sours listen to yew, anyway?" Avalon recalled Dastardos preventing a Sour Mallowolf that Pester had brought to the P-Factor once from eating one of the fellow competitors. "Do yew speak their language?"

"Kind of…" Dastardos examined his fingernails, feigning disinterest. In truth, he was a little flattered that Avalon was so curious about him. If it had been anyone else, he would have been annoyed, but he could make an exception for his friend. "It always bugged Pester that they listen to me and not him. I think it's because I create them, you know. Mix up the Sour Candy myself and Sour the occasional wild piñata that wanders too close to my tree…" Dastardos smirked at Avalon, who looked a little disgusted. "Don't make that face. I'm just doing my job. Sometimes I sour ones Pester captures. Once he drains them of all their candy for whatever reason, he hands them over to me and I go through the motions. I guess they see me as their mommy…their piñata murdering, profanity spewing mommy."

"Wot's the Souring process like, then?" Avalon asked, tilting her head to the side. "Is that something that I want to know?"

"Piñatas have a very high pain threshold," Dastardos folded his arms, nodding sagely. "They get broken open at parties and enjoy it, after all. I give them the special candy, they go into convulsions, and then they cocoon up. After a little while, they emerge as a brand new Sour piñata!" Dastardos grinned. "Don't tell _anyone,_ but we're working on souring Arocknids. I can't seem to find the right balance to get a really scary result, but when I do…let's just say everyone in the Village will get a nice little surprise in their houses."

"That better not include me," Avalon glared at Dastardos, shuddering audibly at the thought of a Sour Arocknid. Those things were creepy enough already; what did Dastardos consider "really scary?"

"Of course not," Dastardos waved a hand at her. "You're officially off my shit list. You're the only one; lucky you!"

"Classy, as always," Avalon chuckled, shaking her head. "Mind if I ask yew one more thing?"

"Shoot," Dastardos looked at Avalon expectantly. Avalon was happy he wasn't acting all defensive and mysterious, like he usually did.

"Piñatas can be soured, I know…" Avalon bit her lip for a moment, mulling over how to word the second half of her question. "Wot about people?"

"Pester's sour!" Dastardos blurted a bit too suddenly. "I mean, uh…" Dastardos cleared his throat, making a big show of adjusting his collar. "As far as I can tell."

"Dastardos," Avalon looked at him flatly. "I _know_ yew're sour too. Yew have markings on your wrists and feet, and you _float_ and can't get 'urt. Why 'ide it?"

"Maybe I'm sour," It might have been Avalon's imagination, but she could have sworn Dastardos' voice had lowered a bit. He turned his gaze to the window in what he probably hoped was a mysterious manner, but Avalon thought it just made him seem rude. "Maybe I'm not."

"Okay, yew want to be mysterious now," Avalon rolled her eyes. "Fine. Yew can be that way. Keep up that act; don't want anyone to catch on to who yew are at the convention, now do we?"

"No we don't," Dastardos shook his head. "Want me to put on the British accent again?" He launched into it, complete with over the top hand gestures. "I was actually starting to miss it, guv'nor! Fish and chips and all that!"

Avalon threw her head back and laughed before standing up and heading towards her suitcase. "Only if yew want to. I'm going to go get dressed; wait 'ere."

Avalon finally found the dress she wanted to wear, and Dastardos gave her a quick salute before she headed off to change. Right after she shut the bathroom door, Dastardos' Alert System began to play a sinister sounding tune.

"God damn it, Pester…" Dastardos murmured, fishing in his pants pocket. When he took out his Alert System, he saw it wasn't Pester calling at all! The screen flashed the message "CALL FROM BARFBAG" at him.

_Seedos!_ Dastardos let a huge smile cross his face. _Oh man, I can't let Avalon overhear me talking to him…only one thing to do!_

Dastardos flew right through the window and onto the roof, answering his Alert System in mid-air. "Hello?"

Seedos' nasally voice began blabbing as soon as Dastardos finished speaking._ "Hey, bro! I know you said not to call you because you might be working, but I figured you wouldn't be working since we're in the big city and stuff, so I would be able to call you! I heard you were here from Patch, so I got excited! I just wanted to-"_

"Whoa, slow down, kiddo!" Dastardos laughed. "It's okay. Did you want to tell me something? Need me to beat up Bear? I could do it, but he can't know that you sent me."

_"Oh, no, I just wanted to know if you wanted to…you know…"_ Seedos sounded a little intimidated. Sure, Dastardos was his big brother, but he was a really warped, twisted version of the Stardos that he grew up with. _"Hang out during the convention? I can slip away from Leena, and no one will ever know! Long as we avoid Patch, we should be okay. He won't shut up about seeing you, wow. Are you sure he's not in love with you?"_

"I'd punch you if you were here," Dastardos stated. He could take a joke, sure, but he absolutely couldn't _stand_ jokes about Patch being in love with him, even if it was Seedos making the joke. "But, yeah, we can hang out! I just have to, uh, get away from Pester at the con and all will be well. Hopefully he'll behave himself…"

Dastardos really doubted that. Pester would probably not even bother to disguise himself, swaggering into the convention just to get a kick out of the terrified crowds.

_Damn, I knew I should have tied him to his bed or something…_ Dastardos thought. _UGH, that sounds SO WRONG…_

_"Alert me when you do!" _Seedos sounded really cheerful. He was really happy to finally get to spend some time with his big brother, in public, no less! _"I'll let you go now. Thanks, bro!"_

"Any time, later," Dastardos shook his head before hanging up, the slightest smile on his face. Seedos was so funny; he didn't give a single damn that his brother was practically a corpse; he still loved him just the same. Dastardos had a feeling the other members of his family wouldn't be quite so warm and welcoming, though…he was really glad Seedos managed to keep things on the down-low.

_Better get back into the room before Avalon freaks out again,_ Dastardos snorted. He flew through the window and noticed something weird in the middle of the floor. There was a dark purple and pink blur spinning about the room, almost as if it was-

_**"OH MY GOD!"**_ Dastardos shouted loudly, waking up every single last person in the hotel. His hands flew over his mouth and his eyes widened with shock.

"Wot?! Wot?! Wot?!" Avalon came flying out of the bathroom, one of her dress straps sliding down her shoulder and her mask askew. Once she saw what was going on, she too screamed _"OH MY GOD!"_

Cid and Victor were dancing on the floor, Cid delicately twirling Dastardos' much bigger bird piñata, his eyes narrowed flirtatiously. They had been dancing quickly when Dastardos first saw them, but their jitterbug had devolved into a close slow dance, the two birds gazing deeply into each other's eyes, wings intertwined like the hands of lovers.

"They're _romance dancing?"_ Dastardos finally found his voice. "What the hell?! Storkos can't even deliver an egg here! And I thought-Victor, aren't you a _guy?!"_

Annoyed, the Vulchurro looked at its master and shook its head. It-or rather, she-returned her attention to Cid quickly, not paying any mind to Dastardos' completely shocked expression. Dastardos' eyes traveled in two different directions, he hunched over, and his jaw was practically on the ground.

Avalon couldn't help letting a giggle slip at that mask of his. "Well, Dass, I guess we 'ave some lovebirds on our 'ands! And Victor's a Victoria!"

"Ugh, Victoria?" Dastardos put his jaw back where it belonged and scoffed. "That is _such _a stupid name. I can't believe my Vulchurro's a _girl!"_

"…'ey, didn't Cid _kill_ Victor-er, Victoria?" Avalon narrowed her eyes at Dastardos, her tone curious. "Why is she still alive, and romance dancing with the very piñata that killed 'er?"

"There have been, like, five Victors," Dastardos admitted, shrugging. "They always die for one reason or another. This one's my latest replacement…and my first female minded one."

Cid and Victoria finished their dance, both of them cawing happily and flying onto the bed, where they fell asleep in a feathered heap.

"Yew two won't be getting an egg quite yet…" Avalon chuckled, approaching the bed to give the piñatas both scratches on their heads. "I wonder wot their baby will look like…"

"You're strangely okay with this," Dastardos folded his arms. "I'm not taking the baby, though. I can barely provide for Victoria as it is!"

"Oh, I'll _gladly_ take it!" Avalon beamed, her eyes glimmering with excitement, like a little girl seeing a newborn piñata for the very first time. "I bet these two would 'ave one interesting looking baby bird! Crossbreeding is so rare, it would probably net quite a few victories at the P-Factor!" She nodded sagely, looking quite proud.

"I don't think I'm ready to be a grandpa…" Dastardos sniggered. "…but yeah, it might be cool to see it…hey, Victoria, get up!"

Victoria opened one of her intense eyes and settled it upon her master.

"We have a convention to go to!" Dastardos offered Victoria his arm, and she reluctantly flew off the bed and perched on it, instantly shutting her eyes again. "Do you think she'll give me away?"

"I'll buy 'er a sparkly bow," Avalon snickered. "No one will suspect she's your go-to piñata. A manly man like yourself wouldn't be caught _dead_ with a piñata wearing a sparkly bow."

Dastardos closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his eyebrow twitching. "I know that's a dig at me, and I'm going to choose to ignore it," He finally let his feet touch the floor before heading to the hotel room door. "Let's get going. I'm looking forward to seeing what exactly conventions are all about…there won't be any nerds in costumes, right?"

"Not at this convention, thank goodness," Avalon smoothed her hair a bit before following Dastardos to the door. "And don't yew think I'm going to spend thousands of Chocolate Coins on yew."

"Don't worry about me," Dastardos smirked up at his much taller companion. "I'm a really cheap date."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

It was still about fifteen minutes before the convention hall would open its doors, so everyone from the Village was sitting about the lounge, along with several people who lived in the city or came from some other far off Village. There were even a couple tourists in cheap paper masks, snapping pictures of everything they saw.

Jardiniero was happily talking to a starry-eyed, young blonde girl named Cory. Cory had spent far too much time searching for Jardiniero after Seedos had told her that he was in the city, and she was more than happy with the payoff! He was even more handsome in person, that manly beard, that weathered mask, that tragic past…she absolutely couldn't resist him! She happily listened to him go on and on and on about himself, hanging on every word he said.

Seedos noticed the two of them and made a point to avoid eye contact, grabbing Leena by the arm and carefully leading her to the other side of the room. Dealing with his dad was bad enough, and he really didn't think he could stomach listening to this girl go on a tirade about how great Jardiniero is and how lucky Seedos is to be his son. _Gag._

The crowd was making poor Doc Patchingo more than a little nervous. He retreated into a corner, his eyes flitting around the crowd for any familiar faces. He had absolutely no luck, though, and dropped down on the ground with a sigh.

_At least Dastardos isn't here…_ Patch thought. _That would make things a billion times worse…_

Patch was way off the mark. Avalon and the disguised Dastardos had entered a few minutes prior, Avalon making hearty conversation with Eddie's parents and Dastardos doing his best to contribute as little to the discussion as possible. Both of them had their signature piñatas with them, and Cid and Victoria kept gazing at each other lovingly. Edward Lizard had raised an eyebrow at that one; it was a legend on Piñata Island that if one person's piñata fell in love with another person's piñata, then the two owners were destined to be together forever. Edward had seen this legend in action; shortly after he had met his wife-to-be, Erin, their Jameleon and Newtgat had romanced and produced quite an…interesting baby.

When Avalon was caught up in talking to Erin, Edward gave "Niles" a critical look. He had a hard time imagining Avalon with someone who looked like _that._ Eh, no accounting for taste, he supposed.

Sparcticus and Sahari had managed to snag a sofa, Sahari sitting on her boyfriend's lap and laughing at something he had just said. Sparcticus had considered bringing his Jeli along, but instead opted for his favorite piñata, a tiny Lemmoning named Butter. Sahari thought that was the silliest name in existence, but Sparcticus didn't care. He thought it fit.

Sahari, of course, had brought her favorite S'morepion, Steve. Steve had made himself comfortable on top of Butter's head, and the latter didn't seem to mind at all. They were both snoozing away on the couch next to their masters.

"Hey, Sparty," Sahari beamed into her boyfriend's eyes. "I heard that there's going to be a fortune teller at this convention, and they're seriously, honestly psychic! Every last one of her predictions have come true!"

"A fortune teller…" Sparcticus looked skeptical. "…at a gardening convention? Why?"  
Sahari shrugged her small shoulders. "Dunno, but I'm not complaining! I totally want to get a reading, I mean, it's not every day you meet someone who can tell you your future!" Sahari seemed really excited about this. Sparcticus bit his lip, obviously unsure.

"Isn't it more fun just to wait and see what happens?" Sparcticus offered, blushing the slightest bit.

Sahari stuck her tongue out at him. "Says you. You don't have to get a reading, but I'm going to!" Bouncing on her perch a little, she turned to grin at the doors. "I hope they open up soon…I can't wait!"

Meanwhile, Maxime was so focused on leading her Limeocerous through the crowd without trampling anyone that she didn't notice the huge roadblock in front of her.

She rammed right into a firm purple and orange clad chest, and instantly yelled "HEY! I got a big piñata coming through, watch it!"

She looked up to meet the eyes of Bear. A Maracus, who was leaning against an enormous Fizzlybear. He was glaring at her, the kind of glare that would make Seedos scream and run for the hills, but Maxime was barely fazed.

"Bear couldn't see ya," Bear jeered down at Maxime. "Since you're so _short_ and all."

That struck a nerve. Maxime whispered something to her Limeo and it reared up, looking ready to charge forward and trample both Bear and his piñata underneath its feet.

"AHHH!" Bear held up his hands, his eyes wide with panic. "Okay, okay, okay! Bear is sorry he got in your way! Bear will move his sorry ass!"

Bear quickly moved aside, taking his Fizzlybear with him and almost knocking over two tourists.

"That was easy…too easy, it was kind of disappointing, actually," Maxime sighed, looking at her Limeocerous. "Bear might act all tough, but he's really a huge pussy. Good work, girl." Maxime gave her Limeo an affectionate pat on the head before continuing to lead her to the doors.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Storkos!"

"Yoto?!"

The two lovers made eye contact from across the hall, Yoto pushing his way through the crowds and Storkos flying over them. When they finally united, they pulled each other into an affectionate embrace.

"Oh jeez," Yoto realized, suddenly breaking the hug. "I hope your dad didn't see us…"

Storkos' blue eyes flicked over to her father, who was still caught up in telling his life story to that Cory girl, who looked absolutely spellbound. "I think we're safe…"

"Our time is running out, huh?" Yoto's face fell into a sorrowful frown. "There are only a couple days left before you have to get back to your job…"

Sighing, Storkos gave Yoto an affectionate pat on the cheek. "Don't look at it that way. Just be happy we have time to spend together at all, all right?" She smiled warmly at him and Yoto felt his sorrow completely melt away.

"You're right!" Yoto grabbed Storkos' hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Let's make good use of the time we have! But, uh…" Leaning in closer, he whispered into Storkos' ear. "I think it would be better if we made a point to avoid your dad…"

"Agreed," Storkos glanced over at Jardiniero again, and once she deemed the coast was clear, she planted a quick kiss on Yoto's lips. "Come on," she giggled when she broke the kiss. "The doors will be opening any second now!"

As if on cue, the doors to the convention center began to open when Storkos finished speaking. Storkos and Yoto were swallowed by the rushing crowd of people and their piñatas, Potato quickly finding Yoto in the panic and landing atop his head.

Everyone filed into the convention center until the lobby was completely empty, every last person excited about what it would have in store.


	20. Seer of the Future

Huffing a gigantic sigh, Yen crumpled yet another piece of paper and threw it into the trash beneath the kiosk he was stationed at. None of his poems were coming out right, he blamed all of the distracting noise around him.

Just yesterday, his boss had sprung some awful news on him.

_"We're going to have a booth at the convention selling coffee!" she had gushed, her eyes shining as brightly as her sun mask. "Of course, we'll have our cutest clerk manning it…that will REALLY bring in the customers!"_

_ "I hope you mean Taj and not me," Yen felt his stomach tie into an enormous knot._

His boss had promptly burst into chimey laughter at Yen's comment. So, Yen was stuck manning a coffee booth, all alone (even if his boss did promise to drop by and help later on) and waiting for the convention to start.

He had tried to pass the time by writing poetry. He aimed to write about the girl of his dreams, but every single last poem he wrote seemed to eventually turn towards Dastardos. Yen figured it was probably because of his _insane_ jealousy and contempt for that annoying little midget reaper. How dare someone like _him_ get to spend all that time with Avalon!? And why did she willingly let him hang around her? UGH.

The convention had started, but Yen was barely aware of the crowds passing by him. There were quite a lot of people…he hoped he wouldn't see anyone he knew. Doubtful, though. He imagined that coffee was _crazy_ popular at conventions; people had an awful lot of walking around to do, and an energy boost from a cup of joe would be more than welcome.

"Hey, Ilsa," Yen's eyes flicked down to the floor, where his adorable white Galagoogoo was sitting, rocking back and forth and looking up at her master with her enormous eyes. "Do you think you could man the station? I think you have it in you."

Scowling, Ilsa burst into an incomprehensible mess of gabbling Galagoogoo noises. Yen let a chuckle slip and crouched down to scratch Ilsa behind the ears. "Just kidding. But can you do me one favor?"

Ilsa nodded, looking at Yen expectantly.

"Please don't sit on the counter," Yen sighed. "You're so cute; you'd probably attract a _lot_ of customers…"

Ilsa's white paper cheeks blushed and she waved Yen off. As much as she would like the attention and adoration of the masses, the wishes of her master came first! Yen was the smartest, coolest human ever! Ilsa just wanted to make him happy.

Straightening up, Yen leaned on the counter, his chin in his hands, watching the crowds fly by. He saw neither hide nor hair of Avalon, much to his sadness, but he did recognize _one_ person…

A person he really, _REALLY_ didn't want to see.

Said person's green eyes lit up as soon as he saw Yen, and he went barreling over at top speed, a humongous grin on his face.

Yen barely resisted the urge to hide under the counter. His twin was the last person he wanted to see right now, or _ever._ The crowd was already giving him a headache, and Yoto would only make it worse! Potato was resting on Yoto's shoulder, too, and Potato wasn't exactly known for being a quiet bird…

"Slightly bigger bro!" Yoto greeted, slamming his palms onto the counter. "Wow, Uncle Bart wasn't kiddin' when he said you became a barfesta!"

_"Barista,"_ Yen corrected flatly, burying his mask in his hands.

"Yen is barf!" Potato cheerfully interjected. "Barf, barf, barf!"

Yen leered at Yoto's Parrybo and groused: "Are you here to buy your bird a muzzle?"

Yoto shook his head no. "Of _course_ not! I wouldn't miss the comedy gold that comes out of Potato's mouth for the _world!"_ Yoto affectionately rubbed Potato on the head.

Bursting into a husky, feminine voice, Potato cooed: "Ohhh, Bart, that feels SOOO good…"

Yoto made a noise like he was about to fall to the ground and choke to death and instantly stopped petting Potato. He glared up at his Parrybo, his cheeks bright red, and scolded: "NEVER EVER do that again!"

Awkwardly clearing his throat, Yoto turned back to Yen and added: "I'm here to spend time with my girl! I'm looking for a present for her too, something absolutely _perfect…"_ Yoto's eyes began to sparkle. "I might be going out with Storkos, but I need to let her know exactly how much she means to me, y'know?"

"I still think she doesn't deserve you…" Yen sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Oh?" Yoto smirked, resting his arms on the counter and leaning in a bit too close to his brother's face. "Speaking of girls that we don't deserve, how goes it with Avalon?"

"She's hanging around with-" Yen almost confided in YOTO, of all people, that Avalon was spending time with Dastardos. Yen knew very well that Yoto couldn't keep his goddamned mouth shut about _anything,_ and the last thing Yen wanted to do was ruin the reputation of the woman he loves. "Uh, she's hanging around with some short guy. I think he likes her or something…" Yen huffed. "What a pain. Ugh, if only I could work up the courage to ask her… that would be wonderful. We'd be great together, don't you think? I wonder if she likes poetry… I'd write her whatever poems she wants-hey, are you even listening?"

Yoto's attention was on a guy dressed in full-on Peckanmix gear, complete with headdress and his hair in pigtails. Potato had fallen dead asleep and was snoring loudly.

"Yoto, did you hear _anything_ I said?" Yen folded his arms, glaring daggers at his brother.

"…huh? Oh," Snickering, Yoto turned back towards his twin. "Nope. It was probably boring anyway. Why don't you try and find Avalon a present too?"

"Psh, yeah, if I could get time off I would," Yen scoffed. "My boss has me manning this booth pretty much all day today. But, uh…you know Avalon better than I do…" The cheeks of Yen's mask colored and he suddenly found a spot on the counter extremely interesting. "I can't believe I'm asking you this, but if you see something you think she'd like…could you let me know?"

"You know what?" Yoto smiled at his brother, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder. "Yeah, I can do that for ya."

"Thanks, Yoto," Yen looked up to meet his brother's eyes, the tiniest of smiles on his mask's lips. "I appreciate it."

"Keep your Alert System on!" Yoto waved goodbye to his brother before heading off into the crowd, the sleeping Potato teetering dangerously on his shoulder.

Sighing, Yen began to absent-mindedly clean an already spotless coffee mug.

"Bet my bottom chocolate coin he's going to forget," Yen said to his Galagoogoo, who nodded sagely.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Dastardos was honestly getting kind of bored. Avalon kept stopping to look at every single booth, carefully scrutinizing every bit of merchandise to see if she deemed it worthy of her tastes. Ninety nine times out of a hundred, she'd put it back down and move on, dragging Dastardos along with her. Victoria and Cid had flown off to who knows where, probably to romance dance until their talons got sore.

No one seemed to recognize Dastardos, at least. He had actually walked right past Jardiniero and some blonde chick that looked like a human Easter egg, but neither of them batted an eyelash at him. Dastardos heaved a sigh of relief at that one. He had made a point to not get too close to Jardiniero, ever. Whenever they had to be in the same general area, Dastardos made sure there was several pinometers worth of distance between them. Dastardos was always a little paranoid about Jardiniero's paternal instincts sniffing out his true identity…

"Oh my God!" Avalon's snickering voice broke Dastardos away from his thoughts.

"What is it now-oh. _Oh,"_ Dastardos took a step back when he got a load of what was on display in the booth they were in front of.

The booth was emblazoned with a large sign that had a much uglier version of Dastardos' mask with a big red X over it. The person behind the table, some Mousemallow masked punk who didn't look a day older than 18, was claiming that the stuff on the table was guaranteed to get rid of Dastardos and keep him away for good!

The items on the table were all emblazoned with a poorly drawn rendition of his mask, as well. There were tiny Dastardos shovels, a bunch of spray cans with his mask on them, and an extremely long, pointed stick. Dastardos didn't even want to know what that was for…

Dastardos was so caught up in checking out what was on the table that he didn't notice Avalon picking up one of the tiny spades. She examined it curiously, her brown eyes flicking between the tiny shovel head and Dastardos' skinny shoulder. Avalon cast a quick glance at the stall keeper to make sure his attention was elsewhere, and attempted to poke Dastardos in the shoulder with it.

Dastardos jumped the slightest bit, but the small spade phased right through him without leaving as much as a crease in his clothing.

"Can you _not?!"_ he hissed up at Avalon once he realized what he was doing, his cheeks coloring black. "If this loser sees you testing his products, he's going to get suspicious!"

"Come on," Avalon snickered, whispering back to him. "'Is mind is elsewhere." Avalon jerked her head in the direction of the stall keeper, who was chatting up a very pretty girl whose mask barely covered the area around her eyes. Avalon surveyed the table again, picking up one of the spray bottles.

"'Uh…" Avalon thought, biting her lip. "Wonder wot this is meant to accomplish…"

The shopkeeper heard her, and turned his attention away from his other customer to grin at Avalon. "That's a special formula! Guaranteed to leave Dastardos' eyes burning for _days!"_

"Guaranteed, 'uh?" Avalon gave the young man a skeptical look. "Was this tested on 'im or anything?"

"Well, uh…no…" The shopkeeper looked down, fiddling with his hands nervously. The scantily clad girl had gotten bored and took off, so he was stuck talking to Avalon. "Buh-but I had the help of a chemist who claimed to have stared down Dastardos and lived!" He nodded vigorously. "He told me some stuff about Dastardos being on a different frequency as other people, and he incorporated that into the formula!" he squeaked, obviously a bit nervous. Avalon was much, much taller than he was…

Dastardos raised a brow. He didn't recall getting into any tiffs with chemists…

"Well…" Avalon tapped her chin. "I _guess_ I'll buy a bottle, just to try it out."

"Oh yes, thank you, ma'am!" The Mousemallow masked boy brightened. "Let's see…that'll be three thousand chocolate coins!"

"Paltry," Avalon reached in her purse and had the money in exact change on the counter in mere seconds. "Thank yew very much."

Avalon grabbed Dastardos by the arm and filed him over to a wall where the crowd was less thick, a smirk adorning her lips.

Dastardos glared up at her, not looking amused in the slightest bit. "Why the _hell_ did you _buy_ that?! You have absolutely no reason to!"

"Experimentation!" With that, Avalon sprayed Dastardos right in the mask with the stuff. Dastardos let out a remarkably unmanly shriek, his hands flying to his cheeks.

"Wot? Did it actually 'urt?!" Avalon looked positively shocked, covering her mouth with one hand. "Oh my God, I'm sorry! I didn't think it would-"

"No, it didn't hurt!" Dastardos shook his head rapidly. "It's…it's so _cold!_ I felt that! It felt like I got sprayed in the face with ice cold water! Don't _ever_ do that again!" Dastardos wiped the dripping liquid off of his mask, wearing the largest frown Avalon had ever seen. "Who the hell _is_ that kid? I should go over there and give him a piece of my mind!"

Dastardos got ready to march back towards the booth, but Avalon's hand reached out and grabbed him before he could.

"Now _that_ would blow your cover," Avalon sighed, tugging Dastardos back to where he was before. "Okay, I promise I won't use this on yew…"

"Good," Dastardos scoffed, still wiping at his mask.

"As long as yew _behave,"_ Avalon waggled the bottle at Dastardos, a corner of her mouth lifted up into a smirk.

"Avalon, really?" Dastardos looked at her incredulously, his mouth in an intense frown. "I'm not a Kittyfloss! You can't just spray me whenever I act out of line-GAH!"

Avalon pointed the bottle threateningly at Dastardos' nose. Her smirk became full blown and she sloshed the bottle around again. "Looks like I can! 'Ow about that! Control over the Reaper, and all because of a spray bottle!"  
"Avalon," Dastardos looked up at her, his brows knitted together. "I honestly think that you are more evil than I am. Congratulations! Maybe you should put on some skimpy black and red thing and become Darkvalon!" He spread out his arms, his eyes lighting up, as if he was enthralled by the idea.

Avalon scowled and sprayed Dastardos right in the face for that little comment.

After much cursing and spluttering from Dastardos' end, Avalon chuckled and said: "I think yew've 'ad enough." She slipped the bottle into her bag and Dastardos glared up at her, sliding his glasses down the nose of his mask.

"Avalon, if I didn't like you so much, I'd-" Dastardos was interrupted by his Alert System playing two ominous tones, signaling that he received a text. "Oops, hold on…" Dastardos fished through his pockets in search of his mobile device.

"Yew'd wot?" Avalon looked at him sternly, her hands on her hips.

"That's not important," Dastardos waved her off with one hand, his other one closing around his Alert System. He withdrew it from his pocket and a smile flickered on his face when he saw that it read "TEXT ALERT FROM BARFBAG."

"'Oo is it?" Avalon asked, moving a little closer to Dastardos. Dastardos covered the screen, and scowled up at her.

"Can you not stick your nose into my business, please? I need to reply to this. Hold on…" Dastardos ran over to a nearby pillar and retreated behind it, grinning as he flipped his Alert System open.

Avalon sighed as she watched him go. He had a point; she _was_ being a little nosy…if Dastardos wanted to keep some things private, he was allowed. Didn't mean Avalon's curiosity wouldn't be piqued, though. She'd have to really control herself to keep from prying.

It took a lot of effort for Dastardos to read his brother's text, even with the text size on his Alert System impossibly big as it was. After a bit, he finally realized that it said:

_"Hey, big bro! 8D I told Leena I had some cool man things to do (bro bonding counts as that, right?) and managed to separate from her. She's nice, but geez, girls are so troublesome! I hope I didn't upset her. Anyway, wanna meet in front of the big ol' arch that says Gardening Center on the second floor in half an hour? No clue what you're doing, but if you can get here soon it would be awesome! I'll be waiting! 8)"_

Dastardos shook his head, chuckling under his breath. Seedos even texted like the dork that he was…proper punctuation and grammar. To be expected.

Dastardos texted back _"Hold on, b their soon. Gutta take cre of sumthin."_

Seedos was probably super excited to see Dastardos, since he got a reply almost instantaneously. Dastardos blinked, impressed. How could _anyone_ type that fast on an Alert System?

_"Okay, Mr. I Can't Text Right. 8) I miss you! Looking forward to seeing you again!"_

Dastardos pocketed his Alert System, getting a fluffy feeling in his heart. He always forgot that he had a little brother who loved and admired him, even if he was technically a "villain" and had a genetic code so messed up that they probably couldn't be considered blood related anymore.

_I'm pretty lucky, heh, _Dastardos thought as he emerged from behind the pillar, his hands in his pockets. _I've got myself a new friend and a little brother who thinks I'm the coolest thing on two legs. Thanks, universe, that almost makes up for me having the worst job and boss in the freaking world!_

Avalon was leaning against the wall, arms folded, waiting for him. Dastardos could tell by the look on her face that she was curious about what he had done. Damn, how would he lie about this one…?

"All done?" Avalon asked, unfolding her arms, smiling just the slightest bit.

_Okay, good, no questioning,_ Dastardos let out a mental sigh of relief. "Hey, Avalon, I actually…need to go take care of something somewhere." Dastardos didn't make eye contact with her, jerking his head over his shoulder in a random direction.

"Oh, yew do?" Avalon raised a brow. "Can I come along?"

"No," Dastardos shook his head, holding up his hands. "It's important business that only I can take care of. Goodbye!"

Not able to think of anything better to say, Dastardos ran off and disappeared into the crowd.

"Wait, yew-ugh!" Avalon stomped a foot, her face contorting into a scowl. "God damn it! 'E better come back, or else-"

"Avalon…?" a tiny voice said behind her.

Avalon whipped around to see Leena, looking up at her with big, curious blue eyes. "Who are you yelling about?" Leena was looking at Avalon as if she were a fierce Fourheads about to bite her. Avalon usually wasn't one to get angry like that…anyone who could get her that livid must be a really horrible person!

"Oh, uh, nothing, Leena," Avalon lied, smoothing her own hair, doing her best to regain her cool. "My…er, friend, he just ditched me for no reason." Avalon looked over at the crowd walking by, no sign of the disguised Dastardos at all. She was honestly a little impressed by how fast he could disappear…

"We have something in common, then…" Leena let out a tiny sigh and rubbed her temples. "Seedos ran off a few minutes ago, telling me he had a manly thing to do…something like that. What does that even mean?"

Avalon looked at Leena incredulously. "He _said_ that? And yew just let 'im go without protesting?"

"Yeah…was that bad…?" Leena wrung her hands, suddenly finding her feet extremely interesting.

"Seedos is…" Avalon struggled to find the right word, biting her lip and rolling her head around as she thought. "…a unique thinker, Leena. I think yew did the right thing not raising a stink, but I wonder wot 'as 'im off in such an 'urry…" Avalon scratched her head. "My, um, companion ran off too. Wonder if they're 'eaded to the same place…" Avalon narrowed her eyes and added: "There wouldn't be a stripper 'ere, would there be?"

Leena squealed, her face coloring bright scarlet. "AVALON! Don't say something like that!" Leena stomped a foot. "Seedos would never be interested in something so…so _vulgar!"_

Avalon almost burst into laughter. Leena really _was_ the child of a Catholic schoolmarm… "Relax, Leena, it was a joke. Still…" Avalon gazed off into the direction Dastardos had run off to. "Wonder wot they're up to…"

"Well, we can't follow them, we lost them…" Leena sighed, wilting like a derelict flower. "…who were you hanging out with, anyway?"

"Um…" Avalon struggled to find the right words again. Leena was exceedingly difficult to lie to; those big, innocent blue eyes gazing up at her expected nothing but the truth. "…just a friend." Avalon admitted. Not technically a lie, right? "Yew don't know 'im. Come on, let's go see if we can find something Seedos would like. I bet 'e'd be 'appy if you got 'im a gift!" Avalon smiled down at her younger friend, ruffling her frizzy hair. Seedos and Leena had been dancing around a romance for far too long in Avalon's opinion. It broke Avalon's heart to see little Leena strung along, so she figured it couldn't hurt to give their relationship a shove in the right direction. She couldn't stand Seedos herself, but hey, he made Leena happy.

"Yeah…you're right!" Leena's cheeks colored with their infamous rosy glow. "Thanks, Avalon. You're the _best!"_

Leena and Avalon headed off in a random direction, Avalon mentally fretting. If Leena ever learned that her idol had befriended Dastardos, well…she might have a heart attack. Avalon didn't want to be responsible for the untimely death of a cute, bright-eyed young girl!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yen siiiiiiiighed as he polished the same cup he had polished about a hundred times already. It had been an hour, and he had barely any customers. Sure, he didn't see anyone he knew, but it was boring just sitting around at this kiosk doing nothing. Even his Galagoogoo had become bored to tears and had fallen asleep at Yen's feet.

Yen was broken out of his thoughts when he heard an all too familiar voice.

"I'll take a coffee. Black and blazing hot."

Yen's head snapped up and he saw Dastardos in that ridiculously colorful disguise of his, wearing a smile that looked genuine. Almost _creepily_ genuine.

"You never struck me as the coffee type…" Yen drawled, trying to hide the shakiness of his voice. He didn't have too many encounters with Dastardos, but anyone could tell that having the reaper smiling at you was _bad news._ It might have been Yen's imagination, but he could swear that the temperature of the air around the two of them dropped.

"I'm up for trying new things," Dastardos scoffed. "You gonna make it or not?"

Yen hesitated for a moment, but he couldn't turn away a customer just because of their alignment. Would that be considered a form of prejudice? Yen's boss would probably get mad over that…she insisted that they "serve all kinds" and that customers are always right. Yen hoped she'd never learn about the incident when he dumped coffee on Dastardos…

"Okay, hold on…" Sighing, Yen turned around and began to make the coffee. _Bitter and black, like Dastardos' soul. Fitting._

Ilsa had opened her gigantic eyes and hopped up on the counter, staring at Dastardos suspiciously. Dastardos glared at the Galagoogoo, but she didn't falter whatsoever. That was one thing Dastardos' disguises weren't good for; piñatas seemed to _always_ know he wasn't who he seemed to be. He'd have to lie low if he wanted to catch the P-Factor round…he had every piñata glaring at him whenever he went to one. Maybe it was his smell…he should ask Avalon to buy him some cologne.

"Here's your coffee," Yen held out a steaming mug to Dastardos. That particular mug was bright pink and decorated in frolicking Chewnicorns. A subtle little dig, but nothing in comparison to what Dastardos was about to do.

"Whoops!" Dastardos knocked the cup right out of Yen's hand, sending it crashing into the hapless barista's chest. The coffee spilled all over him and Yen cried out in pain, doubling over onto the floor when the mug shattered right on his shoe.

"Later, Stupid Hair!" Dastardos burst into loud laughter and took off as fast as he could, the crowd staring at him. He felt an exceptionally large pair of eyes on him, though, and he glanced over his shoulder to see that Yen's Galagoogoo had decided to go after him, her eyes flashing with sheer, absolute hatred.

Dastardos skidded to a stop and Yen's Galagoogoo attempted to tackle him, instead jumping right through him and landing on the floor in a stiff heap, her eyes open wide and her entire body shivering like crazy.

"Ohhh, I hope no one saw that…" Dastardos muttered to himself before biting his lip and looking around. Only one random person was staring at him, and the rest of the crowd was either none the wiser or didn't care. Dastardos made an "I'm watching you" gesture to the gaping guy, and he promptly pretended his interests lied elsewhere.

Dastardos strolled up to the still shaking white Galagoogoo, bent down to her level, and whispered _"Nice try."_ in that chilling voice of his. The piñata let out a squeak of resignation and squeezed her massive optics shut.

"Now to find Seedos," Dastardos said as he straightened up, his voice uncharacteristically cheerful. He headed to their designated meeting place with a spring in his step, overjoyed that he was able to get revenge on the bastard who had humiliated him a few days ago.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie had been waiting in line at the fortune teller's booth for what seemed like an eternity, clutching his wallet in his hands like his life depended on it. The convention had managed to net the famous fortune teller, Farrah Shadowing, as a special guest. She was renowned all over the Island for her disturbingly accurate predictions, her flawless record, her fantastic ability to read people, and her enormous bosom. Eddie's turn was coming up soon, and he was practically bouncing in place with anticipation. He couldn't see Farrah, since the tent was covered in bright purple veils that silhouetted its occupants, but he could smell the overpowering odor of rose incense.

Eddie wrinkled his nose and coughed just a little bit. He was never big on incense. The smoky smell completely overpowered whatever pleasant aroma they were going for, in his opinion, plus the smell stuck to your hair and clothes like the choking scent of cigarette smoke. Eddie would have to retreat to the bathroom and wash his hair when all this was over… but he knew it would be so worth it!

A young, dark skinned woman with a pink Tigermisu mask emerged from the fortune teller's booth, a shimmer in her brown eyes. Obviously she must have liked what she heard…Eddie hoped he'd feel the same about his fortune!

The young man in front of Eddie went into the tent, and emerged three minutes later, fighting back tears. Eddie gulped, his grip on his wallet tightening so much that his knuckles whitened. Leaving the tent in tears would be _humiliating,_ and Eddie wasn't good at fighting them off!

_Come on, Eddie,_ Eddie took a deep breath and let it out. _You waited in line FOREVER. You can do this. It'll be fine. It'll be just fine._

Taking another deep breath in, Eddie marched forward and parted the curtains with a determined vengeance.

Eddie's tender nostrils were immediately assaulted with the full force of the rose incense, but he fought off a coughing fit and smiled shyly at the fortune teller. Farrah Shadowing was a stunner of a woman, quite tall for a Filipino, and wore flowy purple and blue textbook "seer of the future" clothes. Her mask left her mouth uncovered and was covered in looping patterns with a round, blue gem right in the middle of her forehead. Swirls surrounded the eyeholes of the mask, giving the illusion of long eyelashes. She was smiling at Eddie, visibly a bit tired, but clearly happy. Eddie didn't blame her; he saw several jars full of Chocolate Coins behind her little table.

"Sit down, little boy," Farrah gestured to the cushioned chair in front of her table. "Don't look so restless and stiff. Are you nervous?"

Eddie gulped and nodded.

Farrah tsk-tsked. "The nervous look doesn't suit you, sweetheart. A face like that…you look like the type who turns heads and wows crowds!"

"I…" Eddie perched on the chair, visibly impressed. "I run the P-Factor! Well, my dad does, but I emcee it! So…yeah, I _do _wow crowds! Whoa, the brochure wasn't kidding, you _are_ good at this!"

"It is what it is…" Farrah shrugged, but she was obviously pleased with Eddie's compliment. Leaning forward and resting her chin on her long-nailed hands, she added: "Tell me your star sign. It will help me gaze into your future…"

Eddie almost chuckled; this woman was quite a character. She had the mysterious voice and mannerisms down, every move completely elegant. "I'm an Aries, but I don't know if it suits me…" Eddie barely had to think about that one. His star sign always bothered him; it was always characterized as being so brutish! It really didn't fit a guy like him. "I'm barely one, though. If I had been born three days before I would have been a Pisces."

"Ahh, I see…" Farrah shut her eyes for a brief moment, as if she were digesting information about Eddie. "And what kind of reading would you like, young man?"

"Call me Eddie, please," Eddie always felt a little strange when people didn't call him by name. Being born and raised in a Village where everyone knew each other, it was a little unusual dealing with strangers mask-to-mask. "And…sorry if this is ignorant, but there are different kinds of readings?" He leaned forward with interest, his stomach filling with butterflies. The anticipation was killing him!

"Yes," Farrah nodded, her large, looped earrings bobbing with the motion. "Palm readings, tarot card readings, and my specialty, future readings." Sighing a bit, she admitted: "The latter is a bit pricey so I didn't get to do too many today…"

"Believe me, ma'am…" Eddie held up his wallet and jiggled it, the chocolate coins inside clanking together melodically. "…money is no object!"

"It's ten thousand CC for a future reading," Farrah said, eyeing Eddie's wallet with a subtle hunger. Eddie knew that glint in the eye very well. Lottie always got the same look in her eyes whenever Eddie would stop by her store. "Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent!" Eddie had the money counted and on the table in the blink of an eye. "Here you go, ma'am."

"Thank you very much…" Farrah beamed at the pile of money, scooping the chocolate coins up in her hands and depositing it into the jar of glittering Chocolate Coins on her table. "Okay, Eddie, you might not like what you hear. Are you prepared?"

Eddie nodded, a look of determination on his face.

Farrah let out a little sigh of relief. "Fantastic, because I don't give refunds. Hmmm…" Closing her eyes, Farrah took three breaths through her nose and let them out through her mouth. "Ah, yes, I am starting to see your future…"

"What are you seeing?" Eddie said, a great amount of urgency in his voice. He couldn't wait to hear it! He was a little irritated that Farrah's expression was so unreadable, though, he had no idea if she saw good things in his future or not!

"Ahh, you have a girl you're sweet on, don't you?" Farrah nodded, but she suddenly started. "Oh, my mistake! More than one girl! And possibly…another man?"

Eddie turned bright red. "Yuh-yes, but I don't plan on acting upon those feelings."

"Just as well…" A small smile spread across Farrah's lips. "It wouldn't end well for you if you did."

After a long, palpable silence, Farrah finally spoke again.

"In your future, I see unexpected developments in your love life. You will hit bumps. Something will upset you. But remember this, young Eddie…" Farrah finally opened her striking eyes and settled them upon Eddie's. "In the end, everything will turn out just fine… oh, and there is something else I saw that you might be interested in…"

"What? What?" Eddie's eyes widened. He didn't like the idea of having to cope with a broken heart, but he hoped that whatever Farrah was about to tell him was good news.

"I know you are worried about your unborn younger sibling, but do not fret," Farrah shook her head. "He will not grow up to be more attractive than you."

That woman had peeped right into the darkest recesses of Eddie's mind. In his shock, he slid down the chair, but he let out an enormous sigh of relief. That was good to know…

"I like what I see in your future, so I want to help it along. I have a gift for you, young Eddie…" Farrah rose from her chair and crouched to the ground, and Eddie heard the telltale _swish_ of a mini-fridge opening. Farrah stood up and placed two bright pink, fizzing beverages on the table in front of Eddie. They were in clear cups with a see-through top, each with a bright pink straw.

"You drink one and give the other to someone who means a lot to you, but make sure you drink them at the same time," Farrah nodded sagely. "If not, your fortune will not come true."

"Thank you, ma'am," Eddie picked up the two drinks, a bit baffled that the fortune teller would give him something like this.

"May happiness find you, Eddie," Farrah smiled at him and gave him a tiny wave. "Have a wonderful day."

Eddie emerged from the tent, drinks in hand, smiling to himself. He wasn't sure who to share the drinks with… hmm, maybe he could share them with the first girl he ran into… if he liked her, of course. Oh, he hoped it would be-

Eddie's thoughts were interrupted by a voice calling for him.

"Eddie! Hey, Eddie! Over here!"

Eddie turned his head towards the voice and grinned when he saw Sahari, a very tired-looking Sparcticus in tow. Sahari was waving at Eddie like crazy, a huge smile on her mask. Her S'morepion was perched upon her head, and Sparcticus was holding his Lemmoning in his arms. Eddie had left Ari in the care of his mother while he walked around the convention center. He was afraid that she would get her paper mussed or lose her bow. Oh well, he could show her off later!

"Hey, guys, how are you?" Eddie asked as he approached the couple.

"Great!" Sahari nodded, placing her hands on her tiny hips. "I'm having a _blast!"_

"I'm exhausted…" Sparcticus panted. "Completely parched, too… hey, do you mind if I take one of those?" Sparcticus looked at the drinks in Eddie's hands with a burning desire.

"Uh, sure!" Eddie figured it couldn't hurt. The fortune teller did say to share the drink with someone he cared about, and Sparcticus certainly fit the bill! "I got these from the fortune teller. No idea why, though." He handed the drink over to Sparcticus and Sparcticus shut his eyes as he enjoyed the drink.

Eddie figured he might as well join him… he wanted his fortune to come true! He put the straw to his lips and took a sip.

_Wow, this drink tasted good!_ Sweet, fizzy, and fruity… Eddie usually didn't drink carbonated beverages, but he would make an exception for this _any _day! He wasn't sure what was in it, but he didn't care. He just kept on drinking it.

"Ooh, you got your fortune told? What did the fortune teller say? C'mon, you can tell me!" Sahari playfully punched Eddie on the arm.

Eddie swallowed his drink and looked at Sparcticus, his eyes suddenly growing wide, his pupils dilated to an enormous size.

"Eddie? Hello?" Sahari smacked Eddie on the arm harder this time. "Don't ignore me!"

Sparcticus finally opened his eyes after gulping down most of the drink, and he instantly met Eddie's gaze. Sparcticus adopted a similar expression, his eyes becoming huge.

"Sparty? Sparty! Are you in there?" Sahari ran over to her boyfriend and jumped up, attempting to wave a hand in front of his face. It was no use, though. There was no way she could reach her boyfriend's head without a ladder.

"What's going _on_ with you two? Did that fortune teller _poison_ you?" Sahari pulled her Alert System out of her pocket. "Oh God, I'm calling a doct…or…"

Sparcticus and Eddie began to slowly walk towards each other, as if spellbound, their drinks crashing to the floor and spilling everywhere. All of a sudden, Sparcticus took the much skinnier Eddie in his strong arms, not breaking eye contact.

"Eddie…" he said, his voice deep and resonating with emotion.

"Sparcticus…" A dopey looking smile spread across Eddie's mouth.

"I can't believe I never realized it before…" Sparcticus moved Eddie's bangs out of his face. "Eddie Lizard… I think…I think I…"

"Yes?" Eddie held Sparcticus tighter. "Yes?"

"I love you!" Sparcticus shouted loud enough for the whole fortune teller's line to hear.

"Awww…" the vast majority of the people waiting said, their eyes glimmering at the romantic display before them.

"What the _FUCK!?"_ Sahari screamed, tearing at her hair.

"Excuse me, young lady, but I have a _child_ here!" a woman chastised her, covering the ears of her now sobbing toddler. "Go take your homophobic attitude somewhere else!"

Sahari wasn't going anywhere.

She had a thing or two to say to that fortune teller, and she sure as hell wasn't going to wait in line!


	21. Heartbreak

Sahari stomped towards the fortune teller's tent like a woman on a mission, grinding her teeth together. She wasn't exactly sure what the hell happened, but she had a hunch that this fortune teller woman was behind her boyfriend suddenly inexplicably falling for Eddie!

"Hey, you have to wait in line like the rest of us!" a dark-skinned guy with dreadlocks at the front of the line shouted. "I've been waiting for _hours,_ and I'm not letting you cut me off!"

"Too bad, douchebag!" Sahari flipped Dreadlocks Guy the bird and shoved the curtains aside. The fortune teller's last customer had just left, and she was shaking her jar of chocolate coins with a smile on her face. When she felt Sahari's presence, she looked up, a frown on her purple painted lips.

"You're angry with me…" the fortune teller barely suppressed the urge to stand up and back away. Sahari might have been small, but the anger radiating off of her body was great. She was glaring daggers, spears, and various other pointy objects at the fortune teller, her tiny bosom heaving with her anger. "Did something happen in your love life…? But I've never seen you before… I couldn't have given you a fortune. I'd remember someone with your aura."

"Don't give me any of your fortune telling shit!" Sahari darted forward and stood on the cushioned chair in front of the fortune teller's table, subconsciously hoping the additional height would make her look more intimidating. "My boyfriend just fell in love with one of my best friends because they both drank something that Eddie got from _you!"_ Sahari stabbed an accusing finger at the fortune teller, who covered her mouth.

Much to Sahari's immense annoyance, the fortune teller started to chuckle.

"Don't you laugh at me!" Sahari shouted, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Seeing her boyfriend fall right into the arms of someone she thought she trusted was hard on her, and she didn't appreciate this bitch laughing it off!

"I see my plans backfired…" The fortune teller shook her head, her earrings jangling with the motion. "Eddie was meant to share that drink with someone he had strong romantic feelings for. I have no idea why he chose to share it with that boyfriend of yours, but those drinks were laced with romance candy…" Sighing, the fortune teller rested a cheek on her gloved hand, looking up at Sahari with her heavily lashed eyes. "My condolences about what happened, but the spell won't break until the two of them share a kiss. If they both drank it and fell for one another, though, it shouldn't be long. You have no need to worry, my dear."

Sahari was still pissed and she felt her cheeks burning. "Why would you even do something like that? That's messing with peoples' minds! How have you not gotten your ass sued yet?" Sahari folded her arms and glared at the fortune teller again.

"Please step down from that chair," The fortune teller scolded. "You're making me nervous."

"I'm not stepping down from _anywhere_ until you give me some answers, lady!" Sahari demanded, leaning forward and looming over the fortune teller.

"That trick has never backfired, to my knowledge…" The fortune teller reached under her turban to massage her temples. "I warned Eddie; I told him to give the other drink to someone he cares deeply about, and something bad would happen if he didn't heed that advice. He brought this on himself; I think you should be cross with him rather than me."

"He had no way of knowing!" Sahari jumped off the chair and landed with a little thud right in front of the fortune teller's table. "You need to stop being so cryptic! I just _lost my boyfriend!"_

"Temporarily," The fortune teller held up a finger. "As soon as he kisses Eddie, he'll be back to his senses."

"I'm not letting him live this one down," Sahari shook her head, her shaggy hair flying everywhere. "We… we need to take a break. If he can fall so easily because of a stupid piece of candy… he must not really care about me…"

"You're talking foolishness, when he's back to normal he-" The fortune teller tried to interject, but Sahari slammed her palms on the table.

"No, no, I'm not listening to you! All you did was cause problems for me!" Sahari spat. "I'm leaving. I hope you're happy about the mess you caused!" With that, Sahari stormed out of the tent, parting the curtains with as much force as a person could and making a point to tear one of them.

Sighing, Farrah Shadowing rested her head on the table. She felt bad about what she did to that poor girl, it's true, but this might have been fate…

"If only she let me read her future…" Farrah thought aloud to herself. "I'm sure she has an interesting one in store…"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Sahari found Sparcticus and Eddie not far from where she left them. They had moved to a wall and sat down with their backs against it, exchanging playful banter and obviously flirting with one another, their cheeks bright pink. People passing by were marveling at what a cute couple they were, which made Sahari even angrier. People on Piñata Island were in love with love, so they would always compliment cute couples. With their height difference and opposing climates, Sahari and Sparcticus were absolutely _showered_ with compliments about how cute they were. Sahari used to pretend to find it annoying, but secretly she loved hearing that she looked good with Sparcticus. They had made their relationship work for so long despite all odds, and then that fortune teller _bitch_ came along with her magical drinks and now her boyfriend dropped her on a dime to become half of a homosexual couple.

Sahari felt her stomach tie into knots. Why was she nervous? She almost _never_ got nervous! She was going to waltz over there and let Sparcticus know exactly how she felt about all this, and hopefully it would snap him out of his stupid fog!

"Hey, what's going on with those two?" a voice broke Sahari out of her raged warpath. Sahari whipped towards the source of the voice and saw Maxime, an enormous Limeocerous behind her. Maxime wore an immense look of amusement, her eyes glimmering with mischief. Sahari barely suppressed the urge to punch that look right off of Maxime's face.

"They both drank Romance Candy laced drinks, and they're head over heels for each other now!" Sahari threw her hands in the air in frustration. "Eddie stole my boyfriend right out from under my nose because of those stupid drinks! I can't believe Sparty just dropped me on a dime like that…" Sahari felt her rage turn into sadness and she swallowed a lump in her throat. She wasn't going to cry, especially not in front of Maxime!

"Oh man, don't worry, Sahari," Maxime patted Sahari on one of her skinny shoulders. "I'll make sure the two of them _never_ live this down! Sparcticus and Eddie will never forget about this incident!" Maxime laughed, almost maniacally, and Sahari pointedly took a few steps away from her.

"Oh, God, Maxime, don't tell me-" Sahari looked at Maxime with dread.

"Mm-hmm," Maxime looked over at Sparty and Eddie, who were still all caught up in making goo goo eyes at each other. Maxime whipped out her Alert System and took a picture in the blink of an eye. "I'm showing this to _everyone!"_

"Maxime, if you do that, I'll kill you!" Sahari warned, lunging for Maxime's Alert System. Sahari was the only person in the world who was shorter than Maxime, and Maxime held the Alert System well out of the tiny desert dweller's reach. "I might be mad at Sparty, but I don't want his reputation to be ruined!"

"It won't be ruined; he'll just be a laughing stock for a little bit!" Laughing triumphantly, Maxime climbed up onto the back of her Limeocerous. "Come on, Killer, giddy up!" She smacked her Limeo in the back and it began stampeding through the convention hall, knocking people aside and sending crowds running away screaming.

"God _damn_ it, Maxime!" Sahari clenched her hands into fists. That girl was a piece of work…

Speaking of pieces of work, she had to snap stupid Sparty out of this spell! She wasn't going to spread it around town, but she certainly wasn't going to let Sparty get off easy…

Walking over to the new spellbound couple, Sahari folded her arms and stuck out her lower lip, glaring at her (ex)boyfriend and Eddie.

"Sparcticus…" Sahari hissed through clenched teeth.

"No, Eddie, I really do think your eyes are your best feature…" Sparcticus was talking in the low, love filled voice that he usually reserved for Sahari. Sahari felt like someone punched her in the stomach –and hard! – but she did her best not to show it.

"Oh, don't be silly! I think that purple is so passé…" Eddie flicked a limp wrist at Sparcticus. "Maybe I should switch to blue… what do you think? Should I switch to blue?"

"You'd look great whatever color your eyes were…" Sparcticus purred and Eddie blushed bright red.

"Aww, stop…" Eddie gently hit Sparcticus on one of his broad shoulders.

"SPARCTICUS," Sahari raised her voice, feeling a headache begin to pound behind her eyes. They were _completely_ ignoring her!

"I can't believe I never noticed your feelings before…" Sparcticus put a hand underneath Eddie's chin and brought him closer. "I'm sorry, Eddie."

"Don't apologize…" Eddie caressed Sparcticus' masked cheek. "We're finally together, and that's what matters."

"Oh, Eddie…" Sparcticus leaned in.

"Oh, Sparcticus…" Eddie leaned in too, and his lips connected with the mouth of Sparcticus' mask. He fell into Sparcticus' arms passionately, closing his eyes and running his fingers through Sparcticus' long hair.

_"__**SPARCTICUS FROSTMOURNE!**__"_ Sahari yelled loud enough to wake an entire city street, her voice straining with her sheer anger.

Sparcticus leapt away from Eddie as if he had suddenly caught on fire, looking at his girlfriend like a Doenut in headlights. "Sahari? What… why was I acting like that? Why did I kiss you, Eddie?!"

"I… oh no…" Eddie stood up and looked ready to take flight as soon as he set eyes on the steaming Sahari. "I'm gonna go." He attempted to run off, but Sahari grabbed him by the hem of his pants.

"Sahari, careful! These are _designer!"_ Eddie squeaked, looking at Sahari with sheer terror in his violet eyes.

"I don't give a Mousemallow's ass about your pants!" Sahari tugged on them again and heard the seams crack. "I'm _never_ speaking to you again for what you did! You're an _idiot,_ Eddie! How could you not think a bright pink drink didn't have romance candy in it?!"

"What?!" Eddie squeaked, his cheeks turning a color to match the drinks the fortune teller had given him. "That fortune teller gave me spiked beverages?! Isn't that illegal?"

"It's probably all _kinds_ of illegal!" Sahari shoved Eddie away and he held up his now falling pants, his lower lip quivering. "Get out of my sight! I'm sick of your stupid face!"

"Sahari, I'm so-" Eddie sounded like he was about to burst into tears. He reached down to put a hand on Sahari's shoulder but she smacked his hand away like it was an annoying Taffly. Eddie pulled his hand back, tears freely flowing down his face now.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Sight," Sahari's scowl became more intense with every word she spat in Eddie's direction.

Eddie stiffly nodded and ran off, obviously crying in his shame. Sahari didn't care.

"As for _you,"_ Sahari whipped to face Sparcticus, who was attempting to quietly sneak away. He completely froze as soon as Sahari looked at him, all of the color draining from his mask.

Sahari strolled up to Sparcticus and raised her head, looking right into his dark eyes.

"You are not allowed to sleep in my room anymore. Take all your stuff and go somewhere else. If you see me at the convention, don't talk to me. Don't sit with me on the bus. Don't even _approach_ me after you dropped me like that," Sahari's voice cracked just a little bit, but she kept her gaze steely and strong.

"Wh-what?" Sparcticus had never seen Sahari this angry in his life… he couldn't blame her, though. If he had caught her making out with Maxime or something, he'd be mad too…

That mental image made his cheeks burn. _Damn it, Sparcticus, now is not the time to be thinking of things like that!_

"You heard me," Sahari folded her arms, doing her best to keep from bursting into tears.

"When can I talk to you again?" Sparcticus asked, debating on whether to attempt to touch Sahari or not. He was afraid he'd lose an arm if he did…

"I don't know…" Sahari shook her head, her shaggy bob becoming even wilder with the motion. "Just… leave me alone, Sparcticus." Sahari turned away from him, her arms intertwining together as tightly as possible.

Sparcticus almost tried to dissuade Sahari from dumping him again, but he shut his mouth when he realized he was speaking without thinking. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he sighed morosely and walked away. Eddie probably had advice on how to deal with a breakup…

Sahari took off in the other direction, not wanting to watch Sparcticus go. She had to drown her sorrows somehow… maybe buying something for her S'morepion would make her feel better.

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Seedos rocked back and forth on his sandaled feet, feeling more than a bit restless. Was his brother not going to show up…? But he was so excited about finally being able to hang out with Dastardos in public! Even if Dastardos was wearing a silly disguise. Seedos only caught a glimpse of him on the day everyone came into town, but he looked awful. He was absolutely sure everyone would recognize him, but no one seemed to… his brotherly sixth sense might be to blame for that one. Hopefully everything would be okay today…

Someone horribly short with grey hair and sunglasses emerged from the crowd, looked around for a moment, and lit up when he saw Seedos. It took Seedos a few seconds to register it, but that person was his brother. _He changed his disguise? This one's a lot better… did he put this together himself? How did he afford it?_

All of the questions disappeared from Seedos' mind when Dastardos approached him, still wearing a surprisingly non-smirky smile. "Hey, kiddo, did you miss me?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Heck yeah I did!" Seedos pulled Dastardos into a hug that would crush the ribs of a normal human being. "What took you so long?! I've been waiting here forever!"

"Let me go, Seedos, if Pester saw us like this he'd explode…" Dastardos attempted to wriggle out of his brother's grasp, not wanting to phase through Seedos and make him uncomfortable.

"Pester's here?" Seedos dropped his brother, his eyes becoming impossibly wide.

Dastardos shrugged. "He might be. I ditched him early on. I've been hanging around with Ava-" Dastardos covered his mouth to keep from spilling his secret to Seedos, but it was too late. The first syllable of Avalon's name was enough, and Seedos' giant mask exploded into a humongous grin. _Ugh, damn it!_ Dastardos mentally kicked himself repeatedly in the ass. _I can't believe I just blurted it out like that! That was supposed to be a secret…!_

"You've been hanging out with _Avalon!?"_ Seedos exclaimed, his voice cracking quite a bit in his excitement.

The cheeks of Dastardos' mask turned a dark black with his embarrassment. "That's not important…" His eyes briefly flicked away from Seedos for a moment. "What's important is who _you've_ been hanging out with," Leaning forward, Dastardos gave Seedos his best smirk, peeking at him over his sunglasses. "Heard you and Leena have been positively inseparable! Have you kissed her yet?" Dastardos waggled his eyebrows at Seedos.

It was Seedos' turn to blush. "No, I haven't! I've told you a billion times, big bro, we're just friends!" Seedos folded his arms, closing his eyes and nodding seriously. Dastardos rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses and leaned against the wall.

"You're leading her on, little bro, that's not good," Dastardos tsk-tsked, waving a finger in front of Seedos' face.

Seedos smacked Dastardos' hand away and smirked right at him. "What about you, huh? Mr. Denial. Have you kissed Avalon yet? There are some height issues there, huh?"

Dastardos barely resisted the urge to float and make himself taller. "Seedos… that's a low blow. And it's none of your business who I kiss and who I don't kiss." Dastardos stuck his nose up.

"Wow, you even picked up her mannerisms!" Seedos laughed heartily, one hand on his stomach. "You've got the snooty nose down pat! Why her, though? She's kind of scary… I can't see her ever hanging out with you…"

Dastardos gave his brother a Look over his sunglasses and Seedos quickly backpedaled. "Uh, heh heh… no offense!"

"It's a long story that's really hard to explain…" Dastardos rubbed his chin in thought. "…but I guess she owes me one. Or several. Something happened. Maybe I'll tell you one day…" Dastardos gave Seedos the most mysterious smile he could conjure up.

Seedos gave Dastardos a long, steady look. "Spill it, bro," Seedos was having none of his brother's crap today. "If you can't tell me stuff, then who _can_ you tell?"

Dastardos huffed a tiny sigh. "Okay, but you're not allowed to repeat any of this stuff to anyone. If anyone asks who you hung out with today, say it was a guy called Niles Fishnchips."

"…why?" Seedos wrinkled his nose.

"That's a long story too," Dastardos snickered. "Anyway…"

Dastardos spun the tale of his heroism when Avalon was accosted by the thugs in the alleyway. He added a few extra thugs in for good measure. Stretching the truth to impress his little brother wasn't a crime, after all.

Seedos' eyes grew wide and began to shimmer in amazement. "Wow, bro! That's so cool! I'm… really surprised that you did that!" Seedos chuckled nervously and added: "Cuz you're evil and all… well, you're not all that evil to me, but-"

"Don't you start with your silly babbling, Seedos, we have some bonding to do!" Dastardos laughed, marching ahead. Seedos had to sprint a bit to catch up with him.

"What made you think Avalon was worthy of your attention?" Seedos asked, tilting his enormous head to the side. "Last time I checked, you thought she was a giant snoot."

Dastardos sidestepped a very mischievous looking Maxime and Seedos almost got stepped on by her leashed Limeocerous. Once they got past that obstacle, Dastardos glanced at his brother and said: "Come on, I have to keep _some_ things a secret. We just get along really well."

"I'm glad you finally found a girl… friend," Seedos gave his brother one of his trademark huge grins, patting him on the shoulder. "You know… I just got an awesome idea! I think I know how to make her like you even _more!"_

"Oh God, what? Does it involve money?" Dastardos asked, his mask's expression filled with dread. "I don't have any money. What little money I have to my name I totally forgot back at home."

Seedos winked and said "Don't worry, big bro, it's on me," Grabbing his brother by the wrist, he spun around and began moving in the opposite direction. "I saw this booth a few minutes ago… you're going to just _die._ It's the prettiest thing in the universe!"

"I'm not too big on pretty, bro…" Dastardos eyed Seedos' hand, which still had quite a grip on Dastardos' sleeve. "I'm also not a Barkbark; please don't lead me like that. People are staring."

"Oops, sorry!" Seedos let his brother go. A sweet scent filled the air, completely drowning out the faint swamp smell that still clung to Seedos' hair despite the amount of time he spent away from his boggy home.

"Check it out; isn't it just divine?" Seedos bounced with excitement when they finally arrived at their destination.

"Don't use words like that; people will start saying that you're gay…" Dastardos wrinkled his nose at Seedos before looking over the booth.

Cut flowers of every variety were set up in ornate patterned vases and arranged with impeccable skill. The stall was manned by a young blonde lady in a flower mask with the most remarkable forehead Dastardos had ever seen. Dastardos could tell just by looking that the flowers were grown with loving care. He didn't really take the time to appreciate flowers when he was out reaping, and yet he still could recognize a well-grown flower with one glance. Some things never changed, he supposed.

"They look expensive…" Dastardos bit his lip, scratching his grey hair. "Are you sure about this, Seedos?"

"They're not _that_ expensive!" Seedos shook his head. "Besides…" Reaching into his pocket, Seedos produced his wallet. He had woven it himself and had even made a little seed patch for it that matched the logo on his usual T-shirt. "Storkos gave me money earlier! She told me to use it to buy a present for my date…"

"I am _not_ your date!" Dastardos took a step back, his eyebrows heading skyward.

"Eew, don't be gross!" Seedos stuck out his tongue at his brother. "I'm not talking about you! I'm talking about Leena! Even if it's just a friendship date, I wanna get her flowers… hmm, she mentioned liking daisies, but that seems really cheap…" Seedos folded his arms and leaned forward to examine the flowers.

"Can I help you, sweetheart?" the vendor asked, smiling warmly at Seedos.

"Yeah, I'm trying to pick out flowers for a friend of mine…" Seedos nodded and the shopkeeper lit up and began talking enthusiastically.

Dastardos' heart went out to poor Leena, who would probably be stuck in the friend zone for eternity. Just as well, though, he honestly didn't think his brother should breed with a mug like his.

Dastardos began examining the flowers himself. Avalon's garden didn't have too many plants in it, so he wasn't sure what she liked… growing up, he always liked tulips. Maybe he would get some of those for Avalon… she _did_ wear purple, maybe that meant she liked purple?

"Hey, buddy, have you decided what you're going to get?" Seedos had to resist the pressing urge to call Dastardos "bro." The shopkeeper might know about him and his family tragedy, it was a big blot on Piñata Island's peaceful history, after all. Seedos didn't want to set off any alarm bells.

"Yeah," Dastardos turned away from the tulips and saw that his brother had a wrapped up bouquet of yellow roses. "I'll take some purple tulips, please."

"Good choice!" The flower lady gushed, taking some of the flowers out of the vase. "Are these a gift for someone as well?" she asked as she carefully arranged the tulips on the table in front of her.

"That's none of your business," Dastardos folded his arms, his cheeks burning. He still couldn't believe he was giving Avalon _flowers…_ he didn't even feel any romantic feelings for her at all! They were just friends and Dastardos would prefer to keep it that way.

"O-oh…" the flower lady got really quiet as she finished up Dastardos' bouquet.

"Nelson, be nice," Seedos wagged a finger at his brother.

"Niles," Dastardos corrected him.

Once the shop's owner got the flowers for Avalon all wrapped up, she handed them to Dastardos and told Seedos the total. Both bouquets cost about one thousand chocolate coins, which was about half of what Storkos gave to Seedos.

"That much?!" Dastardos exclaimed, taking a step back and looking at his brother incredulously.

"It's gonna be worth it," Seedos said before paying. Once they were done, they started heading back to the girls. "Leena's probably ticked that I ran off with a crummy explanation. These will help take the edge off!" Seedos sighed a bit and added: "She had to pay for Taru to get his shell shined, too. I wonder when he'll be done… I miss that little Shellybean."

Dastardos knew that feeling very well. He wished he could have taken Magnar along…

"Guess our bro bonding time got cut short, huh…?" Blushing, Seedos looked at the flowers. "It's okay, though, we can hang out with Leena and Avalon! I wanna see how she acts around you!"

"Uh, are you sure that's a good idea? She doesn't really…" Dastardos trailed off. He figured Seedos' self-esteem was in the toilet as it was; he didn't need to make it worse by letting Seedos know that Avalon didn't really care for him. "…actually, you're right. It _is_ a good idea."

"Score!" Seedos pumped a fist into the air. "I knew you'd see things my way, big bro! I hope the girls didn't go too far…"

With that, the brothers headed off in search of their female friends, both of them hoping they wouldn't be too mad at them for running off.

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"Don't tell anyone Bear was here, ya dig?" Bear folded his thick arms, turning his eyes away from the fortune teller, his cheeks burning. "If anyone knew Bear came to get his fortune told, they'd think Bear was a pussy who was afraid of the future or somethin'."

"You don't have to speak that way, you know," Farrah Shadowing gave Bear a patient smile, steepling her fingers under her chin. "You sound like you're trying too hard. There's no need to act tough in here, Bear."

Bear rested his mittened hands against either side of his bear shaped headpiece. "…you can read me like a book, huh? Guess people weren't kiddin' about how good at this you are…" he grumbled.

"I can tell you want a future reading… you have a great worry weighing on your mind, don't you?" Farrah leaned forward, her voice so soft that her purple-painted lips were barely moving. Bear seemed like he had a hot temper… Farrah certainly didn't want to provoke him. She already had one person yell at her today, and it was an awful experience. "A sick relative, perhaps…?"

Bear suddenly started, as if he had been struck. "Huh-how did you know that, lady? You been spying on Bear or something?"

Farrah tapped the side of her turban. "I'm _psychic,_ sweetheart. Ten thousand CC and your future will become clear," She extended her slender hand towards Bear and he eyed it with disdain.

"That's… ugh, fine, Bear will pay up…" Bear reached into his pocket and grabbed a handful of half-melted Chocolate Coins. His hand spilled them all over the table and Farrah sighed a bit before she started counting them up.

"You're short one hundred… but you know what? That's okay… this time," Farrah put the coins into one of her many, many jars. "Let's see what your future has in store for you, Bear…" Closing her eyes, Farrah took a deep breath and let it out.

She stayed like that for about two minutes and Bear got impatient. He began bouncing one of his legs, his mouth pointing downward in a giant frown.

"Bear isn't getting any younger over here!" Bear blurted, making Farrah jump.

Farrah cracked open one eye to look at Bear. "Please don't break my concentration; I'm starting to see it…"

Bear leaned back in his chair as far is it would go, groaning as quietly as possible.

"Ahh, here we are…" Farrah's eyes opened wide, wearing a smile. "Your future has its ups and downs, Bear."

"Downs…?" Bear asked, blinking. "Whaddaya mean, 'downs?'"

"Fret not, your little sister will grow up, getting stronger every day… as for your mother… her future is fuzzy and extremely unclear." Farrah sighed, resting a cheek against her hand. "I'm sorry, Bear, I can't get a reading on your mother at all…"

"Oh… no…" Bear's voice cracked and he felt the threat of tears behind his eyes. He fought them off as best as he could, though, tough guys didn't cry!

"Don't fret, that doesn't necessarily mean that your mother will perish or her condition will worsen," Farrah reached over the table to pat Bear on the head. He blushed and gritted his teeth at that; he hated being patronized by people who were older than him…

"There's one more thing you should know… I think you might like this piece of news," Farrah smiled at Bear, who still looked a little shaky from what Farrah said about his mother.

"What is it…?" Bear's voice had lost all of its roughness. His mind was running wild with visions about his mother dying, or having to leave the Village to go to a fancy hospital, or-

"There's a young lady in your future," Farrah chuckled good-naturedly. "And apparently, she's quite a looker!"

"A girl…?" Bear folded his arms, squinting at Farrah in disbelief. "Are you kiddin'? Girls ain't too big on Bear. They think Bear's a giant brute with no brain. They'd much go after those fluffy, girly guys, like that stupid Eddie." Bear stuck out his tongue childishly.

"I am not kidding," Farrah sounded completely serious. "It won't be for a while, but you're going to get involved with a girl. You have to shape up a bit though, Bear. You and this girl will get together in the strangest circumstances."

"Huh…" Bear blinked. "Who is she?"

"That is something I cannot tell you," Farrah shook her head. "You need to discover some things on your own. If I told you who she was, you would undoubtedly scare her away."

"Fine, then," Bear huffed a bit, leaning over to pick up his backpack. "Thanks, Bear is glad his little sis will be fine."

"I guarantee it," Farrah sagely nodded. "Now go and enjoy your time at the convention. You might discover a great gift for your sister."

"Bear already got Claire ten things, see?" Bear laughed as he slung his overstuffed backpack over his shoulders, patting it once it settled on his shoulders. "The more I get, the happier she'll be! Thanks, hot stuff." After winking at the fortune teller, Bear was on his way.

"Phew…" Farrah rested her head on her table for a moment. "His voice gave me quite the headache… here's hoping my next customer will be more soft-spoken…"


	22. The Ring

"…and when I asked him about the persimmon seeds he found, he went on this huge spiel about how they work, how they look on the inside… stuff like that. I expected him to pull out diagrams and go over them…" Leena sighed, shaking her head. "He hasn't even shown the slightest hint of liking me in _that_ way. I think he likes his seeds much more than he likes me."

"Yew 'ave awful taste in men," Avalon admitted to Leena with a nonchalant shrug.

The two of them had managed to find an unoccupied sofa on the ground floor of the convention hall and were having a chat while lounging around on the soft couch. Crispy had finally fallen asleep, snoozing on Leena's shoulders, her green fluffy tail wrapped around her beloved owner's neck like a scarf.

"Seedos isn't awful…" Leena looked down at her feet. "He's… unique. He just needs time to warm up, that's all!" Leena nodded, absolutely sure of herself.

"Just keep telling yourself that…" Avalon patted her much tinier friend on the top of her head.

"He probably has all kinds of trust issues after what happened after the incident…" Leena rested a hand against her cheek. "I would, I mean… um, he was abandoned! It's been a year, maybe I can get him to crack soon…!" Leena looked at Avalon hopefully and then got lost in her own little world, her blue eyes glimmering.

Avalon sighed as softly as she possibly could so she wouldn't offend Leena. She loved Leena like the little sister she never had, but she wasn't shutting up about Seedos today.

Avalon wasn't too fond of the seed merchant; he would constantly waltz into her garden and start vigorously critiquing her plants without her consent. It took Avalon every ounce of self-control not to slam her shovel right into that stupid mask of his. She had no idea what Leena saw in that gawky nerd. Avalon thought he was downright insane and Leena didn't deserve a guy like that. But Leena's feelings were completely set on him… it would break Leena's fragile little heart if she heard that Avalon didn't want her to end up with a guy like Seedos.

"Oh, _no,"_ Avalon couldn't help saying when she saw a flash of blue hair in the crowd. _Speak of the devil…_

"What? What's wrong?" Leena asked, snapping out of her daydream.

Leena got her answer quickly. Seedos and a strange guy she didn't recognize emerged from the crowd and headed over to them, their hands behind their backs. Seedos was wearing a sheepish grin and the other guy was trying really hard not to make eye contact with Avalon.

"THERE yew are, Niles!" Avalon rose from the couch, glaring at the guy Leena didn't recognize. "Wot was the big idea, running off like that?"

"Oh, nuffink, guv'nor, but I made myself a new mate!" Niles, who Leena had no idea was actually Dastardos, grinned at Seedos. Seedos pulled one hand out from behind his back and covered his mouth to muffle his snickers at his brother's fake accent. "I do believe 'e is chummy with the little lady yew are with, right?"

"Yes, I am!" Seedos nodded, his voice muffled by his hand and quivering as he tried to stave off laughter.

Avalon raised her eyebrows. Why would Dastardos hang out with Seedos…? Maybe they were heading in the same direction and Seedos struck up one of his… interesting conversations about seeds. Avalon had a hard time imagining Dastardos putting up with that. She would have expected him to punch Seedos right in the eye and shatter his glasses.

"We actually… here, Leena!" Seedos pulled the bouquet of roses out from behind his back and grinned at Leena.

"Oh, Seedos… they're… they're yellow…" Leena sounded a little disappointed, but she graciously took the flowers anyway.

Avalon couldn't help wondering about that. What was the big deal? She expected Leena to fall to the ground in convulsions if she got flowers from the local seed merchant, but she seemed sad…

Little did Avalon know, Leena grew up with a florist for a father. She used to help out in his shop whenever she could, and she knew very well that yellow flowers meant "friendship." There was no romantic hidden meanings behind Seedos' bouquet for her, and she was more than a bit downcast about it.

She pushed those feelings down and gave Seedos the best smile she could. "Thank you, I really appreciate you thinking of me…" She meant that.

"You're so welcome!" Seedos held out a hand to Leena and she gave him a pathetic little high five.

Avalon and Dastardos both shook their heads in sympathy for Leena. Avalon turned away from Leena and Seedos to look Dastardos right in the eyes. "Niles… wot are yew 'iding behind your back?"

"Oh, uh…" Dastardos noticed that Leena was caught up in talking to Seedos and let his accent drop. "Nothing too important, but, uh, they're for you…" Looking away from Avalon, Dastardos thrust the bouquet of tulips in her direction.

"Yew… yew got these… for _me?"_ Avalon reached out, delicately rubbing one of the flower petals between her index finger and thumb.

"Yes, I did, the purple reminded me of that mask of yours, so I figured… what the heck," Dastardos shrugged when Avalon took the bouquet away from him. "Consider it a thank you for putting up with my shit, okay? Don't read into it." Dastardos couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed. He hadn't expected Avalon to get so flustered over the flowers… maybe he was imagining things. There was no way in Hell _he_ could make a woman flustered.

"Thank yew…" Avalon suddenly got very quiet, her cheeks turning red beneath her mask. "I… didn't expect yew to ever do something like this. Maybe yew are kind after all…"

"I am _not,_ don't get the wrong idea…" Dastardos scratched his head, looking away from Avalon. Seedos met Dastardos' gaze and waggled his eyebrows. Dastardos burst into a dark blush and tore his gaze away from Seedos.

"Say wot yew want…" Avalon chuckled, smiling at the flowers. "…but this is still very flattering."

"Oh man!" Leena suddenly squeaked, her eyes on her watch. Crispy woke up from her owner's sudden exclamation and looked around frantically. "I was supposed to pick Taru up from his shell shining half an hour ago! Oh no, I hope he doesn't think I forgot about him…!"

"Don't worry, Leena, we can all go pick him up together!" Seedos applauded that idea, wearing a toothy grin.

"Must we, old bean?" Dastardos put his false accent back on, squinting at Seedos.

"Yes," Seedos squinted right back. "We _must."_

"I-it won't take too long!" Leena fumbled over her words, blushing with embarrassment. "I promise! Afterwards, we can all do something fun together! Like… like getting our fortunes told!"

"That does sound kind of interesting…" Avalon admitted, hugging the tulips to her chest. "Normally I think that kind of stuff is a bunch of 'ooey, but I 'eard this fortune teller woman is quite good at wot she does."

"I believe in magic, spit-spot!" Dastardos was getting rusty with his Britishness, but Leena didn't seem to be questioning him, which was a very good thing. "I've 'ad many an experience with it in my days!" Dastardos rocked back and forth on his feet, winking at Avalon. "I'm very interested in seeing wot rot is in my future!"

"I bet my future is all kinds of awesome!" Seedos pumped a fist in the air, grinning. "But right now the only thing I want to be in my future is getting Taru back. He must miss me! Come on, guys, let's go!" Without looking back, Seedos took off into the crowd.

"Wait up!" Dastardos almost slipped completely out of his accent. "Old bean!"

"There they go again…" Leena sighed, her arms completely full with Crispy and the flowers Seedos gave her.

"Come on, we better 'urry or we'll never catch them," Avalon nodded at Leena and the two of them took off after Seedos and Dastardos.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP VP_

Storkos had wanted to spend some time with Leafos so Yoto was wandering around the convention hall with only his Parrybo for company. Yoto was a little upset that Storkos chose to spend some of her precious free time with her sister instead of him, but Yoto realized that was kind of petty. He wasn't the only person in Storkos' life; wanting her all to himself all the time would be horribly selfish. Storkos wouldn't exactly approve of that.

Still, the gorgeous superhero occupied his thoughts. He was desperately searching for something to give her as a gift, something that would make her glow with joy and give Yoto one of those sweet kisses he was addicted to. Nothing stood out, though. There were hundreds upon hundreds of stalls at this convention, but not a single one had what Yoto was looking for…

Yoto moved from a kiosk selling all kinds of fancy gloves to one selling a whole manner of sparkly jewelry. Even if everything here was well out of his price range, Yoto couldn't help stopping. The gorgeous gems of all shapes, sizes, and colors were a treat for the eyes.

"Shiny! Shiny! Shiny!" Potato enthusiastically screeched from his place on Yoto's shoulder, flapping his wings enthusiastically.

"That's just what I was thinking, buddy," Yoto snickered, petting his piñata on his papery head. "They're all gorgeous, huh?"

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" the young man behind the counter asked with a winning smile. He reminded Yoto a bit of Eddie, they had a similar hairdo and the same foppy fashion sense, but this guy seemed a hell of a lot nicer.

"I'm just… WOW!" Yoto exclaimed when his eyes settled on a gorgeous silver ring. It had a wing motif with a huge diamond in the middle that was surrounded by tiny, circular sapphires. It instantly made Yoto think of Storkos; it was bright and beautiful just like she was… "This ring is amazing…" Yoto breathed, leaning forward to get a better look at it.

"You like it?" the jewelry stand owner said. "That's one of my personal favorites among our engagement ring selection. I can tell by that glint in your eyes, you're thinking of a special person, aren't you?" The storeowner winked at Yoto.

"Storkos! Yoto gonna marry Storkos!" Potato hopped around on Yoto's shoulder, a gigantic smile on his beak.

Yoto burst into a blush. He loved Storkos with every fiber of his being… he could, he _should_ propose with this ring!

"Storkos?" The jewelry guy said, his eyes widening with amazement. "I know all about her! She's famous the whole Island over, though I'm sure you know that. I didn't know she had a beau!"

"Y-yeah, she does, it's me…" Yoto felt a little sappy saying it out loud, but it was completely true! He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "My name is Yoto, by the way. I love Storkos a whole lot…"

"That is _so_ totally inspiring!" The jewelry store owner's eyes started to gleam as brightly as the merchandise he was selling. "You're dedicated to her despite how busy her job makes her! She's lucky to have a guy like you!"

Yoto took back his earlier thoughts. This guy was absolutely _nothing_ like Eddie.

"I really want to propose to her with this ring!" Yoto tapped his finger on the glass that encased the ring he wanted. "Don't breathe a word of this to _anyone,_ Potato," Yoto glared at his piñata.

Potato mimed zipping his beak with the tip of his wing.

"Atta boy," Yoto grinned at his Parrybo, leaning over to rub his cheek against Potato's.

"Excellent choice, Mr. Yoto!" The jewelry shop owner clapped his hands together enthusiastically. "That will be fifty thousand chocolate coins!"

"What?!" Yoto squeaked, reeling backwards. "I can't afford that!"

"I'm sorry, then…" The jeweler sighed, moving a lock of his grayish-blue hair away from his masked face. "I need to make an honest living, you know."

"Jackass! Jackass! Jack-!" Potato started to yell, but Yoto closed his beak and grinned at the jeweler sheepishly.

"The views expressed by the Parrybo do not necessarily reflect the views of the owner," Yoto explained, his cheeks burning hot. "I-I'm a Tinker, though! A good one! I'm training under Bartholomew Cunningham, have you heard of him…?"

"Wait… _the_ Bartholomew Cunningham?" The jeweler's hands flew to his cheeks, his eyes glimmering in amazement. "Wow! You must be one capable Tinker! My father's one as well, he's good friends with Bart…but I don't see how tinkering would help you in this situation, can you educate me?" The jeweler folded his arms, tilting his head to the side.

"Uh, sure… uh…" Yoto racked his brain for a name.

"Oh, sorry, did I forget to tell you my name?" The jeweler seemed embarrassed, blushing as he rested a hand on his fluffy cravat. "I'm Flavius. What were you saying about tinkering…?"

"I am about to make you an offer you can't refuse," Yoto cracked his knuckles, smirking at Flavius. "What if I told you I could use my tinkering talent to make some of your gems here even more valuable?" Yoto waggled his fingers in what he hoped was a magical manner, an enormous toothy grin spreading across his freckled face.

Potato cawed in approval. "Best tinker! Big tinker! The biggest tinker!" Potato flapped his colorful wings and nudged Yoto's cheek with his head.

"Aww, stop, you flatterer…" Yoto reciprocated the face cuddle.

"Well…" Flavius bit a thumbnail, rocking back and forth in thought. "I suppose you could give it a shot… any Tinker taught by Bartholomew Cunningham must be good!" Flavius gave Yoto a smile of approval before bending over to grab a piece of jewelry from the display case.

"Yup! Good! I'm really good…" Yoto looked around shiftily, cracking his knuckles again. _Fingers, don't fail me now…_

Yoto had faith, though. This ring was going to be for Storkos, when she saw it, she'd agree to marry him for _sure!_ If that wasn't an amazing motivator for him to tinker properly, nothing was! She had been his inspiration for previous tinkering projects, as well… all he had to do was think about his beautiful girlfriend and the tinkering would come easily!

"I think something smaller and less complex would be easy to start with…" Flavius put a simple gold band on the counter in front of Yoto. "If you can make this into a gorgeous ring, I'll compare its value to the one you want to buy! If it's not enough, you can keep Tinkering until you earn yourself an engagement ring!" Flavius winked. "Good luck. I'll step back so I can get a better look at what you can do…" Flavius backed up, looking at the ring with anticipation.

"Here goes…" Yoto gulped, positioning his hands over the gold band. "Potato, don't you even _think_ about distracting me."

"Gotcha, boss!" Potato squawked with a salute. "Shutting up!"

Yoto took a deep breath and shut his eyes, an image of Storkos taking over his mind. He imagined her face when he presented the ring to her, her eyes lighting up with love, tears streaming down her cheeks, a giant smile with her beautiful teeth on display…

Yoto began moving his hands, a smile crossing his flushed face. A bright light encased the ring and Flavius gasped, putting his hands on his cheeks. It had been so long since he had watched a Tinker at work! He wondered how the ring would look…

Yoto barely thought about the ring, his brain still filled with thoughts of Storkos. She'd agree to marry him, he was sure, he just had to earn himself the ring first!

He felt that telltale burst of energy explode from his fingertips and he opened his eyes to see that his tinkering was successful-

"OH MY SWEET GOD!" Flavius exclaimed, picking up the tinkered ring to gawk at it in amazement.

Maybe a little _too _successful…

The simple gold band had been transformed into a diamond ring. Not just any diamond ring, though. This one was absolutely striking. The diamond at the center was as big as a strawberry and it was surrounded by tiny rubies. Just by looking at it, Yoto was sure it was worth _squillions_ of chocolate coins!

"It's… it's beautiful!" A tear rolled down Flavius' face. "I couldn't have designed a better ring myself! Tell you what, Yoto, you can have your engagement ring, plus this beautiful necklace!" Quickly bending over, Flavius grabbed the engagement ring Yoto wanted and placed it in a ring box. He also grabbed a mixed stone necklace that looked a bit too luxurious for Storkos' taste… but maybe Yoto could pawn it… or give it to Yen to give to Avalon!

_Who needs money? I'll have all I need when Storkos agrees to marry me!_ Yoto squealed when Flavius gave him the boxed up ring and necklace. _Yen can have the necklace. Maybe it'll net me an awesome sister in law!_

"You're an inspiration!" Flavius gushed, holding the ring up to the light and admiring the way the sparkles danced on the diamond. "I'm going to use this ring to propose to _my_ girlfriend! We've only been together for a few weeks, but it just feels so right…" Flavius sighed, hugging the ring to his chest and looking off into the distance dreamily.

"Girlfriend…?" Yoto's fluffy thoughts came to a halt. This foppy, girly guy had a _girlfriend?_

"Yup, she's a real diamond in the rough!" Flavius sighed, placing the hand that wasn't delicately holding the ring on his cheek. "I bet you don't want to hear about my girl, though. You should plan a fancy proposal for yours!" Flavius grinned at Yoto. "Good luck! Thank you so much for the ring! It's just fabulous!"

"You're so welcome! Same to you!" Yoto waved goodbye to Flavius. "Here's hoping I don't mess up…"

"Hey, she loves you!" Flavius chuckled. "I'm sure she won't be critical of your presentation."

"Good to have your vote of confidence, Fabio!" Yoto waved again before turning around. "This is going to go _amazingly!"_

"It's… oh, never mind…" Flavius could forget a simple flub of a name. The gem this guy had tinkered was so exquisite! "Have a wonderful evening!" Flavius picked out the fanciest ring box he had and smiled as he deposited it into his pocket.

_Fannie is going to LOVE this!_

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP VP_

_This fortune teller lady better be good as everyone says she is,_ Dastardos thought bitterly as he finally reached the sheer curtains that silhouetted the fortune teller and her current client. _Charging ten thousand chocolate coins for a future reading is ridiculous! I hope Avalon doesn't mind…_

Dastardos glanced over his shoulder at Avalon, who was double checking her absolutely bulging coin purse. _Yeah, I don't think she'll miss a few measly chocolate coins._

Sometimes Dastardos wondered if Avalon realized just how lucky she was… before they got to know each other Dastardos thought she was a snobby bourgeois who looked down on those poorer than her. Now that he knew her better, he knew that wasn't the case. She was paying for all of their fortunes, which added up to 40K CC total. Just thinking about that price tag made Dastardos' tattered stomach tie into knots…

Dastardos came down from his thoughts when some dude he didn't recognize came out of the fortune teller's tent, glowing like he just won the lottery.

"Next, please?" the fortune teller's voice floated out through the curtains.

Dastardos wrinkled his nose. She sounded like she was trying _way_ too hard to sound mysterious…

"Ooh, I wish I could 'ear wot Farrah 'as to say about yew!" Avalon actually sounded excited, a rarity for her.

"Please don't eavesdrop," Dastardos whispered to Avalon, his cheeks burning. "That's probably illegal or something!"

"Fine, fine!" Avalon held up her hands. "Go on in, don't 'old up the line!"

Seedos leaned around Avalon to wink at Dastardos and make a quick heart symbol with his hands. Dastardos fought off the urge to blush and flip his brother off and instead opted to quickly make his way through the sheer curtains.

As soon as he stepped through, his nose was assaulted by the smell of incense. He recognized it as rose incense… it made him feel nostalgic. Back when he was a kid, his mother would do yoga every morning, lighting a stick of rose incense while she did it. Dastardos remembered being fascinated by the unique smoke and the interesting smell…

He was so caught up in the smell of the tent that he didn't notice Farrah Shadowing's expression of complete and utter shock.

"Dastardos-what are _you_ doing here?!" Farrah's voice was filled with surprise, not fear.

"You-you know who I am?!" Dastardos spluttered, covering his mouth. He said that a little too loud… oh _God,_ what if this lady knew he was secretly Stardos? His life would be _over_ if Avalon was eavesdropping…! The word about that would spread around the Island like wildfire, and he would be murdered, skewered on a shovel and-

"The Grim Reaper himself, here in my tent…" Farrah leaned forward with interest, her lips parted as she tried to find the right words to say. "…I was always curious about you, Dastardos. I have a confession to make…" Sighing, she shook her head a bit, her earrings jangling. "I've done quite a bit of research on you, trying to uncover your past… but no matter how hard I try, everything is in a haze… it's as if you just phased into existence one day without any warning!" She chuckled nervously, still not quite sure what to make of being in the presence of a living ghost story.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't…" Dastardos let himself float. He figured he might as well, since this lady managed to figure out who he was in a snap. He was relieved that she didn't know who he _once was,_ though. "I'm not here to talk about my past, lady, I'm here to get my future read. I don't think about the future much, so I figured I'd might as well get the answers handed to me, if you're really as good as everyone says you are…" Dastardos let himself sink into the cushioned chair in front of Farrah, his good eye rolling around the tent and taking in everything. "If you ask me, you're trying waaay too hard to be mysterious. There are other colors besides purple, you know!"

"Huh…" Farrah pursed her lips, looking straight into Dastardos' eyes once they properly aligned themselves. "I didn't expect you to be quite this rude. I suppose there are things that even I can't predict…"

"There you go again!" Dastardos snickered. He made a point to remove his hat and shake out his vast amounts of silver hair. He'd slick it down before he went back outside; he hated how his hair felt when it couldn't be completely wild and free. "Trying too hard! Just read my fortune, I've got money." Dastardos jangled his pants pockets, which were filled with the coins Avalon had given him a few minutes prior.

"No," Farrah shook her head.

"No? What do you mean no? I wanna get my future read!" Dastardos sounded like a petulant five year old. He glared at the fortune teller and she held up her hands.

"Calm yourself, Dastardos," Farrah wasn't sure whether to laugh or hide. Farrah considered herself a brave woman, but Dastardos' glare was frightening, even without his infamous twisted mask… "I wasn't refusing to tell your fortune. I'm refusing to accept payment for it."

"What? Really?" Dastardos blinked in disbelief. "Why?"

"I want to know what's in the future of someone like you, myself…" Farrah admitted, averting her eyes away from Dastardos briefly. "I don't want to charge you when my curiosity will be sated as well. That is payment enough."

"Why am I so interesting to everyone…?" Dastardos grumbled, shaking his head. "Everyone seems to hate me, but they all want to know about my personal life…"

"It's your air of mystery," Farrah spoke as if she knew this very well. "People are naturally drawn to those they know nothing about. You're very different from all of the bright, happy people on this island. It's so rare to meet someone so dismissive of others, someone so _sour…"_

Dastardos really didn't like the emphasis she put on that word and he actually felt his heart stop for a few moments.

"You're an enigma," Farrah rubbed her hands together. "So I'm very curious about what your fortune will turn out to be. I would like to get started, please be quiet so I can concentrate…"

"Okay, lady, go for it…" Dastardos flicked a wrist at her. He was acting nonchalant, but he was honestly curious about whatever fate might have in store for him… he hoped it wouldn't take long to read his fortune.

Farrah gently closed her eyes and sat silent for a few moments. She suddenly jolted, letting out a cry of pain, her eyes flying open.

"Ow…" Farrah rested her chin on her table, cradling her head in her hands. "That was… excruciating."

"What? What is it?! What happened?!" Dastardos' eyes were bulging now, his cool attitude had completely disappeared.

"Please don't get angry…" Farrah looked up at Dastardos desperately, her eyes cloudy. "I have some news that I don't think you'll like…"

Dastardos should have expected this. He honestly couldn't expect to spend the rest of his life doing what he does without any repercussions… but he had always hoped that was the case. That was familiar, that was what he did, that was his _job._ He had to do it to keep Magnar alive! He felt his heart twist and he nodded stiffly, waiting for Farrah to continue.

Farrah straightened up, furrowing her brow as she tried to find the right words. "Dastardos, you're… you're cursed. I've never seen a case this bad in all of my years as a fortune teller…" Farrah spoke softly, refusing to make eye contact with the reaper.

"I'm cursed…?!" Dastardos quietly exclaimed. "Why? How? How do you know…?!"

"I don't know how or why…" Farrah shook her head. "But I can sense this sort of thing easily. It's hell on my body, though… I don't think I can read anyone else's fortune after this…"

Farrah had gone pale and exhaustion was dragging at her voice. Dastardos could plainly see that her attempt to see his future had did quite a number on her. Dastardos didn't really care, though, what did she see…?

He asked her what she saw and Farrah held up a finger.

"Your red string of fate…" Farrah pointed at Dastardos' neck. "It's looped around here, like a noose. I don't know if you'll ever find your soul mate, it's so tangled and mottled, I can't see who's at the other end…"

Dastardos had heard the legend of the red string of fate. It was a favorite of his mother's. She once winked at the young Stardos and told him that a handsome boy like him would find his soul mate in no time.

_If only you could see me now, Mom…_ Dastardos suppressed the urge to snort. _I don't think you'd still have that opinion._

"I can't see exactly what events are going to unfold in your future… but something is going to happen. Something _big._ You are going to have to make the right choices, or else you'll be forced to live in misery for the rest of your days," Farrah meekly shook her head. "That's the price of being wicked, Dastardos. People like you rarely get happy endings…"

"What are the right choices?!" Dastardos was getting sick of this woman beating around the bush. He slammed his fist onto Farrah's table and she started with surprise, scooting her chair back a few inches. "I don't _want_ to be miserable!"

"I… I don't know what the right choices are!" Farrah shielded herself, she had a bad feeling Dastardos was ready to strike her. "That's something you'll have to discover on your own. It's your life, not mine, your future is as hazy as your past!"

"I'm glad you didn't charge me for this," Dastardos chuckled ironically. "That was the shittiest fortune ever. I don't believe a word of it. I'm leaving."

Whirling around, Dastardos picked up his hat and plonked it back on his head, spitting on his palms and slicking his exposed hair down.

"Fine, refuse to heed my warnings if you wish…" Farrah stood up as well and stumbled towards the curtains. She poked her head out and said: "Sorry, no more fortunes today. All of my energy has been sapped from me…"

The crowd groaned with disappointment and Farrah withdrew back into her tent.

"Maybe someday you'll be happy, Dastardos," Farrah shut her eyes, doing her best to calm herself down. "All you need to do is exercise self-control. If you lose control of that temper of yours, it could be your downfall…" Opening her eyes, Farrah turned to see how Dastardos was reacting to her advice.

Dastardos hadn't heard a word of it. He was already gone.


	23. The Name Drawing

_A curse? Really? A goddamned __curse?__ That's been the cause of all of my misery?_

Dastardos was fuming as he aimlessly wandered through the convention hall, his thoughts practically ablaze with his anger. He couldn't believe that fortune teller bitch told him that! Weren't fortune tellers supposed to make their clients _happy?_ Did that Farrah lady get her jollies from sending her customers away angry? Or did she just hate him? Did he kill a piñata right in front of her eyes or something? He didn't remember. He'd remember a rack like hers. _Feh, probably fake…_

Dastardos shook his head around, trying to stave off the bad thoughts. He headed over to a wall and slammed his back against it, slowly sliding down until his butt hit the floor. Cradling his throbbing head in his hands, he took deep breaths in hopes of calming himself down. It didn't help. He was kind of regretting not splintering Farrah's skull into a million pieces. That turban would have made a nice bowl for her brains. Bitch deserved it, gleefully announcing that he was cursed and refusing to give him the answers he so desperately needed in order to find happiness in the future.

Hah, happiness! It seemed like a myth to Dastardos now. He occasionally felt happy, fleeting moments of fluffiness in his heart, like when he was with Magnar or his brother, occasionally Avalon, but he knew that eventually he'd have to go back to killing piñatas and answering to Professor Pester. That thought right there never failed to drag his mood back down into the dumps… was Professor Pester the one who put the curse on him?

_No,_ Dastardos thought, remembering how his father would sell piñatas he had worked so hard to train and how he wound up growing overly fond of a piñata with an incurable condition. _It was always like this. The curse probably influenced me to become… this. I was born under an unlucky star…_

"Dass…" A familiar British accent broke Dastardos out of his angry fog. His head rose from his arms and he looked up to see Avalon holding her hands behind her back. "I take it yew didn't like wot the fortune teller told yew?" Avalon asked, one of the brows on her purple mask rising the slightest bit.

"That would be the understatement of the _century,"_ Dastardos sighed, repositioning himself so he was kneeling down. He made no move to rise to his feet. "I _guess_ I trust you enough to tell you what happened…" Dastardos fiddled with his bony hands, averting his eyes from Avalon for a moment.

"…thanks, I guess…" Avalon shrugged. "Go for it."

"That fortune teller lady told me… I was cursed. With bad luck, I guess. I think she's right," Dastardos chuckled darkly, shaking his head. "I mean, seriously. I have _Pester _for a boss! How unlucky is _that?"_

"Cursed…?" Avalon blinked, tilting her head to the side. "'Ow does that 'appen? I never 'eard of anything like that!"

Dastardos shrugged his skinny shoulders. "Beats me. She neglected to tell me that bit. She also told me that…" Dastardos caught himself before he let the bit about his red string of fate slip. If Avalon knew he believed in that sentimental garbage, he'd never hear the end of it!  
"She also told yew… wot?" Avalon asked, still keeping her hands behind her back. Dastardos wondered why she was doing that…

"Oh, it wasn't anything big. Just something boring about Pester. Slipped out," Dastardos waved Avalon off. "So, uh, what do you have behind your back, there?" Dastardos leaned over and tried to peek but Avalon moved before he could.

"Just a little something I picked up because yew seemed so upset when yew left Farrah's tent," Avalon moved her hands to the front of her, revealing that she was hiding a single orchid flower. "It's my favorite flower… I wanted to get yew something since yew seemed so down, plus yew can consider it a thank yew for getting me that bouquet." It might have been Dastardos' imagination, but Avalon's cheeks were a bit red. Maybe she was coming down with a fever or something, there were bound to be _tons_ of germs in a city this crowded. "I don't know what yew like, so I… sort of stole your idea. Sorry."

"No, uh, it's no big deal…" Dastardos didn't really know what to say. He finally stood up and took the flower from Avalon, staring at it for a few moments before saying: "Thanks. After what happened with that stupid fortune teller, I'll take whatever rays of sunshine I can get."

Avalon seemed happy about that comment. "You're welcome," she quietly grinned to herself.

"Hmm, do you mind if I tuck this into my lapel?" Dastardos asked, even though he had already twisted most of the stem off.

"Not at all, I think it would complete the outfit," Avalon snickered a bit. "Is wearing a flower a very 'eterosexual thing to do, though?" Avalon ribbed, her grin turning into a smirk.

"Oh, shush," Dastardos glared up at her before tucking the flower into his breast pocket, the flower's face sticking out. "Flowers are perfectly manly."

Avalon looked like she was about to say something else, but before she could, there was a loud beeping sound and a familiar voice came over the loudspeakers.

"Hellooooo, everyone! Edward Lizard the Second here!" Eddie's dad's voice echoed throughout the entire convention center. He sounded impossibly excited, which made Dastardos roll his eyes.

"Wonder wot 'e's announcing…" Avalon thought aloud.

"Guess we'll find out," Dastardos shrugged in her general direction.

"I'm just coming over the speakers to tell all of you that we'll be drawing the names for the televised P-Factor round in half an hour~!" Edward's impossibly cheery voice sing-songed. "All of the locals –well, most of them, we made sure not to allow any unsavory folk– from the quaint little Village near Piñata Central are eligible for participation!" Avalon could tell just from the tone of Edward's voice that he was probably swaying from side to side in his excitement. "Come to the auditorium on the first floor to see which lovely folks will be entered in the very first televised P-Factor round!" Edward tsk-tsk'd and added: "Attendance is mandatory for those who live in the Village! We want the audience to get a good early look at our shining contestants! Please come to the auditorium at your leisure. This is Edward Lizard, signing off!" With a crackle, Edward's voice disappeared, and quite a few people in the crowd turned around, chattering excitedly as they headed for the auditorium.

Dastardos glanced at Avalon. "Should we go see?" he asked with a shrug. "I don't think they'll draw my name, but it would be funny to watch you absolutely _cream_ the other contestants if you got chosen." Dastardos shot Avalon a toothy grin and she recoiled a bit. She had forgotten just how dang crooked Dastardos' teeth were… she wondered if he would be opposed to visiting an orthodontist if she paid for it…

"Avalon? Hell-_oooo?"_ Dastardos tried to wave a hand in front of her face, but he couldn't quite reach and wound up waving his hand in front of her collarbone.

Avalon snapped out of her fog and shrugged back at Dastardos. "I don't see why not! It would be interesting to see what people get chosen for this…" she admitted.

"Glad you agree!" Dastardos straightened the orchid in his pocket. "After this we can go find our birds. Hopefully they didn't make a nest somewhere in the convention center and decided that they don't need us anymore…"

"Nah, Cid would never do that…" Avalon didn't sound too sure about that one.

"I'm just messing with you," Dastardos had completely forgotten about the whole curse thing. He could stew angrily on that later; for now, he had an interesting event to spectate! "Come on, let's go. I wanna get good seats; you know my eyes are awful." With that, Dastardos ambled off after the crowd that was heading towards the auditorium.

Avalon followed after him, taking great care to ensure that she didn't lose track of him in the crowd.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Behind the curtain, the Lizard family was preparing for their big show. They had an enormous, round machine that would swish around envelopes with the names of Villagers inside them and spit one out at the push of a button. Edward and Eddie were outfitted in special suits that Erin had created just for them. Eddie's suit had a lavender, sparkly vest topped off with a bowtie and Edward looked snappy as could be in a black suit patterned with dark grays.

Eddie had wrinkled his nose upon seeing his father's suit. "It's so… dull! Where's the color? That doesn't look like it belongs on Piñata Island at all!" He had griped.

His mother promptly held up a sharply nailed finger in front of his mouth and shushed him. "You do not question genius," she said quickly. "Your father look handsome. Very sexy. Could eat him right up." With that, she beamed brightly at her husband and hung off of his arm, gazing up at him adoringly.

"Please, Erin, not in front of our sons…" Edward had chuckled as he patted Erin's slightly bulging pregnant belly.

Now, Eddie was shining up the machine to make sure it looked as good as possible. The see through sphere that housed all the letters had quite a few fingerprints on it!

"Eddie, that is enough," Erin sighed as her son fretted over the name choosing device. "No one care about how shiny machine is. Everyone care about what come out of machine, _ingen?_ The names of friends!" Erin opened her arms and smiled at her son. "Come to see Mamma, _älskling,_ eyeband is askew."

"Oh!" Blushing, Eddie pocketed the handkerchief he was using to clean the machine and rushed over to his mom. She fussed over him, fixing his eyeband and adjusting his bowtie, even fixing his vest so it sat better on his skinny shoulders.

"Eddie, I love how you let your mom fuss over you even if you're going to be eighteen next week," Edward chuckled, but he seemed sincere. "Real men love their mothers!"

"Please don't say things like that when the curtain's up, Dad…" Eddie's cheeks turned even redder as he gave his dad a sideways glance. Erin pulled a comb out of her purse and began combing Eddie's purple bangs to the side.

"I'll try," Edward snickered. In response to his son's look of horror, he quickly added: "I'm just joking, Eddie! I'll be fully focused on giving the audience what they want!"

"That's what I like to hear," Eddie gave his father one of his most winning smiles.

"And that's what I like to _see!"_ Edward flashed Eddie a thumbs-up. "Keep smiling like that to the crowd and you'll win _everyone's_ hearts!"

"Not with hair so messy," Erin fussed, grabbing Eddie by the chin and turning his head to face her. "No winning of hearts with messy hair."

Eddie had a bad feeling that his mother would be frantically fixing his hair until the curtain rose…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Upon arriving in the quite crowded auditorium, Dastardos' Alert System began to beep. He pulled it out of his pocket to see that he had gotten a text from Seedos.

_"I see Avalon! I assume you're with her! 8D Leena and I saved you guys seats! Come find us!"_

Dastardos looked up and saw that Seedos was standing up on his chair, waving at Dastardos like a palm tree in a hurricane. Seedos made eye contact with Avalon and beckoned the two of them over.

"Let's… pretend we didn't see that," Avalon grabbed Dastardos by the arm and filed him down the aisle.

"But-" Dastardos began, but he stopped himself by jamming his entire fist into his mouth.

"But wot?" Avalon looked down at him, a suspicious look in her eyes.

"Nuffink," Dastardos murmured around his mouthful of fist.

"Okay then, come on, I can get us some seats in the front," Avalon nodded her head in the direction of the front row of seats.

"But that row's completely filled up…" Dastardos raised a brow at her, peeking at her incredulously over his sunglasses.

For the first time ever, Dastardos saw a glint of mischief in Avalon's eyes. "Yew underestimate me," Avalon resumed pulling Dastardos down the aisle, a smirk crossing her masked face.

Dastardos joined Avalon in smirking. This was going to be fun to watch!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Dang, they didn't see us…" Sighing, Seedos sat back down, folding his arms as Avalon and Dastardos walked right by him without batting an eye.

"That's okay… um, I didn't know you liked Avalon that much," Leena seemed a bit crestfallen, looking at the two empty seats next to Seedos. "You never saved a seat for her before…"

"Oh, um, I know you two get along, so I was gonna let you switch spots with me so you two could chat!" Seedos lied, grinning at Leena and nodding vigorously. "…but I guess that isn't going to happen…" Seedos adjusted his glasses, the cheeks of his mask coloring just a little bit red with his embarrassment. "Sorry, Leena…"

"It's okay," Leena completely believed Seedos' little fib, brightening like a Galagoogoo who just found a garden full of tulips. "I'm glad you're with me, at least…"

Seedos smiled awkwardly at Leena for a brief moment before turning his attention to Taru, who was half-dozing in his lap.

Leena sighed a bit when Seedos barely responded to her hint that she liked him a bit more than as a friend. This always happened… she should learn to accept it. Still, somewhere in her foolish little heart, she hoped Seedos would see her in a romantic light one day. Leena had a bad feeling that if she ever lost interest in Seedos, he'd be alone forever…

Leena sniffled a bit and shook her head around. Now wasn't the time to worry about that. An exciting show was about to happen! She couldn't be sad or anxious at a time like this!

The curtain parted ever so slightly and Leena felt her heart leap. Was it starting soon?

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Eddie poked his head out of the curtains to take a look at the audience. It was a much bigger turnout than he expected! There were a whole bunch of masks he didn't recognize, but pretty much everyone in the Village had shown up!

Eddie saw Fannie right away; her mask was hard to miss, after all. She was holding hands with a good looking guy who was much shorter than her. He was looking at her with adoration in his eyes.

_Huh!_ Eddie thought, blinking with disbelief. _That's a new one! I'm happy for her, though. About time she found someone, maybe she'll stop bothering Bart now…_

Speaking of Bart, he was waaaaaaaay in the back row, probably because he didn't want to deal with people complaining about his hat blocking their view. Gretchen was quite a few rows in front of him, which disappointed Eddie a little bit. Maybe they didn't want to go public with their relationship yet…

Even Carrie Chewdini had showed up, which absolutely shocked Eddie. Carrie had become a bit of a vagrant, travelling from his home Village to take his magic act all over the Island. Eddie felt bad for the people who had to sit behind Carrie; his remarkably tall mask probably annoyed the ever loving heck out of them. Eddie wondered if Carrie would ever get a costume change so he looked more like a magician and less like a reject Weedling.

Ivor had come out of his well for the city trip, looking spry as ever despite his old age. He was right in the front row, making eye contact with Eddie with an unnerving grin. Eddie tore his eyes away from the old salesman and shuddered just a little bit. Ivor might be an interesting fellow, but something about him just made Eddie feel really uncomfortable… anyone who chose to live in a well by their own free will probably had all sorts of interesting mental problems.

Nana Urf was nowhere in sight, though. Eddie was pretty sure she just died one day and nobody noticed. Oh well.

"Hey, Eddie?" Eddie's father called from behind him. "We're ready to start the show! Less peeking and more MC-ing! Think fast!"

Eddie turned around and almost got hit in the face with the microphone his father had thrown at him. Eddie fumbled around and managed to catch it though, grinning at his father.

"Okay, I'm ready to roll!" Eddie pumped a fist into the air.

"That is my boy!" Erin folded her hands at her chin. "Please be rolling them in the aisles!"

"I'll try, Mamma!" Eddie switched his microphone on and his father did the same.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Edward began, smiling as the curtains parted and the theater's lights lowered. "Are you ready for the P-Factor name drawing?!"

The crowd roared in agreement, applauding thunderously.

Eddie took a deep breath and smiled. That's what he loved to hear!

"We're as excited as you are!" Eddie said, the spotlight shining on the name picking machine. "Using this wonder of technology…" Eddie gestured to it like an overly enthusiastic game show host. "…we're going to randomly select names from the lovely people in my home Village, right near Piñata Central, home of the great Jardiniero!" Eddie gestured at the crowd and the spotlight shifted onto the old man, whose wheelchair was idling in the front row.

Jardiniero beamed and waved enthusiastically when the spotlight hit him. Cory, who was still right by his side, gripped his other hand and smiled, her eyes glimmering.

Dastardos barely suppressed the urge to retch.

"Here's hoping he's among the people who get chosen today! Don't you agree, audience?" Eddie gestured to the crowd and they erupted into applause again.

"BOO!" Seedos jeered, causing everyone within earshot to glare at him. Leena casually inched away from Seedos, pretending that she had never seen him in her life.

"Time to find out!" The spotlight flew back to Eddie and he gestured to his mother, who had her finger poised over a button on the machine. "Are you ready to start, Mom?"

His mother gave him an affirming nod and Eddie grinned back at her.

"We're starting off with the good stuff; the competitors!" Edward cut in, barely resisting the urge to bounce with excitement. "Instead of the usual four, this televised round will have_ six_ competitors!" Edward held up six fingers to prove his point. "More piñatas on display! More intense rivalries! Oh, it's going to be _great!"_ Edward gestured to his wife. "Press that button, sweetheart!"

Erin obeyed her husband and the machine began to whirr as it shook up the letters inside of it. Eddie stood by it, ready to catch an envelope as soon as it popped up. When one finally did, it slipped out of Eddie's grasp and fell to the floor. Eddie fumbled after it, his cheeks burning as the audience chuckled at his mistake, apart from Yoto, who burst into full-blown loud laughter.

Eddie fought the desire to fold the envelope into a paper airplane and send it sailing right into Yoto's eye and ripped it open; his eyes widening when he read the name.

"Our first competitor is Leena Collins!" Eddie waved the envelope in the air.

"WHAT?!" Leena exclaimed, her hands flying to her mouth. Seedos wasn't sure if she was excited at this prospect or terrified… or both. Crispy seemed excited, though, she was bouncing in Leena's lap like the crazy Squazzil she was.

"That's _awesome!"_ Seedos gushed, beaming at Leena. "You're gonna be on TV!"

"So I am…" Leena turned sheet white and looked ready to faint when the spotlight went on her.

"There she is, audience! Isn't she cute?" Eddie winked at Leena and she looked down at her feet, growing paler by the second. The audience clapped in agreement and someone even Mallowolf-whistled. Seedos wondered if he should empty out his shopping bag and give it to Leena so she could puke in it… "She's a budding gardener and getting better every day! She's probably going to enter that wonderful varianted Squazzil she has with her! Let's give her a round of applause!" Eddie threw his arms in the air.

The audience obliged and Leena sunk very, _very_ low in her seat, her hands beginning to shake. Crispy sensed her owner's distress and nudged her cheek, but it didn't do much to help her.

"Moving on!" Edward noticed Leena's paleness and quickly jumped in. Oh, he hoped she wouldn't drop out of the competition… "Let's see who Leena will be up against, shall we?"

They ran the machine five more times and got the competitor roster filled. The other competitors in the televised P-Factor round would be Fannie, Doc Patchingo, Yoto, Sahari, and Petula. When Fannie was chosen, her boyfriend gave her a gigantic smooch right on her mailbox mouth in front of everybody. Petula had let herself get horrifically excited, overjoyed that she'd finally get some TV exposure! If her mom and dad saw her radiating charisma on the TV, they'd _totally_ ease up on her! Doc Patchingo had quite a similar reaction to Leena's, especially since he was fretting over the fact that he'd have to call someone to bring his Chewnicorn into the city for him…

Yoto had jumped right out of his chair and leapt in the air, cheering like crazy. This was _perfect!_ If he won the P-Factor, he could call Storkos up onto the stage and propose to her! Hell, even if he _didn't _win, he could do that! He could propose to her on live TV, in front of everyone on the Island! He didn't even care what Jardiniero would think, after he saw how much Yoto truly loved Storkos, Jardiniero would give his blessing!

Or so Yoto hoped…

"This is gonna be _amazing,_ Potato!" Yoto whispered to his Parrybo, scratching him at the top of his head. "Be on your best behavior, okay? No curse words on TV, or sex noises, or anything like that." Yoto squinted at his Parrybo.

Potato looked down at his stubby orange feet in shame.

"Come on, Potato, _promise_ me you'll behave," Yoto urged, his squint intensifying.

Potato sighed, looked up, and gave Yoto a limp salute.

A grin crossed Yoto's thin lips. "That's what I like to hear! Best bird ever. You're gonna wow the judges!" Yoto smushed his cheek against Potato's papery feathers. "Speaking of judges… they're about to announce them!"

"Would you shut up?" Maxime, who perched on the chair right next to Yoto's, glared daggers at him. "I can't hear over you talking to that puny bird of yours."

"Sorr-_y,"_ Yoto stuck his tongue out at Maxime.

"Now for the judges!" Eddie announced into his microphone, as enthusiastic as ever. "We're going for a whopping _eight,_ so this is going to be one humdinger of a P-Factor round! Every piñata will be rigorously scored by all sorts of people, so the competitors will go home knowing a thing or two more about how to raise good piñatas! Mamma, would you do the honors?" Eddie flicked his wrist at Erin and she pressed the button on the machine again.

An envelope fluttered out shortly after the machine stopped spinning. Eddie decided to let his mother open this one and handed his microphone off to her.

"Ah!" Erin brightened when she saw the name inside the envelope. "It is _you!"_ Erin pointed at Eddie, beaming like the proud mother she was.

The crowd went wild and Eddie waved at them, wearing his most charming smile.

"I'll make sure to give the contestants my most honest critiques!" Eddie waggled a finger at the crowd. "Even if it means I have to be a little bit harsh!"

The crowd's applause died down after about thirty seconds, topped off by Petula yelling "WOO!" Maxime rolled her eyes hard at Petula's enthusiasm.

"Next!" Eddie pointed at the machine and another envelope was in his hands within a few moments. Eddie tore into it excitedly and beamed victoriously when he read the name.

"The Great Jardiniero will be judging this round!" Eddie didn't even hold back his excitement. He leapt into the air with joy and his father ran over to him, hugging him tightly and laughing victoriously.

Jardiniero applauded louder than anyone else in the auditorium, which was an impressive feat since mostly everyone was roaring.

Minus Seedos, who was openly booing, and Dastardos, who was silent, but he was mentally booing loud enough for the whole world to hear.

Eddie emerged from his father's embrace and posed with his hands on his hips. "Jardiniero's presence alone will probably triple-no, _quadruple_ our ratings!" Eddie announced enthusiastically, his purple eyes glimmering. "Oh, I can't wait to see who's judging alongside him!"

Seedos crossed his fingers as tightly as possible, squeezed his eyes shut, and began quietly chanting "Please not me, please not me…"

Of _course_ Seedos' name was called next. Seedos hoped with all his heart that he wouldn't get stuck sitting next to his father…

The other five judges were chosen swiftly. The enormous roster of judges wound up being Eddie, Jardiniero, Seedos, Maxime, Sparcticus, Lottie, Storkos, and Leafos. Eddie was beside himself with joy when Jardiniero's whole family got chosen for the judge's panel! He had no idea how they'd react to one another, whether it would be family drama or a heartwarming reunion, but no matter what, it would make for good TV!

"Let's get our wonderful contestants and judges up here! Come on down, everyone!" Eddie motioned with his arm, grinning at the crowd.

"Seedos, I don't wanna go up…" Leena bit her lip, burying her nose in Crispy's papery fur.

"Come on, Leena, it'll be fine! I'll be with you!" Seedos offered, but Leena shut her eyes and shook her head. Seedos had to resort to drastic measures.

Seedos reached out and clasped Leena's hand in his. She gasped and drew her head up, her cheeks rapidly turning pink as she made eye contact with her favorite seed fanatic.

"We'll go up together," Seedos let Taru crawl onto his shoulder. "Come on, it'll be a cinch, I've been in the P-Factor before. You can't even see the audience because of the stage lights!"

"Really?" Leena let herself smile as Crispy scurried to the top of her head.

"Really. Come on," Seedos stood up, gently pulling Leena along with him.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Once everyone was up onstage, Eddie went down the line, introducing each person as if they were amazing celebrities. When Leena was introduced, Avalon bit her lip, looking at Dastardos with concern.

"I 'ope she'll be okay…" Avalon shook her head. "Leena's… not too good with being in the spotlight."

"She'll have Seedos watching her every move," Dastardos nodded. "Something tells me she'll be trying her damndest to impress him. No freaking clue why."

Secretly, Dastardos was rooting for the much younger girl. He'd have to have a little talk with Seedos once they got back to the Village… Dastardos might not know much about girls, but he really didn't like how Seedos was leading Leena on.

"Well, I'm glad I wasn't chosen," Avalon admitted. "Dealing with Fannie… no. Just no."

Dastardos couldn't argue with that logic.

"That's all for today, everyone!" Eddie waved from the stage, beaming ear to ear. "Look forward to the P-Factor round tomorrow night! Bring your best clothes; you just might be in a crowd shot!" Eddie winked and the lights on the stage went down.

Dastardos leaned back in his chair, smirking at Avalon. "This is going to be one interesting show," Dastardos snickered.

"You're telling me, hmm, we need to go find a suit that will fit yew…" Avalon stroked her chin, smirking at Dastardos.

"Yeah-wait, _what?"_


	24. P-Factor Preparations

**AN: I couldn't help noticing that my hit count is far greater than my review count. I'm really interested in seeing who reads this story! Anyone who loves VP is a friend of mine, so don't be shy. I promise I don't bite; even a one word review is treasured. :)**

**Ahh, anyway, let's start the chapter, shall we?**

Eddie supported Sparcticus as they entered Eddie's ritzy hotel room, Sparcticus' usually stoic face had become impossibly sullen and he had humungous bags under his eyes. Eddie flicked on the lights, which instantly awoke Patch, who sat up in bed so quickly that Eddie expected him to break his spine.

"Whozzat?!" Patch looked around frantically, his sleep-mussed blonde hair flying in every direction.

"Sorry for waking you up, Patch…" Eddie yawned. "Dad wanted to talk to me about some things, so I just came in now… I found Sparcticus asleep on one of the couches in the lobby. He had nowhere else to go… so I said he could come sleep here." Eddie shrugged the shoulder that wasn't supporting the zombie-like Sparcticus.

"How… how many guests are we gonna have…?" Patch asked, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "First Yoto was on our floor… now this…" He was so jarred from his rude awakening that he couldn't even stutter. "What about Sahari…?" Patch flipped his bangs aside and one of his blue eyes peeped at Sparcticus. "Why isn't he in her room?"

"We…" Sparcticus' voice caught and he bit his lip, looking at Eddie for help.

"They broke up," Eddie said, looking down at his feet. Sparcticus collapsed to the ground and laid on his side, his legs drawn up to his chest.

"They WHAT?!" Patch was fully awake now. He jumped out of bed, stuffed his feet into his Kittyfloss slippers, and shuffled over to the sulking Sparcticus as fast as he could. "What happened? I thought you two would…!"

"Yeah," Sparcticus choked back a deep sob. "I thought so too…"

Patch knelt down and put a reassuring hand on Sparcticus' shoulder, bowing his head in sympathy. "Duh-do you want to talk about what happened?" Patch offered, leaning over a little so he could make eye contact with Sparcticus. "Whenever something's buh-bothering me… I find it's better to guh-get things out in the open… Luh-Leafos is a good listener whenever I have problems; muh-maybe we should call her up here…" Patch took his hand off Sparcticus' shoulder and began to look around the room for his Alert System.

"No, no, no!" Eddie ran in front of Patch, horrified at the very idea of one of the local gossip hounds being fed information about Sahari and Sparcticus' breakup. "Sparcticus can just talk about his problems to us! We don't need Leafos!" Eddie stomped his foot and pouted at Patch, who sighed.

"Fine…" Patch adjusted himself so he was sitting tailor style on the carpet. "Guh-go ahead, Sparcticus…"

Sparcticus sighed and told his two temporary roommates his sad, sad story.

"Wuh-wait…" Patch turned to look at Eddie once Sparcticus was done spilling his guts out all over the carpet. "This sounds like it was _your_ fault!" There was nothing accusing about Patch's tone at all; he simply sounded curious and more than a bit shocked. He blinked at Eddie, his expression one of sheer disbelief.

"It wasn't _my_ fault!" Eddie insisted, folding his arms and throwing his nose up in the air at the very suggestion of that idea. "It was that fortune teller's! If it hadn't been for those spiked drinks of hers, Sahari and Sparcticus would still be together!"

"It was all our faults…" Sparcticus intoned, finally straightening up and looking at Eddie dead-on. "I was thirsty, and you had drinks. Neither of us knew what would happen."

"Thuh-the drinks were bright puh-pink though…" Patch looked down at his hands and fiddled with his fingers. "I-in my professional opinion… I would have buh-been able to tuh-tell that they were laced with romance cuh-candy upon first sight…"

"Well, excuse us for not having doctorates," Sparcticus groused, hugging his knees again.

"Oh, please don't start arguing!" Eddie tore at his hair. That was the last thing Sparcticus needed right now…

"I duh-don't want to argue…" Patch frowned at Sparcticus, his eyes dewy. "I'm sorry."

Sparcticus' expression softened just a little bit. "I think… we all need some rest…" Sparcticus yawned so wide he almost inhaled Patch's head. "It's getting late… Eddie, before you say anything… I don't mind sleeping on the floor."

"You sure?" Eddie furrowed his brow at his friend. "There's the couch…"

Sparcticus shook his head. "I'm _way_ too big to sleep on that thing. I'll be fine."

"If you insist…" Eddie shrugged. "Hey, if there's anything you want to do tomorrow morning to take your mind off of… things, let me know, okay? I don't care if people spread more rumors…" Eddie covered his mouth, his face red. He probably shouldn't have said that last part…

"I'll think about it…" Sparcticus curled up into a ball on the floor. "Night, Eddie, Patch. Thanks for letting me sleep in here."

"Nuh-no problem!" Patch nodded, a smile on his unmasked face. "Sleep well!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"You look even _more_ beautiful in this low light…" Yoto blushed as he gazed at the woman of his dreams, pulling up the sheets of the hotel bed up over his naked torso. "That was _amazing._ I expected nothing less from you."

"I… I don't know if we should have done that…" Storkos chewed on her lower lip, looking around the room nervously. "My father… what if he walks in?"

"Your dad can't walk," Yoto cocked his head at Storkos and she punched him in the arm.

"You know what I mean!" Storkos' voice was stern, but she couldn't help smiling at Yoto's wisecrack.

The two of them had just spent quite a long time in one another's embrace, making love for the very first time since they got together a few months back. As Yoto expected, the consummation of their affections was beyond anything in his wildest dreams. He was still glowing and his body was flushed from head to toe. Storkos was the same, but she acted pretty nervous the whole time, casting anxious glances at the door every few seconds. Yoto didn't mind; he thought the danger of the whole thing was kind of fun!

This encounter absolutely _cinched_ it. Yoto was going to propose to Storkos at the end of the P-Factor round. They were amazing together in every way, it was only natural that the next step they would take together would be marriage…

Storkos had gone quiet, covering her ample breasts with the bedsheets and looking down, her brow creased.

"Hey, don't make that face…" Yoto scooted closer to Storkos and put his arm around her shoulders. "If you felt like you weren't ready, you should have told me… I wanted you to be one hundred percent sure about this…"

"It's not that," Storkos shook her head. "It's just… I never thought this would _ever_ happen to me, you know?" Storkos let go of the sheet and leaned her bare back against the headboard. "I always expected to deliver eggs my whole life, barely having any interaction with _anyone…_ I never expected any guy to fall for me, let alone make love to me…" Storkos finally made eye contact with Yoto, smiling sheepishly at him. "I'm not sure what to say, so I'll just say thank you, Yoto. I love you."

No matter how many times Yoto heard those words from Storkos, they always made his heart pound like crazy and his face flush a deep red. "I love you too…" he whispered before planting a passionate kiss on her full lips.

After they broke apart, Storkos whispered in Yoto's ear. "You should get going… Dad probably ran into someone and bragged about his accomplishments again, but he should be back any minute…" Leaning back, Storkos looked down at her bare chest and blushed. "I'll have to get dressed before then. I don't know if I'd be able to explain this!" She began looking over the pillows for any traces of Yoto's red hair.

"Storkos…" Yoto put his hand over hers. "Don't be silly! Your dad thinks you're a good little girl; he doesn't even know we're _together!"_ Yoto laughed a bit and Storkos turned a deeper red. She _was_ making a mountain out of a Profitamolehill… "He won't be looking out for anything." Yoto hopped out of bed and shimmied back into his boxer shorts. "He'll _never_ know!" He winked at Storkos before pulling his overcolorful shirt over his head.

"Ahh, I could learn a thing or two from your optimism, Yoto," Storkos giggled. "Thanks for an amazing night… but don't go bragging or anything! Word could get back to my dad!" Storkos waggled a finger at Yoto, her expression deathly serious.

Yoto almost fell over putting on his pants. "I would _never!"_ Yoto shook his head vigorously, leaning over to grab his mask off of the floor. "You mean so much more to me than that… I'll keep my trap shut, I _promise!"_ Yoto mimed zipping his lips. "I won't even tell Potato!" he added as he pulled his mask over his face.

"_Especially_ not Potato," Storkos went pale at the very idea.

"Relax, Storkos, I'm just joking!" Now fully clothed, Yoto leaned over to give Storkos a quick peck on the lips. "Hey… I'll see you in the P-Factor round tomorrow, okay? I know the rules say no bias… but if you could give your awesome boyfriend a few extra points…" Yoto waggled his eyes at Storkos and she hummed as she thought.

"Maybe…" Storkos winked at Yoto. "I'm willing to break the rules for you."

"That's my girl!" Yoto grabbed his messenger bag and slung it over his skinny shoulder. "Sleep well, okay?"

"Oh, I will…" Storkos sighed romantically, blowing Yoto a kiss before he headed out into the hallway.

Yoto almost got run over by Jardiniero when he turned a corner and he nearly had a heart attack.

"Oh, apologies, Yoto," Jardiniero stopped his wheelchair quickly, looking up at the much taller youth sheepishly.

"No problem! I'm having an awesome night, you know! Almost getting run over won't ruin that!" Yoto tipped an invisible hat to the legendary gardener. "I hope you have an amazing evening too!" With that, Yoto took off down the hall, doing everything in his power to keep from bursting out laughing.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Morning came quickly, and Sahari felt surprisingly cold when she woke up. She wasn't used to sleeping without an oversized, hairy pair of arms around her…the smell of wet Barkbark was completely gone from the bed. She used to secretly not like how he smelled, but the room seemed so…empty without Sparty's scent lingering in the air.

"No, Sahari, you can't be sad…" she grumbled as she forced herself out of bed. "You don't need a man, especially not one who dropped you so easily!" Sahari looked over at her suitcase and an idea popped into her head.

"I'll make him regret dropping me…" Sahari smirked as she grabbed her Alert System off of the side of her bed. "…but I'm gonna need help." Sighing, Sahari scrolled through her contact list, which contained every last person in the Village. Sahari liked to be prepared; you never knew when you were going to need to call someone. She had never expected to call this number, but life's been full of surprises lately…

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Sahari chewed on her thumbnail when the person on the other end picked up. "Oh, I see. I really, really need your help. I'm gonna be on the P-Factor… as you probably know, and I want to look better than I usually do-hey, are you _laughing?"_ Sahari stomped a foot, glaring impossibly hard.

"S-sorry! I just never expected to hear that from _you!"_ The person on the line giggled a bit before adding: "Sure, Sahari. I'm capable of miracles! I'll be right there!"

They hung up before Sahari could complain about the "miracle" comment.

"I'm in for one hell of a morning…" Sahari headed over to her suitcase and opened it up, rummaging through it. "Now where did I put that stupid dress…?"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"I'm heeeeere~!" Petula sang out as she daintily knocked on Sahari's door. Petula had brought a bag full of everything she needed; a brush that could actually get through Sahari's hair, a straightening iron, and even tiny high heeled sandals that were just Sahari's size. She had run out to a nearby shop to grab the shoes; she never thought she'd get the chance to makeover someone like Sahari! Petula was actually really damn excited to do this.

Sahari swung open the door and blinked at Petula, sleep still encrusted on the corners of her eyes. Her mask was askew, she had awful bedhead, and her pajamas consisted of a too-big T-shirt and a pair of cactus-patterned panties. Her S'morepion, Steve, was perched on her shoulder and glaring at Petula as if to say _"If you insult my mom, I'm going to sting the hell out of you."_

Petula took a step back and bit her lip to keep from making a comment about Sahari's hair. "I… uh, heard about what happened with Sparcticus…" Petula looked Sahari up and down again. "You look like you're taking it hard."

Sahari shook her shaggy head. "Nah, I'm fine," she lied. "I'm trying not to think about it and just focus on the P-Factor-wait, who told you what happened?" Sahari squinted suspiciously at Petula.

"Word travels fast on Maskbook!" Petula chuckled, holding up her expensive Alert System for emphasis.

_"Maxime…"_ Sahari clenched her tiny hands into fists and ground her teeth together.

"Let's not think about that!" Petula let herself into Sahari's room, gently pushing the much shorter girl along with her. "Let's get you looking _amazing!_ You're gonna be on TV-we're _both_ gonna be on TV! Isn't that _fab?!"_ Petula squealed at the very idea of it, pulling Sahari into a big hug.

"I guess so…" Sahari shrugged. "It would be better if Sparty-er, Sparcticus wasn't in the round, too…" She sighed and wriggled out of Petula's embrace, her S'morepion giving her a little nudge on the cheek.

Petula thought for a moment, sticking out her lower lip and looking Sahari up and down.

"What's that face for…?" Sahari took a step back, a little afraid of what the Kittyfloss-masked girl was cooking up.

A catty smirk spread across Petula's face. "You want to look good so Sparcticus will feel worse about what he did, huh?"

Sahari hunched over, her jaw hitting the floor with sheer disbelief.

Petula giggled and swung her bag. "I can read you like a book! Don't worry; you're in good hands!" Petula's eyes moved towards Sahari's bed, which had a dress thrown onto it. "Oooh, is that what you're going to wear?" Petula scampered over to it, holding it up to the light, smiling broadly. "I didn't even know they made dresses this tiny! This was made in the desert, wasn't it? It's soooo cute!"

"You think it's cute…?" Sahari breathed a sigh of relief and took Steve off her shoulder, letting him crawl on the floor. "Good, that's the only dress I have. I never wore it before, so…"

"Put it on!" Petula dropped her bag on Sahari's bed and held up the dress in front of Sahari. "I wanna see how you look in this!"

Sahari hadn't expected Petula to be quite so enthusiastic… she wasn't sure whether to be grateful or terrified. She took the dress from Petula and said: "Okay…" before heading into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

"When you're all done, I'll do some final touches!" Petula told Sahari through the door. "Oh, you're gonna look _so great!"_

"I hope so…" Sahari bit her lip as she carefully stepped into the dress.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

After what seemed like a million years, Sahari was finally all done.

"Okay, are you ready to witness the prettiest little thing to ever step out of the Dessert Desert?" Petula smirked as she led Sahari to a full length mirror, covering her eyes with her hands.

"Ugh, it's hard to walk in these heels…" Sahari groused.

Petula took that as a 'yes' and moved her hands aside. "Tah-dah!"

Sahari almost fainted when she saw her reflection.

She didn't look like a twelve year old girl anymore! She actually _looked her age,_ which was a miracle in itself! Petula had straightened Sahari's hair and it framed her masked face beautifully, and the dress was positively perfect for Sahari.

The top of the dress was fringed, so it hid just how flat Sahari's chest was. The skirt was wavy and reached to Sahari's knees. It was a scarlet color that looked amazing against Sahari's tanned, Spanish skin. The sandals fit Sahari perfectly, even if she wobbled around when she walked on them.

_That's okay,_ Petula thought. _She'll get used to them in no time!_

"Petula… you're… you're a miracle worker!" Sahari whirled to face Petula and nearly fell over her own shoes. "Thanks so much! I'm going to turn heads at the P-Factor!"

"You're welcome! And it's all for free!" Petula winked at Sahari. "My stylist handiwork getting shown on live TV is payment enough! Speaking of… I should go get ready!" Petula opened her Alert System and gasped when she saw the time. "I don't want you to look prettier than me, after all!"

"Hey, what's that-" Sahari scowled and tried to tell Petula off, but Petula was already out the door.

"Oh well…" Sahari chuckled a bit, shaking her head. "I should have expected that from Petula. What do you think, Steve?" She turned to face her S'morepion, which was sitting patiently on the bed.

Steve swooned and fell over onto his back, one of his pincers over his forehead.

Sahari giggled. "Oh, you flatterer! C'mon, let's get you dressed up, too…" Sahari offered her arm to the tiny piñata and he quickly crawled up it. "I'm thinking…sombrero and moustache! You're going to knock the other competitors right out of the park!

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"That was the most frightening experience of my life…" Dastardos shuddered, huddling up on his windowsill in Avalon's ritzy hotel room.

"Don't be ridiculous," Avalon cast Dastardos an aside glance as she braided her long, dark hair. "Yew look dashing."

"I look like a stupid Pengum," Dastardos groused, folding his arms tightly.

"Don't scrunch yourself up like that!" Avalon scolded, waggling a finger at Dastardos. "Your suit will get wrinkled."

Dastardos heaved the biggest sigh in the history of mankind. They had just spent the past few hours in the care of Erin Lizard, and it had been hell on Dastardos, for lack of a better word…

First, Erin had pitched a fit when she laid eyes on just who her client was.

_ "You are expecting me to make clothings for skeleton man?!" Erin had stomped her high heeled foot and pouted at Avalon. Avalon did her best not to roll her eyes; she could see where Eddie had inherited his mannerisms from… "Why you bring this, Avalon? I expecting you to date much taller." Erin, who was on the short side herself, completely dwarfed the disguised Dastardos. She planted her palm on the top of his hat and frowned. Dastardos frowned right back at her, but Erin didn't even flinch._

_ "He's not my boyfriend!" Avalon protested, blushing just a little bit. "I just need yew to make 'im a suit on short notice so 'e looks presentable during the P-Factor round…"_

_ "Hmm…" Erin gave Dastardos a once over, nodded quickly, and said: "Will not be using much fabric, at least. This can be done!"_

_ "What's that supposed to mean?" Dastardos had jeered._

Dastardos glared at Avalon for almost the entire time Erin was taking his measurements. She finally got him to stop by blowing him a mocking kiss, and he didn't so much as lay his bad eye on her for the rest of his fitting, nor the excruciatingly long wait for Erin to finish his suit.

Once he went into the Lizard's hotel room bathroom to try on the layered dark blue suit, he instantly felt _wrong._ What kind of villain _was_ he? He was putting on a suit and going to see a show with prancing piñatas, piñatas that he would kill without a second thought if they got sick! What the hell kind of power did Avalon have over him?

"Maybe it won't be all bad…" Dastardos had grumbled to himself as he buttoned up his suit jacket. "Seedos will be judging, after all… I hope he rips Patch a new one for me." That thought comforted Dastardos a bit and he let himself smirk as he finished putting on his suit, not bothering to straighten his gold tie.

Avalon's jaw had dropped as soon as she laid eyes on him. Erin burst into applause and sing-songed: "Suit make any man look good!"

Dastardos wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted by the fashionista's comment.

"Yew look surprisingly 'andsome!" Avalon had admitted, still visibly stunned.

Avalon had stood by that proclamation, telling Dastardos he looked "dashing" just a few moments ago. Dastardos didn't want to admit it, but hearing it from Avalon felt kind of nice…

Dastardos was broken out of his fog by Avalon sighing. "Too bad yew won't get to share your suit with the world," Avalon snapped an elastic over the end of her braid and turned to give Dastardos a half-smile. "Dastardos in a suit would net this P-Factor round big ratings!"

"Feh," Dastardos stuck out his tongue at Avalon. "I have some sense of dignity."

"Where's your sense of 'umor?" Avalon planted her hands on her hips, leaning forward to squint accusingly at Dastardos. "Yew don't 'ave to be miserable just because yew're wearing a certain kind of clothing!"

"If Pester sees me in this I'll never hear the end of it…" Dastardos grumbled, running his fingers through his slicked-back hair. His hair was all stiff from all the gel Avalon used, he absolutely _hated_ how it felt. Avalon had taken _ages_ to slick his hair back, fussing over him like he was her little brother or something. She _really_ wanted him to look presentable…

"With that disguise?" Avalon laughed at the very idea. "Pester wouldn't recognize yew if yew were standing right in front of 'im!"

Dastardos floated upwards and took a look at himself in the mirror over Avalon's shoulder. She really did have a point; with this new mask and this silly suit on, he barely recognized himself!

"I think you're right…" he grumbled as he floated back down to his perch."

Avalon turned around, her braid swinging behind her. She smiled at Dastardos and confidently stated: "I'm _always_ right."

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Come on, Leena! Come out of there!" Seedos knocked on the bathroom door, his brow furrowed with concern. "You've been in there for two hours now… I know girls are supposed to take a while getting ready, but that's pushing it…" He chewed on a thumbnail nervously.

"Seedos, I'm going to be on TV!" Leena squeaked from inside the bathroom. "There will probably be _thousands_ of people watching! If I mess up, they're all going to laugh at me…"

"Leena, you're competing! You just need to sit back and let Crispy do all the work!" Seedos nodded sagely, hearing squeaks of affirmation from Leena's Squazzil on the other side of the door.

"What if _she_ messes up?" Leena was sounding more and more horrified by the second. "What if the judges don't like her hair flower? Does a daisy suit her?"

"Daisies are cute, and so is Crispy!" Seedos threw up his hands in exasperation. "The judges are going to love her! Heck, I know I do, you'll be getting quite a few points from me!"

Leena got really quiet for a few moments. "R-really?"

"Really!" Seedos grinned at the door. "I bet you'll both wow the judges. Hey, what are you wearing, anyway? You haven't come out of that bathroom, so…" Seedos shifted back and forth nervously. He had changed while Leena was in there, and he was clad in a sweater vest, tie, and flip-flops. Not even being on TV was enough to make him want to wear proper shoes, and he'd be sitting down for most of the round, anyway.

"I…I didn't think you cared…" Leena sounded surprised.

"Of course I do!" Seedos nodded. "It would be interesting to see you all dressed up, I'm not going to lie! Uh, don't take that the wrong way, though!" Seedos blushed, frantically waving his hands at the door.

"Oh-okay…" Leena took a deep breath and Seedos heard tiny footsteps as she approached the door. "I'll come out…"

The bathroom door slowly opened to reveal Leena in a fluffy calf-length dress Avalon had bought for her before they went on the trip. Her hair had been curled meticulously and didn't look horribly frizzy for once. She was pale, but she was smiling sheepishly at Seedos, awaiting his reaction. She put her hand behind her back, Crispy hopping out of the bathroom behind her and sitting at her feet.

"Leena… you look…" Seedos blinked, absolutely awestruck. He felt…fluffy inside! That never happened before… "You look cute! Really cute!" An enormous grin spread across the mouth of Seedos' mask. "Everyone's gonna love you!"

"Th-thank you!" The expression of amazement on Leena's masked face was embarrassing. She was so radiant with joy that Seedos wished he had some sunglasses.

"Are you and Crispy ready to kick butt at the P-Factor round now?" Seedos planted his hands on his hips and leaned forward to smirk at Leena, who blushed an even deeper red.

Leena nodded her head quickly. "Mm-hmm! I think I can do it…!"

"Well, I _know_ you can!" Seedos winked at Leena and her knees wobbled. "Let's both knock everyone dead with how cool we are on TV, okay?"

"Okay!" Leena offered her hand to Seedos, still blushing quite a bit. After a brief moment's hesitation, Seedos took it. Leena's hand was clammy…Seedos had a feeling she was still nervous underneath it all. She needed all the support she could get…

"Hey, Leena?" Seedos squeezed her hand just a little bit and she jumped.

"Y-yes?" She blinked at him like a surprised Galagoogoo.

Seedos smirked at her. "If you win the round, I'll take you out to dinner wherever you want. Just you and me, no one else."

Leena managed to smile and nod in agreement without exploding. Inside of her, a storm was raging. She _had_ to win this, no matter what! A date with Seedos was on the line!

"I'll do my best!" Leena pumped her fist in the air, Crispy scurrying up her back and settling on top of her head. "I'm going to win this or die trying!"

Seedos swallowed. He had no idea she would get _this_ fired up…it was kind of scary.

Hey, at least she wasn't nervous anymore!


	25. P-Factor On TV

The largest camera was on Eddie when the red light turned on, indicating that the P-Factor was finally on air. The young lady behind the camera flashed Eddie a thumbs-up and he gave the viewers his million Chocolate Coin smile.

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to the very first televised P-Factor round ever!" Eddie was onstage at the moment, the contestants behind him out of the spotlight, clutching their piñatas in anticipation. "The P-Factor has a long history, it's been run for over thirty years by my family in the humble little Village near Piñata Central, and it's finally going to be shown to the rest of the Island!" Eddie threw his arms in the air and the audience applauded thunderously. "It's a fantastic show that will display the best piñatas and gardeners our Village has to offer, so I hope all of you enjoy!" With a wink, Eddie hopped off the stage and headed to his place at the judges' table, sitting down in the very middle, between Sparcticus and Maxime. Eddie folded his hands and grinned in anticipation as he waited for the first contestant to come forward.

Patch pointed to himself and mouthed "Me?" to Eddie, and Eddie nodded, motioning for Patch to hurry. The blonde doctor blushed and brought his pink Chewnicorn forward.

Somewhere in the audience, Dastardos was trying really hard not to burst out laughing. Could Doc Patch have picked a more emasculating piñata?!

"That's an impressive piñata!" Jardiniero commented, adjusting his glasses and leaning forward. "However did you obtain him? You're no gardener…"

"Wuh-well…" Patch's voice cracked and he cleared his throat, his cheeks still bright red. "I got _her_ as a gift. From Gretchen, for my last birthday."

Maxime loudly Mallowolf-whistled and Leafos glared at her.

Patch waved his hands around frantically. "I-it's not like that at all!" he struggled to be heard over the audience's laughter. "Sh-she's a big help…my Chewnicorn, that is!" Patch knew he was totally blowing it, but he couldn't give up now. His Chewnicorn gave him a reassuring nudge with her head. "Suh-sometimes if I can't get to a garden, I send Cammie here to heal the piñata for me… sh-she even brings me the right payment back! She's smart!" Patch smiled and nodded, taking great care to not look into one of the black, unforgiving camera eyes. If he did that, he'd probably faint.

"Can she do any tricks?" Sparcticus intoned, folding his arms and raising a brow.

"Oh, yeah! Cammie, do your suh-stuff!" Patch took a step back to give his Chewnicorn some room.

Cammie threw her head back and a dazzling prism of colors burst from her horn. Cammie bounced the ball of light all over her body, even balancing herself on her front hooves and rolling it around on her fluffy tail. The prism left a trail of all the colors of the rainbow as it moved, and the crowd gasped in awe.

Once Cammie was done with her trick, she bowed, and Patch followed her example, nearly losing his balance in the process. It was terribly hard to bow with such a bulky helmet on…

Leena quietly gulped in nervousness from her place with the other contestants. It would be hard for tiny little Crispy to top a flashy trick like _that…_

Eddie jumped to his feet and gave Doc Patchingo and his piñata a standing ovation. No one else joined him in standing up, but the audience and most of the other judges joined Eddie in his loud applause.

Patch positively glowed. Things were going better than expected!

The judges were quiet for a few moments before beginning to share their thoughts.

"She's beautiful, Patch!" Leafos gave Patch a thumbs-up. "I usually prefer lower-level piñatas, but I can't help but be impressed by a Chewnicorn! Especially one that can do a trick _that_ amazing!" After she was done commenting, Leafos turned her attention to her score card and quickly began to write.

Patch couldn't help blushing at her compliments. No one knew piñatas like Leafos and her family did, so a great comment coming from one of them was as good as gold!

Lottie sighed and folded her hands under her chin. "Yeah…she's flashy and everything, but you're overselling her to the audience! Bringing a rare piñata to the P-Factor when everyone else has more common ones is just a cheap way to win!"

"That means she's jealous because she doesn't have a piñata that valuable," Maxime mock-whispered into her microphone.

Maxime hit the nail right on the head and Lottie roared. She jumped from her seat in hopes of tearing the tiny Maxime in two, but Leafos quickly wrapped her arms around Lottie's stomach, stopping her from invoking her wrath.

Once Lottie calmed down, it was Sparcticus' turn to speak.

"You know, I actually have to agree with Lottie on that one," Sparcticus swallowed a yawn. He had spent a good portion of the previous night awake, wallowing in his misery. He was so tired now that he didn't even care; he just wanted to get through this P-Factor round. "She's pretty, sure, but it really does feel like you're going a cheap route for the win."

"Buh-but she's the only piñata I have!" Patch protested, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. _No, Patch, don't let tears fall! You're on TV, man!_

Sparcticus shrugged, but said nothing else, turning his attention to his scorecard.

"Oh, don't listen to him; he's a stick in the mud!" Eddie shoved his hulking friend on the shoulder, which made Sparcticus fumble with his pen and make a huge black line across his scorecard. Sparcticus gave Eddie a cold, flat look, but Eddie was too caught up in his spiel to notice. "Cammie is absolutely _gorgeous,_ her trick was _phenomenal,_ unlike anything I've ever seen in the P-Factor before, and hoo boy, have I seen a _lot!"_ Eddie's violet eyes were glimmering almost as brightly as the prism of light Cammie used in her trick. "Congratulations on raising such a wonderful piñata! You're the man, Patch!" Eddie winked at the doctor and Patch blushed again, his looming tears subsiding.

"I'm not usually one for obnoxiously showy presentations…" Maxime gave an aside glance to Eddie. "…but your Chewnicorn is the biggest piñata here, so that'll net you some extra points with me." She smiled at Patch, moving a lock of her dark hair out of her face.

_"That's_ your criteria, little girl?" Jardiniero looked at Maxime in disbelief. "And you call yourself worthy of sitting at this judges' table?" Jardiniero folded his arms, squinting behind his thick glasses. Seedos rolled his eyes ridiculously hard.

"Aw, shut up, old man, I don't tell you how to run your life," Maxime growled, glaring at the once great gardener.

"Sh-sh-shut up?!" Jardiniero spluttered like popcorn in hot oil, his face turning bright red beneath his beard. "How _dare_ you speak to your elders that way! What kind of parents raised you?!"

"I don't think someone like _you_ should question anyone else's parenting skills," Maxime took a sip from her bottle of water, not even bothering to look at Jardiniero. The audience gasped, Leafos looked ready to cry, and Seedos cheered in agreement. He shut up with Jardiniero, Leafos, and Storkos all glared at him, though.

Somewhere in the audience, Dastardos was trying really damn hard not to burst into loud laughter at Maxime's comment. He was starting to like that girl; she had some serious bite!

"Please don't fight!" Eddie placed his hand on Maxime's shoulder and she eyed it with disdain. "We're judging the _piñatas,_ not each other!"

"Fine," Maxime lifted Eddie's hand off of her shoulder, wrinkling her nose a bit. Jardiniero grunted in agreement.

"Okay, now that that's settled…" Eddie breathed a sigh of relief. "Go ahead, Jardiniero."

Jardiniero begun a large spiel about the time he first attracted a Chewnicorn, how everyone was amazed by its splendor and how he had the honor of being the first person in the whole world to get a Chewnicorn to reside in his garden. He also threw in a few subtle digs at Patch, about how someone who didn't truly attract a Chewnicorn to their garden barely deserved a Chewnicorn at all. The rant made Patch feel pretty damn bad about himself and bored the audience to near tears. Seedos actually put his head down, his eyes half-closed, barely clinging to consciousness. Once Jardiniero was finally done, he began writing on his scorecard, despite the fact he barely even commented on the state of Patch's piñata.

"Th-thanks for that, Jardiniero," Eddie gave the ex-gardener an extraordinarily fake grin. "Seedos? Are you still with us? It's your turn!" Eddie leaned over to look at the dozing seed merchant and Seedos barely responded.

Storkos smacked Seedos on the head and he sprung back to reality, straightening in his chair and looking around shiftily, the beige cheeks of his mask coloring when he realized he fell asleep on live TV.

"She reminds me of a gem tree seed," Seedos nodded sagely. "Shiny, gorgeous, and full of potential! You have yourself a great piñata there, Doctor!" Seedos gave Patch an enormous grin and the doctor glowed.

Storkos pursed her lips as she thought. "Hmm…she's missing _something…_I just don't know what. She certainly has stage presence, that's for sure, so she's not a complete loss. Keep training her, Patch, I'm sure her skills will take flight eventually!" Storkos shrugged at Patch and he nodded at her. He only got Cammie recently, after all.

"Next!" Eddie called out. The next competitor in line was Fannie and her Pudgeon, a ridiculously chubby little bird named Petey. He was wearing a sparkly blue beret to match the one Fannie had on. Fannie was looking quite showy, in a light blue dress patterned with an iridescent fabric. It had a long slit up the side which showed off Fannie's skinny legs. If not for her freakish mask, the audience probably would have found her stunning.

Yoto smiled as Fannie went forward with her Pudgeon, reaching in his pocket and caressing the ring box. At the end of his judging session, he would call Storkos onstage and propose to her, no doubt making this a P-Factor round to go down in history! Yoto wondered if Eddie would cry… or explode in a fit of sheer rage. Eddie once told Yoto that he thought Storkos didn't deserve someone like him. Well, Eddie could shove that comment up his ass for all Yoto cared. He'd vow all of his love in this proposal, letting the whole Island know just how much he cares for the people's gorgeous heroine, and hopefully even moving the stony heart of The Great Jardiniero himself! Yoto didn't want his life to end by getting run over by a maniac in a wheelchair… at least it would make for an interesting obituary.

Meanwhile, in the audience, Gretchen was barely paying attention to Fannie's Pudgeon attempting to chirp-sing along with some popular mainland song. Gretchen's eyes were on Yoto instead, and she caught a fleeting glimpse of him pulling the ring box out of his pocket and smiling. Her eyes widened and she jostled the dozing Bart's shoulder.

"Whazzat?" Bart yawned hugely, rubbing his eyes. "Did Jardiniero finally stop talking?"

"Are you aware of what your nephew has in his pocket?" Gretchen whispered into Bart's ear. Bart thought for a fleeting moment that only Gretchen's voice could make a sentence like that sexy.

"No? Please don't tell me it's a bomb," Bart's eyes widened at the idea and grabbed his discarded hat off of his lap to hug it to his chest. "It would be just like my nephew to wreak mayhem by taking down this whole auditorium in an explosion!"

"No, shhh, do you want to start a panic?!" Gretchen chastised her lover, pinching him on the shoulder. "I only caught a little glimpse, but I think it's a ring box…! I didn't know Yoto had a girlfriend…did you know that?"

Bart's eyes grew even wider. "Wait…so you're telling me he's planning to _propose_ tonight?"

"I suppose so…" Gretchen shrugged. "Geez, I hope Eddie doesn't cry his eyes out. That boy can't keep his emotions in check…"

"WAH-HOO!" Bart yelled at the top of his lungs, not even caring that the whole auditorium could hear him. Luckily, he yelled that just as soon as Fannie's Pudgeon finished his song, and the audience began to applaud loudly after Bart's exclamation of joy.

"He'll finally vacate my abode…!" Bart kicked his legs like an excited child. "That is, if that girl of his says 'yes.' Which she won't if she has any shred of sanity."

"Who is his girl, anyway?" Gretchen asked. Bart figured it couldn't hurt to tell her…

Back onstage, the judges were having a lukewarm reaction to Fannie's Pudgeon. The only one who seemed to enjoy the song was Storkos, but it was mainly because the bird pulled quite a few impressive flips in the air while it was singing, despite all of its extra weight. Fannie looked about ready to burst into tears when the judges were finished giving their verdicts.

"Okay, Yoto's up ne-" Eddie began, but he was interrupted by a loud voice in the audience yelling "WAAAAAAIT!"

"Huh?" Eddie's head turned towards the source of the voice.

"Who the fuck…?" Maxime followed suit, raising a brow and parting her lips in disbelief.

"Flavius!" Fannie exclaimed, folding her hands under her chin, no longer looking like she was ready to cry.

The spotlight and the cameras went on a short man who was standing up in the audience, a look of determination on his obscenely shiny full-face mask. "Permission to come onstage? I have a very important question I must ask Fannie Franker!"

Eddie couldn't say no to resolve like that… He gestured at the young man and he instantly came running down from the crowd.

"I'm Flavius Pendragonache, by the way, nice to meet you all!" He said into Leafos' microphone as he passed it.

In the audience, Avalon slammed a palm into her forehead and loudly groaned.

Flavius ascended the stairs and stopped in front of Fannie, smiling up at her. "Darling, you looked absolutely _splendid_ up there. I don't care what the judges said; your performance was absolutely _impeccable!"_

"Oh, stop it, you flatterer," Fannie waved Flavius off, but it was very clear that she was enjoying the attention.

"Who _is_ that guy?" Lottie leaned over to whisper to Leafos. "Look at how he's dressed; he looks like he's _made_ of money!"

"If you're thinking of divorcing Willy and going after him, that's a bad idea," Leafos whispered back, narrowing her eyes at Lottie. "I have no idea who he is, but it seems like he likes Fannie…! Weird, I didn't even know she had any guys going after her…" Leafos chewed on one of her gloved fingertips.

"Like I said earlier…" Flavius kissed Fannie's hand before he continued talking. "…I came up here to ask you a very important question, my love."

"Ooh, what is it? It must be big, since you came up here and all…" Fannie put her hands behind her back and rocked back and forth on her feet.

Beaming brighter than the full moon, Flavius dropped down onto one knee and reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring box.

Fannie squealed so loud she nearly broke the auditorium's entire sound system.

Yoto's jaw dropped down to the floor. _No…this couldn't be happening!_

"Fannie Franker…" Flavius opened the ring box, revealing a ridiculously extravagant ring that made the audience gasp. Lottie practically started salivating at the sight of it. "Will you marry me?"

"Oh my gosh, YES!" Fannie took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto one of her skinny fingers. Flavius rose to his feet and the two of them shared a masked kiss right in front of everyone.

Most of the audience burst into loud applause, tears pouring from Eddie's eyes like crazy. He rose from his chair to give the two of them a standing ovation.

"Look at how cute they are together!" Eddie sniffled, rubbing his now reddened eyes. "Let's all congratulate them, shall we?" With that comment, the applause grew even louder.

"'Cute' isn't the word I'd use…" Maxime grumbled, resting her hand against her cheek.

"BLAST IT!" Bart exclaimed from the audience, barely resisting the urge to tear his hat in two. After _that_, there was no way in _hell_ his nephew would be proposing tonight!

"Oh… _no,"_ Avalon looked at the stage with an expression of sheer terror.

"What?" Dastardos asked her, curiously raising a brow.

"See 'im?" Avalon pointed at Flavius, who was still affectionately embracing Fannie.

"Hard to miss him; he looks like a flamer," Dastardos wrinkled up his nose in disgust. He silently wondered if this Flavius guy was only marrying Fannie just to make him look less like a giant homo.

"'E's my _cousin,"_ Avalon looked at Dastardos with a look of grave seriousness on her face.

Dastardos stared back at Avalon for what felt like ages before bursting into loud laughter which, thankfully, was drowned out by the crowd's still thunderous applause.

"It's _not funny!"_ Avalon protested, glaring daggers at Dastardos.

"YES IT IS!" Dastardos actually snorted with laughter. He couldn't believe that Avalon was going to be related to FANNIE, of all people! Ahh, this was golden!

Back onstage, Yoto was none the wiser about Avalon's new family ties. Even if he did know, he was far too upset to laugh.

Yoto swallowed a lump in his throat and pushed the ring box down in his pocket as far as it would go, looking at his feet in shame. He had dug his own grave; he tinkered that ring for Flavius, after all…how the hell was he supposed to know he'd use it to propose to _Fannie,_ of all people? Looks like today wouldn't be the day after all…

Potato attempted to cheer up Yoto by nuzzling his cheek, but Yoto gently pushed his bird away, folding his arms and frowning intensely. So much for this being the best P-Factor round ever…

Once everyone was done freaking out over Fannie and Flavius, it was Yoto's turn to go up. His heart wasn't in it, and he couldn't even remember the joint impression act he had devised for him and Potato to do the previous night. Yoto half-heartedly asked Potato to do a headstand, which Potato only managed to hold for a few milliseconds before flopping over and landing on his back, squawking in defeat. Yoto sighed and waited for the judges to deliver their verdict.

As Yoto expected, they weren't impressed, and Jardiniero even had the gall to laugh at just how pathetic Potato's display was. Storkos shot the old man a glare, but Jardiniero didn't notice. Yoto felt his heart sink. There was no way Jardiniero would _ever_ approve of him marrying Storkos… especially now that Jardiniero thought that he was horrible at rearing piñatas. Storkos gave Yoto a glowing review of Potato's plumage and wingspan, which earned her some odd looks from the other judges. It made Yoto feel just a bit better, though. Even if they were just pity points, he was glad to have Storkos approving of him. He didn't even care that he embarrassed himself on live TV. Once the judging was complete, he slunk out of the spotlight. It would take him a long time to get over this one…

Storkos looked after him with concern. It wasn't like Yoto to get into a funk like this… this couldn't possibly be related to Fannie getting proposed to, could it?

_Must be a mood swing…_ Storkos chewed on her thumbnail as she watched Yoto murmur something to Potato. _There's absolutely no reason why Yoto would be upset over that proposal. Men are so hard to read…_

Next up was Leena, who got a little pale when the spotlight went on her and Crispy. Leena fixed her bugged out eyes on Seedos, who smiled at her and gave her a thumbs up. Suddenly, the spotlight, crowd, and cameras didn't seem so scary. Leena looked right into the center of one of the cameras and gave her most charming smile. It was kind of exhilarating being onstage like this! Leena could tell Crispy was excited; too, she was practically bouncing in Leena's arms.

"This is Crispy!" Leena affectionately rubbed noses with her green Squazzil. "I met her my second day on the island and we've been together ever since! I don't know what I'd do without her!"

A good portion of the crowd "awwwwwed" in response and Leena's felt her cheeks flush hot.

"Sh-she knows a pretty cool trick…" Leena gently placed Crispy down on the stage. "I haven't shown it to anyone, I've been saving it. I think a televised P-Factor round is the perfect time to show it off… right?" Leena shot Eddie a nervous glance.

"Go ahead, Leena," Eddie nodded at her. "Let's see what Crispy can do!"

Leena took a step back and looked down at her Squazzil. "Go on, Crispy, you can do it!" Leena gestured with a sweep of her hand and Crispy raised her head, her pupils dilating.

Suddenly, Crispy launched into the air like a furry green rocket, doing several back flips, squeaking all the way. She landed flawlessly on her front paws, balancing on one of them and looking right at Seedos, giving him a quick wink before jumping into the air again, doing front flips this time. The judges and the audience both stared, their jaws dropped, as Crispy did her routine.

"Hey, Crispy!" Leena called as she grabbed a small hoop that she had hanging off her arm. "Time for the grand finale!"

As Crispy jumped into the air again, Leena threw the hoop up with her. Crispy moved through the hoop flawlessly once both of them reached the highest point. Crispy caught the hoop in her teeth and stuck the landing, raising her paws in the air and grinning, the hoop still in her mouth.

"Good job, girl!" Leena giggled, applauding for her Squazzil. The audience and judges joined in too, Avalon clapping harder than anyone else.

"She's come a long way…" Avalon whispered to Dastardos, even if she knew very well that he didn't care.

Crispy jumped into Leena's arms and Leena smiled goobaaishly at the judges, awaiting their verdict.

"Oh, Leena, she's _amazing!"_ Leafos gushed, beaming at Crispy. "She's proof that even the smallest and simplest of piñatas can shine brightly! Impressive, very impressive!"

Leena didn't expect Crispy to do so well on her trick, so she wasn't expecting such warm judge reception. Leena felt her cheeks grow hot as the crowd clapped in agreement with Leafos' comments.

"Feh, it takes more than a few flips to sell a piñata to me," Lottie snorted, flicking her wrist dismissively at Leena as if she were an annoying Taffly. "Squazzils are worth almost nothing. Fancy tricks or not, I'm just not impressed."

Leena frowned at Lottie's comments. She got angry that Patch's piñata was _too_ valuable, and yet she wasn't impressed with Crispy's low price tag? What did it take to impress that woman?

Sparcticus, who was thinking the same thing, shook his head at Lottie before giving Leena a small smile. "I haven't met many Squazzils in my life, but even I can tell Crispy is a special one. I'm impressed at how far you've come, Leena. The first time you competed, Crispy couldn't even do one flip, let alone that many."

Leena cringed at that bad memory, even if Sparcticus' comments were meant to be complimentary.

"You'll get a good amount of points from me!" Sparcticus nodded at her. "Keep up the good work!" With that, he turned his attention to his scorecard.

Next was Eddie, who was positively bursting with excitement. "I _totally_ agree with Sparcticus!" Eddie threw his arms up in the air in his enthusiasm. "Crispy's tricks were _amazing,_ and the shade of green her paper is… just beautiful! You have yourself a spectacular little piñata, Leena!" Eddie gave Leena one of his million chocolate coin smiles and Leena felt her cheeks heat up. Even if Leena only had eyes for Seedos, Eddie smiling at her completely melted her heart.

"That's the thing… she might be spectacular, but she's _little,"_ Maxime blew a rebellious lock of hair out of her eyes. "Now, if you showed me a Limeocerous flipping like that, _that_ would be impressive."

"Maxime, I don't think that's…" Eddie chuckled nervously. "…physically possible."

"Says you," Maxime cocked a brow at Eddie, smirking just a little bit. "You're gonna be surprised when you see Killer's routine at the next P-Factor."

"I still can't believe you base your criteria on size alone…" Jardiniero shook his head at Maxime.

"Yeah, that's what he said," Maxime leaned back in her chair, nonchalantly putting her hands behind her head.

Jardiniero ignored her tasteless comment and turned to Leena. "Everyone… well, almost everyone… sitting at this judging table with me is completely in the right. Crispy might be a simple, low-level species, but that doesn't make her abilities any less impressive. I can tell just by how you look at her that you care about her very much. You brought out your piñata's great potential, and your gardening skill increases every single day. I never thought I'd say this, Leena, but I'm very happy my old plot of land is in your hands." Jardiniero gave Leena a smile of approval behind his beard and Leena sucked in an enormous gasp, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She never expected The Great Jardiniero to say something like _that _to her!

The crowd applauded again at Jardiniero's comments, and Seedos pressed his mouth into a thin line, trying to push down the urge to join in, but after a while he realized that he wouldn't be applauding for his father. He would be applauding for Leena. And Seedos wasn't going to lie; it was nice to have stubborn old Jardiniero finally admit that Leena was a worthy heir to his plot of land. Seedos began clapping just as loudly as everyone else.

Once the applause died down, it was Seedos' turn to judge. Eddie leaned over so he could look Seedos dead in the eyes and mouthed "No bias." Seedos nodded at Eddie before delivering his verdict.

"I actually have to agree with Jardi-" Seedos paused to clear his throat. "My father on this one. You really have come a long way, both in your gardening skills and in your piñata rearing skills. Crispy's one heck of a piñata and you're one heck of a girl, Leena! I didn't even know Crispy could do a trick like that! You'll be getting my top score for sure." Seedos winked at Leena and Petula and Sahari began to jeer in protest.

"Oh, come on, neither of you are gonna top that," Seedos snickered at them.

Leena barely registered that exchange, her heart thumping in her chest. The words "You're one heck of a girl, Leena!" kept on echoing in her head. This was the best P-Factor round _ever…_

Leena barely heard Storkos' comment because she was so focused on what Seedos had said, but it seemed like the comment was mostly positive. Leena finally snapped out of her haze when Eddie asked her to step back and let Sahari take her turn.

Blushing, Leena returned to her position in the back. Sahari stepped forward with her S'morepion, beaming confidently at the judges and carefully avoiding meeting Sparcticus' eyes.

Steve did his trick, which paled in comparison to what Crispy had did, but the judges still thought Steve's little outfit was cute.

"He looks like a tiny mariachi player!" Leafos squealed, folding her hands under her chin. "I couldn't have picked better accessories myself!"

After Lottie judged, it was time for the moment of truth. Sahari swallowed and looked out at the audience. She couldn't look Sparcticus in the eye; if he saw even the slightest flicker of sadness, he might try to go after her again. Sahari wasn't ready for that…

Sparcticus nodded curtly at her. "Sahari," he greeted as if she was nothing but an acquaintance.

"Sparcticus," Sahari replied, still looking over his head at the crowd.

"…you look beautiful," Sparcticus admitted after a short pause.

Eddie jammed all of his fingers into his mouth and looked at Sahari, just waiting for her to respond to that.

"Look at Steve, not me," Sahari flipped her straightened hair, folding her arms and pointedly looking away from her ex-boyfriend.

"Oh, yeah, I don't usually like desert piñatas, but his trick was nice…" Sparcticus bit his lip, trying to find the right words. "…yeah, that's all I have to say."

"Smooth…" Eddie mumbled to himself, frowning at Sparcticus.

The rest of the judging went through, most of it in favor of Sahari and her little S'morepion, which made her glow with pride. She was starting to feel better. She wasn't going to let a stupid break-up get her down; once she got back to her home Village in the desert, she'd have guys knocking down her door!

That thought alone made Sahari grin enormously as she headed back to her position with the other competitors. Last, but not least, was Petula and her squish-faced Kittyfloss, Angie. Angie showed off her impression of a human's runway walk, complete with pouty facial expression.

Angie didn't get as warm a reception as Patch or Leena, and Lottie marked the Kittyfloss down simply because Petula's shop was a competitor to hers, but Eddie went off on a giant tirade about how Angie was absolutely adorable, which made Petula feel all fluffy inside. Getting praised by such a cute guy on live TV? Hell yeah! She hoped she could find a copy of the P-Factor round on IslandTube later; she'd watch that part over and over! Oh, she really hoped the camera wouldn't add ten pounds to her…

"Now's the time to tally up the scores and announce the winner!" Eddie stood up and announced to the audience. "Seedos just has to do a bit of math, and-"

"I'm done," Seedos announced, straightening the stack of scorecards.

"Oh, so you are!" Eddie leaned towards Seedos and offered him his ear to whisper into. "So… tell me, who's victorious?"

Seedos instead opted to take Eddie's microphone right from his hands and tell the audience: "Patch and Leena _tied!"_

The other contestants groaned in disappointment, apart from Yoto, who just looked down at his shoes. Patch and Leafos gaped at the audience, then at their piñatas, then at each other.

"A _tie?_ That's never happened in the history of the P-Factor!" Eddie grabbed the microphone right back from Seedos, shooting him a Look that said _"Don't you__** ever **__take my microphone again."_ "Hmm… oh!" You could practically see a lightbulb turn on above Eddie's head as he got an idea. "I'll ask a random audience member what they think!"

"Are you _sure_ that's a good idea?" Maxime asked, turning around in her chair to squint at Eddie. "What if they're biased?"

"I'll pick someone who isn't from the Village!" Eddie said as if it were the solution to all the problems in the universe. Before anyone could object, he rose from his seat and approached the front row, microphone in tow. "YOU!" he exclaimed, shoving the microphone under the chin of none other than Dastardos. Dastardos' disguise was so flawless that Eddie didn't even recognize him up close.

Avalon had to cover her mouth to keep from saying something. Dastardos looked at the microphone in sheer disbelief.

"Can you help us out?" Eddie asked, giving Dastardos a flawless smile. "Just tell us which of those two contestants should win!" Eddie motioned to the stage, where Patch and Leena were still standing with their jaws on the ground.

"Oh, uh…" Dastardos cleared his throat before launching into his fake British accent. "The doctor seems like a right poof with a piñata like that, I think the girl should win!"

"You heard him, folks!" Eddie turned around and headed for the stage, grinning ear to ear. "Looks like little miss Leena Collins is the winner!" Eddie hopped onto the stage, pulling the shell shocked Leena into a sideways hug.

The crowd burst into loud applause and Leena felt her heart start to pound. She waved at the audience, her chest welling with confidence.

"Leena wins thirty thousand chocolate coins and a lovely medal for her cute Squazzil!" Eddie winked at Leena and added: "You'll be receiving those at the end of the trip. Let's give Leena a hand!" Eddie gestured to the crowd and the clapping grew even louder.

Seedos couldn't take it anymore. He jumped right over the judge's table, leapt onto the stage, and pulled Leena into the most gigantic Fizzlybearhug ever.

"I knew you could do it…!" Seedos whispered in Leena's ear.

"Thanks for encouraging me, Seedos…" Leena whispered back, squeezing her eyes shut as she tightly hugged Seedos back. "If I didn't do this, I wouldn't have won!"

"Thank you, everyone, and goodnight!" Eddie pointed at the crowd before the stage completely blacked out.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

After the majority of the spectators vacated the auditorium, Leena was chatting with Seedos, Avalon, and a very quiet "Niles." Leena was gushing about how happy she was about her victory and hugging Crispy tightly, occasionally thanking Niles for his deciding vote. She never received anything more than a neutral grunt in response, but Leena didn't care, she was on top of the world!  
"I knew yew were going places, kiddo," Avalon ruffled Leena's curled hair, smiling broadly. "I'm proud."

Leena absolutely glowed at that comment. "Thank you, Avalon… that means much more than you think…" Leena looked down at her feet and shuffled them, blushing all the while.

"And to think you were scared to go up onstage!" Seedos draped an arm over Leena's shoulders and her head promptly snapped back up, her cheeks becoming even redder. "I knew you could do it!"

Before Leena could reply to that, Eddie came flouncing up to them, looking like he was ready to burst with excitement.

"My father just told me there's going to be an after party! One last hurrah before all of us go home tomorrow morning!" Eddie bounced with joy and Avalon worried he'd launch himself right up into the ceiling. "It's at Colors! He rented out the _entire_ club!" Eddie bit a squeal in two.

"That place is ritzy…" Avalon let out a long, low whistle. "'Oo's coming? Everyone 'oo came to the round?"

Eddie shook his head, his purple bangs bouncing as much as he was a few moments ago. "Nope! Just everyone from the Village! And Fannie's new fiancé, hehe!" Eddie rested a hand against his cheek, his eyes sparkling. "I can't believe love was born on the P-Factor stage! This round will go down in history! The first onstage proposal, the first tie, and little miss Leena's first victory!" Eddie winked at Leena and she felt her knees turn to gelatin.

Seedos frowned a bit, but said nothing.

"That sounds jolly swell, old chap!" Dastardos chimed, shooting Eddie a thumbs up. "Unfortunately, I do not live in that Village whatsoever, so I will not be attending!"

"Yes yew will be," Avalon put her arm around Dastardos and brought him closer to her. "'E's my date. Is that okay?"

"_Date!?"_ It was a miracle Dastardos managed to keep his false British accent.

"Date?" Leena asked.

"DATE?!" Seedos looked ready to bust with joy at the prospect of his brother having a date. He calmed down when Avalon shot him an odd look.

"That's fine with me!" Eddie nodded at Avalon and cast a critical eye over the disguised Dastardos. He always expected Avalon to date taller… "I have to go tell everyone else, okay? Ciao, and congratulations again, Leena!" He leaned over and gave Leena a quick kiss on the cheek before sauntering off.

"This was the best P-Factor round _ever…"_ Leena touched her cheek and smiled at Avalon.

Seedos rolled his eyes so hard his head went with them. _Pretty boy…where does he get off smooching girls willy-nilly?_

"Glad yew think so," Avalon stretched. "I'm bored from sitting still for so long. Uh, not that your victory was boring! I'm more than ready to unwind with a few drinks." Avalon smiled at Leena and shook a finger at her in mock sternness. "Now, now, no underage drinking, yew two!"

Leena nodded obediently and Seedos looked Avalon dead in the eye.

"That depends," he said with a straight face. "Is my father going to be there?"

It took everything in Dastardos' power to keep from dropping to the floor in convulsive fits of laughter. He disguised his giggling with a coughing fit.

Avalon, not sure how to respond to that, grabbed Dastardos by the arm. "Come on, Niles, let's wear something more casual for the club…"

"Ah, I thought I'd never get out of this Pengum suit…" Dastardos tipped his hat to Seedos as he got dragged away by Avalon. "Tally ho, old chum!"

"Tally ho!" Seedos waved back.

"Are you… really his old chum?" Leena asked, tilting her head curiously, Crispy mimicking the motion.

"Uh, nope!" Seedos shook his head at her. "Never saw him before in my life."

"But-"

"Come on, Leena, we have a party to get ready for!" Seedos tugged on Leena's arm before running towards the exit.

Leena sighed and walked after him. What was it with men and dodging questions…?


	26. Finale

Colors certainly lived up to its name. No one was surprised that the colorfully dressed Lizard family chose a club like this to throw the after party for the city trip.

There was a karaoke machine that was covered in bright blue and purple lights, the spotlights swirling around the dance floor showcased every color of the rainbow, and every table was covered in iridescent glass that shimmered amazingly. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Flavius and Fannie were tearing up the dance floor, Bart, Willy, and Arfur were drinking together and laughing, and Eddie was flitting around the party, talking to everyone he could.

Patch didn't want to admit it to himself, but he had never been to a club before, not even when he lived in America. He stood awkwardly in the corner of the dance floor, listening to Storkos sing a rock and roll song at the karaoke machine. She had an incredible voice…

Once her turn was over, it was Eddie's turn to sing. He gleefully took the microphone and smiled at everyone in the club.

"This one's an oldie, from America, but it's a good one!" He winked and the music started. _"Blue moon, you saw me standing alone…"_

"Patch?" The doctor was broken out of his fog when he heard a familiar voice. He looked towards it and saw Leafos, who was fiddling with her dark hair. "Do you want to dance?"

"A-are you nuts, Leafos?" Patch shook his head. "I-I-I cuh-can't dance!"

"Good thing you'll have me as a dance partner," Leafos smirked a bit, grabbing Patch by the hand and leading him to the dance floor. Patch silently thanked the Lord that this song was slow; who knew what would happen if he had to spaz around to a fast one. Today was a day of many firsts… Patch never thought he'd be at a club, let alone slow dancing with a girl! He smiled and let Leafos lead him.

Avalon and the still disguised Dastardos were sitting at a table next to the dance floor, Dastardos quietly complaining about Pester and wishing with all his heart that he wouldn't show up. Suddenly, Dastardos got a feeling in his heart like something was _wrong._ He stopped talking and frowned intensely.

"Wot is it? Do yew smell Pester or something?" Avalon looked around frantically for any trace of the blubbery villain.

Dastardos didn't reply and continued to look around the club. He almost spontaneously combusted with rage when he finally saw what the disturbance was.

Doc Patchingo –one of the most irritating people Dastardos had ever had the misfortune of knowing– was cozying up to _Leafos_ on the dance floor! Leafos was smiling up at him and Patch was sweating with nervousness, blushing like crazy. No. _NO. _ This couldn't be happening! This _wasn't_ happening! Of all of the people on the stupid Island Patch could be dancing with right now, it just _had _to be Dastardos' little sister!

Dastardos couldn't just storm on the dance floor and tear them apart… no, that would paint a horrible amount of suspicion on him. He'd have to be subtle… and he'd have to ask Avalon something he'd never thought he'd ask _anyone._

"Oh, it's nothing," Dastardos turned back to Avalon and gave her a false smile. "Wanna dance?"

"R-really?" Avalon seemed taken aback by Dastardos' suggestion. "Not that I'm saying no, it's just-"

"Shut up and trust me," Dastardos smirked at Avalon, taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Excuuuuuse me!" Langston hopped as high as he could in hopes of getting Leafos' attention. "You've danced with him for long enough! It's my turn now!"

"Langston…" Leafos sighed, looking down at the tiny piñata. "We've barely been dancing together for a minute. I'll… try to dance with you eventually. Ask someone else."

Langston slunk off to the corner of the dance floor, flopping over into a disappointed, fat pile of papier-mâché.

Dastardos was awkwardly dancing with Avalon; they looked hilarious with their height difference. Avalon had to bend almost completely in half in hopes of being in control of her dance steps. Dastardos did his best to work his way over to where Leafos and Doc Patchingo were dancing. They were almost there…

"Yew're not as bad a dancer as I expected…" Avalon admitted, smiling down at her much shorter companion.

"Yeah, well…" Dastardos' voice was low so no one would hear that he wasn't talking in his faux-British accent. "It's not that hard. You just gotta hold hands and bobble around and stuff."

They were _finally_ close enough to Leafos and Patch… Dastardos let a smirk cross his face. "Speaking of hands, give me a second." Dastardos took his right hand out of Avalon's grasp, flexed his fingers, and plunged it right into Patch's back.

Patch shuddered as the cold sensation from Dastardos' invasive hand took over his body. He shivered so badly that he ended up falling forward, completely bowling over Leafos.

"_Oops,"_ Dastardos said, his words dripping with sarcasm. He pulled Avalon over to the other side of the dance floor, laughing all the way.

"Ugh…" Patch was still shivering. What _was_ that…?

Suddenly, he became hyper-aware of the warm body beneath him. He looked down and his eyes locked with Leafos', her cheeks flushed a bright red.

"Patch…" Leafos looked away from him, her blush becoming even deeper. "You're clumsy, you know that?"

"I'm suh-so suh-suh-sorry, Leafos!" Patch spluttered. He attempted to get up, but that didn't work. Instead, he fell down again, accidentally knocking his mask upwards and accidentally locking lips with Leafos.

Dastardos, of course, saw this, and he let out a banshee scream that turned the heads of everyone. Avalon's ears began to ring and she almost screamed herself from sheer shock. What on Earth made Dastardos scream like _that?!_

"Yew stepped on my foot, yew right idiot!" Dastardos fake-hobbled, grinding his teeth. Avalon let go of his hands and folded her arms, not impressed with her "date's" behavior in the slightest. Dastardos was glad Avalon bought his little cover-up, but he was absolutely sweltering with rage. He just made things _worse!_ Patch's filthy lips touched Leafos'! UGH!

Patch leapt off of Leafos like spikes suddenly shot out from her body. "I-I'm so sorry!" Patch apologized profusely.

"That's… that's okay…" Leafos touched her lips for a moment before beginning to stand up herself. Patch offered her a shaky hand and she gratefully took it. "Maybe… dancing isn't for us," Leafos snickered. "Let's go get something to drink."

"Suh-sounds good… but…" Patch chewed on his thumbnail. "…there's only one person who could knock me over like that…" Patch knew that cold sensation all too well. Sometimes when Dastardos was feeling particularly heinous, he'd fly right through Patch's body, leaving the doctor to convulse with chills. That's what it felt like! But Dastardos couldn't be here… could he?

Patch looked around the dance floor and he suddenly noticed a flash of silver hair. It was slicked back and most of it was hidden beneath a hat, but that hair color… there was no way it _couldn't_ be Dastardos. Not to mention the guy was impossibly short; Dastardos was the only person on the Island who could be that small in stature.

Dastardos felt someone staring at him and turned to see Patch, still holding hands with Leafos. Patch made a quick "I'm watching you" gesture before being pulled away by a very concerned Leafos. Patch didn't say it out loud, but Leafos could read him like a book. Dastardos was here, and he was probably the cause of Patch's woes… hopefully Dastardos wouldn't do anything awful. There was no reason to start a panic, so Leafos would keep that nugget of information to herself unless Dastardos started acting suspicious.

Dastardos suddenly stopped dancing with Avalon and grinned at her. "…what if I sang for everyone?" he asked as Eddie reached the last verse of his song.

"Are yew nuts?" Avalon folded her arms and cocked a brow at Dastardos. "That would give yew away! Besides, yew don't even know any of the popular songs!"

"Says you; Pester always has the radio blasting…" Dastardos ran over to the table near the karaoke machine and grabbed one of the song books. Without asking Avalon to join him, he headed back to their table, where Victoria and Cid were snuggling.

"Move it, birds," Dastardos shooed them away and they cawed in protest before flying off to perch on top of the bar's liquor shelf. He opened up the song book and began to squint at the contents. _Small print, my old nemesis…_ Maybe singing something would take his mind off of his sister accidentally locking lips with his number one enemy. At least it was accidental… if they had kissed on purpose; Dastardos would have probably killed Patch right then and there. Ugh, just the thought of that made his stomach churn…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Bear don't like to brag, but he's pretty damn strong…" Bear leaned against a wall, right next to tiny Maxime, who was looking at him with disdain. The drinking age on the Island was eighteen, so Maxime was holding a glass of scotch. She was fighting the urge to toss it right into this dumb brute's face.

"Yeah, but could you bench press Sparcticus?" Maxime nodded in the general direction of the tall, fit Piñarctican, who was sitting alone at a table with a forlorn expression on his face. "Now _there's_ a real man… hmm, I wonder if he'd be interested in me now that Sahari's out of the picture…" Maxime took a sip from her drink and Bear let out a roar.

"Bear'll show you what he can do! Raaaargh!" Bear thundered over to Sparcticus, lifting him out of his chair with only a little bit of difficulty. Sparcticus' lips parted with mild surprise as Bear lifted him over his head.

"Check Bear out, Maxime! Is this manly or _what?"_ Bear grinned at the tiny girl, who snickered quietly to herself. Ahh, it was so easy to rile up boys… they were dumb as posts. She'd be lying if she didn't think Bear's strength was kind of sexy, though. If only his head wasn't full of rocks…

"Put him down, Bear," Maxime kicked back the rest of her drink in one gulp. "I think you've caused him enough trauma for one day."

"Gotcha, babe!" Bear dropped Sparcticus right back down onto his seat.

"Ow…" Sparcticus groaned, rubbing his butt. He did not land comfortably…

"So…" Bear draped an arm around Maxime's shoulder. "…was that worth a dance?"

"Dream on, big guy," Maxime removed Bear's arm from her shoulder and wandered off to go talk with Gretchen.

"Hmph…" Bear folded his thick arms and stuck out his lower lip in thought. He'd _never_ find the girl the fortune teller mentioned at this rate…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Finally, after quite a bit of waiting, it was Dastardos' turn to sing. Much to his chagrin, Leafos and Patch were still together, chatting at a table that was right in Dastardos' line of sight. They looked really into one another… God, Dastardos should have foreseen this and taken preventative measures. He had overheard Leafos talking about the good doctor, saying that he's "well qualified" and "a very good man." He thought she was just being nice, but noooo, she probably had a crush on him for a long time, and he might have accidentally given them the push they needed!

_That doesn't matter…_ Dastardos thought, shaking his head around. _You can vent with this song. It's just for him, after all…_

"Tally ho, everyone!" Dastardos tipped his hat to the crowd. "This little ditty is dedicated to some chap I know! Yew know 'oo yew are." Dastardos looked at Patch fleetingly before starting up the music.

_"It's an amazing smile, even the suit has teeth, everything flash and guile…"_ Dastardos sang, not even bothering to look at the scrolling lyrics. Pester had overplayed this song so much, Dastardos had memorized every last note. Pester called it his "theme song," but personally, Dastardos thought it suited himself much better. _"Nothing underneath except a cold black heart no one sees but me…"_

Avalon watched, completely spellbound. This wasn't quite as amazing as getting a one-on-one show like in her hotel room all those nights ago, but Dastardos singing was quite a sound to hear.

Patch began to nervously shift in his chair, his heart turning to ice. Dastardos wasn't singing with his voice disguised; there was no mistake; his arch nemesis was _serenading _him right now.

Leafos sensed Patch's discomfort and put a hand on his shoulder. Right when she was about to say something to help calm the doctor down, a froggy voice drifted up from the floor.

"Leafos! Leafos!"

Leafos sighed and looked to the ground. "What do you want, Langston?"

"How about you give me that dance you promised?" He hopped with joy.

"Well…" Leafos bit her lip. All of a sudden, Dastardos' song hit Langston's brain. Hard. Langston flopped right over and began to snore. "Wh-what?" Leafos edged her chair away from the passed out Lickatoad.

"Thuh-that confirms it…" Patch sighed, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. "Leafos, I duh-don't want to stay at this party any longer."

"I agree…" Leafos stood up. "Let's get out of here before you-know-who does something to you."

"Huh-him singing to me cuh-can't be a good sign…" Patch shuddered as he shakily rose to his feet.

Dastardos' gaze followed Patch as he left. Dastardos made sure to sing just a bit louder so his voice wouldn't go out of Patch's earshot. "_Promise me you'll let me be the one, the worst of all your enemies, pretending you're a friend to me, say that we'll be nemeses…"_

Dastardos smiled to himself during a small musical break. Mission success: Patch was _gone!_ Dastardos almost missed the beginning of the next verse in his joyous victory.

All around the club, the few piñatas that joined their owners in coming to the afterparty were falling asleep. Crispy conked out on Leena's lap, Taru fell asleep on Seedos' shoulder, Victoria and Cid were snoozing on the bar shelf, and Langston was still right where he had fallen. Everyone thought it was a bit strange, but none of them managed to make the connection between the piñatas falling asleep and the man who was singing. Piñata Islanders are quite a dense lot.

Seedos was doing his best to try and stay neutral to his brother's singing, but once Dastardos finished, he couldn't resist clapping. His brother always had an amazing singing voice, and Dastardos' transformation gave his voice a mysterious, otherworldly quality that was impressive.

"Crispy… are you okay?" Leena jiggled her sleeping Squazzil, frowning intensely. Crispy opened up her sleepy eyes and smiled at Leena before shutting them again.

"Sh-she must be worn out from the long day," Seedos lied with a nod, knowing very well that Dastardos' voice had that effect on piñatas. It was a side effect of the sour candy; it came in handy when Dastardos was "fixing" the piñatas of local gardeners. "Taru's tired too." Seedos leaned against his snoozing Shellybean.

"Yeah, that must be it…" Leena sighed with relief. "I still can't believe we won, Crispy…" Leena whispered to her snoring piñata. "I'm so proud of you…"

Seedos let a huge, dorky smile overtake his face. Seeing Leena so happy and victorious for once was amazing.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

As Dastardos headed over to Avalon, he was surprised to see that she looked quite miffed, crossing her arms and tapping her foot.

"What?" Dastardos asked with a cocky smirk. "I thought you loved my singing, Miss Pendragonache."

"That's not the issue 'ere," Avalon squinted at him. "Yew sang that just to scare Patch away, didn't yew?"

"Well, yeah! I hate the guy!" Dastardos stuck out his tongue with disgust. "Not to mention he was getting all close to that chick… what's her name? Leafeos? Doc Patchingo shouldn't breed. I was just taking precautions!"

"Das-er, I mean _Niles…"_ Avalon said, just in case someone overheard. "What Patch does is none of your business! Yew shouldn't get in the way of 'is 'appiness, especially when 'e's not bothering yew! 'E's a nice man, and 'e could keep Leafos in check. I know I approve," Avalon nodded sagely.

Dastardos looked at Avalon incredulously. "Avalon, I thought you had better judgment than that." Dastardos sounded really disappointed in her.

Avalon shook her head and threw up her hands. "Dastardos, yew are acting even more like a child than usual. I think I need some space from yew." With that, Avalon headed over to the bar to buy herself a tall, strong drink.

"Fine," Dastardos rolled his good eye, not even bothering to go after her. "See if I care…" Dastardos' eyes moved around the club and settled on Seedos. Damn, he was chatting with Leena… well, he could talk to them in disguise… Leena would be none the wiser!

Dastardos pulled up a chair and grinned at his brother, who couldn't help smiling upon seeing him. "What brings you here, D-er, Niles?" Seedos managed to catch himself before he said anything he'd regret. He cast a fleeting glance at Leena, but she was too caught up in gently rocking Crispy to notice his slip up. Seedos gave a quiet sigh of relief.

"Wot, I couldn't visit my new chum?" Dastardos peered over his glasses and winked at Seedos.

"Yeah, well, you've been glued to Avalon this whole trip!" Seedos shrugged, a cheeky grin crossing his mask after a few moments. "Not that it's a bad thing or anything. Why aren't you hanging out with her now?"

"She's a right tart," Dastardos snorted. "Snobby and condescending. Got on my last nerve, it did."

Suddenly, Dastardos felt someone staring at him. He turned to see Leena looking at him like a Galagoogoo that just got its tail stepped on.

"Uh oh…" Seedos busied himself by sipping his drink through its straw.

"You have some serious nerve saying things like that!" Leena was _angry._ Dastardos was taken aback; he didn't even know Leena's voice could get that loud. "Avalon happens to be the coolest, smartest, most talented woman I know, so you being annoyed with her just shows that you're completely _classless!"_ Leena slammed her fist on the table and visibly flinched a bit. "Ow…" Leena rubbed her knuckle, but kept on glaring at Dastardos. "Who do you think you are, anyway? Judging her when you barely know her! She deserves a better friend than _you."_ With that, Leena looked away, turning up her nose in a remarkable impression of Avalon. Both Seedos and Dastardos gaped at her, juice dribbling out of the former's mouth and onto his sleeping Shellybean's head.

"Maybe I _am_ being a jerk…" Dastardos mumbled without his fake accent.

He felt a small bump on his leg and realized that Seedos kicked him under the table.

"Leena's right; you should be nicer to Avalon," Seedos nodded sagely. "Someone like you could use more friends." Seedos gazed so intensely at Dastardos that he kind of felt like Seedos' eyes were burning a hole right through him.

"Yeah… maybe…" Dastardos grumbled. Leena smiled victoriously at that comment.

"I knew you'd see things my way, Niles," She said, positively glowing. Dastardos was almost blinded; God, how could she go from being horrifying to cute in the span of a _minute?_

Dastardos was too caught up in his conversation with Leena and Seedos to notice that the party was about to have a newcomer.

The doors to Colors burst open to reveal a man dressed in a ridiculously colorful tailcoated suit, a smirk on his face. He flipped his hair and grinned at the crowd of people. "Fret not, partygoers! Lukah's here!"

"Who the fuck is that guy…?" Maxime wrinkled her nose at the newcomer. Eddie, who moments ago had been flirting with Maxime, squealed so loudly he almost shattered every light in the room.

"That's Lukah!" Eddie gaped at the ornately dressed man. "He's a big star in every sense of the word! There's _nothing_ he can't do! Wh-what made him decide to come to a party _my _family was throwing? We're not worthy!"

"Hey, uh, I'm gonna go get a drink…" Maxime edged away from Eddie. She wanted nothing to do with the guy who came through the door and she certainly didn't want to hear anything about him. Maxime could tell just by looking that this Lukah guy was a total douchebag.

Much to Eddie's surprise, Lukah headed straight to him. Eddie felt his heart pounding in his chest and sweat beginning to pour down his back. He swallowed, his hands shaking. What was he getting nervous for? He was _Eddie Lizard,_ the most charismatic person in his home Village! _But,_ Eddie quietly admitted to himself. _My charisma is nothing next to Lukah's…_

"_There_ you are, Eddie!" Lukah spread his arms wide, a warm smile on his handsome face. "I saw the P-Factor round, and I have to say, it was the most splendid thing I've seen in a while! You have some real stage presence!"

"I-I do?" Eddie smiled nervously at Lukah. "That's a splendid compliment coming from you, Mr. Lukah!"

"Please, cutie pie…" Lukah gently brushed his fingers against Eddie's cheek. "Just call me Lukah."

Eddie's face erupted into flames and he nodded vigorously.

"I came here to make you an offer you won't be able to refuse," Lukah flipped his hair again, giving Eddie a wonderfully charming half-smile. "How would you like to be a star? Leave that silly P-Factor behind? I was waiting for the right moment to enter, and I heard you singing from outside the club. You could be a singer! Or an actor! Or both!" Lukah took Eddie's hands and looked him straight in the eyes. "Don't you want to leave that silly village of yours behind? It's just a small town with a has-been gardener! You can be _so_ much more! You _deserve_ to be so much more!" Lukah looked hopefully at Eddie and the purple haired youth swallowed a lump in his throat.

"I… I'll have to think about that, Lukah…" Eddie couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. A man that he _idolized_ came up to him and offered to make him a star and he said he'd "think about it?"

Eddie couldn't help it. There were too many things for him in his home village. The P-Factor, his family… not to mention quite a few girls he liked very much! Sure, there were plenty of other girls out there… but Eddie was really bad at letting go of his crushes.

"That's disappointing," Lukah sighed, letting go of Eddie's hands. He reached into his breast pocket, pulled out a card, and held it out towards Eddie. "Here's my business card, cutie. Call me when you reach a decision." As soon as Eddie took the card, Lukah looked towards the bar and lit up, swaggering over to it as soon as he laid eyes on Avalon.

Eddie examined the ornate business card and furrowed his brow. He wondered what his dad would think about this…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Ahh, Avalon…" Lukah sighed as he approached the bar. Avalon almost choked on her drink and turned to face him, wide-eyed. "As bewitchingly beautiful as ever! And I see you ditched that petulant little British man. Excellent." Without waiting for an invitation, Lukah planted himself on the stool next to Avalon's.

"Wot do yew want?" Avalon glared at Lukah, gripping her glass tightly. "I'm not in the mood to deal with yew."

"I just want to buy a lady some drinks…" Lukah moved to put his arm around Avalon, a smirk on his face. "Is that such a crime?"

Avalon looked over her shoulder at Dastardos, who was laughing loudly at something Seedos had said. Avalon wondered if he had seen Lukah yet… Avalon hated to admit it to herself, but she was really hoping Dastardos would storm over and tear Lukah a new asshole. But he was way too caught up in conversing with Seedos to notice… what was so great about that kid, anyway? Ugh, maybe Avalon needed some more drinks… they'd certainly help her deal with Lukah, too.

"Yew know wot?" Avalon turned to Lukah. "Why not? Bring on the alcohol!"

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Suddenly, a loud crashing sound rang out through the club. Dastardos looked to where it came from and was surprised to see Avalon lying on the floor, giggling like crazy.

"Hey, uh…" Clearing his throat, he rose from his chair. "There's something I've gotta do. Uh, bye." With that, he ran over to Avalon to see what was wrong. Seedos looked at Leena and shrugged.

"He's a weird guy," Seedos said, completely meaning it.

"I'm glad he's gone…" Leena shuddered. "Something about him just rubs me the wrong way…"

Dastardos stood over Avalon, his brow furrowed with concern. She hiccupped and looked up at him, his eyes glazed.

"Lookin' gooooood, Niles!" she giggled, her face reddening beneath her mask. "Specially from thish angle!"

"Oh, it's _you,"_ Lukah wrinkled his nose at Dastardos. "I was enjoying your _date's_ company since you completely _abandoned_ her. Looks like you finally came back. Some man you are." Lukah childishly stuck out his tongue at Dastardos, who flipped him off. Lukah gasped and covered his mouth. "So obscene! How could Avalon even be interested in someone like you?!"

"'E's…'e's far manlier than yew are," Avalon tried to stagger to her feet, but she fell down again. Dastardos crouched next to her and offered her his shoulder for support. "So gallant…" Avalon hiccupped, her tone adoring. She carefully positioned herself and rose to her feet, holding on to Dastardos' skinny frame.

"Fuck off, Lukah," Dastardos didn't even bother to disguise his voice. "Avalon doesn't need someone like you bothering her."

"Well, I never!" Lukah placed a hand over his heart. "Fine, then! You get to deal with her drunkenness! Hope you have a positively _terrible_ night!" Scoffing, Lukah threw some money down on the bar and stormed out the door.

"Yew're so cool…" Avalon touched Dastardos' chest. "So dashing… my knight in sour armor…" Avalon hiccupped again, closing her eyes and leaning against Dastardos' shoulder.

"Let's get you back to the hotel room…" Dastardos ignored her advances since he was sure it was the alcohol talking, but he couldn't help blushing beneath his mask. Picking Avalon up, he headed towards the door himself.

Seedos watched him go and smirked a bit. Looks like Dastardos didn't mean what he said earlier about Avalon… Dastardos' tough front betrayed his actions. Seedos couldn't imagine Dastardos taking a drunk woman home, _ever,_ so Avalon must be extra special.

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

Yen slowly entered the club, the sound of his brother's loud singing assaulting his ears. Yen didn't care, though; he had something important he had to do.

He had a beautifully wrapped package in his hands with Avalon's name on it. Inside was the gorgeous mixed stone necklace his brother had given to him to give to Avalon. Yen didn't expect Yoto to remember his request, but he did, so Yen was extremely grateful.

Yen scanned the club, but Avalon was nowhere in sight… Sighing, Yen leaned against the wall and waited for Yoto to finish belting his song.

Yen bolted a bit too quickly towards Yoto once he finished. He wanted to get to Yoto before he started talking to Storkos; once Yoto started talking to his girlfriend, there was no stopping him.

"Whoa, bro, where's the fire?!" Yoto held up his hands, his eyes bulging.

"Avalon…" Yen heaved, trying to catch his breath. He wasn't used to running. "Where's… Avalon? I have to give her the present…"

"Oh, she left with that Niles guy!" Yoto shrugged. "She was drunk as a Smelba. He took her back to her room."

"He _what?!"_ Yen almost dropped his present, feeling his heart shatter into a million pieces. Niles was _Dastardos!_ He would probably try to take advantage of her! The idea of Dastardos' cold, clammy hands touching Avalon's perfect body made Yen want to vomit. Someone like him didn't deserve a girl like her!  
"Yeah, sorry bro…" Yoto placed a supportive hand on Yen's shoulder. "You're a little too late. You can give it to her when we get home, though, can't you?"

"Yeah…" Yen felt cold. He couldn't get those stupid mental images out of his head… "I guess I can."

"You don't look so good… do you want me to buy you a drink?" Yoto offered, grinning at his brother. Yen was usually gloomy, but he seemed absolutely disturbed. Yoto understood why; if Storkos got drunk and was carried off by some other guy, Yoto'd be feeling pretty horrible too.

"Please do…" Yen rubbed his temples. "Actually, buy me five."

Yoto nodded understandingly and led his brother to the bar. Yen sighed and put the carefully wrapped box into his bag. Hopefully these drinks would get rid of these stupid, sickening mental images and delude him into feeling happy…

_VPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVPVP_

"Come on, come sit… come sit on the bed with me…" Avalon giggled, her voice still heavy with drunkenness.

"No, no, I'm good," Dastardos shook his head from where he sat on the windowsill. Dastardos had never been in the presence of a drunk woman before, so he had no idea how to handle himself. His intuition was telling him to stay as far away from Avalon as possible.

"I just… I just wanna…" Avalon yawned hugely. "Ahhh, I forgot. Silly… me…" With that, Avalon trailed off, finally closing her eyes and passing out.

Dastardos just sat there for a few moments, watching Avalon sleep. Her chest was rising and falling and she seemed peaceful. She let out a small cry and hugged herself, but was soon back to quietly breathing.

_She must be cold…_ Dastardos realized. He lifted his feet off the ground and floated over to her, carefully tucking her in to make sure not to disturb her. Dastardos got a good look at her sleeping, masked face… Avalon really _was_ beautiful. It still baffled him that a woman like her would want to spend time with a guy like him…

Before Dastardos could think about what he was doing, he carefully removed his mask, leaned forward, and brushed his cold lips against Avalon's warm ones.

Once he realized what had happened, he flew backwards and nearly hit a wall. Dastardos blushed deeply as he floated back to the windowsill.

_Well, that happened…_ He thought, taking a deep breath and letting it out as he put his mask back on. _I guess I just wanted to kiss a woman, just once… hopefully she'll never find out. Still… it felt nice. I see what all the fuss is about._

Dastardos snickered just a bit before shutting his eyes and letting sleep take him. He'd finally be back home in the morning, back to Magnar, back to his job. But he didn't really mind that he had to go back to killing piñatas.

Things were getting much better for him. He had a good feeling in his heart; maybe, just maybe, the future wouldn't be so bad after all…

_The End_


End file.
